Howdy! Again, I write my chapters when inspiration strikes, so bear with a very odd schedule.
I don't own TVD
And another thing... I know that the flashbacks are boring when we COULD be getting to some sweet DE lovin, trust me, I know. But, they are essential to the story and very important to revealing the past days and where everyone will be set for this story and so on. So you do have to bear with that fact and just move on, because we have a very emotional one for Damon today, because this chapter is focusing on him. And he is snarky and heartbroken as ever.
This chapter is much much longer, I really couldn't resist a longer chapter (it is double the length of every other one, almost 10,000 words). After all, it's Damon and Elena's REAL interaction scene. I have been working on it FOREVER! like, completely thinking through every single thing, trying to put them in character, also deal with the dialogue I was given from actual footage from season two promos. Seriously, the promos are amazing, you have to see them.
The beginning of this chapter takes place seconds before he walks into his old room, and he's... well, you have to read to find out!
On to the reading!
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'what the hell am I doing?' Damon thought pathetically, leaving his room for the second time that evening, pacing back and forth on the outskirts of the forest. He had been out there for thirty minutes just talking himself in and out of returning to his newly redone room. But he was sick with it, he never wanted to see it again... 'this will just arouse more and more memories of...' Damon had to stop dead in his tracks and swallow the tears that were threatening to overflow any second. But he was Damon, Damon didn't cry.
That was just a final goodbye. He lit the fireplace, drank sloppily out of his usual glass of brandy, tried to make it seem like home. He was saying goodbye to the room he spent endless nights working on just for...
"Katherine..." Damon finished his thoughts, a broken whisper and sobbed mixed as one.
'Maybe I should just go back to the house, let the fire put itself out, get away...' Damon resolved internally, not wanting to bring up any emotionally traumatizing things for himself. As he began to turn himself around (seeing as he didn't bother taking a car, just walked back and forth from the room to the woods to the house and back... to clear his head, of course) he smelled a familiar aroma eminating from his room, he was too engaged in his own troubles to notice before, and it smelled like dark chocolate, an unidentifiable, bitter sweetness (possibly honey?), and the herb vervain.
It smelled like desolation.
It smelled like Elena.
Damon was then in a mad rush to get to the house, the "Elena" scent also intertwined with another scent. It was what seemed to be cologne, clean cut, and the faintest smell only the sharpest nose could identify as bitter animal blood. Damon didn't know what Stefan was doing in the house with Elena, he cringed thinking of the possibilities, and his pace rapidly increased until he was facing the back door of the manor.
"This is my house, damn it" Damon mumbled, but he still couldn't gather the courage to just bound in there, not after spending so many nights dreaming of sleeping with one delicate, deadly figure in his arms in there... He shook his head rapidly and wiped his face in a pathetic attempt to wipe away his insecurities. But he was Damon, Damon didn't have insecurities.
"It's only because I don't want to be caught, that's all," Damon pitiably uttered, grunting and wincing in pain as he climbed up the side of his house to land on the balcony laying outside his room. Elena's scent became closer, and Damon worked his way up even faster, in a desperate attempt to see why her scent was becoming so distinct. 'She's in Stefan's room, obviously. It's right near mine, that makes perfect sense...' But Damon knew how truly and sincerely he wished that she wasn't in St. Stefan's room, 'Does she just have to see his numerous hunting awards?' Damon thought sarcastically. It was good he was getting back into the groove of things, life moved on, after all... But he was Damon, Damon didn't move on.
As he advanced the terrace, the scent became even more pleasurable, the sweetness almost unbearable, and he closed his eyes, inhaling the scent he had missed so much. Seeing her with his brother, of course it would kill him, but he would swallow his pride and give a sarcastic remark earning a glare from Stefan and a rueful smile from Elena. That tiny smile would bring his walls collapsing down, and he would feel bare and alone, falling into her eternally loving brown eyes. But he was Damon, Damon didn't pay any mind to insignificant humans.
He continued to his room, hearing someone moving around in it, and Damon was angered by the thought of someone in it. He landed on the platform, and suddenly, looking into it from the shadows of the balcony, Damon didn't mind.
The twilight became as beautiful as it had once been, his room as glorious as the queen's, the last amount of sunlight giving his body warmth rather than an uncomfortable, nauseating feeling. Everything was as magnificent as before all the pain and sadness, glowing in it's recovered glory because all of his troubles were gone, all of his sins were insignificant because his heaven, his home was salvaged. A single rose protruding from the dead earth that Damon had created for himself, because his enemy, his apathy, vanished. Because in the presence of his home, he felt substantial, important.
In other words, she was there.
The sight he found was as breathtaking and beautiful as the brown eyes he loved so much. It was dark, chocolate brown hair, cascading down small, weak, but independent shoulders. Facing the uniform Damon had hidden in the back of his wardrobe. He could feel her warmth emanating from outside the doors, him still hidden in the shadows as he observed her. His home. She breathed a sudden gasp that would be inaudible to anyone but a vampire... or a guy with really big ears, as an idea obviously glowed in her features. As she turned for his bed, he felt the sudden urge to lay her down in it, silencing her troubles and worries with kisses, loving her because she was the only friend he had left. But he was Damon, he didn't have any friends.
