Disclaimer-I don't own Glee or any lyrics featured

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Lyrics are in italics songs are:

'You don't know me'-Ray Charles

'Break your heart'-Taio Cruz

'I know him so well'-From the musical Chess

Chapter 17-Falling Apart

Heart hammering against his chest, Kurt made his way upstairs. Stepping into the living room, his eyes landed on Noah sat on the sofa beside his dad. He cleared his throat to announce his presence and the two men turned to face him. Noah stood and gently took hold of his hand before leading him outside to his truck.

You give your hand to me

And then you say, "Hello."

As they drove, it was Noah who was making most of the conversation. Kurt found that his mouth had gone dry and words simply failed him.

And I can hardly speak,

My heart is beating so.

And anyone can tell

You think you know me well.

Well, you don't know me.

Licking his lips nervously, Kurt turned his head slightly so as to peer up at his friend. If it weren't for the fact they were driving down a busy road and could crash at any time if Noah became distracted, Kurt may have just reached across and kissed him. After all, it was a widely known saying that 'actions speak louder than words'. Perhaps if he just allowed himself to realise his dreams of tasting Noah's lips, he wouldn't have to confess his feelings at all. A kiss would surely say it all.

No you don't know the one

Who dreams of you at night,

And longs to kiss your lips

And longs to hold you tight.

"You're my best friend, Kurt." Noah told him with a smile and all Kurt could do was grimace back.

Oh I'm just a friend.

That's all I've ever been.

Cause you don't know me.

Turning to look out the truck window, Kurt's mind was attacked with sensual thoughts of himself and Noah. As innocently virginal as he was, Kurt often thought of himself and Noah in intimate situations, even when he was just sitting beside the object of his affections. Glancing back at Noah for a moment, Kurt considered blurting out his feelings then and there. At least that way if he was rejected he could turn around and go home before they met up with the others and he became too drunk to stand let alone find his way home.

He didn't admit his feelings, however. He simply remained quiet, letting the chance slip by just like the gentle wind flitting through the open window.

For I never knew the art of making love,

Though my heart aches with love for you.

Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.

A chance that you might love me too.

"What's up?" Noah asked sparing Kurt a look of concern. "You're really quiet."

"Sorry, I'm just feeling a little car sick." Kurt lied.

It seemed Noah accepted the false explanation as he didn't question or comment on it. He simply slowed his driving down a little then turned up the music and started singing along.

"Now listen to me baby

Before I love and leave you

They call me heart breaker

I don't wanna deceive you…" As Noah sang along, Kurt couldn't help but let out a small awkward laugh. The song definitely suited his friend perfectly.

"If you fall for me

I'm not easy to please

I might tear you apart

Told you from the start, baby, from the start

I'm only gonna break, break your break, break your heart

I'm only gonna break, break your break, break your heart…" Noah momentarily turned his eyes away from the road and leaned slightly into Kurt's personal space, singing the song directly to him having no idea just how deeply those lyrics affected the smaller boy.

"I'm only gonna break, break your break, break your heart

I'm only gonna break, break your break, break your heart…"

As Noah progressed through the song, Kurt felt his insides begin to squirm. Nothing good could possibly come from admitting his feelings to Noah, how could it? The man in question was quite literally telling him what was going to happen. Noah was going to break his heart.

Suddenly, Kurt was finding it difficult to breathe. He moved his head closer to the window and took in the much needed air, not even fretting about the mess being made to his perfectly groomed tresses. For once, it didn't seem to matter what his hair looked like, his hair wouldn't prevent the inevitable heartbreak.

"Babe, you sure you're ok?" Noah asked him.

Not trusting himself to speak, Kurt simply nodded. They parked the truck round by Santana's before walking the short distance to the field they'd all agreed to meet at. Most of the others were already there, it was only Tina and Finn who had yet to arrive.

Forcing himself to fake a smile, Kurt walked over to their group of friends, accepting the alcoholic beverage Quinn passed his way. Not even looking or caring what he was drinking, Kurt knocked the liquid back down his throat and swallowed before taking a long swig from Mike's bottle.

