How To Become A Girl
Chapter Twelve
Tuesday. 4 more days and it's free-time! I can't wait. I had woken up late today and I had less time to get ready. I searched through the 'magnificent box' for something for me. I don't think dresses are my daily thing. Cargo pants? Awesome. I just hope this thing would give me something like...a tanktop? Not really. I searched for something else. A white tanktop? Hell! I just wore one to bed! I almost scattered all the clothes in there on the floor. Damn white tanktop over a black bra! Like I have a choice. Yeah, how about dresses? I said no to that. I put on my trusty Chucks and zipped myself up in a Navy Blue hoodie. Tying my hair up on the way down to the door.
I talked to Dorota in a rush about my clothes needing to go to the cleaners. She had a dumbfounded look on her face which made me think that she probably didn't understand what I was saying. But I really had to go to school, now. Jasper had asked his driver to drive me to school. They leave earlier, now. So, I left without eating breakfast and I sort of regretted that, given that the day was slow again. Slow day plus no breakfast isn't exactly a good combination. Oh and add there, no sleep. Big no-no. Thank god, the driver was fast. I only had about 10 minutes left to get myself prepared for class. I sat in each and every discussion, counting the time I had left before I leave this place for work, again. I don't even know why I do that. Lunch was pretty much an occupied time for me. I had to talk to my professors for some school stuff. I had no time to eat lunch. I clutched my empty tummy during my next class. Surely, I'm not going to die from hunger, am I?
I was practically running out of the building, praying not to bump into somebody. Thank god, I didn't. Like literally, thank God! Then a voice called out my name from the bottom of the steps of the building.
Shit!
I pretended not to notice him. Good thing, he was sitting at the far end. He can't be doing this. So, I decided to turn left, away from him. Why was I resenting the idea again? I didn't know. Honestly, I didn't know much about myself anymore.
"Wait." He grabbed my arm to whip me around.
Damn!
"Edward." I looked up to him seriously.
Why was I so hot headed about this? Must be the no food, no sleep and slow day. It's eating me up!
"Would you let me drive you to work? I kind of thought about yesterday and how we arrived together. I was just hoping..." He ran his hands through his hair.
More students were exiting the building and they seem to look at us, suprisingly.
"Um..." I looked behind him. Some were staring. Anything to get me out of their sight, anything to get me out of this heat. I needed to remove this hoodie. "Sure."
We started walking to his car and I took off my hoodie. Why did it have to be so hot today? This is not making me any better. However, the thought of not having to do any homework tonight sent a little smile to my lips.
The drive was quiet and I concluded that Edward was naturally a quiet guy. Which makes me wonder how it goes with Tanya. I remember her speech that night. She talks endlessly.
We arrived at the office. Same greetings were made. Esme hugged and kissed me on the cheek again. And she was happy we were early. I did my job, pushing away the thought of home. My bed and lots of food. During my free time, I updated my facebook page. I didn't know what to do with it, actually. I also tried speaking but I seem to lack energy for that. This is just dragging. The whole day seems dragging. Ugh.
I was quiet the whole time in the office. Then I think, I may have heard a rather private conversation.
"Tanya? Tanya? You're bringing Tanya to dinner on Friday. Our family dinner! I thought we've already talked about this." Esme was shouting.
"Mom. She's my girlfriend." Edward said so calmly.
"Girlfriend? Is she really your girlfriend, Edward? Or just somebody you just fuck around?" Esme spat back at him "I'm sorry. There was no other better term for it."
My heart squeezed in my chest a little. Tanya was Edward's girlfriend and I'm the somebody he fucked around. Well, once. No. I'm not eavesdropping. It's not easy to avoid listening to it. I'm inside the water-closet and they're right outside the door. Clearly, exiting this room isn't exactly a good idea.
He didn't reply back.
"You know she steals all the family jewelries. You know she's using you because of your money. You know she's using you because of your fame. You know that so well." Her voice was pained.
He still didn't answer back.
"Are you still hanging out with James and Victoria?" Was she crying?