Her hair covered her face like a dark veil, and then, more than ever, did she truly look like his princess of darkness. She searched in the empty boxes, oh, almost empty boxes, and grabbed the one object occupying them. A small, rectangle... picture? Why one earth would she put a picture on his...
Oh.
Alessandra Salvatore was then showcased proudly to the right of his wardrobe, and Damon felt his resolve shatter into tiny fragments, it shattered just like his heart once had. In his ecstasy, he through open the doors with lightening speed, and was behind Elena in the blink of an eye. He wanted to startle her, then to see her relieved face as she realized it was him. Damon would then feel overjoyed, euphoric even, realizing that she didn't fear him, that she was relieved to see him, even. But he was Damon, and Damon didn't get what he wanted.
She didn't turn, her heart beat didn't even quicken, because she knew. She always does. He wanted to gain some reaction out of her, to make her pulse quicken as it had before, and he wrapped his arms around her. What he didn't suspect, was that he would react, too.
His body reacted to hers, it was that simple.
He tried to throw on a casual smirk, in all honesty he did, but it was tinged with the bitter sadness and hell he had been living with for the past few days. Ever since thursday, the night of the founders events... But he was Damon, Damon didn't dwell on irrelevant things.
They both, surprisingly, shuddered at each others grasp, and Damon felt himself become even more joyful.
He leaned into her, inhaling her, before he whispered what he hoped was seductively, came out vulnerably, "You like my room?"
She scoffed pathetically, and turned to face him, their faces within the closest proximity they had ever been. Damon craved for her, hungered for her, but not for her blood, no not that at all. He wanted her to be his. To forever be his home, holding his heart near her own for the rest of eternity, together. But he was Damon, Damon was never loved in return.
Her eyes held a hint of confusion for a moment, then she smiled weakly to him, and awkwardly stumbled out of his grasp, "It's beautiful" she murmured lightly, not releasing his hand although she and him were out of their previous positions. Damon looked down at their intertwined hands, confusion etched in his features, and he swallowed with much difficulty.
Elena absolutely adored seeing that side of him, because she knew it was hers. This side of him, it showed her what he could've been, and it broke her heart all at once.
Damon managed to keep his composure, and with much struggle, threw the smirk back on his face, "Blow's Stefan's out of the water, right?"
Elena chuckled shortly, "shut up."
"You don't have to say it, I already know, that brooding John Travolta has nothing on me-" Damon was cut off short by the sight of Elena smiling brightly, tears shining in her eyes. She was... everything. Elena was everything. But he was Damon, Damon didn't deserve everything.
They stood just gazing at each other for a moment, the rest of the world being deemed insignificant.
"I missed you..." She murmured, her eyes finally turning to his once again, before she turned away and broke both of their hearts with the movement, "But can I ask you something?"
"Already did," Damon attempted to joke, still silently pleading for her eyes to return to his, to lock once again and feel as though he deserved happiness.
She rolled her eyes at him, and she openly studied him, begging him silently to answer honestly.
"Of course you can," Damon caved, simply content with the fact that Elena was looking at him again, looking at him with those eyes that made him feel as though nothing else in the world could be more flawless, more perfect, more important than her looking at him.
She walked to the couch for a moment, and then decided against sitting down, but instead looked to him, her eyes looking desperate and lost, "Tell me, why have you been coming to this house?"
"Feeling a tad nostalgic?" Damon offered, wondering if she would allow that as an answer.
Obviously not. She glared, but the heat in her eyes, the intensity, was from something other than anger, something else entirely...
"It was originally for... K-Katherine, for me and her to... relive our memories" Damon looked at the bed dejectedly, his voice barely rising above a whisper, a breath, but Elena still heard. She always heard him, "then it was... just to get away for a moment. When I couldn't sleep in the house because..." Damon broke off, then.
"Because why?" Elena breathed, almost certain she knew the answer.
He turned to her, tears in his eyes. The light of the fire only embellished Elena's beautiful features, making her look purely angelic in the dark room, and breaking Damons heart even further because he couldn't wrap her in his arms and hold her there forever, "because of you, Elena."
She simply nodded, understanding. It was too painful for him to be there, with her loving Stefan... loving him so dearly. A love Damon yearned for. A sob broke from Elena's lips unintentionally, and she tried to swallow it back, "I see... another question... this place, what do you call it?"
Damon was not confused by her question, but he still remarked sarcastically, "the bachelor pad?" She was not amused, so he answered honestly this time, too tired and lovesick to give a good enough distraction, "my house"
Elena wasn't satisfied, that wasn't what she wanted to know, wanted to ask him. She decided to lead him further into the question. She couldn't just say it, she just didn't know how... "and you said that I'm... your home," the next part lacked her bravery, her spark, and was barely above a breath, "what do you mean by that?"
Damon looked at her longingly, torn to shreds by her absolutely abandoned look, then slowly walked to her still figure, her eyes going round as he continued to walk closer, and closer still, until they were separated only by their will. Their will not to cross the line, to be strong and fight, seeing as they were both incredibly too stubborn. Damon's eyes wandered to Elena's arms that laid pathetically at her sides. He reached down to her left hand, and he felt her pulse quicken at this movement.
