For the first time in many years, Animal was ashamed of who she was. As she sat in the backseat of the truck, Murphy watching her while Connor drove, she stared blankly out the window, letting memories wash over her. Memories from before she had become the Animal she was now.
Tears slid down her face, unnoticed by her but seen by Murphy. She could remember family. It was fuzzy, but she could remember family. Her mother had always teased her, but it had been a playful teasing. Her father had been ignorant of them, and her parents had finally divorced four years before her first kill. She had two brothers, though she couldn't remember their names.
She remembered her friends, too. Her friends had been her true family, closer than brothers. She could remember the names of her friends, if she tried hard enough. She didn't try. Her friends were gone now, lost with the life she had left behind.
Mostly she remembered her dogs. They had always slept with her at night. Maybe they had realized what an Animal she was even before she knew herself. Maybe that was why they had always followed her, obeyed her every command. Maybe they knew that she would become something no better than one of them. Unable to act upon anything else but pure instinct, ruled by continuously changing emotions. Her mind had separated from her body, and become something savage in the process. There was a small part of her that still acted human, though even that, too, was beginning to change.
If she hadn't decided to walk down the road that night, maybe she would still be at home, arguing with her brothers over what to watch on TV. Maybe her mother would be cooking in the kitchen, wonderful smells wafting through the house. Maybe she would still be sane.
Or maybe she was always destined to be this way. Maybe it had been decided from the beginning that she would become a killer. She, who had revered all forms of life, to become a destroyer of all that, enemy to anything that breathed.
She could barely remember anything about the night she had changed. She remembered walking down the road, returning from her grandparents. A car had driven by, and the driver waved. She waved back, not knowing who he was but polite enough to return the gesture. She had heard the car stop and turn around in her neighbor's driveway. She had then turned around, wondering if the driver had wanted directions. Then her memory became cluttered. Flashing lights, squealing tires, and a bright flash of pain before everything went numb. She, who had the photographic memory, couldn't remember what had almost killed her.
The next thing she remembered after that was doctors holding her down, her screaming and biting at them. There had been a small stab in her arm, then everything went dark again. There was a much longer period of darkness.
Then she woke up in a bright room, lights painful to her tender eyes. At her cry, the lights were shut off, and voices hovered over. She had had four broken ribs, a snapped leg, and a fractured shoulder. One of the ribs had pierced a lung, and another had almost been driven through her heart. Her skull was cracked in two places. Her pelvis was shattered, and had been replaced. Her spine had almost broken, and the muscles were torn in her lower back. It was a miracle that she lived.
She had been in that hospital for five weeks. Her friends had visited her everyday, even though she never spoke. She had been so drugged up, she didn't remember how.
Then they had brought her home, and her whole world changed.
Animal shook her head, forcing away the memory. Even now, after five years, that memory was still too painful to resolve. The night she had vanished off the face of the Earth, and Animal took over her body.
She shifted her gaze, looking for anything to distract herself, and saw Murphy's body turned in her direction in his seat, appearing to be watching her. Animal felt a coldness on her cheeks, and lifted her hand to see what was on them. To her surprise, it came away wet, and a sniff told her that tears covered her face. She looked back again toward Murphy's face, and tried to decipher his expression. His face was too blurry to read, but she could tell from his body posture that he was confused.
He wasn't the only one.
Feeling unsettled, she turned back out to the window, hearing the brothers' whispers in the background but ignoring them. She didn't care at this moment.
"What the fuck is wrong with her?" Murphy asked his brother, looking at Animal oddly. She had been sitting quietly for the past half hour, staring out the window. Then, suddenly, tears had begun to stream down her face, seemingly unnoticed by her. She had cried for about five minutes before moving, and even then all she did was look at him. She had moved her hand, and seemed startled by her own tears, then went back to look out the window again. It was baffling.
"Why? What is it?" Connor asked, looking up in the overhead mirror to look at her.
"She just suddenly started crying."
"Probably just trying to get us to let our guard down."
Murphy studied Animal, who was ignoring them, still staring out the window.
