Disclaimer-I do not own Glee or any of the songs featured
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Chapter 4-And So I Die
Dreams were a beautiful yet heartbreaking thing, Kurt decided as he woke up one Saturday morning to the sound of his alarm. He had dreamt of Noah again that night and it had felt oh so real.
They had been rehearsing for Glee club when Kurt had noticed Noah was gazing right at him as he sang. The others had noticed it too and they'd all fallen silent, even Rachel had closed her mouth to listen, as Noah softly sang of his love for Kurt. When the music had finished, Noah had placed his guitar aside and moved towards Kurt. Almost shyly, Noah had reached his hand out to brush Kurt's bangs out of his eyes.
As Kurt swallowed nervously, Noah had stepped closer, his musky scent filling Kurt's nostrils to the point where he could almost taste it.
"Noah?" Kurt had asked shakily as he looked up into the taller teen's eyes.
"You're beautiful." Noah had told him in an awestruck voice as he gently held Kurt's face with his fingertips as though seeing him for the first time.
With the sound of his own heartbeat thudding in his ears, Kurt's eyes had fluttered closed of their own accord and he felt himself being dipped down low in Noah's arms before he felt the other boy's breath mingling with his own.
His dry lips were then moistened as Noah's pressed against his own before softly pulling back. Blinking his eyes open, Kurt had then looked up to see a smiling Noah who looked somewhat angelic being bathed by the light overhead.
The rest of the Glee club applauded softly and the girls simpered about how cute the two of them looked whilst Mr. Schue joyously muttered something in Spanish.
After setting him back on his feet, Noah had slipped Kurt's hand into his and laced their fingers together. Staring adoringly at Kurt, Noah had then led them out of the choir room and they walked through the corridors of McKinley with their heads held high as the rest of the student body parted ways for them.
Reaching the school entrance, Noah had lifted Kurt into the air and twirled him around before holding him close and claiming his lips in another kiss.
"I love you." Kurt had breathed.
Grinning, Noah had opened his mouth, perhaps to confess that he loved Kurt too, but before the words left his lips Kurt was being pulled back to reality.
A now fully awake Kurt Hummel groaned into his pillow, cursing his wretched alarm clock for disturbing yet another wonderful dream. It was times like these when Kurt found himself wishing he could just sleep forever, that way, Noah would always be in his arms just how he desperately wanted him to be.
Alas, one could not sleep endlessly when they had to meet their girlfriends for a shopping spree.
Forcing himself out of the pleasant warmth of his bed, Kurt padded barefooted to his adjoining bathroom with his morning wood making itself known between his legs.
Stepping into his shower, he turned the dial so that a cold spray came gushing out of the shower-head, helping Kurt with his problem.
When his erection had deflated, Kurt turned up the temperature of the water then took up his lime scented shower-gel and squeezed a generous amount of the product onto his hand before lathering his body with it. After rubbing it all over, he washed it off and watched the foam disappear down the drain before he reached for his lemon scented shampoo and massaged it into his hair. Once he'd rinsed the shampoo out, he rubbed in his lemon scented conditioner before rinsing that out of his hair also.
Satisfied that he was clean, Kurt titled his head back and allowed the warm water to beat down gently on his face and cascade down his body. As the water droplets tickled his skin, he bent his head down low and shook the water out of his eyes before singing to himself.
"Superstar, where you from? How's it going?
I know you got a clue what you're doing
You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here
But I know what you are, what you are, baby
Look at you getting' more than just a re-up
Baby, you got all the puppets with their strings up
Fakin' like a good one but I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are, what you are, baby
Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer
Oh, womanizer, oh, you're a womanizer baby
You, you-you are, you, you-you are
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer
Boy don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
Boy don't try to front
I-I know just-just what you are are-are
You got me goin'
You're oh so charmin'
But I can't do it
You womanizer…"
As he trailed off from singing and started humming the tune instead, Kurt rolled his eyes as he thought of how appropriate the song was for Noah. The Jewish stud truly was a womanizer having bedded most of the female population of McKinley High not to mention the majority of students' mums and the unhappily married women of Lima.
Shutting the shower off, Kurt carefully stepped out and wrapped one towel around his slim hips before using another to gently dry his hair.