"Home is where..." Damon began, fumbling with Elena's loose hand that was trembling so lightly. He looked into her eyes with the next movement, and pulled her in even tighter to him, until even the slightest breath could put their bodies in contact with each others, and who knew what would result if they allowed that to happen?
Damon then laid her hand over the left side of his chest, and to her surprise, she felt nothing. No beat, nothing. Nothing other than the electric shock and adrenaline that surged through her when she touched him. She looked at him, startled, and in that moment, he took his left hand and laid it over her chest, where he could feel the beat increase rapidly.
"...the heart is." Damon finished, leaning his head in for a moment, but left it there, in such close proximity to Elena. He basked in the glow of Elena, not feeling anyone else. Not Katherine, but his Elena. They stayed there, their eyes shut, reveling in the beauty of the moment. Her hand over his still heart, his hand over her beating one, and they didn't say a word. Their soft breathing filled the room, and it was like a simple, beautiful music. It filled Elena from the very core, and she felt him. She felt his heart with hers, and she held it close to her, letting it replenish the depths of her soul. She wrapped her slender hand over Damon's that laid over her heart, and her grasp became even tighter on him. But he was Damon, Damon didn't have a heart.
"I understand," Elena whispered into the still air, the depths of it being revealed in the silent room, "one more..."
Damon opened his eyes then, and for the smallest of moments, when he looked into her eyes, he felt all of his walls dissolve, looking at her. He knew that he needed her, more than he could ever admit to even himself, and the love shown in his pure blue eyes, and he knew Elena saw. Her heart beat quickened again, looking at him, and Damon never felt more loved than in that moment. She was irresistible, his heaven and his hell, and essentially, his death. He covered himself again, feeling terribly exposed and vulnerable, and he... pulled away.
Elena felt tremendously cold without him near, and shut her eyes tightly as Damon refused to watch her pain, "what?" he demanded coldly, facing the wall, not being able to bear seeing her... seeing all her warm beauty.
She looked incredibly hurt by his attitude, and her flame was lit once again, "this," she began angrily, "this... shutting yourself away every time I get..." she trailed off, and he realized that she approached him, looking defiant. She grabbed his hand boldly, and watched it with those torn, confused eyes that Damon cherished so much, "...close to finding out who you are-"
"Who I used to be" Damon interjected stiffly, not bothering to pull his hand away, he still wanted her warmth no matter if he was looking at her or not.
"No," Elena tightened her grasp on his hand, and laced his fingers with hers, "who you are..." She didn't look up at him as she spoke, she just fiddled with their fingers, they felt so incredibly right together, and Damon would never admit how much that meant to him. Elena swallowed, still staring at their interwoven fingers, "You think that if you hide... that no one will find you."
"No one would look"
"That is not true," Elena retorted defiantly, finally looking up into his eyes, his soul. Damon looked at her incredulously, challenging her silently. She confidently brought their interlocked hands up, showing him their connection, "I would. You think that if you hide that no one will see you..." She trailed off, waiting for Damon's gaze to return to her. She spoke with... anger? No, she wasn't angry, but what was it? She spoke with a fierce passion, trying desperately to make him see. She brought his wandering eyes back to hers, using her free hand to grab his chin and pull his head towards her.
Damon simply didn't have the will power to look away.
"But I would... I stillsee you," She let her hand drop from his face, but brought their united hands closer to her, and closer, still. Damon watched, all the while finding it was harder to breath as she turned their hands around so the front of his hand was facing her. She took her free hand and put it over theirs, then Damon observed her with labored breathing, trying desperately to understand, to not let her know how much she effected him.
Then, soft as a butterfly, light as the landing of a fallen rose petal, she kissed his hand, as he had kissed hers those many nights ago. She turned his hand with her free hand, and repeated the action, brushing her lips like a caress over his palm. Her nose traced an invisible trail over his life line, as if she was reading it, and it stopped short when the line did. She let out a small breath on his hand and it made Damon shake. She repeated it again and again, "I still see you"
"I know" Damon gasped, basking in her beauty and tenderness.
"And don't you forget it" She whispered, repeating what she had said all those weeks ago, setting Damon's heart on fire. The warmth was nice, but it also hurt, like a burn he would never be rid of. A ghost of a smile gracing her features, remembering the happenings of that night when she reveled in saving him, Damon came to the conclusion that in that moment, in an odd way she was saving him all over again. She saw him, which was more than he could ever ask for. She was beautiful, inside and out, and Damon had never seen someone so... perfect.
She closed her eyes, lost in the intimacy of the moment, and Damon watched her, perplexed and calmed and completely assured in that moment, that she was indeed his. Even if she couldn't see, she was his. Even if she never saw, she would always be his. At Stefan and Elena's wedding, Damon would shut his eyes and for just a moment, he would allow himself the masochistic pleasure of pretending she was walking to him, that she would forever be... his.
But he was Damon, Damon was never the one chosen.