"I did. Once. Friday night. No drinks. No smokes. No drugs." His voice was firm. Slightly angered.
She breathed a sigh of relief. "I just hope you're making the right decision of bringing her to the house. You know how much your father and I dislike her."
"That's why, I'm bringing her. Because I'm still hoping for that day that you'll receive her for me." He was fighting for that horrid bitch. And I thought he wasn't that bad.
"We tried, Edward. She's not good for you." Esme said her last line before I heard her heels click and clack on the floor, slowly disappearing.
Well. A mother knows best. Hell! What do I know? I've never had a mother. Ouch, touchy.
I heard his footsteps start off and disappear, too. I opened the door and checked the vicinity. Safe. I started to walk to back to Esme's office. Good thing, Heidi had all her attention on some caller. She didn't even notice me walk out of the same area that Edward and Esme had.
I saw Esme massaging her temples again when I entered the room. I had to hold back the urge to go over to her and hug her. I wanted to tell her that I hate Tanya, too. I wanted to kiss her cheek. I wanted to call her mom. And I'd only known the woman for days!
I gave her a small smile when she looked up to me as I walked back to my desk. Edward was gone. But his stuff are still here. Must've gone out to get something. Esme asked me to get some stuff done again. When I was done, I went back to my desk again then I realized, I really didn't have anything to do. I thought that maybe homeworks are good in a way. I know, crazy me, for thinking about it, right? So, since I was bored, I did what most bored people did. Play with my photobooth app.
A part of me was telling me, "That's pathetic." But hey, it entertains. I held back my laughs as I switched through the different screens. I could totally make some alien themed video here! I was doing faces to make myself look normal in a distorted screen. I was laughing out loud in my head. I love the mirror screen, by the way. It always sends me into a fit of giggles. Seriously, Esme needs to ask me to do something or I wouldn't be able to pull myself from here.
Then someone laughed behind me. I froze and quickly closed the program.
"Why'd you close it? I like that thing!" He was still laughing.
I think I may have turned really red now.
"I bought dinner." He pointed his head towards the pantry. I couldn't resist. I stood up and Esme was gone. Did she see me with my freaky faces? Oh crap. I'm going to die if she did.
Esme was there in the pantry helping herself with her own dinner. Edward pointed to the bag of Mcdonald's. I guess, she didn't want the same greasy stuff that I'll be enjoying. I took a seat and he took his across mine. He gave me a burger and a coke and fries. Woohoo! Finally! Damn.
"You look so hungry that I'm thinking about running away with Esme from you." He laughed and Esme joined in.
"Ha! Yeah, I should. After all, I missed breakfast and lunch." I unwrapped my burger halfway and took a bite.
"And I'm guessing, you had no sleep." Edward's eyebrows rose.
I nodded.
"And you let me let you do the work? That makes me an evil mother!" Esme's hands flew around. An evil mother? She's my boss and I'm paid to do stuff! Did she just consider me as a daughter? I think my heart just jumped!
I swallowed and chuckled, "I'm fine. As long as I'm not yet in the hospital, I'm fine."
Edward laughed and Esme, too. Yay me! Clown of the office.
"I feel so bad about this." Esme's hand went to her forehead.
"Esme, it's okay." I shrugged.
"No. I should make it up to you." Edward was holding back a laugh at Esme.
I turned to him with wide eyes.
"She's really like that." He chuckled.
I took another fry to munch on.
"How about you join us for dinner on Friday?" Her eyes flickered to Edward then back to me, giving me a grin like she just had the best plan.
Was she talking about their family dinner? Dinner only happens once a night, right? Well, unless you're Emmett.
Edward's eyes widened and dropped.
I pretended not to know. "Dinner on Friday?"
"Yes. It's usually a family dinner but there have been some changes." She explained.
"I, uh, I..." Edward's eyes flashed to me as I stammered. "It's your family dinner. The three of you, Cullens, should be spending it together. Just you, guys." I hope he notice that I wanted him to feel guilty. Plus, I don't want to be where Tanya is. I don't think I can hold myself back.
"Please, Bella." Was she pleading?