If he was going to get through this night, he'd need alcohol to do it. He struck up a conversation with Artie and Mercedes, reasoning that the longer he kept talking to anybody who wasn't Noah, the longer he could go before making a complete fool of himself and getting his heart broken.

Every time Noah tried to move in next to him and make conversation, Kurt swiftly moved to stand beside someone else and engage himself in safe subject matters.

By the time Tina arrived, Kurt was already fairly tipsy but still just about in control of himself. When Finn arrived, he was ever nearer to being full on drunk. Even in his inebriated state, Kurt could tell that he was the worst of the group. Only Brittany, Mike and Rachel were tipsy and the others were almost completely sober. But Kurt kept on drinking. In fact, most of the empty liquor bottles had been drank by him.

"Kurt, maybe you've had enough." Mercedes told him gently as she snatched a bottle out of his hand and passed it to Matt.

"Cedes, no." Kurt complained as he leaned heavily against her since he now found it incredibly difficult to stand. "I need it."

However, Mercedes was stern and insisted that everybody ensure that Kurt had no more alcohol. Surprisingly, Brittany had been sensible enough to bring along a large bottle of water so Mercedes helped Kurt to drink a large measure of it down, hoping it would help him sober up a little.

With the exception of Noah and Santana who were sat on the field a short distance away from the rest of the group, everybody was fussing over Kurt asking him if he was ok and if anything was bothering him.

In the back of his head, he knew they were simply expressing their concern, but at the forefront of his mind he was fast becoming irritated. He didn't need to be babied, he wasn't a child. And the more they questioned him the closer he came to crumbling. It was going to happen, he just knew it, he could feel it. He was going to have a breakdown.

"I want to go home." He whimpered quietly just as Finn sat beside him to check how he was doing.

"Ok, I'll get Puck to drive you." Finn offered.

"No." Kurt yelped as he yanked on Finn's arm to prevent him from crossing the field to where Noah was still deep in discussion with Santana. "It's fine. I'll walk."

"Dude, you can't even stand." Finn pointed out.

"Can too." Kurt retorted before using Finn to hoist himself up to his feet only to take two steps then fall flat on his arse.

Letting out a groan of despair, Kurt twisted his body round so he was on his hands and knees. He then started crawling through the grass, heading towards the street. He hadn't gotten far when a pair of all too familiar hands latched onto his hips then heaved him up to his feet, a strong arm winding itself around his waist to support his weight.

"Let me go home." Kurt pleaded pitifully as he tried and failed to wriggle out of Noah's protective hold.

"Babe, are you insane?" Noah asked. "If I take you home like this Burt will chop me up into little pieces and have the lunch ladies serve me as pudding in the cafeteria."

"He would not." Kurt argued.

"Would too." Noah replied. "He told me so himself, earlier when you were getting ready. I promised him I'd look after you and I'm going to alright. So help me out a little by not trying to crawl home by yourself."

"Fine, no crawling." Kurt agreed and Noah nodded in approval. "I'll just walk."

"Not alone you won't." Noah told him as he easily lifted the boy into his arms and carried him bridal-style back to the group. "Just stay a little longer, have some fun, sober up a little and then I'll drive you home."

"You're a fucking cunt." Kurt hissed at him harshly and the others winced at the sharp bite in Kurt's unfriendly tone.

"Why am I a cunt?" Noah asked, clearly wounded by his friend's words as he carefully set him back on his feet.

"Because I said so." Kurt snapped as he shoved Noah in the chest before stumbling past Tina and Rachel then being pulled a short distance away by Santana.

"Get it together, Hummel." Santana whispered to him.

As he faced her in the darkness, Kurt found himself unable to stay strong anymore and the tears streamed from his eyes and there was nothing he could do to prevent them.

"It hurts so much." Kurt sobbed as he held his hand over his heart. "Why does it have to hurt so fucking much?"

"What am I, knowledge girl?" Santana asked rhetorically. "I don't have the answers ok. Look, do yourself a favour, tell him how you feel."

