Chappie 2 is here! Special thanks to Gwntan12 for being the first reviewer! Enjoy and don't forget to review!
DISCLAIMER DOG: MAGIC PIPE NO OWN HARRY POTTER OR HETALIA
Scotland POV
(I can't do Scottish accents. Deal with it.)
Of course the world meeting this month was on the day his wee 'lil brother started teaching at HIS school, Hogwarts. No matter what England said, Hogwarts was in Scotland's land. Not England. Sure, England represented all of them, but there was still a personification of Scotland for a reason.
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Scotland heard Germany yell. It was amazing how fast all the noise quieted after that.
"Since Italy is zhe host today, he vill be doing attendance, and zis meeting CANNOT END UP LIKE ZHE LAST 200 MEETINGS! UNDERSTOOD?"
Nobody even bothered replying.
"Ve~ let's start! Afghanistan?"
"Here."
The list went on in alphabetical order, until it finally reached him.
"United Kingdom of Great Britain and Norfurn-Nordurn- (1) F*** it! Ve~England, you here?"
"Here."
"Wait a minute!" America yelled. Everyone turned to face him.
He pointed towards Scotland.
"Did you get drunk last night?"
Silence.
"WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT, YOU IDIOT AMERICAN?!"
"Well, your hair is dyed red, you changed your accent, and you're wearing some sort of skirt thingie!"
"IT'S CALLED A KILT!"
"My, my, Amerique," France started, "This eez not our dear Angelterre. 'E's Scotland."
America squinted hard.
"Oh yeah! Hey Scottie, dude! How come you didn't say so? By the way, where's Iggy?" He asked.
"England's teaching at my magic school," Scotland replied, still bitter about that land issue.
"Don't be silly, Scot! Magic doesn't exist...waaaaait... *insert sudden dramatic gasp* IGGY'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
China frowned. "Of course magic exists aru, we all have our own magical communities aru. And Opium can't have been abducted by aliens aru, Scotland just said that he was teaching aru-"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
"Dummkopf, he's teaching-"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
"Stop being so stubborn, Amerique. Angelterre eez teaching, whezer we like eet or not-"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
"...I agree with America-san..."
"MAN UP, JAPAN! OR I'LL BEAT JOU VITH MY PEACE PRIZE! Anyvays, England hasn't been abducted, he's teaching-"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
"JESUS! JUST SHUT UP AMERICA! HE'S TEACHING AT MY F***ING MAGIC SCHOOL!" Scotland roared. What was wrong with England's raising children skills? Maybe Scotland himself should've raised America. Nah, it's be too much work.
"But magic doesn't exist-"
"YES IT DOES!" Everyone roared.
"Besides, Iggy's been abducted by aliens-"
"NO HE HASN'T!" Everyone yelled again.
Scotland was twitching, annoyed. Exactly what had his little brother signed him up for? It'd better be worth those 10 barrels of Scotch he was promised.
Meanwhile, America was still hell-bent on saying England had been abducted by aliens and that he would rescue him or whatever crap that idiot was sprouting...
Suddenly Scotland was struck with a great idea.
"America."
"Yeah, Scot?"
"There's a form of communication in the UK called a 'Howler'. You can talk to England that way. See, it..."
After (sort of) explaining what a Howler did and how it worked to America, Scotland allowed himself one evil grin. He wasn't going to let England off so easily for putting him in this situation for nine months.
England POV
Thankfully, England had successfully avoided the Toad after the feast and all night. (All you people with disturbing thoughts can now start squealing. Yes, you too, France.) And all morning in the hallways. And he had managed to seat himself as far away as possible from the Toad at the High Table during breakfast. Which was why so far, he was having a great day.
Until the Howler.
Yup, good luck never stuck around him for too long. He had just taken one bite of toast when he saw the familiar shape of Scotland's barn owl fly in, a very noticeable red letter in its talons. Of course his brother would try doing something like this...
England froze, trying to blend into the background like that guy Camry...no, Can...Can- Canada! Yeah, like Canada always did. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Scotland's owl came flying right towards him with the dreaded letter.
Harry POV
Harry's owl, Hedwig, came flying with the other owls into the Great Hall. As usual, Hedwig had no mail.
"Harry, look at that! Who d'you think got a Howler already? Classes haven't even started yet!" Ron exclaimed, pointing to a barn owl with a red Howler in its claws.
Harry shrugged. "I dunno, but whoever did is pretty unlucky."
Harry, Hermione, and Ron watched the owl fly to the High Table- wait, to the HIGH TABLE?!
Ron's mouth dropped.
