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Chapter 6:
As the sun finally disappeared behind the horizon, Tamina walked over to where Dastan had set up the bedrolls. She sat on hers and gracefully crossed her legs under her.
"I am sorry Dastan. I did not mean to get so emotional about my mother," she said softly. Dastan could hear the hoarseness in her voice as if she had been crying.
"Do not apologize," he smiled. "You loved your mother and she was taken from you before you were ready for it. Although, I suppose no one is ever really prepared to lose a beloved parent."
"Yes," she said softly looking down again.
"Tamina, I do not want you to think that you have to hide your true emotions or feelings from me. We are friends now. Everyone should have at least one person they can be themselves around with no reservations or inhibitions about how their feelings will affect everyone else around them."
"That goes for you as well Dastan. I wish you would take some of your own advice," she replied quietly.
"What are you talking about?" he asked. "I have not hidden any of my true feelings from you." Even as he said the words, he realized he was lying.
His expression gave him away and Tamina looked at him pointedly. He thought for a moment and realized that she was right. In his zeal to ensure that she fell in love with him based on her own feelings and opinions, he had forgotten to trust her.
"I am sorry," she said quickly. "I promised I would not bring up the subject again." She made a move to get up from where she was sitting, but Dastan's voice stopped her.
"I fell in love with you," he sighed and rubbed his face. Tamina looked at him with a questioning expression. "All we did was bicker and argue the whole time we were together, but somehow through all that, I fell in love with you."
Tamina said nothing for a moment, she simply looked at him.
"Was I in love with you?" she asked finally.
"I will not answer that," Dastan replied. Tamina allowed silence to overcome her again.
"I have not slept well since time reset itself," he continued. "Every night my father's eyes look back at me asking why I had given him the cloak. Garsiv's face after he saved my life goes blank as he loses his own. Tus' startled wide eyes as he lay on the floor dead in front of me stare passed me. They all come back, but those memories at least are starting to fade. I do not feel their deaths as strongly as I have before, even though the images are still very strong. But when my memory runs its course to focus on you and the way you died, it is so real to me that I can feel the strain of my shoulder as I hold onto your hand."
"Why does my death affect you so? You loved your brothers and your father longer and probably deeper than you did me. From what I understand you were only in love with me for a few days," Tamina asked.
"Not all of that is entirely true," he said. "I may have loved them longer, but I did not love them the same way I loved you. And I think because I was in love with you that was what made it different. It is one thing to love your brother, to love your father. But to love someone wholly and completely; to want to share a life, even a family with that person is another thing completely." He swallowed hard before he continued. "I failed you Tamina. When I was holding your hand before you released mine. I saw the way your eyes changed from relief that I had caught you to realization that there was no way the two of us could get out of that alive. As you tried to convince me to let you go and finally released my hand, the fear and desperation in your voice when you screamed my name was my greatest fear come to life. That I could not help the one person I had ever loved even as I held her life in my hands."
As he finished his tale, he finally turned his eyes to the woman next to him. He watched as she slowly got up from where she was sitting and walked over to him.
She knelt in front of him and cupped his face in her hands. She searched his eyes for a moment before wrapping her arms around his back and shoulders and embracing him tenderly, but firmly. Her hands began to rub comforting circles softly on his back as Dastan's arms wrapped themselves around her. His grip was strong and he pulled her closer to his chest burying his face in her neck.
Tamina absorbed all the information Dastan told her unsure of her own feelings. It was true that in the few days they had spent together as captives, Tamina had observed him and his mannerisms to determine what kind of man he was. And in that short time, she had determined that he was the sort of man she would have wanted in a husband if she had had her choice.
She liked him and found him to be a man she would not mind getting to know better. Their sharp rows and arguments were stimulating to her. But did she love him? She was not sure if she could identify such an emotion within herself in so short a time; she had never been in love or even liked anyone as a future companion before. Nor had she ever had a need to. She had always assumed and expected she would marry for political alliances. Of course she hoped that eventually she would get along with her new husband, but she never believed she would ever love him. She pulled back to look at Dastan after snapping out of her short reverie.
"Dastan, I am not sure what to make of this revelation," she started. "I am afraid I cannot say that I am in love with you as well."
Dastan smiled wistfully and let out a small laugh.
"I told you on our wedding night that I would never force anything with you and that includes this. Take all the time you need to figure out your feelings; mine will remain unchanged, of that I am sure." He took her hand and kissed her knuckles softly before unwrapping his other arm from around her and walking over toward the fire.
"I will have to put this out if we wish to remain undetected by the Koshkahn soldiers," Dastan said over his shoulder. "You better come get the last bit of heat before we go to sleep." Without a word, Tamina gracefully rose to her feet and walked over to the fire. She stuck her hands out to feel the heat before heading back to her bedroll for the night. The fire hissed as Dastan put it out, as if he had just mortally wounded it.
Tamina sensed Dastan lay down in his bedroll next to her. She did not know how long she watched him in the darkness, but he must have felt her eyes on him.
"Do you see that larger star, just there," he whispered conspiratorially to her with his arm outstretched toward the sky. "If we continue heading to the west, we should find Alamut without any problems."
