Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters
I Know
Chapter Three
3 Years Earlier: The Sorting Ceremony
The Sorting Hat was in a bit of a predicament. This was the one day a year that it got to actually get out of Dumbledore's office and speak its mind, and yet, it was bored.
"Do hats even get bored?" the Sorting Hat asked itself, conveniently forgetting that other hats could not think, none the less get bored.
It wasn't that the hat didn't like children, it was an ego boost when they were easily awed with the song he came up with, but year after year it was the all the same. Each child would nervously put the Sorting Hat on their heads and he would sort them, as easy as that.
"Maybe," the Hat murmured to itself, "I need a new name. Of course my only purpose in life would be to sort if it is a part of my name. I mean, if I was the Adventure Hat I would be destined to go on adventures."
Before the newly dubbed Adventure Hat could think of any other fitting names, the doors to the Great Hall opened and in came the soon to be first years, led by the Deputy Headmistress. The hat could not but help envying the thing on McGonagall's head. It wasn't fair that other hats got to go places while the Sorting, no, Adventure Hat did not.
Reciting one of the songs it had come up with forty something years ago, the Adventure Hat scanned the group of children that had yet to be sorted. Nothing it hadn't seen, just the next generations of students it had sorted before.
The first child, a girl, was very nervous as she placed the hat on her head. The Adventure Hat did not give her head much of a look before sending her on her way to the badger house. It couldn't help but notice how that house was the dumping ground for the unremarkable. It wasn't that it disliked Hufflepuff; the students really didn't have a characteristic of their own. Loyalty? Everyone had some sort of loyalty. Couldn't the school come up with something better than that?
The Adventure Hat hoped it hadn't been too distracted with the last few sortings. Unfortunately there had been times when it had sent a student in the wrong place when it hadn't been focusing on the task at hand. They had to give a hat a break, right? Everyone's minds wondered now and then. It couldn't help that some of its sortings were on auto-pilot.
They were already in the Ms, maybe spacing out was not such a good idea. So the little Malfoy boy was next. Maybe it would send him into Gryffindor. There had been a year where it had sorted everyone to their opposite house, but that had turned out to not be such a good idea.
"Slytherin," the Adventure Hat had shouted without even touching the boy's head. Damn, it had jumped the gun on that one. This was turning out to be a slightly difficult sorting. Maybe it should try to pay a little more attention.
A vacation started sounding like a good idea, this one day was actually stressing it out. It wasn't until Harry Potter put the hat on his head that the Adventure Hat knew what stressful was.
"A Potter, eh? Well where should I put you?" The Adventure Hat already knew where the boy would be placed. His parents were both Gryffindors and Albus had asked it of him to place the boy in the same house, with some excuse of getting to know his parents better. The hat knew that was a load of hippogriff shit, but it wasn't like it really cared where these children were placed; why not give the old man some peace? It might be fun to play with this boy, maybe he would pretend he was meant for Slytherin.
"Not Slytherin, please not Slytherin," The boy kept muttering over and over again. Of course the boy wouldn't want to be placed there, how perfect. "Not Slytherin, eh? You could do great things you know." This was really too easy. Why did they even let it get near children, it probably gave them severe nightmares.
"Do you really have to be so creepy?"
"What?" The Adventure Hat had never been called creepy, well, to its face. Maybe he should actually look through this kid's mind.
The boy was still rambling about how creepy the hat was. "Is that really the voice they gave you because I'm not really sure that it's that comforting, actually it's kind of creepy. I mean this is my introduction to my time at Hogwarts and I have a creepy hat going through my head, not the most comforting thing in the world."
What was this kid talking about? Who gave a shit if the boy was comforted or not? It wasn't like the Adventure Hat was going to be reading him a bedtime story.
Present Day
"Hold up Potter. You told the Sorting Hat that it was creepy?" Draco didn't know why he was surprised. Potter had already told him that he had questioned Dumbledore's fashion sense to the man's face. Why wouldn't Potter try something with the Hat as well?
"Well at that time it was actually the Adventure Hat, but yes I told it how creepy it was. It was the start of my Hogwarts career; I wanted it to be magical.
"You were conversing with a talking hat, how more magical could that be?" Draco knew that all his interruptions were a waste of his own time. It wasn't like Potter had anything better to do if the last seventeen days had been a clue, but he was already in this deep, he couldn't stop now.
"And what is an adventure hat? Your whole story is starting to make less rather than more sense." The problem was that Potter really liked to ramble. Why did he have to get Draco interested in more than the essentials? What did an adventure hat have to do with his secret intelligence?
