Chappie 4 is finally here!

Yeah...I've been procrastinating...

But seriously, school and track have been taking up all my time and right when winter break started, we went on vacation, and blah, blah, blah, I probably have a million excuses that you guys don't want to hear.

On another happy note, this story has 22 reviews! For like, 3 chapters! Thank you so much for reviewing! It helps a lot. And I'll stop talking now, so enjoy!

HETALIA AND HARRY POTTER BELONG TO THEIR OWN OWNERS AND I NO OWN THEM. COVER PHOTO DOESN'T BELONG TO ME EITHER.

Harry POV

Harry James Potter officially put Umbridge as his least favorite professor. Even Snape hadn't been this bad, and that was saying a lot.

He was heading to detention (cough, torture, cough) with Umbridge on Friday, the day Angelina had set for Gryffindor Quidditch try outs. She had nearly snapped his head off when she heard that Harry still had detention tonight and couldn't participate in them. That girl was scary.

Merlin, if Harry actually did end up dead in Angelina's hands (that would be surprising; he'd always thought it'd be Voldemort that'd end up killing him), then at least everyone would know who to blame.

On the other hand, the other new professor, Professor Kirkland, was gaining more of Harry's respect. Professor Kirkland taught History of Magic and actually made it interesting, making even Ron pay full attention in his classes.

That was probably why Harry was so confused when he heard Umbridge and Professor Kirkland talking in Umbridge's office. Least favorite professor talking with his (and probably everyone's) favorite professor? Not very likely. But it was happening anyway.

"...I did attend Hogwarts, Dolores. Perhaps it was just that nobody took any notice of me when I was in school."

"Are you sure? Because..."

Well, small talk wasn't what Harry expected, but took he this as an opportunity to slip away; the Quidditch try outs would've only started for a few seconds at this time. He wouldn't have to get his hand sliced open or his head bowled off after all, and he would get to watch Ron try out.

"...and why you have no Ministry files or records."

Or not.

Harry rushed back to the door, putting his ear against the wood. Fred and George's Extendable Ears would've come in handy. Harry should've asked them for some before he left Grimmauld Place. Knowing them, the twins would probably make him try out a Puking Pastille in exchange for one if he had asked now.

Harry hoped listening to this conversation instead of watching Quidditch try outs was worth it. It was suspicious that Professor Kirkland didn't have any records at the Ministry. Harry thought that the moment you entered Hogwarts the Ministry started recording information, but somehow Kirkland didn't have anything on him? How was that possible?

"Dolores, maybe you saw wrong. I'm sure I have files in the Ministry," Harry heard Professor Kirkland say.

"Arthur, Cornelius and I checked thoroughly for files on you, and I'm afraid we found none," Umbridge replied.

"And why were you searching for files on me? Are you some sort of stalker, Professor Umbridge? I don't like stalkers," Professor Kirkland said. Harry heard him add in a low voice, "Natalya is bloody creepy enough and she stalks Ivan."

(Harry mentally noted to stay away from a person named Natalya, if he ever met one.)

That seemed to momentarily stun Umbridge into speechlessness, which Professor Kirkland took as an advantage to excuse himself out the office. Unfortunately, Umbridge trailed right behind him and Harry had forgotten to move. It looked like he was going to get his hand sliced open, after all. And quite possibly, a missing head as well...

England POV

England exhaled, relieved to be out of the hellish, pink office where Umbridge had invited him to. Well, more like threatened him to, since Umbridge had a high position in the Ministry, and was a major fangirl of Fudge. The toad had the power to complain the the idiotic Minister and he could lose his job if he wasn't careful.

So in hindsight, maybe isolating himself from the Ministry and the wizarding world for a couple decades wasn't such a good idea...

And now Umbridge knew he had no Ministry records. What concerned him almost as much was why Umbridge had searched for his records in the first place.

Much to England's obvious discomfort, Umbridge fancied him. Which was bad (no sh*te, Sherlock). She might've actually tried to stalk him, which would be a real pain in the neck, considering how annoying she was. England hadn't accepted Dumbledore's job offering to attract ugly toads.

England couldn't think of any other reason Umbridge would want information on him. She was a half-blood, so Voldemort wouldn't have recruited her. And it was only the first week of him teaching, so there wasn't a reason to suspect him enough to search for files on Arthur Kirkland.

England rubbed his head, feeling a headache coming. Thank God he had brought Advil.

England reached into his pocket (he'd gotten a habit of keeping Advil in his pocket 24/7 ever since his first world meeting when England had discovered the wonders of the medicine) and swallowed a pill, expecting the headache to go away.

Unfortunately, it didn't. It just got worse.

England grumbled, annoyed, but his eyes widened considerably and he scowled when he realized exactly what the headache was: one effect of civil war on a nation.

England swore loudly. He f***ing hated civil wars. It messed with a county's head, making them more or less insane, like 2 split personalities fighting inside their brain, which caused major headaches. Hell, America's other 'side' had literally become its own personification during his civil war.

There was a time during the late 1700's when the French frog had experienced a revolution in his country, and during that period of time France would slap him self in the face repeatedly. England sorely regretted that cameras had not been invented during that time period. It would've made good blackmail.