"A PROFESSOR got a Howler?! That's got to be the first time ever in the history of Hogwarts!" Ron gasped.
"Actually, in Hogwarts, A History, Godric Gryffindor got a Howler once from his grandmother for not visiting her on her birthday (2)," Hermione informed.
"I stand corrected," Ron said.
It turned out that the Howler was for the new professor, Professor Kirkland.
Ron whistled. "His first day here, and he's already gotten one. Wonder if it's from his grandmum too?"
The letter landed smack-dab in the middle of Kirkland's plate and immediately started smoking (as well as ruining his toast). Kirkland quickly grabbed at it, but it was too late and the Howler started, with an American accent yelling at them.
"HEY ENGLAND, ARE YOU OKAY? AFTER ALL, YOU'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS-"
"HE'S TEACHING!" A loud wave of annoyed voices roared.
"-HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED, AND I AS THE HERO, WILL RESCUE YOU, IGGY!" Some people snorted at Kirkland's given nickname, 'Iggy'. The big-browed professor sure didn't look like an 'Iggy', especially with his expression right now.
"WE TOLD YOU ZHAT 'E EEZ TEACHING, AMERIQUE. AND ANGELTERRE, WHY MUST YOU ABANDON ME WITH ZHESE IDIOTS-" A man with a distinct French accent was cut off.
"HEY!"
"-AND AMERIQUE 'ERE MISSES YOU, EVEN EEF 'E WEELL NOT ADMIT EET-"
"I DO NOT MISS IGGY, FRENCHIE! HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED-"
"NO HE HASN'T, HE'S TEACHING!"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED! AND I WILL RESCUE YOU IGGY, AS THE HERO WITH MY FELLOW ALLIES AS BACKUP!"
"I WILL NOT BE YOUR CANNON FODDER AGAIN ARU, AMERICA!" A Chinese accent screamed at this 'America'.
"FRANCE, YOU'LL BE MY BACKUP! RUSSIA, CHINA, SO WILL YOU! AND I'LL BE THE HERO AS WE RESCUE ENGLAND FROM THE ALIENS-"
"HE'S TEACHING!"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!"
"HE'S TEACHING!"
The argument went on in the background as a louder, drunken voice with a Scottish accent spoke.
"OH AND, *HIC* 'LIL BRO, YOUR *HIC* PAPERWORK WILL COME IN *HIC* THE MAIL LATER, AND YOU *HIC* STILL OWE ME *HIC* 10 BARRELS OF SCOTCH!"
With that, the Howler burst into flames and ended, with Professor 'Iggy' *snicker* Kirkland looking extremely embarrassed and was red in the face. With what dignity and pride he had left, Kirkland exited the Great Hall, muttering loudly about an 'idiotic American git', being 'to sober for this', and some select curses (not the magical kind).
The Great Hall was silent for a moment before it bursted into its usual chatter and noise.
"That Kirkland bloke sure knows some barmy people," Ron commented, stabbing his eggs.
"Although why did they call themselves by country names? They can't all be named after countries, and we know that Professor Kirkland's name isn't 'England'," Hermione mused.
"I dunno, maybe they're nicknames for which country they're from? Kirkland's friends all seem to be from different countries," Harry suggested.
"That seems a little racist, and there's another issue. How is it all of Professor Kirkland's friends who sent the Howler seem to be from all over the world? That hardly seems like a coincidence. Also, his Scottish brother was talking about paperwork? What kind? Plus, Professor Kirkland is English, so how is it possible he has a Scottish brother? Did they not grow up together or-"
"Stop being so paranoid, 'Mione. It's only the first day," Ron interrupted. Hermione looked slightly less suspicious, but she still shrugged.
"I guess you're right, but I'm going to look in the library later."
"I swear, that girl is going to turn into a book someday, with all the times she's going to the library," Ron whispered. Harry nodded in agreement.
England POV
Once England was sure he was out of sight, he lost his 'gentleman' composure and swore for about 5 minutes straight.
Damn it, he knew Scotland would try something like this. England had put him in nine months' worth of torture with world meetings and the Frog and America, for Pete's sake. And England had gotten publicly humiliated on the first day, even before classes!
England felt like going into his office to write back Scotland and give him a piece of his mind and tell America that he wasn't abducted by aliens, but he had to get ready for the first History of Magic class with 5th year Gryffindors. Harry Potter and those two other guys would be in that class, wouldn't they?
~Heroic (but not as heroic as America) Time Skip~
England cleared his throat. He noticed that quite a number of people were staring at him, probably because of the Howler incident.
"Well, as Albus said last night, I am your new History of Magic professor, Professor Kirkland. I hope that I won't be as boring as your last professor. I heard from Albus that he was quite dull to learn from," he started. England heard some students chuckle at that.
"Now, can anyone tell me what you have learnt last year?"
The bushy-haired girl that hung around Harry, Hermione Granger, raised her hand.
"Yes, Granger?"
"Erm, we learned about goblin rebellions." England looked at her. Was that it?
"And the year before?"
"Also...goblin rebellions..." England frowned. Hermione didn't seem like the type of girl to lie or prank teachers. Was old Cuthbert Binns really that bad of a teacher?
"So you're telling me that the only thing you've learnt in this class were goblin rebellions?!"
"Well...we did learn a bit about the Chamber of Secrets once...but yes, professor, we pretty much only studied goblin rebellions."
England stared some more. Exactly why would students be learning only about goblin rebellions and for some reason, that Chamber that Salazar built? (originally as a shelter for his pet basilisk)
"Well then," he finally said. "I'm going to have to start from the beginning, then." He then waved his wand and the chalk wrote: Origin of Magic.
"Oh, and by the way, you won't have to bring your textbooks everyday. If the only things you learned about were goblin rebellions, then those textbooks won't be very useful," he said. England saw most of them sigh in relief, probably since they forgot their books. Kids these days...
"Now, as your OWLs are coming up, and you've barely learnt anything useful, we will have to cram quite a bit of history, but try your best to keep up. Any questions?"
Nobody raised their hands.
"Then let's start. You see, magic was first found in Ancient Egypt, Ancient China, and in what is now modern-day Great Britain. Back in Egypt, wizards and witches favored staffs more, and a majority of the pyramids built back then were built with magic, by the wizards..."
~Sleepy (but not as sleepy as *yawn* Greece) Time Skip~
Harry POV
"That was the most interesting History of Magic I've ever attended," Harry commented afterwards.
"I know! Blimey, he even had an original staff from Ancient Egypt that hadn't crumbled to bits yet! How do you even get one of those?" Ron exclaimed.
"And the way he teaches is with so much charisma! Oh, even you won't be able to fail your History OWL, with the way Professor Kirkland teaches," Hermione fangirled.
"Don't tell me you fancy him!" Ron suddenly burst out.
"I do not fancy Professor Kirkland, Ronald. Where'd you even get the idea?"
"Err..." Ron stuttered, the tips of his ears turning red. Harry suddenly felt a bit awkward.
"Umm...shouldn't we be getting to our next lesson...?" He cut in, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
"Oh yes! Hurry up, or we'll be late for Potions! Come on, Harry, Ron," Hermione said, tugging them along.
"Well, now that he's taught, Hermione is suddenly not suspicious at all, huh?" Ron muttered to Harry.
"I heard that, Ronald!"
England POV
Well, that wasn't too bad of a lesson, was it?
He thought that those fifth years had looked rather impressed with his teaching. England wasn't so sure what Dumbledore was thinking, hiring old Binns in the first place. Now everyone would have to cram like crazy.
He paused in the middle of his train of thought as a rather toady-looking owl flew through the doorway into his office. It landed on England's desk, holding its foot out, which held a pink letter.
England suddenly had a bad feeling about who sent this...
He read the note, and almost threw up.
Dear Arthur,
I was wondering if you would want to come over to my office tonight for a cup of tea. Or I could come to your office, of course. But it would certainly be best if you came here~.
I am awaiting your arrival, Arthur. (This would be a good time to remember that I am an important Ministry official, sweetie.)
Dolores Jane Umbridge
Great. Now he had a fixed date *insert gagging noise here* with the Toad. Worst thing was, he couldn't even avoid it, since the Toad had so much power in the Ministry, and could fire him anytime. England wasn't willing to take that risk. Maybe cutting off all ties from the Ministry wasn't a very good idea after all...
He saw the next batch of students enter the room. England would worry about that later. Right now he had kids to teach.
(1)- Yeah, Italy can't pronounce the word 'northern'. I dunno why I put that in.
(2)- This probably never actually happened in the real Harry Potter. I just made up something on the spot for the sake of more dialogue.
Sorry if Scotland's OOC, I don't know his character really well so...
And yeah, I put a Howler in. Had to, because Howlers are in pretty much every Hetalia/Harry Potter story that was ever written.
So finally a bit of plot! America's going crazy over aliens, Umbridge has already got poor old Iggy on a date *insert gagging noise here*, Hermione's already a little suspicious, Ron's jealous, Harry's confused, and Iggy, well, good luck with Umbridge in the next chapter!
Ciao!
~Russia's Magic Pipe ^J^