"Well the Sorting Hat decided that it was a waste that it was only used once a year. So it decided that if it had a different name it wouldn't be stuck just sorting little kids. It picked the name Adventure Hat because it obviously wanted to go on adventures, but I told it that was too broad of a name. It disagreed because—"
"Stop. Stop. I no longer care. Just get on with the rest of the story." Draco had almost lost his calm there. He really should stop asking questions; Potter obviously thought he was interested in his story. No matter what stupid or confusing explanation came out of the Hufflepuff's mouth, Draco was keeping his mouth shut.
3 Years Earlier: Still the Sorting Ceremony
"And they should really disinfect you before they put you on each person's head. I mean how do I know if the person before me had lice or something? It is really quite gross. Isn't there some kind of health regulation? What kind of school is this?"
The boy was annoying. He wouldn't shut up. The Adventure Hat would try to shout Gryffindor and the brat would distract him with some sort of insult.
"Shut up! Shut up! Please. I just need to shout Gryffindor and then you won't have to deal with my creepiness or cleanliness anymore." The Adventure Hat had never had to beg with a child before. It had been a close call with the Weasley twins but this was just getting ridiculous.
"But I don't want to go to Gryffindor." The boy was finally silent.
"Whatever! As long as you stop talking you can go wherever you want." So what if it was taking the easy way out. It had already decided it was a stressful day before it got to Potter and it was only at the Ps in the long list of names.
"Cool," the boy sat up excitedly, "I want to go to Hufflepuff."
"No one wants to go to Hufflepuff. You mean Ravenclaw, right?" The Adventure Hat was impatient to get the Potter boy sorted, but it could not let the boy willingly ruin his life, but the boy was adamant.
"No. I want to go to Hufflepuff. I know that's where I'm best suited. I really like badgers."
The hat had had enough. So the boy wanted the worst house because of badgers? Well at this point the boy deserved it. "You're right. Hufflepuff is perfect for you. So be it."
"Hufflepuff," the Adventure Hat shouted, trying to stifle a sigh of relief as the boy finally took it off his head. Sweet Merlin that had been a pain.
Present Day
"Wait, that's it?" He knew this had been a waste of time. Potter had said nothing of discussing Draco's intelligence with the hat.
"Well I rambled on some more about different things, mostly about health codes, but you said you only wanted the essentials." Potter was glancing at him strangely, as if he was contemplating telling him more about health codes.
"When I said essentials I meant the conversation about me! You said that you confirmed my intelligence by asking the Sorting Hat. You didn't mention me once!"
The blank look Potter was giving him was really disturbing. It was like the last two hours of his life were a waste of time and space. Things he would never get back. It was an old Malfoy motto that time was money. Time with Potter would equal debt.
Suddenly Potter gave him a bright smile. "Oh! You misunderstood Draco," The boy was now trying to hold back laughter. Potter was laughing at him, Draco Malfoy, and trying to cover it up like he was some invalid.
"I didn't ask the Sorting Hat at the Sorting Ceremony, silly. That makes absolutely no sense. Why would I be thinking of you at a time like that?"
He was going to murder Potter. It didn't matter if he got caught because he acted like an impulsive Gryffindor and didn't plan anything out. It was just fact now. Potter was going to die by his hands. Not only had Potter called him silly, but then he had said that his logic didn't make any sense after spouting worthless observations about fashion and names.
"So, this means the story is not over?" Draco almost cried at the raven haired boy's answer.
"Not even close."
3 Years Earlier
Dumbledore was not a happy man. One of the few places that he didn't have any connections was Hufflepuff. Although he was Headmaster of Hogwarts he had never tried to influence the badger house. What would be the point? No one of any importance had come from Hufflepuff, until Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, was sorted.
Glancing down at the Sorting Hat, Dumbledore didn't exactly know what to do. Yelling at the article of clothing wasn't going to change what had happened. No, he would stick to his kind disposition at the moment.
"I thought that was a magnificent sorting, don't you? A bit different than I had anticipated but magnificent all the same."
The Adventure Hat knew what Albus was up to. It hadn't been sitting twiddling his non-existent thumbs on a shelf all these years. What was the point of having "ears" if you didn't use them?
"You want to know why I placed the Potter boy in Hufflepuff and not in Gryffindor like you asked. You can just come out and say it, Albus; you don't have to play games with me." The Adventure Hat gave the Headmaster a small smirk. It knew that Albus Dumbledore played games no matter if you caught him at it.
"Among some others sorted, yes I felt that Harry would have been placed in a different house. I had pegged that Granger girl as a Ravenclaw. Minerva had commented on her intelligence after she had visited the young girl. But yes, I believe I had especially asked you to place Harry Potter in Gryffindor."
The Adventure Hat did not recall a Granger, but it didn't really matter at the moment. Anyone between the names of B and M were pretty much a hazy blur. He knew Albus wasn't really interested in the girl anyway; it had always been about Harry Potter.
The Adventure Hat knew that this was its chance at freedom; it now had a bargaining chip. "I'll tell you the details, at a price."