"I have a question, and I need an answer, Damon," Elena pleaded, finally, agonizingly, released his hand. Damon dropped it to his side, feeling as though his hand would forever feel empty, without... hers. He stood there silently, and she continued, "please."
That was always what killed Damon, the fact that one simple word could make him do whatever Elena wanted. The fact that she seemed vulnerable, scared, alone, when she would whisper that one word to him, and his world would fall apart at the thought, the tiny thought, that she was unhappy. He simply wouldn't have it, because she said 'please'. What did she want from him, exactly? And why couldn't he turn away once she used that single word? "Okay" Damon uttered, looking away, and taking a step back. They were still very close together, but his will power only allowed him one step.
Elena hesitated, then crossed her arms self consciously, and she looked... afraid. Damon didn't want that, he never wanted that. He returned his eyes to hers, begging her to ask silently. She returned his look, then decided that she needed to ask. Gathering a shaky breath, she asked the question that had been plaguing her for the past excruciating days without Damon near.
"What happened with you and Katherine?"
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Shortly after Elena walked to her room, Damon stood there uncomfortably, shuffling on the staircase from foot to foot. He had checked her room, but something seemed off about it, it just didn't seem like... Elena.
But the odd thing was, that their shared kiss just minutes before didn't either. Damon shook the thought from his head, it was everything he could have asked for, she kissed him back! He should be throwing a party that would put New Years to shame. Drinking, dancing, and... kissing, forever pressing his lips against Elena's... but oddly, it just didn't seem right. It tasted almost... bitter? Almost like a hateful vengeance that belonged to a vampire he once knew, but who was it? Who had tasted like that? 'It could have been anyone' Damon reassured himself internally. He looked to Stefan, who had been staring at the wall dejectedly ever since Elena decided that she would rather go to her room than be with Stefan.
Another strange thing was, Elena didn't even discuss the kiss. It was definitely out of character, her simply walking away, pretending nothing happened. Elena was a talker, one of the many things Damon liked about her. God knows, she was no Caroline, but she believed that talking could solve any problem life has to offer.
Then again, it was out of character for her to kiss him back, now wasn't it?
That was it, Damon wiped his head and headed towards the bloody kitchen, fully prepared to clean it up, but then he realized he had a perfectly good lackey near.
Grabbing a mop, and handing it to Stefan, Damon said, "Get to work. Jenna's sleeping and I don't think the best time for a midnight snack would be when she slips on the blood on her kitchen floor..." Damon trailed off when he noticed Stefan's panicked look towards the kitchen. Damon understood, though, he wasn't ready for the blood. He could fall off the wagon any second, and, well, that wasn't going unnoticed by Damon, "Oh... I see the addict is having some doubts... Whatever" Damon grabbed the mop and slowly headed towards the kitchen. In a matter of seconds, Damon was done, and he called Stefan into the kitchen afterwards.
Stefan walked in hesitantly, fully prepared to book it out the door in case Damon was trying to put him back on his human blood binge. He was pleasantly surprised when it was entirely clean, and then scoffed when he found Damon with a bottle of wine in his hand.
"Not necessarily my thing, Pinot Grigio, but it will do for now." Damon remarked sarcastically to Stefan's puzzled look.
Stefan laughed shortly, but it didn't last because he was going to go the 'reverend' route, by speech-ing him out of drinking, "Wow, Damon, one of the only times you do the right thing, and you ruin it by getting yourself drunk-"
That was it, "Stefan, are you naive by choice or are you just an idiot?" Damon seethed. Stefan looked shocked and moderately hurt at his statement.
"What?"
"You are a vampire, okay?" Damon nearly yelled, "you aren't and you will never be the saint you were supposed to be! You think you are so wonderful because you don't feed on humans, and that is just," Damon gave Stefan a mocking thumbs up sign, "great, Stefan, that is just great. But you think that you are the only person on this whole freaking planet who understands what it means to do 'the right thing'. Well maybe you're wrong! Maybe the right thing isn't when you know you won't get anything out of it! Maybe, Stefan, there is a way to change for someone. To do the right thing for someone. Knowing that what you get out of it will be them, and them only. You know, maybe I don't do the right thing but what I do, every move that I make, I do it for love! So what if I don't do it because I know I won't get anything in return, you aren't always St. Bernard, either! What you do, you do it for Elena, you do it for her... love. You do what you do because in return you know that... you know that if you deny who you are, if you push it away for long enough, that you will get to hold Elena every night until the day she... dies." The next part Damon nearly whispered, pained by the truth of it all, "That when you do that good deed, maybe she will look at you like you're... her savior, her salvatore. That maybe when you hold her late at night, and she sighs your name... that those good deeds were to get that moment of happiness that we-" Damon cut off abruptly, realizing his nearly fatal mistake, "you want so badly"
Stefan merely stared at him, shocked, hurt, but understanding dawned on him when Damon said 'we' instead of 'you'. "You feel for her-"
"I can assure you brother, it's more than just me..." Damon left the phrase hanging, leaving Stefan to interpret it.
"What?" Stefan nearly choked, trying to sound nonchalant... well, as nonchalant as Stefan could be.
Damon didn't want to tell him, not until Elena broke it off with him for good, but the opportunity was too good to resist, "I kissed... Elena" Damon stated slyly.