"I don't want to." Kurt replied shaking his head frantically. "I don't want to. I don't want to."

"Calm the fuck down, Hummel." Santana ordered and Kurt let out a small gasp before chewing down on his lower lip and hanging his head in silence. "That's better. Look, you stay here, and I'm gonna go and get Puck and then the two of you can talk."

"Santana?" Kurt asked before the Latina girl could head back to the others and send Noah over. "What will he say?"

"I don't know." Santana huffed. "I'm not a psychic for crying out loud."

"Will it hurt?" Kurt asked quietly as he sank down to his knees and cradled his arms around himself.

"Probably." Santana answered, her voice sounding gentler this time.

Kurt just nodded and slowly rocked himself as he waited for her to send Noah over. In a matter of seconds, Noah was crouching over him looking deeply worried. All Kurt could do was cry harder.

Some of the others started to voice their concern and attempted to join Kurt and Noah but Santana was able to keep them all away. Still, Noah gathered Kurt into his strong arms again and carried him further down the field until they couldn't even make out the rest of their friends.

Back on his feet, Kurt staggered a few steps over to a tree then leaned against the bark. He heard Noah moving behind him but for once Kurt truly didn't want to have the other teen anywhere near him. Even though he knew the conversation was inevitable, Kurt really didn't want to have it.

He jumped in surprise when Noah placed his hands at his hips but did nothing to push the taller boy away.

"Kurt, talk to me." Noah pleaded softly.

Letting out a series of heart wrenching sobs, Kurt turned his head to the side trying to hide his tears from his friend.

"Come on, don't cry." Noah said soothingly as he pulled Kurt into a tight embrace. "I'm here, whatever it is its ok. I've got you. Don't cry."

He cried harder as he pushed against Noah's strong chest. Right now, a hug wasn't what he needed. It felt like Noah was suffocating him.

"I c-can't breathe." Kurt finally whimpered out and Noah loosened his hold on him, moving his hands back to rest at his waist.

"Take it easy, baby." Noah told him gently.

"Don't call me that!" Kurt snapped as he beat his tiny fists against Noah's chest.

"Ow, fuck! Shit, Kurt, I'm sorry ok." Noah replied as he managed to grab hold of Kurt's fists only for the shorter male to kick him in the shins instead. "Fucking hell! Damn, what is your problem?"

"You know." Kurt answered as he lifted his eyes up to glare deep into Noah's brown irises. "You're not a complete Neanderthal, Noah. You know. You know."

"You… you think you like me?" Noah asked in a whisper.

Kurt threw his head back and let out a short humourless laugh. Bringing his hands up to his face, he wiped away his tears as best as he could before resting his hands on Noah's shoulders.

If a stranger were to walk by and observe them from a distance, they might look like a couple from the way they stood holding each other. But if one got closer and saw the tears that still fell down the shorter male's face, they might assume the two boy's were just making up from a lover's tiff. Of course, things are seldom what they seem.

They were not a young couple having a fight or making up, nor were they a pair of horny teenagers clinched in a lover's embrace. Their story was far more complex than how it may appear to an outsider.

The two had a history of a kind, and not one that was good and merry. As unlikely as it might seem given their current position of Kurt clinging to Noah desperately as the Jewish teen caringly held him upright, they had once been enemies.

From playing the roles of bully and victim, they had slowly formed a tentative friendship that had strengthened over time. Neither boy had been so close to anyone else in their life and had never opened up to anyone else to such an extent as they did with each other. Yet despite the strong bond they had, for a long while there had been words left unsaid.

To his great surprise, Kurt had found himself falling desperately and irrevocably in love with Noah. Believing that nothing could ever happen between them in a romantic sense, Kurt had kept his feelings a secret. Now, as that secret was being forced out of him, it threatened everything Kurt had been fighting to keep. By revealing what he truly felt for Noah, Kurt could ruin their friendship forever. As much as he wanted to bite down on his tongue and just run away, Kurt knew that running away was no longer a possibility. There was no turning back, for the question had been asked and now came the time for Kurt to provide an honest answer.

