Disclaimer: Ho hum...no I don't own Teen Titans. Maybe I'll marry a rich man someday and he'll buy DC Comics for me like Disney bought Marvel...

"I chose this life.

I know what I'm doing.

And on any given day, I could stop doing it.

Today, however, isn't that day.

And tomorrow won't be either."

-Bruce Wayne. Identity Crisis.

Chapter 4: Secrets

-BB-

It was late afternoon.

Beast Boy sat on the couch moodily, watching the others work on the computer. Robin had gone back to his room. Beast Boy rubbed the bruise on his cheek absent-mindedly.

"I don't like how he's keeping secrets," he said finally, "do you realize that we've never seen his face?"

Beast Boy didn't even need to name him. He wasn't resentful that Robin had accidentally attacked him—the Tower was being invaded after all—but he didn't like the idea of secrets. It seemed as though this problem with the dust seemed to have stemmed from Robin's mysterious past. Cyborg turned around first.

"The dude was raised by Batman," he said, "unlike us he actually has a secret identity."

"Well, yeah," Raven said, "it's not like any of us can really hide who we are."

Beast Boy looked around at his team members. Well, he guessed that was true.

"But…I don't know," Beast Boy replied, leaning back on the couch. "I used to idolize him, you know. Back when I worked with the Doom Patrol."

It was true. Robin was one of the first—and probably the most popular—sidekicks ever. Beast Boy had been envious of how Batman and Robin solved crime together while Mento held him back because of his youth. It seemed unfair to him at the time that Robin got to do so much, especially alongside Gotham's Dark Knight.

But Robin was his friend now, and Beast Boy didn't harbor any of those feelings anymore now that he had gotten to know Robin better.

"People keep secrets for a reason," Raven said. "Maybe Robin didn't want to scare us with stories of his time with Slade."

"Scare us?" Beast Boy echoed. "Wh-"

"You know better than any of us in this room what Slade is capable of," Starfire said. "You know what he did to Terra."

"Yeah, do you think Slade was any nicer to Robin?" Cyborg asked. "He was probably harder on him than Terra."

An image of Terra's body twisting in pain flashed through his mind. Slade controlled her, physically forced her to fight for him. Even though Beast Boy was angry from her betrayal as he stormed into Slade's lair it still hurt him to see her like that.

"Slade didn't control him like Terra."

"Slade didn't need to," Raven said. "He used a different kind of control."

"Please, Beast Boy," Starfire said, "Robin saved all of our lives by putting himself in harm's way. Can you just accept that?"

Beast Boy shrugged. He supposed he would just have to accept it. It was just...perhaps he felt a little hurt that his friend didn't trust him enough to show his face. Beast Boy himself had taken off his mask mere hours after he met the Boy Wonder. The whole point of a team was to trust each other. Robin may have been raised by Batman, but he wasn't the Dark Knight.

-R-

Robin glanced at his watch. All of the preparations were made, the information leaked, and all he had to do now was meet his contact tonight. He had a couple of hours to kill before meeting with his contact. He looked at himself in the mirror as he combed his hair down. Except for the mask covering his eyes, his transformation back to Dick Grayson was nearly complete.

He loved his friends, but he really needed to think alone. Robin figured that to effectively solve the situation with the dust he must look upon it not as Robin the Boy Wonder, former protégée of Batman and leader of the Teen Titans, but as an outsider.

As Richard Grayson.

Dick took off his mask and gazed at his reflection. It was not often that he wandered Jump City in his civilian identity. In fact, living here had only made him more reluctant to see himself as Dick Grayson. He leaned forward and touched the bruise on his face. It was definitely getting better, but he better hide some of it with makeup before going out.

Someone knocked on his door.

"Robin?" It was Starfire's voice. "Robin? May I come in?"

Dick hesitated. He was dressed in civilian cloths—faded jeans, converse, and a tee shirt—and unmasked. He had never shown his face to anyone on the team, not even Starfire.

"You can come in," Dick said finally.

The door slid open. Starfire stepped into the room and paused.

"Rob…in?"

His back was turned to her. He held his mask in his hand where she could clearly see it. If he turned and showed her his true face, what would she think? Would she be disappointed? Elated? Confused? Who would she love more: Robin or Dick Grayson?

Slowly, he put the mask on his face before he turned to face her.

"Robin," she said, "why are you dressed like this?"

"I'm going out," he said. "Tell the others for me."

"Do you wish for…company?"

He shook his head. While he was going out to chill and think he couldn't afford to turn this into a date.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go alone."

-R-

It was odd seeing Jump through the eyes of a civilian.

Dick guessed that it was because he was used to walking around as Robin. He checked his cell phone and found a couple of missed calls from Bruce and Alfred. He put his phone on silent and began to walk down Jump's main street.

No one gave a second glance to the teenage boy slouching his way to the shopping center. It was a Friday afternoon. There were plenty of other teenagers out and about, socializing in groups and shopping. Some girls shot him flirtatious looks and giggled when he looked in their direction.

This was the life he could have.

But did Dick really want this life? Most teenage boys would die to have a life like Robin's: no school, cool hangout, kicking bad guy-butt all day long...but crimefighting would never become his day job. Dick knew that he would eventually have to leave the team to go to college. As the heir to Wayne Enterprises, he would have to learn the nuances of business to help Bruce run the company.

He went to a small diner and sat down at the counter. The television hanging in the corner of the ceiling had the evening news on. The current story on was about how Robin wasn't there to fight Johnny Rancid with the Titans.

"What can I get ya, hon?" the waitress asked, peering down at him.

"Oh…um…I'm not sure…" he mumbled, flipping open the menu. "I guess I'll have a chocolate shake."