"What do you mean you kissed?" Stefan asked, clutching the counter for support.
This was too good, just such a beautiful opportunity, "two lips pucker and they..." Damon trailed off, making a puckering noise and rubbing his two hands together to represent him and Elena.
"And are you sure?" Stefan gasped, veins protruding slightly from under his eyes.
"Oh," Damon hit his head lightly, "You're right, I'm not sure actually, I must have imagined the whole thing... hey, is that a unicorn behind you?" Damon asked, trying to prove his point by gesturing behind Stefan.
Stefan lost it, then, running towards him at top vampire speed, but Damon was quicker, and moved into the living room before Stefan could process where Damon went, "it's the obvious Stefan" Damon mocked gleefully.
They didn't stop the mocking and the joking when they heard light, panicked steps, descend the staircase. They both looked up, Stefan obviously struggling to hide his 'vampy-ness', but Damon was relentless, as was Stefan. Elena rounded the corner, holding a small rectangular card in her hand, eyes panicked and watering. Elena then looked shocked at the two of them fighting, and ran between them, eyes still on the verge of tears, but threw her arms up between them.
"Stop!" Elena nearly sobbed. Damon would usually want to run to her and throw her in his arms, comfort her, but for the strangest reason... he didn't feel the urge to. He shrugged it off, still feeling painfully concerned and hurt when she ran straight to Stefan's arms. She sobbed into his shoulder and he rubbed her head comfortingly. Damon gagged at the sight and downed his 'Brooks Brothers' wine even faster. Elena showed Stefan the card, and gathered herself.
"It's from...K-Katherine" Elena sobbed. It was her picture, the identical one Damon and Stefan had, covered in blood. Shit, how did Damon not see it coming? Katherine obviously compelled Jenna or Jeremy to let her in. Jeremy was probably wearing vervain, so it must have been Jenna. She got in, got Jeremy and John, and got out.
If only he had been there to stake that bitch, if only he had the chance to see her before she got to Jenna...
Elena was suddenly all business, staring at Stefan concerned, "Katherine's in this house, that means she's been invited in, what are we going to do?"
The question was left hanging in the air, and Damon decided he would answer it. "move."
Elena looked at Damon, but... it was lacking her usual passion. It was so wrong. Maybe she was off because of the kiss...
"Damon, I need to speak with Stefan. He'll keep me safe tonight, you can go home."
Damon never felt so heartbroken as he did in that moment, looking at her, him unaware that his eyes were silently pleading to stay. Wordlessly he shrugged on his leather jacket and walked out the door, out into the cool night air, and let out a frustrated cry of rage...
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"And little did I know, you were upstairs, unconscious, without your vervain necklace which... Katherine very cleverly put on after emptying it..." Damon continued his story, standing in front of the fireplace with brandy in his hand. Elena was sat in the victorian couch, listening intently. While Damon hadn't revealed the depth of his feelings, or, any of them, Elena still seemed to understand, still seemed to... know. He didn't tell her about the kiss, he just couldn't... bear it. He couldn't tell her, but she realized he was keeping... something from her. She realized that a large chunk of the story was missing, him giving lame excuses, saying that he pushed Stefan's buttons, which led them to fighting. Him thinking she was off because vampires could sense that, which she and he knew was a complete lie.
"Go on," Elena shifted uncomfortably, "what else made you close me out?"
Damon looked at Elena strangely, but she didn't shy away from her question. She wanted to know why he refused to talk to her, and damn it, she wanted to now that instant! She would never if he didn't continue, though.
Damon sat next to her, then, and set down his brandy. He looked at her earnestly, and spoke softly, "this next part, all I can say is... I'm sorry"
And with that, his story continued.
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Damon reached the house, his fury having died out as he continued to walk, repeating to himself all the reasons she wouldn't seek comfort from Damon as well as Stefan, if not instead of him. 'Well, obviously she needed to act as if nothing happened. She'll be back to her regular self in no time, the Elena that I lo-'
Damon wouldn't allow himself to finish that sentence. Not internally, and there was no way in hell he would externally.
He trudged up the steps of the boarding house, and suddenly felt the anger overcome him again. He hollered to no one in particular, kicking a potted plant. Well Stefan sure as hell wouldn't appreciate that. He would still clean up Damon's mess, though, as he always did.
He went to kick open the door, break it, make Stefan get a new one, but it was already open... that was definitely odd. And, it took out a lot of fun for Damon, he really did want to kick down a door. He walked in cautiously, realizing the depth of the situation, and slowly rounded the corner. He didn't notice anyone sitting in the parlor, no one upstairs, and he headed to his bar.
Damon stopped short when he noticed a small, delicate figure sitting in his chair, her soft brown locks cascading over the back of the seat. She was swirling his bourbon in a small glass. She turned to him, and he saw her dark brown doe eyes looking at him mischievously, the same eyes that belonged to Elena. The same beauty that belonged to Elena.
If Damon's heart could beat, it would've stopped in that moment. His heart dropped at the sight of the woman he had sickeningly obsessed over finding for the past 145 years.
Katherine.