"I'm in love with you." Kurt breathed out in a shaky voice.

He held still in Noah's arms as he felt the older boy's piercing gaze fixate solely on him. Time seemed to pause, and if it weren't for the fact they could both hear the faint sound of Rachel singing from the other side of the field, they might have believed that they were the only two beings on Earth.

As the words tumbled from Kurt's lips to penetrate Noah's ears, Kurt waited with bated breath for his former bully turned best friends' response.

For a brief moment, Kurt almost expected to hear Noah say he loved him in return. He'd yearned to hear such a thing for so long, that his mind was half convinced it might actually happen. But then sense shoved fantasy aside and pointed out for the hundredth time that Noah was straight and friendship was the only thing that would happen between them.

Being friends with Noah was a stressful and heartbreaking chore for Kurt, whereas falling in love with him had happened oh so easily. But if the older boy couldn't give him love, then the most Kurt could hope for was friendship, but could they really continue as friends after this?

Kurt wasn't sure if sustaining a friendship after a love declaration was even possible, but he'd certainly want to try. The idea of a life without Noah being a main part in it was unbearable to Kurt. He didn't want to lose Noah; he only hoped he hadn't lost him already with what he had finally admitted.

It wasn't time playing tricks on him now; the minutes really were dragging by in silence. Why hadn't Noah responded yet? Kurt thought telling Noah he loved him would be the hard part, but all this dreadful silence and waiting was turning out to be a million times worse.

Whatever Noah chose to say next would either brutally crush what was left of Kurt's frail heart or tenderly heal all the gaping wounds Noah had unknowingly been making for such a long time.

"Noah?" Kurt finally asked. "Did… did you hear me? I… I l-love you."

"Shit, Kurt." Noah sighed as he took a step back and rubbed his face with his hands. "You're my best friend, like a brother to me."

"Brother." Kurt repeated bitterly, the word tasting truly foul on his tongue. "Well great, that's the verbal equivalent of the 'kiss of death', only without the kissing part."

"Come on, don't be like that, babe." Noah said.

"Stop calling me that." Kurt whimpered. "Can you not see how deeply your words and actions affect me? Do you even care?"

"Fucking hell, Kurt, of course I care." Noah retorted. "Just… not in the way you want me to. You're fucking amazing Kurt but…"

"But?" Kurt asked coldly when Noah trailed off. "Go ahead, just say it. We both know the real reason you couldn't possibly love someone like me."

"Kurt." Noah said warningly but the shorter teen was too drunk to hold back his words.

"I'm just a fag, right?" Kurt asked tearfully.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Kurt?" Noah asked fiercely. "Don't fucking call yourself that."

"Why not?" Kurt replied weakly. "Everyone else does."

"I don't." Noah told him.

"But you used to." Kurt reminded him. "You were so cruel to me. Every single day you'd find some way to tease or torment me. There were times when I wanted to kill myself because of all the shit you and your dumb jock friends put me through. You bullied me, Noah, for years, to the point where I wanted to die. Then… then you had to take it a step further."

"What?" Noah asked in confusion.

"You bullied me into loving you." Kurt sobbed. "Tripped me and I fell, but you didn't catch me."

"It's not my fault you're in love with me." Noah said defensively.

"Well it's not mine either." Kurt snapped back. "Do you think I want to be in love with you? Do you think I enjoy seeing you be with countless girls and having to sit and listen to you brag about your latest conquests? Do you think it's easy for me to be so close to you and yet so far because I know that what I really want from you I can never have? Being in love with you is agony at its most brutal, it's killing me. It hurts like hell to be so near to you but unable to touch, but when I'm away from you it feels like there's a gaping hole in my chest and I can't breathe."

"Trust me; you don't wanna be in love with a loser like me." Noah told him.

"No." Kurt agreed. "I don't. But I have no control over that. Seriously, you have no idea how strongly I wish I could just be… normal."

