The Tragically Short and Incredibly Shallow Life of Marissa Susan

A/N: I find Mary Sues annoyingly amusing. Though they're much rarer in Dr. Who than, say, Harry Potter, they still give OC's a bad name. For this reason that's not really a reason, I've decided to do a 2 shot on a typical Mary Sue. I received a lot of inspiration for this from the horrible fic, My Immortal (http:/ myimmortalrehost .webs. com/chapters ): a plot less string of misspelled words about a vampire named Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Or as the author more often spells it, Enoby. Enoby, this one is for you.

Disclaimer: Ha-ha Hinn! I remembered! I don't own Doctor Who, sadly. If I did, I'd be able to see the season finale before it came out in Britain instead of after it's released in America. That's right. I still haven't seen The Big Bang. In fact, I haven't even seen The Lodger yet. *sobs* Why must life be so cruel?

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Hi! My name is Marissa Susan, but my friends call me Mary Sue for short. ;) [1] I'm medium height with looooong blonde hair that cascades down my back like a waterfall. Everyone says that my eyes are purple, but I prefer to think of them as a lavender-violet. I'm skinny and super-fashionable. Right now I'm wearing a pink jean mini-skirt with a low-cut sparkly pink strapless tank top. My purse is hot pink and I'm wearing 6 inch high heels that are pink too. My earrings are HUGE pink diamonds, but beneath my cute outfit and super-white smile, I have a tragic past. [2]

My mother died giving birth to me, and my dad died of grief a few days later. Then I had to go and live with my evil aunt Gertrude where I was forced to make my bed every day. It's really hard to talk about cuz' I just moved out a few years ago.

Anyway, I'm just hanging out today, when all of a sudden, a strange blue box appears out of nowhere and I'm all like HOMG where the fuck did that come from when out steps this super cute guy. [3] He looks around and sees me.

"So…much…pink…" he stammers, holding his hands to eyes.

"Don't worry" I say, cuz' I know he's worried he's gonna explode cuz' I'm so cute. "You won't explode. The most guys ever do is faint, although girls throw up sometimes. Ooh! What's in here?" [4]

I go in the box, and it's bigger on the inside!

"OMG it's bigger on the inside! That's sooooooo cool! Hey, what's your name anyway? I'll just call you Alejandro."

"Explode?" He mutters. "Explode, explode, explode … what kind of alien would make you explode? And one that's pink too… Oh! Don't touch that!"

He looks worried but he doesn't need to be. I'm a pro at using my phone, my iPod, MySpace, and Facebook, so that must mean I'm good at all technological stuff, right? Then I smartly hit some buttons and pull a lever cuz' I wanna see what they do. [5]

"What did you do?" Screams Alejandro, "Get away from the TARDIS console!" He was obviously a little envious that I was better at hitting buttons than him. Then the box starts to move! OMG I'm so smart I can make weird boxes move around!

"Hang on Alejandro!" I shout sexily. [6]

"My name isn't Alejandro!" Alejandro shouts back, and then starts hitting some more buttons. "And if you don't mind me asking, where are you from? I was aiming for Earth, but obviously I got a little off course…"

"LOL! You're almost as funny as you are cute Alejandro! My beauty is rather other-worldly though, don't you think?" I reply, cuz' I know he's just joking. Of course his name is Alejandro! Now the box stops moving, so I walk to the TARDIS door. [7] When I look out, I'm on a different planet! And get this: the planet is all pink!"

"OH MY GAWD!11 This planet is so pretty! So pink! So… deserted." I say the last line really hotly cuz' it's part one of my plan to seduce Alejandro. [8] He narrows his eyes.

"Now look here…"

"Marissa Susan, but you can call me Mary Sue." I breathe into his ear, sexily.

"Now look here Mary Sue. I don't know how you managed to strand us on this ghastly planet, but you did and you broke something in the process, so I want you to go sit in that corner, and touch NOTHING until I fix my ship and can take you home. Wherever that is…"

Oooh, he's playing angry.

"Yes Alejandro." I purr and bounce over to my corner, making sure to give him a full view of my legs.

"And stop calling me Alejandro! My name is the Doctor." He snaps, but I know it's just a part of his act. But then he does something really weird. Instead of coming over to give me my bad girl 'lecture', he actually starts messing around with some wires! Hmm… this is going to be trickier than I thought. Time to put Step #2 into action.

"Alejandro!" I call. He ignores me. I sigh. [9] "DOCTOR Alejandro." I call again. He pokes his head up from the floor. He drops his laser pointer thing [10] and his eyes widen with shock.

"You're n… n… na…" he stammers.

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A/N: Ha! A cliffhanger! I just got back from vacation, so this was typed on my dad's laptop on the ride from Utah to Minnesota. The 20-hour-drive-all-night-ride from Utah to Minnesota. This is my excuse for all spelling and grammar errors Hinn doesn't catch. Anyway, please review! I could use any hints you have to "improve" this story for part 2, along with anything else you have to say. By the way, if you want to see chapter 14 of My Immortal read aloud by a hot Goth guy who looks a TON like Mat Smith with black hair click here: http:/ www. youtube. Com /watch ?v= Zh_krrr0bRA :D (Don't forget to remove all of the spaces for both links).

XOXO

Eleni C

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[1] Classic Mary Sue trait #1: written in first person present tense

[2] Classic Mary Sue trait #2: super pretty with a horrible background

[3] Classic Mary Sue trait #3: valley girl talk

[4] Classic Mary Sue trait #4: short attention span

[5] Classic Mary Sue trait #5: good at everything. Or at least they think they are

[6] Classic Mary Sue trait #6: using words that end in 'ly'

[7] Classic Mary Sue trait #7: unexplained gain of knowledge, possession, etc. such as 'box' to 'TARDIS'

[8] Classic Mary Sue trait #8: sex addict and/or slut

[9] Classic Mary Sue trait #9: simple sentences when not describing clothes/looks

[10] Classic Mary Sue trait #10: minimal knowledge of show/book/etc.