However, England didn't feel like slapping himself in the face for the next 10 years (or however long the magical civil war would last). These days, cameras did exist and he didn't want the frog getting any more dirt in him than he already had.

The best choice was to simply stay out of the issue altogether, but England couldn't just ignore a civil war brewing in Europe's 'greatest magical community'. Especially if it was his.

England swore again, slamming his head on his desk once he reached his office. It didn't help the headache, but at least it gave him something else to concentrate on.

~Time Skippie~

Harry POV

"Are you sure she said he didn't have any files?!"

"Yes, Hermione I heard the toad say-"

"Are you sure?!"

"Yes, I am! Umbridge said that Kirkland has no files in the Ministry!" Harry exclaimed. He glanced nervously at Madam Pince, who was glaring murderously at them.

"But how is that even possible? Every witch or wizard in Britain have some sort of records in the Ministry, even Squibs," Ron said in a quieter voice, also noticing Madam Pince's enraged state, and scribbled down some last-minute things on a Charms homework essay.

"Well, that would mean that Professor Kirkland isn't a citizen in Britain, or there was some sort of mistake, and he didn't get any records, which I doubt happened," Hermione responded. "What else did she say, Harry?"

"Well, Kirkland did mention that he went to Hogwarts-" Harry was abruptly cut off by Hermione.

"Wait... that can't be possible," she said, a confused look on her face.

Ron looked up from writing. "Why not?"

"Because, Ron, remember what Professor Kirkland said when he first introduced himself? He mentioned that it was Dumbledore that told him Professors Binns was a terrible teacher. If Professor Kirkland really did go to Hogwarts, he would've known how bad Binns' reputation was, since Binns was teaching at Hogwarts possibly before we were even born. If Professor Kirkland really did go to Hogwarts, then he would've known firsthand how terrible Binns' teaching was," Hermione explained.

"I'm not going to ask how you specifically remember what Dumbledore and Kirkland said," Ron replied, blinking. "But, you did admit Binns was a terrible teacher," he added, grinning.

"Oh that was just an example, Ron. Professor Binns was an excellent professor," Hermione insisted stubbornly.

"Anyways," she said, pulling out a Hogwarts yearbooks, "Professor Kirkland isn't in any of these, except this one person named 'Arthur Kirkland' from one thousand years ago. Why would he lie?"

"Maybe he just didn't feel like telling the truth? It was Umbridge he was talking to, after all," Harry mused.

"Really? Well here's my theory: you know how Professor Kirkland acts so British that it's suspicious?"

Harry and Ron looked at her blankly.

"You know, the typical British stereotype of drinking tea, being a gentlemen, things like that?" Hermione prompted. "As I was saying, it's suspicious. He's so British that it's strange, and to add to it, Professor Kirkland doesn't have Ministry records and he lied about going to Hogwarts.

"My theory is that he isn't British at all, but a foreigner that was trained to act British (explains the overdoing of Britishness) and come to Hogwarts for something," Hermione finished.

"...that's...a bit farfetched..." Ron muttered. "I mean, a foreign spy? We've had a guy with You-Know-Who's face on the back of his head, a narcissist who is also a phony that likes erasing people's memories, a werewolf, a guy who was supposed to be dead but not dead and was also, coincidentally, a little crazy, a warty pink toad, a possible half-goblin, a greasy dungeon bat, and a ghost, but a foreign spy is going a little too far."

"You know, now that you're listing all the crazy professors we've had, a foreign spy doesn't sound that unrealistic anyone," Harry realized.

"Oh. That does kind of sound like our normal year of professors, now that you mentioned it."

Hermione cleared her throat meaningfully. "Also, remember his howler? Professor Kirkland's friends all had heavy accents and I was thinking maybe those country names they call each other by are actually code names of which country each person is assigned to."

"So, now the theory is that there is a whole network of foreign spies working together? But for what purpose?" Ron asked.

Hermione shrugged. "It could be something involved wIth You-Know-Who, but it doesn't seem like You-Know-Who would rely on other countries to help. I'm not exactly sure."

Harry groaned. "So now we've not only got Death Eaters, but also another possible evil organization?"

"You just have the worst luck, don't you, mate?" Ron said sympathetically, patting Harry on his back. "Shouldn't we go tell Dumbledore?"

"No," Harry said. "We don't have any proof of this, and it could be that we're wrong about the whole foreign conspiracy thing. No offense, Hermione."

"None taken. But this theory was a lot more realistic than the theory of which Kirkland could be an a thousand year old immortal," Hermione said.

Ron laughed. "Yeah, that's definitely impossible."

Hehe...definitely not impossible. The first seeds of doubt have been planted already! And it seems the Golden Trio thinks that they're spies! Ooooooh...

Let's hope Iggy can stay healthy as his magic civil war goes on. I mean, it is kinda a civil war: British Death Eaters vs British Order of Phoenix dudes. So I figured Iggy would've been affected in some way if he chose to get involved.

So, I hoped you guys liked this chapter! (It's probably terrible, but it's 2 in the morning here and this is the best I can do right now.)

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS! HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A GREAT WINTER BREAK!

Ciao!

~Russia's Magic Pipe ^J^