"You are normal." Noah insisted but Kurt just rolled his eyes and tutted.

"You know what the worst part is?" Kurt asked and Noah just shrugged as he shifted from foot to foot looking uncomfortable. "It's knowing that despite how much of a heartless bitch Leanne was, you stayed with her for months and claimed to be in love with her. Leanne, a girl who, atrocious fashion sense aside, looks strikingly similar to me."

"What? No, Leanne's a chick, you're a dude." Noah replied. "You look nothing like her, that's ridiculous on a scale worthy of Rachel ok."

"She looks like me, Noah." Kurt said. "Deny it all you want, but she does. You were with a girl who looks like me, that means on a sub-conscious level, you do love me back but you're too scared and too stupid to even realise it and that hurts more than anything."

"Enough, that's crazy talk." Noah sneered. "You're my friend Kurt, that is it. I'm not into you like that, you're a dude. Look, you'll find someone who can love you someday, but… it is not me. It will never be me."

Hearing Noah speak those words caused Kurt to fall prey to another bout of soul-shattering and heart wrenching tears. Suddenly, his body became too heavy for his wobbly legs to support and he collapsed to the ground and curled up in a ball by the foot of the tree crying his eyes out.

Silently, Noah walked away, leaving the other teen to cry in privacy.

The fainter Noah's footsteps sounded, the harder Kurt cried. He lay alone shivering and crying for what felt an eternity before he heard Mercedes, Quinn and Santana calling out his name.

It was Mercedes who found him first and she quickly pulled him into a comforting hug. She tenderly stroked a hand through his hair and told him to let it all out, but he found there were no more tears left within him. He allowed her to help him stand and together they walked across the field, meeting up with Santana and Quinn before heading towards the others.

After a quick scan of the group, Kurt noticed that Noah was not among them.

"He went home." Santana told him quietly. "Come on, you can crash at mine then I'll drive you back in the morning."

"No." Kurt replied shaking his head. "I just want to go home. I need my bed."

"I'm still sober." Matt spoke up. "I'll drive him."

The drive home was silent. That was the good thing about Matt, Kurt decided. The other boy didn't speak much so it meant he didn't ask questions Kurt didn't want to answer and he didn't bother with making inane small talk. He just drove, only talking when he needed to ask Kurt for directions.

When Matt pulled up outside his house, Kurt immediately noticed Noah's truck parked on the kerb.

"You ok?" Matt asked and Kurt knew that he was really asking if he was ok to deal with Noah.

"Fine. Thank you." Kurt replied.

Matt looked doubtful for a moment but he nodded and helped Kurt unbuckle his seatbelt. He kept an eye on Kurt until he saw Noah jump out of his truck and lead Kurt up the driveway. It was only then that Matt turned his car around and drove himself home.

"I don't need your help." Kurt said emotionlessly as he tried to shrug Noah's arm off of him.

"I'm sorry for bailing." Noah told him quietly as they stood on the Hummel doorstep. "That wasn't a cool move."

"Can you please just leave me alone now?" Kurt begged as he thumbed through his jeans pocket until he managed to pull out his door key. "I've had more than enough rejection and humiliation for one night."

"You're my best friend, Kurt." Noah said and Kurt wondered how many times he'd heard that sentence or similar that night. "Without you I'm nothing. And I hate that I've hurt you but… I don't know what to do here."

"Just… just be my friend." Kurt answered.

He somehow found the courage to tilt his head up and look Noah in the eye. The second he did it he was filled with regret. Looking at Noah just reminded him how deeply in love with the boy he was. For a few moments, Kurt was sorely tempted to kiss him, thinking that maybe if their mouths connected and their tongues touched, then Noah might love him back.

But despite the alcohol that was still flowing through his system, Kurt wasn't that brave or that foolish. Instead, he settled for pressing a chaste kiss to Noah's cheek, telling himself that friendship was enough.

"Do me a favour?" Kurt asked.

"Anything." Noah answered him.

"When I see you again and fake amnesia over tonight's events," Kurt said. "Just play along."