Maybe he should have asked Starfire to come with him. His colorful life as a caped crimefighter made life as Richard Grayson seem dull. Here he was alone. Dick leaned on the counter and gazed around at the other costumers.

Since it was only four in the afternoon there weren't very many people in the diner. He wondered if anyone on this end of the States would recognize him as Dick Grayson, legal ward of Bruce Wayne. He hoped no one would recognize him. That was the last thing he wanted now.

He looked at the television screen again. To his surprise, Slade's masked picture showed up on the screen. Since the TV was on low volume he couldn't hear what the news anchor was talking about, but he didn't want to hear it.

Robin skidded across the floor and slowed to a stop. His breathing became shallow as the pain overwhelmed him. The metal gears churned above him. Robin pushed himself to his knees and steadied himself, blood dripping from a gash on his cheek. Steam hissed above him as Slade came closer and closer

Slade was in a bad mood.

"You have displeased me, my apprentice."

Although he wanted nothing more than to fight back, Robin knew a lost fight when he saw one. Now he fought to stay conscious. The pain was so terrible that he couldn't even remember what he had done to make Slade so angry.

"You just can't help yourself, can you, Dick?"

There was nothing Robin could do to hide the surprise in his face. Cold fear washed over him like a bucketful of water. As he scrambled away Slade reached out, grabbed a fistful of hair, and yanked him back. The mercenary's fingers tugged at the edge of his mask.

"Slade…don't…"

"Why not?" Slade's tone was mocking. "You are my apprentice. If I want to see your face then I will see your face."

Robin moved as though to wrench away, but Slade lifted the controller. His adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. Slade knew his name. He held the Titans in a death grip. What did it matter now if Slade unmasked him?

Robin said nothing as Slade ripped the mask off of his face.

"Your secret identity means nothing now, Richard," Slade said, tossing the mask on the floor. "It can no longer protect you."

Robin's hands balled into fists. A sense of hopelessness overwhelmed him, so overpowering that he was later ashamed. Even if he wanted to leave Slade would never let him. If he couldn't figure a way out of this then perhaps he should just give in. Slade yanked him to his feet. Robin turned his head to look away, his mouth set in a defiant grimace.

"Look at me," Slade ordered, his voice hardening. "I said look at me!"

"Hon? You okay?"

A gasp of fright escaped from Dick's mouth as he swung back to reality. The other costumers turned in their seats to look at him. The waitress stood in front of him with his chocolate shake, a concerned expression on her face.

"I…um…" Oh, what the hell? "No."

He wrapped his hands around the cold glass and drew the shake towards him. The icy sweetness caused his teeth to numb as he slurped noisily, his blue eyes cast down to the counter. This was why he wanted to be alone. Dick truly did not want the other Titans to see him at his weakest, his most emotional, especially not during times like these.

That was something Bruce had taught him. Batman didn't know what it meant to give up. Gotham needed Batman. Jump needed the Titans. The Titans needed a strong leader.

The waitress leaned against the counter and studied him through her half-moon glasses. She was an older woman, probably in her early fifties. The same age his mother might be if she was still alive today.

"You're going to give yourself brain freeze," she said, "drinking it that fast."

Dick stopped.

"What's your problem, kid?"

Dick wondered how to word his response without giving too much away. He looked straight into the waitress' face. She was just one of the thousands of people he swore to protect. But without his mask he was just another teenage boy without extraordinary powers.

"When you vote for a leader...or for anyone...what qualities do you look for in a leader?"

The question even surprised him.

"That's deep." She looked at him thoughtfully. "Well, when I cast my vote I look for strength and competence in a leader."

"And what if you have a leader who has been through a lot? Has had...his weakness exploited?"

In a subtle way, he was baring his deepest, darkest emotions to a complete stranger. Weak was exactly how he felt.

"As he long as he continues to fight on I would stand by his side," she replied. "Holding your head high after being defeated re-enforces the fact that you are a strong leader. Everyone has weaknesses, kid. It's a fact of life."

Holding your head high...Dick finished his shake as he thought this over. It was the only option. Everything he did was for the sake of others. Never for himself. Perhaps that was his problem. Back then, with Slade, it hadn't been about his friends. Everything Slade did prior to the apprenticeship was meant to drive him crazy.

Dick glanced up at the television screen again. An ad for a circus coming to town was playing, although he couldn't hear the words. The time and date flashed across the screen. Why, there was a performance tonight.

"Thanks," he said to the waitress. "For everything."

He hopped off of the bar stool and placed some change on the counter, making sure that he gave a healthy tip to the waitress. Dick glanced at his watch. There was enough time.

He was going to stab himself in the heart a little more before getting down to business.

A/N: I know, I know...no spooky or action here. I love writing Robin retrospecting on his time with Slade, especially with an identity crisis of sorts. Each of the Titans will have his/her time retrospecting in this story. This is sort of the the calm before the storm.

I really enjoyed writing the scene with Beast Boy and the other Titans. Don't you ever wonder what they talk about when Robin isn't there? (Aside from dressing up in his uniforms. :D) Since I'm theorizing that Robin didn't talk much about his time with Slade, what would the others theorize about his identity and his past?

I've also been wanting to write the scene with Starfire walking in on Robin without his mask for a while. I debated having him letting her see his face, but then I decided against it.

So, a funny story: my dad found out that I write fanfiction. He likes to read anything I write. He wanted to read my fanfiction, so I made him watch 3 episodes (Masks, Apprentice 1 and 2) so he would understand the backstory. His first reaction to the part where Slade says "Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator" was "oh, another plot to drive Robin crazy!". He is also under the impression that Slade is Batman in disguise. :P

As always, I love reviews.