"I'm not sure."
Connor merely snorted, then turned his attention back to manipulating through the crowded streets of Boston. Unfortunately, they had come from the North side of the city, and now had to circle around slowly to get to the South end. To worsen the trip, they had entered the city precisely at the morning rush hour, and were surrounded by angry drivers and blaring horns. The thick walls of the truck muffled the noise, but not enough. Connor sighed.
"Like blaring your fucking horns is going to make this go any fucking faster", he muttered angrily, shifting forward a few inches closer to the vehicle in front of him. Murphy was still turned around in his seat, gun held in his right hand, watching to make sure Animal didn't do anything she wasn't supposed to.
"Hey, where are we going first?" Murphy asked, turning his gaze to look at his brother.
"Our old apartment. I'm gonna see if we can rent that out again."
Murphy gave him a doubtful look.
"Is that smart?"
"The last thing they're going to expect after we escape from prison is for us to go back home. Besides, it's not like we'll use our real names our anything." He looked up in the mirror at Animal. "Speaking of which, we're going to have to come up with fake names."
"Well, that's easy. You'll be Moron, and I'll be-"
"Oh, shut the fuck up!"
"Well come on, it's a stupid idea! Renting out our old apartment, using fake names? I've had enough of this movie bullshit you like to use!"
"There's nothing wrong with it!"
"Things in the movies never work in real life, you stupid idiot. Now smarten up!"
"Fuck you! And your mother!"
"We have the same mother, you stupid fucking idiot!"
"Fucking shut your mouth!"
"Fuck no-"
Animal snarled loudly, deafening in the small space they were confined in. They both turned to look back at her, startled. Her eyes blazed with anger, face etched in annoyance, and her teeth were bared as she growled quietly, glaring at both of them. Murphy pointed the gun at her face warningly, but turned around and shut up, his brother doing the same.
The truck pulled forward another foot. They were still silent.
Animal growled again.
"Okay, fine, I'm sorry! Happy?" Murphy shouted, turning back to glare at her while Connor yelled, "Alright, I'm sorry!"
Animal made a small snorting sound, leaning back in her seat to continue looking out the window. Murphy turned back around in his own seat.
"What are you, our fucking mother?" he muttered, and cringed when Animal gave an answering growl in the background.
Connor turned to look at him the same instant Murphy turned his own gaze to his brother. Their eyes locked for a moment, then they both burst into laughter, finding the humor in the situation. They heard Animal sigh tiredly in the backseat, but they ignored her in their laughter.
"Seriously, we're not going to use fake names, are we?"
"Alright, alright, we fucking won't. What do you want us to do, then?"
"Why don't we just go rent the apartment and not tell them our names?"
Connor paused.
"Fuck, why didn't I think of that?"
"Because I'm the smarter brother-"
"Oh, shut it!" Connor growled, and Murphy laughed. Animal ignored them both and continued gazing blindly out the window, letting her mind go blank.
Finally, Connor got to the light, and turned swiftly, manipulating the 'tank' through the chain of cars and straightening out on the street somehow without destroying the car next to him. From there, the line of cars moved faster, since they were moving away from the business district of the city.
"Fucking A, finally we're out of that mess."
Connor drove the way into their old neighborhood, looking around with recognition. Here was a place he knew, where he could travel without feeling hopelessly lost. He felt better once he drove into the city, more secure with Animal in the backseat. It was silly, but he had had a feeling that if he came home, everything would be fine. But everything was still the same. Animal was sitting in the backseat, her insane mind thinking God knows what, and they were still escaped convicts, hunting down every last criminal in Boston and then moving on to the rest of the world. Nothing had changed. But he still felt better. A quick glance at Murphy showed he felt the same way, too.
His gaze shifted to Animal in the mirror, and his feelings of elation died. She was staring at him, and even though he knew she couldn't see him, he still felt as though she was looking at his soul. Her cold blue eyes bored a hole into his being, the emotion behind them dead, uncaring. She was judgement herself.
