Chapter 20

Christmas Eve brought pandemonium to my house. Our entire family was congregated in my kitchen and for the first time since we moved here I wished for a bigger kitchen.

I remember my first Christmas with Masen. It hadn't been anywhere near this crazy. Renee, Dad, Phil, Alice, Masen and me. That's all that had sat around our kitchen table.

Now, there's twice as many people. We've even had to get a bigger kids table, which is now sitting in the middle of our living room since that was the only place that would fit it.

I didn't mind all these people. Actually, I enjoyed it because every single person in my house was family. It didn't matter if they were blood or not.

I sighed contently as I stood in the doorway of my kitchen. I felt Edward come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder.

We watched as Alice stood at the front of the food line fixing her older boys something to eat. Cason and Joey were both trailing behind her as she asked what they wanted. I heard no more often then yes when she suggested something. Her boys were rather picky.

Behind Alice and the boys stood Charlie and Sue. They were talking amongst themselves as they picked over our large amount of food. I must admit Lane and I really went crazy with dinner this year. Plus, everyone had brought a dish themselves.

Next in line stood Leah and her two girls, Mia and Rayne. Her husband, Eric, trailed behind them.

Rosalie was next as she held Elijah in her arms. He was trying his hardest to get out and on the floor. It was crazy to believe he was already over a year old. Emmett stood behind her balancing four plates in his arms as Rosalie scooped things out on each one. Katie and Izzy stood beside them making sure they only got them food they wanted.

My son was next in line. After him was Lane. They were getting along amazingly since Masen moved back in with Maddy. They bonded over my beautiful grandbaby.

Seth was behind them trying to include his two cents every now and then. I could tell Masen was very jealous of him.

At the very end stood my father and mother-in-law. They were tan from another trip to Florida. They were seriously thinking about moving down there. The only thing holding them back was us. I admit I would really miss them if they moved away but I also wanted them to do what they wanted. They've been so amazing with us the past few years, they deserve to have some time alone.

"Can you believe our lives have turned out like this?" I ask my husband. I try to make my voice loud enough so that he can hear me over everyone else.

"No." He laughed softly in my ear. "But, I wouldn't trade this for the world."

"Me either." I said rather content to just stand and watch our family.

Three hours later everyone was gone and I was tucking the kids into bed. I had a long night ahead of me. I had so many presents to set out for the kids. Masen and Lane were going to stay up and help me and Edward.

I kissed Mikey's cheek and turned on his nightlight before leaving his room. The girls were already tucked in and I knew they were fast asleep already. We had a crazy day.

I walked out of Mikey's room to find Masen leaving his room. He kept his door open slightly since Maddy was sleeping. He was holding the baby monitor because we both knew she'd be up in a couple of hours.

"I'm so happy to have you home." I smiled at my son. Masen wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm so happy to be home, Ma." He kissed my cheek. "This is exactly where I belong.

LPOV

I sat on the couch in the living room watching the fire dance in front of me. After the presents were set under the tree everyone had gone to bed but I just couldn't sleep. I had too much on my mind.

I must admit that every single day spent here with Masen and Maddy, makes me wonder how things would have been if I hadn't lost my baby. I see Masen with his daughter and I can't help but wish with everything in me that she was our baby.

I adore his daughter. She is amazing and every little thing about her makes me smile. She's only a few weeks old and she doesn't do much but it doesn't matter. She's perfect in every single way.

"What are you still doing awake?" Masen's deep voice startles me from my thoughts. I look behind me to find him cradling Maddy as she sucks her bottle. He walked over and takes a seta next to me on the couch.

"Couldn't sleep." I say as I keep my eyes on the two of them.

"I think she can sense when I'm about to fall asleep because I swear that's when she wants to wake up." He grinned looking at Maddy and then up at me.

I have to advert my eyes from Masen's. There's always this intense look that passes between us and frankly it's beginning to scare me. I've spent the time Masen's been back in Forks trying to keep that look from passing between us. There's too much going on for us to share a look like that. Too much has happened and there's too much at stake now.

I've also spent this time ignoring the fact that I'm deeply and insanely in love with him.

I'm almost afraid I won't be able to ignore it much longer. If only things were different…If only we were still teenagers. If only he didn't have a kid…if only we didn't spend those four years apart. Things would be so different now. We'd be different. We'd probably be together and ridiculously happy.

"What are you thinking about?" Masen asked after a few minutes of silence. He took the bottle from Maddy's lips and propped her up on his shoulder to burp.

"Everything." I sighed truthfully. I adored watching him do these little things.

"Oh?" HE raised an eyebrow at me.

"Do you think everything would be different right now if you hadn't thought I aborted our baby?" I took a deep breath before letting that out. I shut my eyes feeling stupid as I waited for his answer.

"I'd like to believe so, but part of me thinks our separation was for a reason." He spoke in a steady voice. I nodded. He was probably write. No matter what we would probably still be in this exact same spot right now. But, a girl can wish, right? "I know that no matter what I'm supposed to have Maddy. I'm meant to be her daddy."

"You are." I nodded.

"I'm sorry, Lane. Even though I do believe this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now, I can't help but feel guilty for how we ended. I shouldn't have acted so irrationally and I should have let you explain to me what actually happened."

"It's fine." I said as I scooted a little closer to him and his daughter. "Can I burp her?" I asked after he pulled the bottle out of her mouth. Masen flashed me a smile and nodded. He handed over his precious baby girl and I propped her up on my shoulder then started patting her back.

It didn't take long for Madeline to burp. She fussed a little while I cradled her in my arms but it didn't take long for her to fall back to sleep. Masen didn't take his eyes off of us the entire time.

"Want me to take her?" Masen asked once Madeline was fast asleep. I shook my head and told him I didn't mind holding her while she slept. Before too long I wouldn't get to see her as much as I do now.

Edward's parent's told Masen last night that they were moving to Florida, so they were giving him their house. Which was the house that he grew up in.

"Have you talked to Cassie since you moved back down here?" I asked him.

"Only once." He sighed. "She said that she's not ready to be a mother and wants me to take full custody of Maddy."

"I'm sorry Masen…" I brushed back Maddy's small amount of hair.

"It's fine. I mean I grew up in a single parent home and as much as I wanted a dad…it was alright. I'm just afraid Maddy will be pissed at me for keeping her away from her Mother like I was my Mom for keeping me away from my Dad."

"This is so different, Mase. You're not keeping her away from Cassie, Cassie made the choice to stay away from her." I told him.

"I guess…I just hate the thought of my daughter growing up without a Mom. I don't know what I'd do without mine…"

Masen took Madeline up to bed not long after. I felt empty without her in my arms. I ended up falling asleep on the couch afraid to go to the basement since I knew I would feel even more alone.

I was woken up by childish screams from the stairs. Mikey was the first to reach the present pile. His sister's followed quickly after.

"Hey, go get your parent's first." I told them through my sleepy voice. The next thing I knew all four of them ran into their parent's room. I heard Bella tell them to stop jumping on the bed, Edward was just laughing.

The kids ran back into the living room and sat on the couch next to me. I figured Bella told them they had to wait on them before they started ripping things apart.

"Merry Christmas, guys." Masen's voice startled me. I turned around to see him holding Maddy. She was so adorable in her little Christmas pajamas.

"Merry Christmas, Mase." I grinned at him as he sat in the rocking chair. He said it back to me with a smile plastered on his gorgeous face.

Bella came into the living room looking like she had a rough night. Edward was right behind her looking just about the same.

"Alright, go for it!" Bella said and then the pandemonium began.