Please don't sue! I don't own any of this. All belongs to the great Kim Harrison.

Here I am plotting my next move to Comatsu. How to confront him about the tape? I can't ask straight out or I come off as desperate. If I ask him too discreetly then he will just dismiss it. Damn that witch for making me go through such trouble.

Before I could think of any ways to go about it, the very demon of my thoughts shows himself.

"Al! You old dog! I wasn't sure you would come," he said ever so cheerfully.

He wasn't very tall, about 5'11, he also had on his usual flashy shades that he swore got from almost making James Bond his familiar. He was in a red coat with white stripes on it that flowed down all the way to his feet. He had curly red hair that reminded me of a certain witch and an expression that said, 'the lights are on but nobody's home'.

I forced a smile and replied, "I never give up on a party, especially with one in such a high caliber as this." Who said demons can't lie?

A Coma smiled. He was constantly on something because he was more jumpy then a serial killer in a room full of knives.

"Have you heard anything interesting this evening?"

Damn. Is he testing me?

"Yes and no. Many things I caught but didn't elaborate on the details."

He nodded like I just answered an unspoken question.

"I heard quite an interesting story on your apprentice, Al." I guess he's trying to see how I react when I find out the news and how to work that into his favor. He may be one of the obnoxious demons, but a demon none the less.

I feigned disinterest. "Oh, which one? I lost count after she took the focus."

The demon shook his head. "No, this is a more recent event."

I made a motion for him to continue.

"She was seen on live television naked with a pornographic artifact belonging to Trenton Aloysius Kalamack."

The statue is a new detail. So she chose that to steal from her familiar? Interesting choice.

"My, and I thought she couldn't make more of a fool of herself after she walked in on his wedding. I have got to teach her to be less extreme."

The demon seemed to analyze the statement I gave him. He was probably wondering if I cared or not. I know that's a hard thing to tell when it comes to me. I bet even if the two worlds were colliding I would act all nonchalant and say 'well it's about time'.

A Coma went on anyway. "What if I told you that I know a demon who knows a demon who could give you the tape?" Ah, playing the 'I know someone who knows someone card'. That trick is almost as old as I am.

I tried hard not to laugh as he is trying to hide his excited face. Bloody hell, it's a wonder the bloke even lasted this long if he can't even control his expressions.

"I would say that he may have a buyer if he could let me see a sample of the goods."

The demon nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, there will be a sort of theater set up first to show that it is real and that what you will pay will be well worth it."

I gave a brief nod. "Is he selling copies?" I asked. I don't need to be hunting every bloody tape he has all around the ever-after.

He shook his head. "It wouldn't be worth much if there were multiple copies. I've also spelled for it to not be duplicated."

He slipped at the end. He just told me that he himself made arrangements to get the tape not duplicated, revealing that the seller is indeed him. He has no finesse whatsoever.

At least he knows not to sell multiple tapes and make less of a profit. That is the difference of being an amateur and being just plain stupid.

He gave me a ticket and said, "Around a half hour, in the back room, the demons who are putting bids will attend. Nice seeing you again Al. Hope to see you there as well." He left with a bit of spring to his step, certain that he will cash in on his little crowned jewel of a tape. A shame that I will have to ruin his jolly good mood. I chuckled. More like my pleasure.

I walked casually to the back room and paused to take it all in. It looked like a bloody theater, giant screen, dark, soundproof room. All that is missing is the popcorn. Like the theater responded to my thoughts a tub of butter-infested popcorn appeared in my hand.

"Glad you made it Al! I even got you some popcorn." A Coma said from behind me.

I contained my need to slap the shit out of him, barely.

Have you heard of "Casper the friendly ghost?" Well meet "Coma the friendly demon." Really, he's the only nice demon in the whole bloody ever-after. It baffles all the other demons how he even survived the war, me included. If Rachel ever meets this guy I think she will die from laughing at the absurdity of him.

I grit my teeth together and replied, "That was very considerate of you."

The other demon brightened. He must have been a damn pixy in his past lifetime. That is the only explanation for this odd behavior for a demon.

I left him and took a seat in the back row. The other demons were in the front rows, dying to get a good seat. I, on the other hand, had other ideas in relating on how to snatch the tape.

I looked around for A Coma, seeing to that he won't ruin any of my plans in getting the tape. I didn't see him anywhere, I wonder where that idiot-

"Hey Al!" An annoyingly familiar voice called out right next to me.

I had to keep my composure. Rachel doesn't get under my skin as much as him. Now that is saying something. Did he really have to choose to sit next to me? Why do I attract all the idiots? And why do they all have red hair? I wouldn't be surprised if Newt put a curse on me to be an idiot magnet. It would explain a lot actually.

I turned to my demon stalker.

"Why, hello again Coma."

"I hope you enjoy the film Al, it'll be great, Oscar worthy even." He said earnestly.

He shoved a mouthful of popcorn in his mouth and pointed to the screen saying enthusiastically, "It's starting!"

I turned my head to look at the screen.

I guess A Coma took the liberty of naming the film, "Rachel Morgan: Revealed".

Not a very creative title if you ask me. I would have much rather preferred something like "Birthday Suit Bashing." I chuckled. That would describe Rachel well in this.