A sudden blaring horn yanked him out of her hypnotizing gaze, and he shook his head as he drove forward. He could feel Murphy's gaze on him, looking at him oddly, but he didn't care. He had seen the same look of captured reverie on his brother's face, and they both knew it was unexplainable. She probably didn't know she did it, but her gaze was like a cobra's, hypnotizing her prey before she struck.
Connor was determined not to be a victim.
Animal felt lost here. In her five years, she had walked Albany and surrounding cities until she had memorized every twist and turn, every garbage can, every rock. She had wandered the roads until she had memorized them too. That was how she knew Exit 41 had been two miles away from that spot, even though she couldn't see the sign. She knew New York, its people, its moods. Here, though, she was lost, and she doubted she would be able to learn it fast enough before she was hurt or killed.
She felt the motions of the truck as Connor drove through the streets, but could see nothing but brown and gray out her window. If she squinted, she might be able to make out windows and doors, but it would do her no good if she didn't know WHERE they were. She needed to walk these streets at night, so she could learn the hiding places and the best place to lose pursuers, like she had known her own back alleys.
Connor suddenly pulled the truck over to the side of the road, and placed it in park. She could see his form turn around to face her, and looked at him curiously, knowing her expression asked a question as well as her voice did.
"Get out, we're stopping here."
She nodded and opened her door, placing her feet carefully on the ground while she exited the vehicle. She could hear Murphy opening his door as well, heard the shuffling of cloth that meant he was hiding his gun, but focused instead on figuring out the layout of where she stood.
She could see the vague outline of a light tan building in front of her, and a darker spot that could have been either a door or a shadow. More buildings surrounded this one, and it seemed they towered over an alley, if the blur to her right was a dumpster. She could hear voices, all with the same Irish lilt as the brothers, coming from above, apparently through open windows.
She wondered vaguely where they were, and shot a questioning look in Murphy's direction, but he either ignored her or didn't see her, and she didn't care enough to ask the question out loud.
Connor started walking in the building, and a nudge at her back from Murphy sent her stumbling forward hesitantly, stepping carefully and trying to not seem as blind. However, a pothole in her way caused her to stumble, almost twisting her ankle, and she heard Murphy sigh angrily as he took her arm in his and led her over the uneven ground. She felt her own face set into an expression of embarrassment, and wished she could see like other people. Even if she could never see at night again, being able to see in daylight would be worth it.
She felt shade on her face and noticed the light grow darker as she walked in the building, and Murphy released her arm, taking a step back as he did so. She knew they still didn't trust her after she killed that guard, but she would not explain her actions. They didn't need to know how much of an animal she really was, how much she craved murdering. If that guard hadn't come by when he did, she would have either attacked one of the brothers, or had been forced to run off and kill the first person she came across.
Connor finished talking to a woman sitting on a couch in the center of the room, and walked back over to them.
"We have the fifth floor apartment. Come on, we'll take the elevator up."
She felt Murphy take her arm again to lead her to the elevator, and was glad when he tensed his arm to warn her she should step up. She almost didn't step high enough, and was forced to use him to keep her balance. Animal could feel him flinch as her weight fell on him, and stifled the urge to growl at his foolishness. She wasn't going to kill him in the middle of a building, for Christ's sake!
On the elevator, Murphy again let go of her, and she stood still as the elevator began to rise. She wondered just what it would take to gain their trust again, and decided it would just take time. Besides, was she really worth trusting?
The brothers stared at the mess of the apartment.
"Well, it's nice to know they haven't changed anything since we left."
"They could have at least fixed the fucking toilet, though."
Sighing, they walked into the open room, Murphy leading Animal so she wouldn't trip again. Connor could tell Murphy hated having to do so, but he couldn't really do anything about it. Animal was blind. And, like it or not, she needed help during the day.
Murphy led Animal over to one of the beds and released her, swiftly drawing away from her as well. Connor noticed Animal flinch at the swift rejection, but didn't say anything. Until she told them what was wrong with her, she would continue to be treated like this.
"Well, since we have no toilet, I guess we're going to have to go out to use the bathroom now. C'mon, let's go see if Doc's still around."
