Sydney walked in the door to find her aunt Katya and both parents cordially ignoring each other in the living room. While her mother and younger aunt did have periods of non-communication (interspersed with violence), she knew by now that her parents preferred to work out any- and all- issues in bed.
Her lips pursed in disgust. At least they were usually kind enough to seek out alternative locations for their sport, rather than lock themselves in her bedroom.
Even if it did mean avoiding her own small laundry room like Hades.
She caught Elena's eyes, and her oldest aunt rolled her eyes before sauntering into the guest bedroom. Sydney dropped her purse on the table along with her keys, surveying the trio silently with her hands planted on her hips. Except for her mother, they all avoided her gaze. Irina looked up from her book long enough to meet her eyes briefly, looking like a slightly disgruntled cat.
Elena re-entered the room, and plopped down between her two sisters. "I'm so glad I can leave the two of you alone for a few hours without coming back to find both of you dead," she told them seriously. "It gives me hope."
She looked over at Jack. "Now, I'm used to them declaring holy war on each other, but I'd love to know why you and Rushka aren't cooing over each other like usual." She frowned and poked Irina's shoulder. "Stop sulking, Rina."
Irina grimaced at her, and moved to the end of the couch, closer to Jack.
"Rushka's just annoyed because her favorite weapons supplier was arrested this morning," Katya offered, snapping to the next page of the magazine she was skimming. "I'll give you three guesses on who gave the order to arrest, and the first two don't count."
Irina glared disapprovingly at Jack over the top of her book, stubbornly silent.
Sydney realized that if she ever wanted to get laundry done, the time was now. She hightailed it out of the room, generating enough momentum that she nearly ran into the wall. Irina was momentarily distracted, but quickly resumed her glaring duties.
Elena threw a pillow at her little sister. "It's nothing to declare war over, Rina."
Irina snapped her book shut. Elena caught a glimpse of the title.
Crime and Punishment.
Her little sister had always had an instinct for appropriate reading material in every circumstance.
"That's ten million of my money down the drain!" Irina hissed. "He hadn't filled my order yet!" She flung the pillow back at Elena.
Jack threw his hands into the air. "How was I supposed to know you had just spent that much on a few guns?"
"Diamond blades!" she interrupted, slamming a fist onto the arm of the couch.
He gaped at her. "What the hell do you need diamond blades for?!"
"For skinning people like you!" she retorted, making an attempt to throw her book at his head. Elena caught her wrist.
"No, Rushka," she scolded. "Not right now."
"Yes, right now!"
Elena turned, surprised, to see a desperate Sydney in the doorway. "Let them cause minor damage. Do you know how long it has been since I had a chance to do laundry? I'm almost out of socks!"
Elena considered this, and then plucked the book from Irina's hand. "No throwing, no strangling, no punching, no shooting, no blood-letting, no ritual sacrifices…" she reeled off quickly. "Just sit. Both of you. Now." She turned back to Sydney. "I hope you really appreciate those socks, dear."
"Oh, I do, I do!" She made a grateful gesture towards her aunt. "Thank you so much!" And ran back down the hall.
Katya held up the magazine. "Rushka, perhaps you should get a column with these people. They need a columnist who writes about more than better orgasms and firmer thighs. Although," she added thoughtfully, "you could probably give them a few tips about both of those as well."
Elena grabbed the magazine. "You're not helping."
Katya ignored her. "Don't you think a few columns about torturing techniques would pep it up a bit?"
Irina tussled with Elena briefly for possession of her book. Elena relinquished it after little struggle, watching carefully to make sure Irina wasn't intending on using it as a weapon. She hid a smile as Irina nestled back down with the book, flouncing slightly as she settled.
Jack had managed to snitch the morning's paper from the coffee table, but he watched his wife warily while pretending to read. She flicked a glance at him from over her book, and their eyes met.
It took a lot of willpower for Irina to not stick her tongue out at him.
Elena had the feeling that had she and Katya not been sitting in the room, Irina would be playing out her vengeance in an entirely different form, probably one that both she and Jack would have better appreciated than this covert staring game.
She sighed, and scooted over next to Irina. "Rushka," she murmured, "ten million is nothing." She wrapped an arm comfortingly around her little sister's shoulders.
Irina remained unmoved.
"What is ten million to you?" Elena said soothingly. "You have plenty of money. I'll place your next order for diamond knives through my supplier personally. For half off. I swear." She shot Jack a displeased look. "And this time they won't disappear, hmm?"
Irina turned to the next page so fiercely that the paper nearly ripped in half.
Katya drummed her fingers briefly on the arm of the sofa. "Well, if you're going to be that way, Rushka…"
She stood and sauntered over to Jack's chair. He looked up at her cagily, shifting slightly closer to Irina.
Katya smiled slightly, and perched on the arm of his chair, leaning down to him. "Tell me, Jack-"
Irina stood up and shoved her sister off the chair, as she herself sat territorially in Jack's lap. She opened her book again, ignoring him studiously.
Katya dusted her hands off, grinning. "That's how you do it, Elena."
Elena shook her head, hiding a smile. Jack pressed a kiss to Irina's temple and slid an arm around her waist.
Her eyes didn't leave her book. "Some of them were for you," she said in an injured tone. "There goes your next Christmas present."
"I do appreciate the thought, darling," he replied, stroking her hair. "I'll try not to interfere with your Christmas shopping again."