After the title you see big red giant letters proclaiming, "Staring Rachel Morgan". I had an intense urge to roll my eyes. Who the bloody hell else would be in the film? Why else would I even be here and tolerate A Coma for so long?

After the ridiculous beginning credits the movie finally started. It first showed her as a…..pixy? What the Turn was she thinking? And in the background you could see the runt making a distraction. At least he was good for something. Her little pixy friend got caught in some sticky silk when she got on the stage. She said the curse to get her back to her normal size and there she was, stark naked. It didn't register at first though. When the spell took effect she was standing proudly, back strait, hair a mess and looking serene, if that could ever be said about my itchy-witch. It suited her somehow. When she was aware enough she looked down and her face turned the color of her hair. I hear the demons up front giving wolf whistles. She snatches Trenton's speech from the nearby podium, trying to recover some dignity. I also spot Trenton looking her up and down, making her blush even more, if that were possible. I laughed at that. The arrogant elf will never admit to his secret fascination with her, but you could see it on his face now. They both are so blind, not that I mind, it just makes my goal all the easier to accomplish. In the next scene the runt throws something. The camera did a close-up. It's a-

I couldn't help it. I laughed, as did a majority of the demons in the room who recognized what it was.

Rachel will always supply you with a good laugh. It figures she chooses to snatch that from Trenton. That statue is like Viagra for elves. In close proximity elves hormone levels go up and they are most potent for offspring. No wonder Trenton's ears are so red. You could tell he wants to leave with the statue and get the hell to his bedroom right at that moment. I had tears running down my face from laughing so much. Rachel never fails to disappoint. I will certainly have to tell her what the statue does. I can only imagine what she'll do with the information.

After I composed myself I thought this will be the best opportunity to go after the tape. I stood up. Coma eyed me.

" Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay until the end? The best part's coming up."

I bet it was.

"I have to go to the little demon's room, won't be but a moment." Nosy little swine.

I jumped to where the film was being played. I saw the projector and smiled. He didn't even set up any protection spells around it, over-confident brat. I have to time this just right so A Coma won't suspect me. I summoned Treble.

"What do you want, Al?" She greeted me in her rough voice.

"Nice to see you to, now I want you to-"

She interrupted me while looking at the screen said, "I thought you got tired of porn around twenty years ago, Al."

My anger grew. "My slaves do not interrupt me. Do so again and you know the consequences." I warned.

She stiffened and hissed, "What can I do for you master?"

"That's better. Now when the movie ends snatch the tape and replace it with a blank."

I could tell she wanted to know why but I just left her, knowing full well that she will comply with my orders.

I appeared next to A Coma again. It was now at the part where Rachel said a simple ley line spell to heat water, turning the water in the fountain into steam. Clever witch. The action said she was dangerous without doing any damage, saying that she could kill you but chooses not to. That gave her control over them. Perhaps she is learning something from me after all.

The movie ended with her being taken away into the FIB, everything going according to her plan, no doubt. Everyone clapped and some even whistled. The lights turned on and a podium appeared where the giant screen was moments ago. A Coma stood up and he had on a monkey suit and tie, trying to look elegant. That is very fitting, a monkey in his suit. He looks like a kid playing in his father's cloths.

"I am glad the movie was satisfactory. Now let the bidding commence!"

A Coma is going to be in for a rude awakening when he finds out the tape is gone. I of course participated in the auction as all the other demons did, but not as enthusiastically. Someone even bid their very best familiar for the tape. Damn. I have to talk to Rachel in doing some movies. Schoolgirl outfits, a doctor's patient, a bunny suit… the options are endless. Head back in the present, someone finally won with offering their conservatory. I scowled. How I wish for my conservatory. I pretended to be upset, for appearances sake. The demon snatched the blank tape out of A Coma's hand. A Coma was smiling from ear to ear, but not for long.

The demon put the tape in the projector and waited, and waited. Seeing as nothing was going to happen anytime soon he turned to A Coma, seething.

"What happened to the tape!" The demon raged. I materialized another tub of popcorn. This was the real show.

A Coma looked panicked. He searched the little room from the floor to the ceiling. Then he looked at me accusingly. Maybe he's smarter than I thought. Then he shook his head, probably thinking the tape was stolen right when it ended and I was there right next to him. It didn't even occur to him that I could've got someone else to do it. Gullible idiot.

The other demon yelled, "Deal is off!" and disappeared in a coat of ever-after, as did the rest of the demons. Damn, my itchy-witch is getting popular; I have got to remember to tell her about making a movie.

Coma's face looked like it was melting off. Can't he control his bloody emotions? He's giving us real demons a bad name, hell Rachel's more of a demon then this guy. I half expected him to start crying.

He looked up to me with sad eyes, pleading. What the hell did he want me to do? You won't get any compassion from me.

I said, "Tough luck" to Coma and retreated to my rooms, going to watch my new favorite comedy movie.

AN:

Awww, poor Coma! Is Al so heartless? *Grin* Of course he is! That's why we love him. And I hope more people keep up the Al love. We need more Ral fanfic. Why the hell does February have to be so damn far away? Anyway, I really hoped you enjoyed this. This fanfic will probably end in about 2 more chapters and then I'll probably get back to The Men in Rachel's Life. Or not, really depends on my mood. Yeah, I'm fickle. So what? Please review and tell me what you think!