Connor watched as Animal sighed and stood up again, heading hesitantly toward the door. Saving his brother from the task, he took her arm himself, leading her toward the elevator again. She turned her sightless gaze up to his face, tilting her head to the side, and sniffed at him. A confused look passed across her face as he stiffened at the odd motion.
She sniffed again, and looked toward Murphy, who was watching her carefully. Then, apparently satisfying her curiosity, she turned back to Connor and resumed her blank expression.
"What the fuck was that about?"
Animal didn't answer, but at least gained some sort of facial expression. Rather than the blank look she had adopted since that morning, she appeared amused, though it was subdued.
"You're not going to answer us, are you?"
"No."
"Fucking bitch", Murphy muttered, and they both rolled their eyes when Animal cracked a grin.
Smiling despite himself, Connor led her to the elevator, Murphy following him. Animal jumped slightly when the elevator began grinding and jerked to a start, but looked around her, looking bored. The ancient machine slid slowly past the other floors, and the brothers politely averted their eyes so they wouldn't see what the other tenants were doing. When they reached the ground floor, Connor took Animal's arm again, leading her to the door. Noon light was hitting the streets, and Connor could feel Animal flinch and hiss in pain as she closed her eyes to slits. He looked at her.
"Is the light that painful?"
"It's like being stabbed in the eyes", she responded distastefully, shutting her eyes completely and grimacing. Connor gave Murphy a look and led her down the street, steering her carefully around cracks and potholes. She seemed hesitant with every motion, treading lightly and carefully, a concentrated look on her face. It was in this manner they reached a familiar pub by the name of McGinty's, and Connor led her through the door.
"Doc? Ya' here?" Connor called out, unable to keep a smile from his face. Murphy was fidgeting in excitement, looking around eagerly for the familiar shock of white hair and listening intently for the stuttered curses. Animal opened her eyes in the dimmer light, and was looking around the dusky room with avid interest, apparently dark enough for her to see.
"Doc?" Murphy said, looking everywhere. He was starting to feel like something was wrong, and Connor was starting to pick up on it too. Giving each other troubled looks, they led the way deeper into the pub, Animal following them. Even she seemed to think something was wrong, though she only knew that because of their reactions.
"Doc!" Connor shouted, and jumped back when a brown-haired youth peeked around the corner holding a shotgun.
"Who are you?" he asked, and Connor and Murphy looked at him in disbelief.
"Who the fuck are you? Where's Doc?" Murphy asked, looking behind him as if he might see their old friend in the room.
Leveling the shotgun at them, the teen repeated, "I'm only gonna ask this one more time: Who are you?"
Connor and Murphy looked at him carefully now, taking him seriously, and Animal tensed, hyper-aware.
"We're friends of Doc. Can ya' tell us where he is?" Connor said slowly, moving his hands out so the kid could see them. The kid looked startled.
"Ya' don't know? Doc passed away three months ago. I just bought this pub."
Grief crashed on the brothers like silent weights, terrible in its presence. They leaned against each other unconsciously for support, disbelief on their faces. Animal moved closer to their sides, out from behind them, ready to spring if need be.
"Doc's… dead?" Murphy said quietly, shocked. His eyes were unfocused, and his face horror-struck. Connor matched his expression exactly, and his knees trembled as if threatening to buckle underneath him. Animal shot them both worried glances and stepped yet closer, focusing sharply at them.
The kid looked at them sadly.
"You were really close to him, huh?"
Their grief-laden silence answered for them, and the teen shook his head.
"Look, if ya' want to visit his grave, he's buried in the public cemetery. If it makes you feel any better at all, he had a large crowd. It seemed he was popular."
"Everyone loved him. Ya' only had to meet him, and he found his way into your heart", Connor whispered.
"He was a good man", Murphy agreed, still unfocused. Animal exchanged worried glances with the teen.
"I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you", the kid said, appropriately respectful in the presence of two grieving men. Connor looked at him, eyes fuzzy.