He tried his damnedest to sound nonchalant, but he couldn't help the way his heart shattered seeing her, "Katherine, what are you... why are you, why did-" Damon was stopped by a delicate hand lightly stopping his rambling mouth, his eyes held a hate so fierce it stopped Katherine in her tracks for a moment, but she regained momentum.
"Did you miss me lover?" She whispered lustfully.
Damon tried, and utterly failed, at a smirk. He moved around her forcefully, pulled away from her cruel, dainty hand, and continued to the bar. He grabbed a bottle of bourbon, and walked towards the foyer. When he turned around to face Katherine, she wasn't there.
He prayed to god that she had left due to his cold behavior. But no, Katherine was stubborn, if anything. He felt an unnatural wind behind him, and he turned around cautiously, dreading what he would see...
But Katherine just stood there, eyes wide and mouth quivering, looking like... like Elena. Like Elena the last time Damon saw her.
"Now, now, Damon, your cold shoulder is like the icy tundra... are you blocking yourself off again? You know, our conversation an hour ago was much more pleasant. Why so mean?" She smirked cruelly.
Damon froze at her words, dread washing over him like a current. What... conversation?
'Oh no, oh dear lord no. No way, she doesn't mean... She can't...' Damon thought desperately.
He looked at her, she could obviously see the panic etched in his features, and her smile turned sickeningly sweet. She walked over to him slowly, like a lioness, and gave him a raunchy look before reciting the words that would forever break Damon's heart...
"Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving," Katherine stopped to look Damon dead in the eye, doing the 'eye-thing' that Elena despised, "and I wanted to... thank you... for that" Katherine remarked viciously, tearing her hand away from Damon's face, leaving a trail of electricity.
Mortification and pure anguish filled Damon from within, his already dead heart shattering by the pure humiliation of it all. He had opened himself, made himself vulnerable, and Katherine had cruelly pretended to be the one that Damon... that Damon cared for most in the world.
Damon's eyes watered and Katherine watched, obviously disgusted by his show of emotion, "You know, that kiss was shameful... so chaste and so..." she made sure to spit the last word at him, making it tear through him, "vulnerable... that was, until, Elena kissed back..." her laugh was sultry, mocking him and teasing him with what he thought he could have, "she doesn't feel the same way, lover, she proclaimed her love for Stefan, saying she only cared for you as a friend... too bad, you are incredible in the bedroom..."
Damon was at her throat in a second, his rage squeezing the life out of her. She merely giggled, "now, now, Damon, you don't want to end up like Stefan... when you refuse me, you pay..."
"What did you do to Stefan?" Damon seethed, his tone harsh and demanding.
"Does it matter?" Katherine asked, not being affected by the hand at her throat, "Oh fine, he's fine, he's sleeping upstairs, he got the message. You on the other hand... you have been rather naughty, you have to be punished... you know Damon, you kissed me once tonight, but it lacked the fire that you usually kiss girls with..." Katherine forcefully grabbed Damon's hand and pried it away from her neck, barely flinching, barely using any energy, "I would like a proper kiss now."
Before Damon had a chance to object, be was being thrown on the ground, and Katherine had collapsed on top of him, silencing him with her lips.
Suddenly, it became a game, them pinning each other to the wall, kissing each other madly, and Damon used the opportunities whenever they came to ask her questions. "Why are you back?" He had asked, gaining no answer, rather a pin against the fire place and an angry, passionate kiss. "Why didn't you find me?" again was received with a very unladylike groan and Damon laying her down on the table to kiss her neck roughly, leaving bite marks. "Why, Katherine?" Damon demanded. Katherine replied with a, "You talk too much."
Damon pinned her against the wall, kissing her ferociously, "Please, I just need the truth, just once."
Katherine sighed and forcefully slammed Damon off of her, gathering herself, preparing for... something... "Damon..."
"Katherine," Damon laid his hands on either side of her face and it didn't seem... right. He ignored the feeling inside of him, "it's okay, just tell me the truth"
Katherine leaned her head into his hand and said the words that would forever shatter his heart...
"The truth is... I've never loved you" she said with just the tiniest bit of remorse.
Damon stared at her, not truly registering, his face a mixture of shock, defeat, agony, and betrayal. His hands fell limply to his sides, "out." he whispered, his voice breaking.
"What?" Katherine asked incredulously.
"I SAID OUT!" Damon screamed, pointing to the door. He knew she would leave. She smirked cruelly and walked halfway by him, then called back to him.
"I'll see you later, Damon" She seethed seductively.
She was gone in a second, and Damon walked to the side end table, grabbing a glass. He held it for a moment, at first thinking of drowning his sorrows in alcohol, when he suddenly threw it at the wall, it shattering into a million pieces, much like his heart...
v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v
"I... I wasn't strong enough to resist..." Damon choked out, his voice tinged with shame, "it had been 145 years, and I just... I loved her like a fool. How could I possibly, how could I be strong enough to..." Damon faded off, his voice near tears, "but I was just a toy, and it was truly Stefan that she wanted... it's always Stefan"
Elena knew he had done nothing wrong, however she couldn't help but feel... betrayed by his fooling around with Katherine. Down to her core, betrayal flooded through her, it surged through her body and made it impossible to breathe. A single tear managed to slip down her face, but before Damon could notice, Elena wiped it away, mortified at her reaction. She reached for Damon's hand momentarily, but thought better of it. She still knew that something was missing, though, that there was something that Damon wasn't telling her. She hardly believed that Katherine had simply tempted him, and when he walked away she pushed him down and kissed him. Damon was strong enough, Elena knew that, but something must have weakened him... "you're lying" Elena whispered, feeling pained at his dishonesty.