Dumbledore quirked an eyebrow at the hat. Although the hat had disobeyed him, he could use some information on the boy. The hat had looked through Harry's mind. With some probing he might get some information to get the boy on his side.
"What did you have in mind," asked Dumbledore.
The Adventure Hat could not help but smile at the Headmaster. "You see, I get kind of restless sitting on the shelf as the Sorting Hat, waiting a year before the next sorting. I want to go on an adventure. You let me leave for some time and I will give you all the information I have on the Potter boy."
Dumbledore hid his amusement behind his kind smile. The Sorting Hat wanted to go on an adventure? Truly humorous and to his advantage. He would agree, but not do a thing to help the hat on its way. How could the hat even leave his office?
Pretending to consider the offer, Dumbledore agreed, "I'm not sure if I should allow you your freedom since you disobeyed my request, but as long as you answer all my questions about the boy's sorting you are free to go on an adventure until needed at the next sorting."
The Adventure Hat gave a chuckle, "Deal. What do you want to know?"
"Why didn't you listen to my request? You seemed to have no problem about putting Harry in Gryffindor before the sorting."
The Adventure Hat scowled just thinking about the Potter boy's sorting.
"Well you could have warned me about his annoyance level. If you would have told me off the bat that he would be so stressful I would have sorted him into the lion house. Unfortunately I had to listen to him babble until I couldn't take it anymore and just let him pick where he wanted to go. I tried to warn him, I really did, but Hufflepuff is where he wanted to go, so that's where he went. "
Dumbledore didn't understand. The Harry he knew was a shy and kind kid. When he had met Harry at the orphanage the kid had been a little timid in his demeanor, only asking questions when he didn't understand. The only weird thing had been the question about uniforms; he still didn't understand where that had come from. Dumbledore had also taken Harry around Diagon Ally to pick up school supplies. The kid had the normal wowed reaction of seeing a wizard populated area for the first time. How could the shy little boy have been such an annoyance to the Sorting Hat?
"It seems I'm a little lost with what you are telling me. Harry was annoying you? Are you sure you are thinking of the right boy?" Dumbledore couldn't help but question the Sorting Hat's judgment, sometimes the hat was a little off its rocker.
"He was the most annoying twerp I've ever come across. He kept telling me how creepy I am and how the school should have more sanitary regulations. It was getting on my last nerve Albus; seriously I just had to get off his head. Now if that is all, I'm going on my much needed vacation."
Albus absentmindedly nodded at the hat, considering the Boy-Who-Lived as a Puff. Maybe now was a time to start to get to know the Hufflepuff Head of House a little more.
With the nod of approval the Adventure Hat gleefully popped out of the Headmaster's office on its way to adventure. Dumbledore didn't know that it would be years before he saw the hat again.
Present Day
"You kidnapped the Sorting Hat? You have got to be kidding me! You're going to be in so much trouble. Don't tell me you're trying to get me to be your accomplice? Merlin's Pants! You're going to get me expelled. I knew you were trouble. All Potter's are trouble. What am I going to do? What am I going—"
"Draco! I didn't kidnap the hat and you aren't going to be expelled. I am not trying to make you an accomplice; I'm just trying to tell you the rest of the story. Calm down. You are such a drama queen sometimes."
Draco didn't know what to think of the Hufflepuff. Everything that had been said in the last few hours had been unbelievable.
No one leaves a baby on a doorstep, or declines an invitation to Hogwarts based on the uniform, or kidnaps the Sorting Hat.
"Is that why there has been no sorting for the last two years, because you kidnapped it?" Potter had done some pretty stupid things the last two years, but kidnapping the Sorting Hat didn't make any sense.
"I told you I didn't kidnap it, plus it's not even the Sorting Hat anymore, it's the Hostage Hat."
Potter was insane. Draco knew he kept repeating it in his head, but Potter just kept on proving it.
"The Hostage Hat? Tell me how it came to be known as the Hostage Hat if you didn't kidnap it?" This was getting too ridiculous.
Potter gave him a sheepish smile before replying, "Well I didn't kidnap it, but I am holding it hostage. I didn't name it; it keeps coming up with different names for itself. Right now it just happens to be the Hostage Hat. It's not really that thrilled to being in my custody."
Draco really didn't blame the thing. If he had to stick with Potter for two years he would probably have killed himself. The only problem was the hat wasn't really alive so it couldn't kill itself. For once in his life, Draco felt pity for something other than himself, even if it was a hat.
TBC
A/N: Well there you have it. This took a little longer than I had hoped. The problem is that I only get inspiration to write when I have class…quite a predicament!
I'm not really sure if listening to a wide range music while writing this chapter influenced anything…I kept wondering what Mozart to Urban Outfitters playlist would do to the writing…
Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I will try to update soon. Thanks for reading :D
-Que