"It's okay, it's just….. we never really expected him to die. He was…." Connor trailed off, and he began leaning heavily to the side. Animal growled worriedly and rushed to his side, using her small frame to keep him upright. He seemed thankful for her strong support, and shot her a grateful look.
"Look, I'm sorry for your loss. If ya' need a drink, it's on the house tonight."
"Maybe later", Connor said dazedly. "We need to go pay our respects first."
"Of course. By the way, I'm Adam. If ya' do come in tonight, just tell Ben that I said it was alright. He'll be on duty tonight."
"Thank you", Connor replied, though still distant, and turned to begin walking out the door. Murphy found his side as Animal left it, and they both supported each other as they walked out the door, Animal following closely in case one or the other fell. However, they both were able to stay upright, and stood up straighter as they entered the sunlight.
With deeply grieved looks etched on their faces, they exchanged glances with each other and began walking down the street, heading for the cemetery. Stumbling half-blind behind them, Animal followed, keeping pace as they headed for the cemetery to pay their last respects to a lost friend.
Animal could feel their grief as a heavy presence on her own shoulders, and wished she could relieve their pain in some way. However, she knew well that only time could heal a wound such as the ones they now bore. No amount of caring could cleanse their hearts of sadness, and only time could erode its sharp edges.
Animal hissed as she again tripped on an uneven edge in the street, squinting against the glare of the sun as she struggled to follow them. She could tell people were looking at her oddly, but could do nothing about it. The only thing she could do was wait until dark, and not get lost until then.
A sudden silence opened in front of her, and she could feel the brothers pause a moment. From this, she guessed they were at the cemetery, and sniffed the cleaner air before following the brothers in. She had always loved the smell of trees and grass, having grown in a small town filled with forest and fields. However, the years spent in the cities had dulled her senses somewhat, and she was pleased to see that the skills came back so quickly.
A sudden sparkle caught her eye, and she stopped, letting Connor and Murphy walk ahead alone. She stood still, staring at the brilliant bronze shine, before pacing cautiously over, struggling to see. Stopping just before the shining object, she knelt before slowly reaching her hand out and brushing the object curiously, trying to figure out what it was.
Her fingers felt the familiar roughness of a rock, and she chirred softly to herself as she brought it to her face to examine it closely. On one side of the rock, it was a plain, ordinary gray. However, on the other side, where part had broken off, there was a unique metallic sheen, and her fingers felt a grease-like smoothness. It was a beautiful and rare shade of red quartz, all different shades of red, from a pale yellow to a deep crimson.
Turning it over in her hands, Animal wondered just what it was about this rock that had drawn her attention. She didn't believe in circumstances, and this rock seemed to be some sort of message. The wind blew softly, carrying the brothers' praying voices to her ears, and she turned to look in their direction before again looking at the rock. She thought for a moment, then stood suddenly, walking towards the grieving pair, carrying the rock in her hand.
"And we shall walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, and shall fear no Evil-"
The brothers broke off their prayer as Animal walked over, carrying something in her hand, though they couldn't see exactly what it was. She stood in front of the grave of their dear friend and knelt respectively, muttering to herself before placing whatever was in her hands in front of the grave. Murphy caught sight of rough gray stone, and began to protest when her hand shifted it and the sun caught the brilliant stone and reflected its light like a fire.
She kept her fingers lightly pressing against the stone for a moment, then stood and walked off again, leaving as abruptly as she had come. The brothers looked after her, then looked at the rock she had left. It seemed ordinary on the outside, but shone with remarkable brilliance on the inside, a cheerful light that seemed to be a reflection of Doc's soul itself. It sparkled with friendly warmth, and the brothers were comforted for a moment by the essence it appeared to carry. Then, they both looked over to Animal, who was sitting in the shade of a tree dozing, leaning against the trunk. She didn't appear to know what she had done, as if it was a thoughtful but meaningless action to her. Maybe it was.
Connor and Murphy exchanged glances, then bowed their heads once again in prayer. However, they both made sure to include a small thanks for Animal as well, for the gift she had left their friend.