"Hmph." She turned a page thoughtfully, ignoring his ministrations. "You do that."
Sydney entered triumphantly, but stopped short when she saw her parents occupying the same seat. "Have they made up?" she asked Katya, who shrugged.
"They're at a midway point," Katya replied. "How long do you need to finish your laundry?"
"Two hours?" Sydney estimated, taking the chair opposite her parents.
Katya nodded. "Rushka will sulk for a while yet. Don't worry too much." She resumed drumming her fingers on the tabletop. "How long until we can get this game underway?" she asked impatiently.
Elena resisted thwapping her on the head with the discarded magazine. "A day, Katya. A day. Timing is everything."
Sydney averted her gaze from her parents, as her mother pretended to ignore the fact that Jack was currently kissing her neck. She wasn't doing a very good job at ignoring him, Sydney thought. Her hopes of fresh laundry were slowly sinking. In fact, she really wanted to down a stiff drink. Right now. Maybe some nice tequila… and what was it about tequila that was niggling at the back of her mind…
Katya and Elena were both mildly alarmed when Sydney began to curse vehemently in several languages, looking wildly around the apartment and at her watch. Jack pulled away from Irina slightly, both of her parents rather shocked.
"Sydney?" Irina asked. "What is it?"
Sydney buried her head in her hands. "We are so screwed!" she moaned, and looked at her watch again. As if on cue, there was a knock at the door.
"Syd!" someone yelled from the hallway. "Are we still having dinner?"
She stood and threw back her hair, still rather wild-eyed. "Weiss, right now isn't a good time!" she yelled, wondering where she could hide her relatives if he insisted on entering.
"But I brought wine," he replied charmingly, opening the door. Sydney considered shooting herself, because not locking the door had certainly won her the ".ever" award for the decade.
She dashed for the door as he stood in front of it, stunned. She managed to shut and lock it before he could blink.
"Syd, what the hell is going on here?" he demanded, waving a hand at her family.
She sighed sadly. "Weiss, you've always been such a good friend to me," she whispered. "But now my aunts will have to kill you."
"Hardly," Irina said curtly, snapping her book shut. "He'll get to live. Isn't that right, Jack?" she asked, purposefully acknowledging him for the first time in over an hour.
"I'm all for it," he replied dryly, "but Katya might go into shock if she doesn't kill someone soon."
Irina had to admit that her sister was looking rather homicidal around the edges.
Elena gave into the urge she had been repressing and thumped Katya soundly on the head with the magazine. "Don't even consider it, Katushka," she snapped. "Please, Mr. …, err…"
"Weiss," Sydney offered.
"Mr. Weiss. Please sit down." Elena pointed regally towards the chair Sydney had abandoned. "Please," she repeated when he hadn't made a move. Sydney slipped a hand around his arm, pleading with him silently.
He considered the bottle of wine in his other hand, and raised a brow sardonically at her. She shrugged, mouthing an apology. He sighed and took the chair, eyes widening when Irina waved briefly at him from Jack's lap, her eyes glittering.
Elena offered him her hand. "Mr. Weiss, I'm Elena Derevko, Irina's oldest sister. This is Katya- I would stay a few feet away for the moment, she hasn't been fed for the past few days." She took the wine bottle from his hand. "Wow, this is a good year. Are you sure you were only coming over for dinner?"
Weiss and Sydney blushed simultaneously.
"Quite sure, aunt," Sydney replied, crossing her arms grumpily.
"Very well." Elena shrugged, and set the wine on the table. "Mr. Weiss, this is really just your typical family reunion… you know, hugging, talking-"
"Slaying," Katya interjected casually.
"Katushka," Elena hissed.
"Tell him the truth," Irina said, toying with Jack's collar absently. "He needs to hear it."
"It concerns Agent Vaughn," Jack stated seriously, and Weiss knew that if he ever managed to escape this apartment alive, he would never be able to sit through a conference with Jack without imagining his crazy Russian tart of a wife curled up on his lap.
"How?" Weiss replied, suspicious.
"To be more accurate, Mrs. Vaughn," Katya said. "We're extracting her." She smiled cruelly. "You may take that statement in any way you wish."
His eyes widened. "Lauren? I'm not totally following your line of thought."
Elena perched on the arm of the sofa, next to Katya. "Lauren Reed is Covenant," she told him plainly. "This is not just family vengeance, understand," she said gravely. "We have other reasons for taking under our control a key member of the Covenant, important reasons. We don't take this lightly, Mr. Weiss."
"His name is Eric," Irina offered.
"Thank you, Rushka," Elena replied, keeping a straight face although she felt the bizarre urge to laugh. "Eric, can we count on you to keep silent on this matter?"
Weiss was beginning to understand why the women of this family were considered so hard to resist.
He glanced at Jack, well aware that if he decided to rat them out Sydney's father would pull out his guts inch by inch, possibly by the hour. Possibly with Irina's help.
"I," he confirmed, "am as silent as the grave."
Jack looked slightly sour. "Considering how certain people are adept at dying and miraculously coming back to life-"
Irina shot him a disgruntled look.
"-that might not be the best promise," he finished, stroking the palm of her hand soothingly. She looked slightly mollified.
Sydney let out a breath, relieved. Danger averted. Hopefully. She exchanged a glance with Elena, smiling slightly.
Elena shrugged. All in a day's work.
After all, being the family diplomat was a full-time job.