Damon looked up at her, tears in his eyes, and his smirk was miserable, "how did you know?" he mumbled, embarrassed.
"I know you," Elena replied equally as heartbroken, she grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes, searching for the truth, "now tell me... what really happened that night?"
Damon looked down at their hands and pulled his away, Elena was left staring at the couch dejectedly, "that bad" she breathed, fearing what could have happened.
Damon scoffed harshly and looked back at her, his eyes cold and filled with a thousand different emotions, most of them pure anguish... And yet his eyes still wandered to her lips, looking at them as though he... hungered. Damon tore his gaze away from those beautiful lips painfully, and he played out the millions of scenarios in which he told her, most of them ending with a hard slap to the face, or a disgusted look that tore him to shreds as she walked out the door... He turned back to see her staring at him, looking defeated, when she said the one word that killed Damon every time.
"Please."
Damon felt the tears start to fall, and he tried desperately to hide them, "...okay," he whispered, his voice breaking, "after the founders events... I went to Jeremy, trying to help him, trying to do the 'right' thing, offering to compel him..." Elena watched Damon struggle internally, and it crushed her to realize that she couldn't help him... but Damon continued, "he asked about being a vampire and I had no idea he wanted... anyways, I explained that life... life is hard either way you live it, but shutting off your emotions makes it easier to get through it. He asked if I did and I told him the truth... that I didn't, that I don't."
"Why?" Elena pleaded, sincerely needing the answer.
"Feeling... feeling is the only way I know it is actually real"
'I wanted it to be real'
"And..." Damon then peered at Elena, silently begging her to understand, "I have something worth feeling for."
Elena swallowed, desperately trying to understand what he was saying, but it just wasn't registering in her head, she wasn't making sense of the words he was saying. "Go on," Elena inquired dreadfully, "what else?"
Damon continued on fearfully, "I went downstairs and as I walked out the door I... saw you, standing there with your dress..." Damon trailed off, then, unsure of how to continue.
Elena realized then, that was the moment. He saw Katherine. He thought it was Elena, "oh my god..." Elena gasped, her hand flying to her mouth instinctively.
"Elena..." Damon remained strong, finally giving her the truth. Damon would not lie to her, never to Elena, "the reason Stefan and I were fighting was because... I told him that we kissed"
Elena felt warmth spread to her cheeks, and instead of a disgusted look, she looked... shocked, at most. Damon couldn't believe how well she was taking it, and it filled him with warmth and... hope. Damon's eyes lit with masochistic belief, and Elena's bravery gave him the strength to carry on, "and with Katherine, she got upset when she heard me open up to... you. To her. She didn't like the fact that I... told her my deepest darkest secrets, the ones that were always meant for... you"
The next words lingered in the air, filling the room with a heat and fire and intensity that made it difficult to breathe, "I thought it was you..." Damon looked to Elena, his eyes filled with passion and an eternal sadness, and then his gaze fixed on the ground, "I wish it was you."
Elena couldn't breathe. It just wasn't possible, it was never... no. Why wasn't she stopping him, setting him straight and turning her back, walking into Stefan's arms... why couldn't she find the will to make the madness end... why was she getting herself in so deep? She wanted to know, needed to know, what was said. It was the only way she could ever move on. She had to. Elena gathered a shaky breath, and stood in front of Damon, her face brave, but her heart petrified, "what did you say to... to Katherine" She moved her eyes along the room, "what did you need to say to me?"
Damon shook his head abruptly, and looked at her incredulously, "I can't, Elena, I can't..." Damon whispered, his heart shattering at her hopeless expression, "can't you see that? If I tell you... there's no going back"
Elena gazed at him, then brought her shaky hand up. She took her pointer finger, and gingerly traced it over his heart, fearing it would break any second, "I don't care, Damon. You tell me exactly what you said to Katherine. You said it was at night, right?" Elena didn't wait for an answer, and she wordlessly walked to the fireplace and used the emergency bucket of water set by it to put out the fire. The night covered the room swiftly, like a dark blanket, and Elena stumbled her way back to him, and she faced him defiantly, not accepting 'no' as an answer anymore.
Illuminated by only the newly unveiled moonlight, Damon had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. He was done with resisting, done with flirting with temptation, and he licked his lips and swallowed, ready to crush his own heart, "Katherine asked what I was doing, and I told her that I failed in a feeble attempt to do the right thing..."
Elena realized that they had begun, and she pushed away her fear and allowed herself to live the moment, "and what was that?" Elena whispered.