He then stepped into his bedroom only to let out an undignified squeak when he found Noah lounged comfortably on his bed looking as though he owned the damn place.
"Hey, babe." He greeted as he looked up from the back of a DVD case he was reading. "Your dad let me in. Can I borrow this?" He asked waving the DVD case at him. "Thanks." He said before Kurt even replied.
Feeling very exposed wearing nothing other than a towel and a pink blush, Kurt quickly grabbed his dressing gown off of the back of the bathroom door and hastily pulled it on and tied it up. His hand then flew up to flatten his wet hair hoping that he didn't look too much of a mess in front of the boy he secretly pined for.
Before Kurt could even ask his friend why he was over so early, Noah was telling him all about a girl he'd met who was apparently 'ridiculously cute'.
As Noah gushed about this girl, Kurt felt his heart clench painfully and he was almost sure he could feel the lonely organ bleeding pitifully.
"Honestly, Kurt, she's so amazing." Noah praised with a twinkle in his eye that was making Kurt's skin burn. "You're gonna love her."
"Oh." Kurt replied as he forced himself to attempt to feign happiness for his friend. "What's her name?"
"Leanne." Noah replied, rolling his tongue around those two syllables as though they were heavenly.
"Leanne." Kurt repeated, speaking the name with a great deal less enthusiasm, finding himself with a sour taste left on his tongue.
When Noah proceeded to sing this Leanne girl's praises, Kurt smiled occasionally and laughed and nodded in all the right places as he moved to his wardrobe and found himself something to wear. He ended up picking out shirt and pants in charcoal colours to represent his mournful mood.
He then locked himself in the bathroom to dress, Noah's voice drifting in through the gap where the door met the floor as he continued to talk about Leanne.
Stepping back into his basement bedroom, Kurt crossed over to his vanity and began the task of applying all his products to his face and combing his hair into submission.
As he worked, Kurt found his hand shaking and he had to remind himself to take calming breaths. Luckily for him, Noah was too wrapped up in all things Leanne to notice Kurt's troubles.
When he deemed himself presentable, Kurt informed Noah that he had to go and meet Quinn and Mercedes at the mall. Nodding, Noah grabbed the DVD he had been looking at then followed Kurt upstairs where Kurt grabbed himself an apple then tossed a candy bar to Noah.
"Later, Burt." Noah called in farewell as they passed Burt on the way out.
"Puck, Kurt." Burt acknowledged. "Stay out of trouble."
The two teenagers walked down the Hummel drive together before coming to a pause.
"I should meet the girls." Kurt said inclining his head towards his shiny car.
"Right." Noah nodded. "I've gotta go meet, Leanne." That excited grin formed on his face again and the sight made Kurt feel sick. "Wish me luck yeah."
"Yeah, luck." Kurt replied quietly as he watched Noah all but skip towards his truck then drive off, unknowingly taking another piece of Kurt's wounded heart with him.
Strapping himself into his own car, Kurt drove in the direction of the mall with his stereo turned up loud so he could block out the sounds of his heart breaking and the pathetic whimpers that were escaping through his trembling lips as he sobbed.
He fiddled with the stereo a little before pausing on an old song, one he recognised as being one of his mum's favourites when she'd been alive. Tears still slipping down his face, Kurt sang along.
"What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again…"
As he sang, his tears eased up a little but the pain in his heart did not lessen.
"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he'll never phone ya.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again."
Pulling up into the car park of the mall, Kurt switched the music off then checked his reflection in the mirror. When he was sure that there was no sign that he had been crying, he stepped out of his vehicle and pulled his cell phone from his pocket to call Mercedes and ask where she and Quinn were.
After a brief conversation, Kurt hung up the phone and made his way to meet his girlfriends outside Hot Topic. He greeted the two girls with a hug and kisses to the cheek before they all linked arms and made their way around the busy shopping centre.
Soon enough, the trio were all laden with shopping bags filled with new designer clothes and stylish accessories.
"Ok, I need to eat." Mercedes announced before leading the way to the food court as Quinn grumbled something about having sore feet due to the high heels she was wearing.
