Chapter 12

The sun had yet to rise, but morning was still approaching. They lay together, hands clasped, drawing strength from each others' closeness. Rick needed more. He needed to feel Kate against him, blending her gentle warmth with the heat of his body. He pulled her close. She held him, stroking gently. "I need you so much," Rick whispered.

"I'm here," Kate answered. "Right next to you."
Rick ran his fingers over her face with the gentlest of touches, breathing the comfort of her special scent.

Kate caressed his face with her hand, just skimming over his lips, finally, tentatively bringing her mouth to his. She only intended to sooth, to comfort, but the heat began to rise in both of them. Rick deepened the kiss and Kate accepted him. It was no longer enough. Searching fingers reached under fabric, pushing it aside. They needed to be together, to feel every inch touching, joining, until it was impossible to tell where he ended and she began. They moved, almost as one, until loving completion let them start the day with a surge of new hope.

The doorbell buzzed as Castle was making breakfast. It was Sara El-Masri. She had come to spend the day with Alexis and help her catch up on some of her classwork. She assured Castle that she and Alexis would be fine if he went to the 12th with Beckett. When Castle took Alexis her breakfast, she instructed him to get out of the loft and leave her to get some work done. Castle gave in and after making sure that Sara knew where everything Alexis could possibly want was, He and Beckett departed.

"I really don't feel good about this," Castle told Beckett. "Leaving Alexis with Mother is one thing, but Sara's never been in the loft before. If anything happens..."

"Relax Castle," Beckett told him. "Sara survived kidnapping, I think she can..." Beckett saw the look on Castle's face and realized that the incident in Paris was the wrong thing to talk about. She clasped his hand. "They'll be fine."

Roger Donnegan sat across from Beckett and Castle in the box.

"We paid a visit to Better Care Labs yesterday," Mr. Donnegan," Beckett started. "Their geneticist was very helpful."

Donnegan visibly blanched. He pressed his hands to the table in an effort to still their trembling.

Beckett continued. "Your daughter would have had Rett Syndrome."

Donnegan clenched his fists, almost drawing blood from his palms.

"We also went to see your sister Christine Holloway – and her son."

"You shouldn't have done that," Donnegan told her. "She has enough trouble."

"Does your nephew have Rett?" Beckett asked.

Donnegan put his head in his hands. "No he answered. Donny has autism. Not the kind you see on TV where a savant reads at lightning speed and solves crimes or breaks codes. The kind where he screams almost 24 hours a day and bangs his head against the wall and bites like a wild animal. I don't know how Christine lives with that, copes with that. I don't know how anyone could. I couldn't. I send her some money so that she can get out, for just a little while. But most of the time there isn't anyone who knows how to take care of Donny, or wants to."

"I don't understand," Castle said. "Your daughter wouldn't have been like that."

"No," Donnegan said. "Rett is different. It might not have been as bad or it might have been worse. It would still means care, 24/7. Maggie had to take constant care of herself as it was. The life she would have had, we would have had. It would have been impossible."

"And she couldn't...?" Beckett asked.

Donnegan shook with anger and sadness. "She wouldn't. She wouldn't listen to reason. She just couldn't see."

"So you killed her," Castle barely whispered.

Shoulders shaking and eyes overflowing, Donnegan sobbed, "yes."

Alexis was feeling better and able to navigate the stairs in relative comfort. Beckett had ordered Chinese to feed Alexis, Sara, and Martha as well as herself and Castle. They all sat around the table, but Castle just poked at his food with a chopstick. Beckett didn't do much better. Finally, Sara excused herself to go back to the dorm at Columbia and Castle retired to his office. "Kate," can I talk to you?" Alexis asked.

"Sure," Beckett agreed, walking up the stairs with Alexis. Alexis sat on her bed and Beckett pulled up a chair.

"Is Dad all right?" Alexis asked.

"This was a bad case for him," Beckett explained. "A man killed his fiancee because she was going to have a handicapped child. Your dad's having a hard time dealing with it. So am I."

"Wow," Alexis replied. "I didn't want to get pregnant, especially with Pi," she hesitated, "gone. But I want kids someday. I know that. And when the doctor told me I lost a fallopian tube, I was really upset. He told me I'd probably be able to have children anyway, but I still feel damaged."

"I understand feeling damaged." Beckett told her "We all are in some way. But we can use it to make ourselves stronger and more understanding. I know you can do that."

Beckett put her arms around Alexis, holding her, and somehow it made both of them feel better.

Castle lay with his head in Beckett's lap. "I thought I was helping doing a few fundraisers with Up," he said. "I was complacent. But the idea that someone would have to live like Christine does, that someone would be so desperate to prevent it that they would commit a murder. There has to be something I can do to make it better."

Beckett gently stroked his hair. "Castle, if anyone can figure out a way, it's you."

With the warm touch of her hand, he believed her.