Damon looked at her painfully, a rueful smile playing at the edge of his lips, "that's not important... I came to this town wanting to destroy it, and now I find myself wanting to protect it... how does that happen?" Damon didn't allow Elena to intervene, but continued, "I'm not a hero, Elena, I don't do good, it's not... in me"
Elena's brows knit together in considerate frustration, "yes, it is" She contradicted softly.
"no, that's reserved for my brother... you, Bonnie. Even though she has every reason to hate me she still helped Stefan... save me." He whispered incredulously.
"Of course they saved you," Elena whispered intently, "why are you so surprised?"
Damon flinched at the similarities of what her and Katherine said, but then stared at her, swallowing the lump rising in his throat. He gasped in anticipation, realizing that this was the moment that... that killed him. He turned away, but felt a soft hand pull his arm back, whispering softly, "Damon... Why are you surprised"
When she looked at him like that, that was when he felt strong again, when he felt like nothing could ever hurt him. No amount of vervain, no amount of wooden stakes to the heart, nothing. "Because she did it for you," the most beautiful and embarrassed look of acceptance washed over her features, and her eyes widened for a moment. She turned her eyes away from his and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Damon continued, shaking like a small child, "which means that somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving" Elena looked back to him at this, and smiled the tiniest smile known to man, her eyes flashing with remorse and... an eager desire that left as quick as it came. She knew what was coming, too. Damon refused to give up, then, his smile that returned was almost non-existant, "and I wanted to... thank you... for that"
Elena shut her eyes in confusion, acceptance, and... pleasure as Damon ducked his head in, slowly coming closer to her. Her breath caught in her throat as he was dangerously close to her then, and he abruptly moved his head to the side, softly, delicately, and passionately caressing her cheek with his lips.
Why didn't Elena feel as though that was enough?
Damon's head lingered there for a moment, and Elena knew exactly what was to come next... she felt her heart rate incline as he moved closer still, his lips almost reaching their destination, when...
"And you know what happened next," Damon whispered brokenly, attempting to pull away, "I should've known it wasn't you when she kissed me back-" Damon was caught off guard when a petite hand grabbed his arm and secured him back into his previous position. He gazed at Elena, utterly confound.
Why did Damon feel his heart fill with hope?
Elena's eyes were far off, looking at something that no one but her could see, her brows knit together in delicate confusion and... a look as though she wanted, she needed, more. Why did Damon feel his heart start to reassemble itself when Elena finally returned her warm brown eyes back to him, and she plunged into the depth of his icy blue eyes? Why did Damon allow himself the masochistic pleasure of pretending that Elena felt the same way for him that he did for her, when he knew he was wrong? Why did he feel as though he wasn't wrong, with the way her head began, ever so slowly, to incline towards his?
Why didn't Elena feel as though it was wrong when she pulled Damon back? Why didn't she feel guilty and nauseous as she looked into the eyes that held her captivated, and she noticed that those eyes weren't green, but blue? Why didn't Elena feel as though she wished Damon was Stefan? Why didn't Elena deny the fact that she and Damon were meant to be like this, like two souls that reunited in forbidden, passionate recognition of their other true half? Why didn't Elena turn her head away, rather than to keep leaning closer, and closer still, yearning the closeness, needing Damon's warmth, needing Damon everywhere, all around her? Why didn't Elena feel sick with the fact that Damon clouded her vision, making it all that she could see, breathe, the only thing that ran through her veins?
Why did Damon have to realize in that moment, when their lips were separated by the smallest of distances, that he wasn't good enough? Why did Damon feel insecurity wash over him, and wake him up? Why did he love Elena? Why did he become painfully aware of the fact that as the only person he loved, that she deserved more?
Why did Damon not want to go through with it, because he loved Elena with a pain that told him he would never be worth it, never be worth saving?
The distance was achingly small, yet too far away.
Why didn't Elena expect it when an unnatural wind opened her eyes, and she realized that she was alone?
The terrace doors were re-opened, the wind blowing through them strongly, doing little to comfort Elena in the fact that... Damon had run away from her. The tears that fell from Elena's eyes were silent, yet heart wrenching. Elena had never felt so cold.
Why didn't Elena expect her heart to break at that fact?
You hate me, don't you?
I am so sorry, I know that this chapter was double the length, but I got to writing one night and the ideas just kept flowing from me, and they never stopped! Notice the fact that Damon's things said "Why DID Damon" and Elena's things said "Why DIDN'T Elena" hmmm...
could it be my tiny way of showing the person who IS in denial, just a teensy bit, and who isn't?
Okay, that was hella long, and I still have Stefan's chapter...fun. :/
haha, just kidding, I'm looking forward to Katherine tempting him. Okay, when you review I want you to say what your favorite part of the chapter was, because there were a lot that were completely FILLED with yummy DE. Oh, and if you haven't seen any of the Season 2 promos... some of this might be a little hard to understand, and again, I really REALLY hope this wasn't too O.O.C.
Tell me, was this wayyyyyy too off the mark to even be posted at all? I was incredibly scared to do the interaction, incredibly. So tell me, in all honesty, things that you thought I did good on, and if you think I did bad, tell me what I did bad on, okay?
Sheesh y'all, twas a dream!
-Taylor 3