The three made their way to the nearest McDonalds, the two girls having to manhandle Kurt into entering the fast food joint as he shrieked about calories and high fat foods.
Unable to win the argument against the two girls, Kurt resigned himself to having to deal with an unhealthy lunch for one day which he would have to work off with extensive exercise later.
They'd barely sat down with their meals when a familiar voice called out Kurt's name. Looking to his left, Kurt spotted Noah making his way towards their table with a girl he took to be Leanne following behind him.
Trying to keep a scowl off of his face, Kurt made room for the two to join them at their table.
"Hey, this is Leanne." Noah introduced. "Leanne, this is Quinn, Mercedes and my best friend Kurt."
"Hey, lovely to meet you." Leanne smiled.
Not trusting himself to speak, Kurt pulled his drink towards him and sucked the liquid up through the straw. As the others fell into a friendly discussion, the two girls doing their best to make Leanne feel welcome, Kurt took the time to look the girl over.
To his dismay, she was quite pretty. When Noah had spoken of her earlier, he had hoped that maybe she had hairy legs or a facial disfigurement of some kind or indeed anything to make him feel better. In truth, Kurt thought Leanne looked somewhat similar to himself. She had the same body shape as him, the girl didn't seem to have much going on in the boob department either, Kurt noted. The complexion of her skin was also incredibly similar to Kurt's and though her hair was longer than Kurt's falling to just below her chin, it was almost the same colour. Her eyes were different though. They were a boring brown colour, mud, Kurt thought. Yet despite the minor differences, Kurt was sure this girl could easily pass for being his twin.
He wondered if the girl's noticed how similar he and Leanne looked but he didn't dare to ask when Noah was around. Still, he found a small bubble of hope beginning to swell inside of him. If Noah was dating girls that looked so much like him, maybe that meant Noah subconsciously had feelings for him, feelings of the romantic sort. However, as Noah leaned in and kissed those undoubtedly girl lips, Kurt felt the bubble of hope burst.
Unable to stand the sight, Kurt excused himself and hurried off to take refuge in the rest room. Standing at the sink, he faced his reflection and willed himself to calm down and to put his jealousy aside.
After looking around himself to ensure he was alone, Kurt opened his mouth and watched the misery on the face of his mirror image as he sang.
"Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in…"
"Kurt, you ok, babe?" Noah's voice called out before his body appeared around the door.
Quickly turning the facet on and washing his hands, Kurt gave the other teen a nod.
"So what do you think?" Noah asked as he came to stand behind Kurt. "She's pretty cool huh?"
Biting down on his bottom lip so he wouldn't say what he really thought of Leanne, Kurt nodded before drying his hands then following Noah back to their table where the three girls were waiting.
As Kurt sat down opposite Leanne, the slender girl smiled at him sweetly and Kurt was filled with a mad desire to grab the back of her head then force her face down into her meal. Luckily for her, he resisted and settled for returning her smile with a false one of his own.
Upon returning home, Kurt busied himself with putting all his new shopping away and bitching about Noah's new girlfriend under his breath.
Needing to unleash his feelings somehow, Kurt seated himself at his desk and pulled a sparkly pen and a notepad to himself then introducing ink to paper as he wrote a poem:
My ears bleed,
Every time you mention her name,
Such hurtful syllables,
Leanne, how sour a sound,
The taste of her name sickens my tongue.
And so I cry.
My eyes burn,
Every time you look upon her,
Such sickening beauty,
Leanne, how vicious a vision,
The sight of her face stings my irises.
And so I cry.
My hands bruise,
Every time you kiss and touch her,
Such painful caresses,
Leanne, how corrupt a contact,
The feel of her presence scorches my skin.
And so I cry.
My heart breaks,
Every time you show her love,
Such agonizing emotion,
Leanne, how fierce a feeling,
The love you show her slaughters my heart.
And so I die.
Setting his pen down, Kurt re-read what he had written before tearing the sheet of paper out of his notepad then screwing it into a ball and tossing it into the trashcan so that no-one, especially Noah, could ever get the chance to read it.
To Be Continued
Songs are:
'Womanizer' by Britney Spears
'I'll never fall in love again' by The Carpenters
'I'm not that girl' from Wicked
The poem featured was written by me
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Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx