Chapter 3's here!
Oh and if I didn't make this clear- this fanfic takes place during the present, just because I don't know how things worked in the 1900s, and I'm too lazy to search everything up, so it takes place during the present.
DISCLAIMER- MAGIC PIPE NO OWN HETALIA OR HARRY POTTER OR THE COVER PHOTO.
Canada POV
Being invisible sucked, but it had a few perks too.
Such as not being noticed when America started dragging the Allies off to 'rescue' England from aliens, after Scotland had actually given him an 8 hour lecture on the fact that England was at Hogwarts, not in a UFO.
That somehow led America to the conclusion that Scotland had arranged for England to be kidnapped by Scottish aliens. How are aliens Scottish? They're aliens, not even from Earth, much less Scotland. His brother was more of an idiot than he thought...
Which led to his current situation- America kidnapping the Allies to go with him to Scotland to 'save' England.
"Come on, France, England's been kidnapped by aliens and they might be Pictonians invading Earth again, come on France, be the hero for once! Wha- no, your hair will be fine! Probably..."
"Err...well, uh, Russia! My old communist bastard buddy! How about joining us to rescue England? I'll buy you a new pipe! Sunflowers! What- is that not good enough? Uh...your creepy incest sister won't stalk you in Scotland!"
"China! My other old communist buddy! Oh yeah, I still owe you money, but don't worry, I'll pay it off later! What?! I don't say that every time you ask! Anyways, help me go save Iggy from the aliens! Emergency rations? Yeah, we have those..."
In the end, America had just ended up stuffing France and China into brown sacks and stuffing them in hs car. Canada knew this because he watched it happen. Russia was just smiling the whole time.
And Canada went unnoticed. He made it! Canada could just chill the whole time America was away, eating pancakes and maple syrup, and feeding Kumarojo, all that typical Canadian stuff, without America smashing his face with baseballs or stamping his head with the American flag. Maybe being invisible wasn't too bad after all...
"Hey Canadia! I almost forgot you! Us old Allies willl be rescuing Iggy!"
...or not.
~Time Skippie~
"This is my baby! Right here!" America said, waving at...a plane. It was shiny and white with a big American flag painted on its side. Canada could see why America liked it, but really, that was some obsession his brother had with planes.
"Isn't she beautiful?" America cooed, now kissing the plane.
There was an awkward moment of silence while the Allies watched America kiss a plane.
"Who did you have it with?" Russia asked casually.
"Wha? I didn't-"
"A prostitute, perhaps? Or a-"
"France, you know didn't give birth to a plane!"
"Are you sure? Did a pretty lady plane come into your be-"
"Shut up aru! It doesn't matter if America had sex with a plane, I just want to get this stupid thing over with aru!"
"But I didn't do it with a plane, who would do that anyway?"
"Shut up-"
"I mean, a plane?!"
"Shut up-"
"And also, this isn't stupid, because Iggy has been abducted by Scottish aliens, and we need to be heroes!"
"I SAID TO SHUT UP ARU!" China howled.
America sighed, apparently not noticing that the 4,000+ year old country was breathing hard and fuming.
"Alright, everyone on her," America said, gesturing towards his plane.
The Allies went on reluctantly, and Canada could've sworn he heard France murmur something about how perverted this felt. And how China told him to shut up afterwards.
America POV
America watched his fellow backups board his baby. He didn't like it, but commercial planes would take forever. America kissed the outside one more time, then he went on as well.
What he saw inside gave him a nasty shock.
Russia was going around, smashing parts of his baby that had the American flag on it, France was snoozing on his seats, China was raiding the snacks, and he didn't see Canadia anywhere.
"WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" America howled, his eyes dramatically popping out. Then he toppled over.
Canada POV
"I always knew capitalist pigs were weak, but Amerika really is weak, da?" Russia said, breaking the silence (again).
Canada sighed. With America out, he didn't think anyone else knew how to properly fly a partially broken plane (remember, Russia broke the parts with an American flag).
"So does anyone know how to fly a partially broken American plane, eh?" Canada asked.
To his surprise, France turned around and replied, "I don't zhink so. I only fly French planes."
China looked at France curiously. "I thought you were asleep aru?"
France winked. "Just a nap~."
Russia raised a hand. "I can fly America's female child, da?"
"Eh...I'm not sure if that's a good idea, eh..." Canada muttered, but fortunately (unfortunately for America) for him, Russia didn't notice (like always).
The flight was anything but okay. The Allies were gripping the seats in a panic, since Russia was a terrible pilot. Every time it shifted, Canada swore Russia laughed a bit and continued flying casually as if everything was fine. It was a miracle that America never woke up. And the plane ride was like 19 hours, too.
When they finally landed, the plane exploded the moment they touched the ground. Being nations, the explosion didn't kill them, but America woke up.
He blinked and looked around, muttering, "What's happened this time, Tony?"
"I blew up your female child," Russia said, bending over America, smiling casually.
America shot up and gripped his head, staring at the wreckage around him. And started screaming bloody murder.
Ten minutes later, America was still screaming.
Russia smacked him lightly with his pipe. "I recommend you stop screaming, da?"
America turned around and glared pitchforks at him. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" He dashed to the rubble and cradled a piece of the plane.
"Oh, my baby, you didn't deserve that, I'll give you a proper funeral, I'm sure I'll be able to bury all the pieces left of you-"
FWOOOSH.
America jumped back quickly, as the remains burst into flames and almost burned his eyebrows off. After the fire settled down, there was nothing but a pile of dust.
"Well, zhere aren't any pieces left for you to bury..." France trailed off, seeing the murderous expression on America's face.
"SHUT UP! MY BEAUTIFUL PLANE WAS PRECIOUS TO ME! SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL! SHE DIDN'T DESERVE AN EARLY DEATH! OH, MY BABY-"
America was suddenly cut off and collapsed, revealing a certain Russian peering out from behind his head, holding a pipe, and smiling.
"That should solve it, da?"
~Time Skippie~
"Where should we be going?" Russia, who was carrying America bridle style, asked, after they had wandered around for awhile.
"Well, zhis eez Angelterre's place. I don't zhink any of us know where 'Ogwarts eez," France replied.
"I thought you went to Opium's school last year for that competition aru," China said.
"Well, we got zhere in a dramatic French way. We didn't go through a wall at 9¾ platform in zhe train station in King's Cross," France said.
Everyone stared at him for a minute.
"I thought you said you didn't know how to get to Hogwarts aru! Fàguó (France), you liar aru!"
"I don't! I know zhe location, but not 'ow to get zhere! Technically, I wasn't lying, Chine (China)!"
"It seems someone needs punishment, da?" Russia said, closing in on France.
"For once I agree with Russia aru. France needs some discipline aru~," China said, his eyes gleaming.
"Non! Non! Russie (Russia), Chine (China)! 'Elp! Oh no- OW! Non! My beautiful 'air!"
Canada stood there, thankful that he wasn't the one being beat up. Russia's pipe and China's wok was something nobody wanted to experience together.
"Eh...I think France has been beat up enough now, eh..." Canada murmured. China seemed to hear this and nodded in agreement. He released France, who promptly started crying over his hair.
"Canada has a point, aru. France's punished enough. We just have to wait until dinner aru to buy him something English aru," China reasoned.
"So now do we ask how to get to Hogwarts, da?"
"Well, yes, aru, but it might be better to ask where King's Cross is so people aren't suspicious-"
"You know where Hogwarts is, da?"
A woman with strange pink hair and robes faced Russia. This woman was probably a witch, judging from her clothes...and wand that was sticking out from her sleeve...and the hair...wizards really needed a lesson in dressing properly so they weren't blurting out, "Hey I'm a witch! Come and get me!"
"I do know where Hogwarts is. Why are you going there?" she asked, carefully eying America's limp body and France's position.
"We need to find someone aru-"
"-to kill them!" Russia interrupted happily. China and Canada slammed a palm onto their heads. It was bad enough carrying an unconscious country around, but now a witch thought that they were assassins. Things were just getting worse, weren't they?
The woman's expression turned into a horrified face, and she sent a red spell zipping towards Russia, probably the Stunning Spell. Russia, since he was a nation, probably didn't feel much, and the woman looked even more frightened. Then again, she had a reason, since this was the Great and Fearful Russia she just tried to stun.
Luckily for her, the pink-haired woman Apparated away before the Great and Powerful Russia pummeled her with his pipe, probably to inform someone that there were assassins out there who were immune to spells. See, this was why Canada would've stayed home with his syrup and Kumajuno...maple, he left Kumacarol back at his place. All that maple syrup would be gone...
"Great, aru. Now practically all of Opium's magic people will think we are some sort of assassins aru," China complained, voicing Canada's thoughts (about the assassin part. Not Kumamono)
"Not only zhat, my 'air eez ruined!" France yelled, still frantically fixing his hair.
"Why do you care so much about your hair? Perhaps for your next punishment, I can cut it~ kolkolkol~," Russia koled.
For once France didn't shiver or act scared at all, he simply said, "Russia, French 'air eez always zhe best! Eet will be a shame eef my 'air eez not properly done, non? Besides, we French need good 'air for sparkles!"
"Sparkles aru?"
"Oui, Chine! We French 'ave our French sparkles! We may not be sparkley vampires like in Amerique's Twilight movies, or German sparkle parties, but we 'ave zhe French Sparkle!"
The Allies stared at France, who was sparkling, right on cue.
"Do you get this guy? I don't- WHY THE F*CK IS COMMIE BASTARD CARRYING ME?!" America yowled, struggling to get out of Russia's tight grip.
"If you want, can drop you off a mountain, da?"
"I'd rather fall off a mountain than stay in your hands any longer!"
"Those are your words, not mine, Amerika."
"Then go drop me off a damn mountain! The hero will survive and save you all from the commie!"
"Kolkolkol..."
"Aiyah aru! Fighting isn't going to solve anything aru!"
"Eet's not like we know 'ow to get to Angelterre's school!"
"Why are we even heading to Hogwarts, eh? Can't we just fly back?"
"Canadia's right aru! America, this is all your fault that we are stuck here aru! Be thankful that at least Opium has airports aru!"
"But we have to rescue Iggy from the aliens!"
"'E 'as not been abducted by aliens, Amerique! We told you zhat Angelterre eez at 'is magic school!"
"HE'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS, DAMMIT!"
America leapt out of Russia's arms, pointing in a random direction.
"We'll start searching over there for Iggy!"
Before anyone could interrupt, America stormed off and started 'searching'.
"What eez up with 'im?" France asked.
Canada shrugged.
"Let's go find out, da?" Russia said, following America.
No Iggy this chapter, but the next will! (I think. It takes awhile for me to get up and stop procrastinating, start typing, make edits, and finally decide that it's perfect. Cuz I'm a perfectionist.)
~PROPOGANDA TIME~
-Featuring China, Russia, and America-
The Black Triangle Trio are stuck in Camp Half-Blood as 12 year olds! Everyone thinks they're unclaimed demigods! Chiron somehow recognizes China from like a million years ago! Weird things start happening around them! Their country status is in danger! And Belarus is going to go massacre a bunch of people!
Read The Black Triangle Really Messed Up This Time! A Percy Jackson and Hetalia crossover! Now!
Remember to review!
Ciao! ~Russia's Magic Pipe