A/N: Alright... I am posting two chapters of this in one night. I wont have time over the weekend to do so. A friend came back from Morocco warlier in the week and I'm going to visit with him on Sunday ( he was a forgien exchange student since January). And tomorow, I have to clean my moms house( I;ve been house sitting for a week....::sigh:: Good news? I'll have MY own computer (which is BY FAR better than my mothers) back on monday morning. And if I get enough reviews, again I'll continue.
Speaking about reviews, I'd like to thank everyone who reviews the first chapter. Thank you! They inspire me and keep me motivated! Seriously. I replied to those of you that were logged into the website... and for those that aren't...well, THANKS, since I can't send a personal reply.
I do not own the song. It is called I Don't Care - by Apocalyptica (Thanks Titan for the reccomend!)
***********************************************************************************************************************************************
Ziva walked out of the Navy Yard in frustration. Tony just had to go and ask her the one question she was sure of herself, did he not? It was just like him to not have any tact.
And yet, he was also forcing her to address the entire reason she had stayed in Isreal in the first place.
I try to make it through my life.
In my way, there's you .
Ziva knew her father had lied to her. She had lied as well, but to Tony. Damn it. Everything was just one lie after another. She had lied to the terrorists. Gibbs had lied to the director, she had lied to Gibbs. Her father lied constantly. Tony lied- no lies, she corrected.
As she stared at the opposite side of the street, she narrowed her eyes. Lies. That is what she had done her entire life. Lie. Hell, she even lied to herself most of the time. What was it with that word, that association in her life with that word?
Simple. Mossad. That was where it all began. Maybe even before that, considering who her father was.
I try to make it through these lies.
And thats all I do
Now, she had to figure out all the lies and find her way out of the tangled mess she was in. Her father was not aware she had escaped the cell. Hell, he probably had not expected her to escape. That call to Gibbs from half a world away had cost her the use of her arm for the next eight weeks. She knew he would come, that Tony would be there as well as McGee.
But why had she called Gibbs specifically?There had been one other time she had called him as well when he was in Mexico. At that time, she had called him because she trusted his abilities, and knew he could help her. Plus, she had a debt to collect. But now? She did not know why. Everyone, including her, was lying.
Just dont deny it
Dont try and fight this
And deal with it and thats just part of it.
And there was that damn word again! Lie, lie, lie....But she didn't care. Or so she thought.
She wished she had a gun. She wanted to shoot something she was so frustrated. Sometimes, she would purposefully pick an argument with Tony to get it out of her system. But not tonight. She would not go back to autopsy. It was too much like Jenny, him being there, her knowing. She always knew where he was. He was easy to read, to know his thoughts. At least she thought he was. And he knew her pretty well. Well, closer than anyone else she had let in, even Micheal.
After what he had done, she wasn't sure she could trust him again. At first, it had seemed like he was jealous.
Fuck. She did NOT want to go through what had happened four months ago. Not again. She'd done that for hours while in captivity. It made her more angry. More hard and cold towards Tony. Then she had realized that Tony was trying to protect her, NCIS, the country. She had been angry enough to hate him.
If you were dead or still alive
I dont care I dont care
Just go and leave this all behind
'Cause I swear (I swear) I dont care
Now? Ziva couldn't say she exactly hated Tony anymore. The reasons he did it were understandable. But it had hurt. Badly. In fact, this whole situation reminded her of when Jenny had sent Tony undercover and he had fallen in love. Except at this point, she was Tony and the person she loved was dead, not coming back to accuse her of murder.
Tony had lied before. Would he lie again? Had he lied about Micheal? She was nott sure. Gibbs- she could trust him. She knew that after realizing who she called when she was in dire need of help. Her loyalty was with NCIS after finding out her father and tricked her and set her up. It had always been with NCIS, now that she thought about it. Maybe she could get them to see why she followed her father's orders. McGee was an open book and terrified of her, he would never lie to her. But Tony...he was another matter entirely.
One she was not sure she could go through again. At one point, she had thought she was in love with Tony. But he had been "dating" someone. Then that had all gone up in a literal ball of smoke and Tony was single. They had flirted, teased, became closer. Then Jenny's death happened and he had pulled away from her. Began drinking. The team was seperated. And Micheal came into the picture.
I try to make you see my side
I always try to stay in line
But your eyes see right through,
Thats all they do.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? I do not love Tony, yet I do not hate him. I am angry with him. Wary of him and his words. She sighed.
Maybe things would go back to normal between them. Or maybe they would end up being suffocated in mistrust because of all the lies.
I'm getting buried in this place
I got no room, you're in my face
Dont say anything, just go away
If you were dead or still alive
I dont care I dont care
Just go and leave this all behind
'Cause I swear (I swear)
I dont care
Ziva couldn't see how her and Tony could be partners again, let alone have each others' backs in a desperate situation. At the current moment, she couldn't exactly fully trust him or his actions. And that also bothered her, knowing he might not be able to have her back. Would any of this ever go away?
I'm changing everything 'cause you wont be there for me
I'm changing everything 'cause you wont be there for me
If you were dead or still alive
I dont care I dont care
Just go and leave this all behind
'Cause I swear (I swear)
I dont care
If you were dead or still alive
I dont care (I dont care)
I dont care
Just go and leave this all behind
I dont care (and I swear)
Then she realized she didn't care if they did.
And that too, she again realized, was a lie.
I dont care... ...At all
Liar, you care whether Tony can be redeemed in your eyes, Her mind argued back.
Ziva ignored it.
******************************************************************************************************
A/N: Well? Still want a continuation? I'm not sure I like this chapter....