"Dastan," Tamina began. "Even though I do not love you now, it does not mean that I could not fall in love with you later. Everything changes with time."
"I know Tamina. That is what both excites and frightens me the most. Now sleep. We will have a long day of riding ahead of us made worse by fatigue if we do not attempt a good night's sleep tonight." He rolled over on his side, his back facing her. Tamina remained on her side facing him and fell asleep to the soft rhythm of his breathing.
The young royals woke before the sun had risen in order to use the early morning darkness to cover their escape. Tamina noticed that Dastan was breathing heavier than normal and when he reached out to help her onto her horse, she felt that his hands were clammy. Before she accepted his help she turned back to look at him.
"What is it?" Dastan asked.
"Dastan, are you feeling all right?" she answered him with a question as she pressed the back of her hand to his forehead.
"I'm fine, why?" he said not making eye contact with her.
"You've got a fever and you're sweating," she answered worriedly. "At first light, I need to see your arm."
"Tamina, really there is nothing to worry about," he said.
"Then you won't mind my taking a look at your arm."
He smiled at her and lifted her up onto her horse.
"If you're lucky I shall consider it," he replied sarcastically. He jumped onto his own horse and they took off.
Tamina and Dastan rode side by side in silence through the darkness, Tamina relying heavily on Dastan's skill at navigation as they pushed their horses to maximum speed in the cool morning air. They would only slow their pace when it was too hot for the horses to continue safely. Tamina had a general idea of how to get to Alamut but without any idea of what direction they had been taken, she would rather not lead the way.
She was anxious as well. Dastan's breathing had not improved at all and, if she was being honest with herself, she thought it was getting worse.
It was another hour before the sun came up and with it, its heat. Tamina wondered how long it would be for Dastan to remember her request to look at his arm, but her curiosity was quickly abated as Dastan pulled up his horse.
"Do you still want to stop?" he asked as he looked over at her.
Tamina looked back to him and used all of her strength not to show her concern. His skin was pale and his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. She did not trust her voice and merely nodded at him as she climbed off her horse.
"It's just a scratch," he insisted as he too climbed off his horse. He stood next to it as Tamina walked over to him. "It's not even very deep."
"Please Dastan, just let me look," Tamina said seriously not wanting to argue.
He didn't say another word as she began to unwrap the cloth concealing his wound. Dastan rolled his eyes and pulled out whatever edible thing he could find in the saddle bag. He caught his hand on the strap of the bag and dropped the fruit to the ground. As he reached down to pick it up, his head grew heavy throwing off his balance. Without warning his knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He rolled onto his back with a groan and rubbed his temple with his hand.
Tamina watched as he fell trying to catch him before he landed awkwardly and helped him to lie on his back.
"Dastan, are you alright?" she asked worried.
"Yeah, just a little fainting spell," he breathed back. "Don't tell Garsiv, he'll call me a little girl or something." He smiled trying to prove that he was all right. Tamina wasn't falling for it.
"I'm going to need you to lie on your side; do you think you can manage that?" He nodded before heaving his body onto his right arm.
Tamina hurriedly pulled off the rest of the cloth and examined the gash. The skin was irritated and a bright pink color, almost red. She traced out a faint line that was moving from the top of the gash toward the top of his shoulder. She knew instantly what was causing Dastan's symptoms.
"It's a good thing we are not far from Alamut," she breathed quietly as her fingers continued to trace the line while her other hand was grasping for the canteen that hung on his saddle.
"How do you know where we are?" Dastan asked as Tamina poured the water over the wound trying desperately to clean it before anymore of the poison could get into his system.
"I may not be the most travelled, but I do recognize the parts of the desert that surround the city. Now Dastan, I don't want to panic you, but—"
"I've been poisoned," he finished for her. She looked up at him with wide eyes.
"Just because I was telling you I was fine doesn't mean that I didn't know something was wrong. I'm no healer but cold sweat is not usually a good sign. Help me sit up."
She moved behind him and looped her arms under his to help him into a sitting position. He leaned heavily against her, his breathing still ragged.
"You knew you were poisoned and you didn't tell me?" Tamina said angrily her breath tickling his ear.
"There was no need in worrying you when there is nothing you can do about it," he replied. He reached over and grabbed the reins of his horse that were hanging down from the bridle.
"This lying to me thing is becoming a habit of yours and I do not like it, no matter the reasons behind it," Tamina replaced the cloth on his arm where it had been and pulled her arms out from his support. He fell back unceremoniously onto his right side. She stomped back to her horse and mounted it before he managed to struggle to his feet with the help of his horse.
"Was that really necessary?"
"Was it really necessary for you to lie to me about the poison? I don't understand you at all Dastan. You tell me last night that you're in love with me but you've just proved that you don't trust me. You keep more secrets, tell me more lies." By this point Dastan had clambered up onto his horse.
"I was just trying to protect you," he hissed back.
"And sometimes it is a wife's duty to protect her husband," Tamina countered. "If you truly want me to love you the way you claim to love me, you need to stop acting as if I will break at every sign of bad news. I am more capable and stronger than you give me credit for."
Without waiting for a response, Tamina kicked her horse sharply in the direction they were headed and took off at a quicker pace in front of Dastan.