Edward wasn't going against her. He softened, even. What the--?
I looked between the two of them. "Okay."
She clapped her hands. I wonder if my mom would do that, too, if she were alive.
"We can make dinner!" She smiled at me.
"I love making dinner. It brings back some familiarity. Brings back home." I smiled at her. I wonder if she saw the hint of sadness in it. How much I missed my dad. How much I wished I had a mother.
We continued to eat. Edward was quiet. Esme was quiet. I was quiet. Reminds me of normal dinner in Forks. I eased up to that. Esme left the room, earlier than Edward and I. She had to take a call. I wanted to ask Edward about her excitement over me joining their family dinner. I wanted to ask him why he didn't think that family dinners are strictly family, only. But I thought it wasn't the best idea to do that yet. We cleaned up the table and I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to.
"Edward?" I started as I collected the trash."Why...? How come you didn't stop Esme from inviting me?"
"Didn't you want to join us for dinner?" He asked me back.
"I do want to join you. But...shouldn't it be like strictly immediate family only? It is your family dinner. If I get to have dinner with my whole family, I'd take it anytime." I'd give anything for me, Renee and Charlie to have dinner together.
"I don't know, ever since she saw you...she's been...reminded of her daughter. She said she...wants a daughter like you." He was unsure if he should tell me.
"Wait. You have a sister?" I asked, wide-eyed, shocked.
"Had." His voice lowered into a whisper. "She died at the age of two, two years ago. In a car crash. With my mother. She thinks it's her fault sometimes. When Irina haunts Esme in her dreams. She was the most adorable little girl, I've ever seen." He was about to cry.
And then bam! I just hugged him. I felt a connection instantly between us. We all have lost really close family members in our lives. I think I may know how it feels. But I wasn't sure that I was enough to fill that spot for her, for them. Especially for Edward. I mean, could I be his "sister" knowing that something had happened between us? His arms tightened around my waist and I heard him let out a sob.
"It's going to be alright." I told him.
"I know." He sighed. "One day. It is."
I pulled away and smiled at him before heading for the door. We finished up with little errands and Esme's smile won't leave her face. I felt genuinely happy that somehow, I caused that smile. Edward, like yesterday, brought Esme to her car. And just like yesterday, I fell asleep again on the table.
A part of me woke myself up consciously. I wonder what time is it. Wait. Didn't I fall asleep in the office?
"Bella?" A chirpy voice greeted me.
"Alice?" I opened my eyes and I saw that I was in her car already.
"Hey, Bella." Rose greeted from the passenger.
"Hey, Rose." I greeted her lazily. "How'd I get here?"
"Edward kind of...carried you. You're beat, too beat. You didn't even open an eye when he put you down there." Alice was giggling.
"He carried me?" I finally sat up, surprised.
"Yeah. He even said you were light as a feather!" Rose was giggling, too.
"Wow. Thanks." I said sarcastically.
"So. What's up?" Alice asked.
"I don't know. I was invited to join the Cullens' family dinner on Friday." I decided not to say the bit part that Tanya would be there. I felt like it wasn't mine to say.
"Did you say yes?" Alice was a bit surprised, maybe?
"Yeah. I couldn't say no to Esme." I shrugged.
"Well that's something." She murmured and I let it go. I wanted to go back to sleep but somehow, when I replayed the whole day in my head, it kept me awake. Like it pulsated the energy I needed.
They dropped me off again. Seriously, this is a routine. They kissed whoever goodnight. I was too sleepy to note. I just strode past everything and into my room. I took a bath and I saw my clean clothes neatly folded and sorted in the walk-in closet. All my clothes. Including the ones in the box! I guess, Dorota understood after all, and more!
There were...my shirts, my jeans, my tank tops, my other tops, my pants, my underwear, my shorts, my dresses...my dresses? Since when? Oh...Right. Alice.
I took a pair of loose drawers and a loose shirt and I felt like home. It felt all too familiar that I started crying. But then, I fell asleep earlier and faster this time. No toss and turn and that felt good for a while.
I just edited some sentences that seemed a little wrong. :)