"Deal." Noah smiled and he pulled Kurt in for a brief one-armed hug and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. "Later, Kurt."

"Goodnight." Kurt replied in a whisper that he wasn't entirely sure Noah heard.

He watched the other teen jog back to his truck and scramble inside before driving off into the night, taking a battered piece of Kurt's mangled heart with him.

Sniffling to himself, Kurt fitted his key into the door and quietly crept inside hoping that his dad was sleeping soundly. He tiptoed through the house and down to his basement where he collapsed fully dressed onto his bed.

Reaching his hand out to his nightstand, Kurt carefully picked up the frame that sported a photo of himself and Noah. He held it close to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling, his vision blurred by a new river of tears.

"Nothing is so good it lasts eternally…" Kurt sang almost under his breath.

"Perfect situations must go wrong

But this has never yet prevented me

From hoping for too much for far too long…" His eyes fluttered closed and he envisioned himself performing on stage, everybody he had ever met sitting in the audience and staring up at him, all but one. There was no sign of Noah.

"Looking back I could have played it differently

Won a few more moments, who can tell?

But it took time to understand the man

Now at least I know I know him well…" In his dream, he stepped forwards on the stage, Santana and Brittany standing behind him.

"Wasn't it good?" He sang.

"Oh so good." Santana and Brittany sang together as they danced behind him.

"Wasn't he fine?" Kurt sang as he joined them in their dance routine, atmospheric smoke circling around their feet.

"Oh so fine." The two girls sang.

"Isn't it madness he can't be mine?

But in the end he needs a little bit

More than me, more security…" Kurt sang as he danced to the back of the stage.

"He needs his fantasy and freedom." Santana and Brittany sand as Santana moved gracefully to the left side of the stage and Brittany moved to the right.

"I know him so well…" Kurt sang out and the three of them danced beautifully to the music before gliding back to the front of the stage.

"No one in your life is with you constantly

No one is completely on your side

And though I move my world to be with him…" The two girls danced close to Kurt as he sang and each ran a hand down either side of his body before snatching their arm back and quickly moving a long distance away.

"Still the gap between us is too wide

Looking back I could have played it differently…" He sang as he perched on the edge of the stage with his head in his hands.

"Looking back I could have played things some other way." The girls sang as they danced to the middle then stood side by side behind Kurt.

Holding his arms up in the air, Kurt waited for the two girls to help him back to his feet before he dropped backwards into their waiting arms.

"Learned about the man before I fell…" He sang softly before standing upright again.

"I was just a little careless, maybe." The girls sang.

"But I was ever so much younger then…" Kurt sang as he moved down the stage steps then made his way through the middle of the audience.

"Now at least I know I know him well

Wasn't it good?"

"Oh so good." Santana and Brittany sang as they followed a few steps behind Kurt.

"Wasn't he fine?" Kurt asked through song as he turned back to look at the two girls.

"Oh so fine." They agreed.

"Isn't it madness he can't be mine?" Kurt turned back round and continued his way through the audience.

"Didn't I know how it would go?

If I knew from the start

Why am I falling apart?" He collapsed to his knees and clutched at his head as he held an impressively long note.

"Wasn't it good?" Kurt sang as he stood to his feet once more and resumed walking, the two girls still following a short distance behind, now with the rest of the Glee club minus Noah in toe.

"Wasn't he fine?

Isn't it madness he can't be mine?

But in the end he needs a little bit

More than me, more security…" Kurt sang.

"He needs his fantasy and freedom." The rest of the Glee club sang.

"I know him so well…" Kurt carried on until he came to the large double doors.

Santana and Brittany stepped forward and pulled the doors open for Kurt. He stepped through and on the other side he found Noah standing alone with his back to him.

"It took time to understand him…" Kurt sang as the doors silently closed behind him leaving him with Noah.

"I know him so well." He finished the song and reached his hand out to gently turn Noah round to face him, only to wake up alone and heartbroken before he had a chance to see Noah's handsome features.

To Be Continued

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Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx