That's twice Castle's touched her face tonight. He doesn't usually do that. He touches her arm, her hand, her shoulder, her back but never does he touch her face. "You really do have an answer for everything don't you?"
"Not everything." If he did, he would know a way to get her out of the hospital. He would know how to save her from the burden of nightmares that won't go away. There isn't much he wouldn't do to make Beckett happy. The sick feeling in his stomach as he watches her eyes wet with tears is proof of that. Releasing her chin, his eyes do not stray from hers as she returns her head to the pillow.
She doesn't know what to do with him when he looks at her like that, so she starts to talk, "There's something I don't get Castle. I haven't talked to you in a week but here you are."
He looks at her, curiously, trying to decipher the true meaning behind her words. He's built his reputation playing women and it excites him that she is more than capable of playing him too.
Beckett can't think of a better way to change the subject and try to stay awake than to torture Castle. If he wants to be her knight in shining armor, she should at least be able to find out why he hadn't called her from LA. She raises her eyebrow hurrying him along.
"While I was in LA?" It's impossible for him not to notice the gleam in her eye. She may be his muse, but she's made it clear how much she enjoys keeping him off balance. It's one of the things he loves about her.
Beckett nods. For all of his insights about her, Castle can be awfully clueless at times.
"I tried to call." Impossibly, that answer sounds even more ridiculous coming out of his mouth than it did in his head. He really had tried, only, actually completing a call or text proved to be a much more difficult task from 3,000 miles away. His ego may be considerable but for one week, it was no match for the voice in his head telling him that Beckett would not welcome a call from him.
She scrunches up her face in disbelief, "Yeah, I've heard it's practically impossible these days to reach someone from somewhere as far as California. Turns out all that technology is completely useless."
He hates it when he can't read her face, "Are you mad?"
"No. More like curious. You talked to Esposito. Texted Ryan. You even talked to the Captain. Just wondering why it's so important to you to stay now." She doesn't have it in her to come right out and ask why. This is as close as she'll get and she has no doubt he gets her point.
Finally, the light bulb goes off in his head. His brain, so quick most times, could be shockingly slow when it comes to Beckett and her feelings. Too often, he forgets that there is more to her than the strong, independent woman. She is a girl. A girl whose feelings get hurt when he does stupid things like not call for a week. He didn't think Esposito and Ryan would've been able to resist telling her that his calls and texts to them were full of questions about her, "I'm here because this is the only place I want to be. You know, you could have called me."
"That's not the point." Beckett doesn't blink an eye. She has no intention of letting him off the hook.
"Next time I'll call." It's not what he wants to say. What he wants to say is that he missed her more than he ever thought he would. That he wishes they could be something more.
"Okay," she's just barely biting the middle of her lip as she answers.
Castle smiles wondering if she has any idea what that little habit of hers does to him, "Or you could come with me next time"
"You just can't help yourself can you?"
No reaction passes over her face but the glimmer in her eye tells him all he needs to know, "Why would I ever want to. The alternative is so much more fun."
In an instant, Beckett's smile is back. Mission accomplished.
She's glad he's still here but can't resist checking one last time, "Castle, are you sure you shouldn't be going home? It just doesn't seem right that…"
"Are you kidding me? Even if I did want to go home, which I don't, Alexis and Mother would have my head for leaving you here by yourself. "
Kate has no trouble imagining that scenario. Alexis and Martha would definitely yell at him, and, most likely make him come back to the hospital. She can just picture Castle squirming. There's not much he hates more than being in trouble with those two. Those Castles are a formidable bunch. She would be foolish to turn any of them away. At least that's what Lanie would tell her.
"Look Castle, if you're gonna stay..."
"I thought we settled this. I'm definitely staying." He shimmies a little closer to her on the bed very happy to have recaptured some of the levity of earlier.
Beckett's willing to take this risk with him but it's still Castle here with her and she knows how dangerous that can be, "There are ground rules."
"I agree."
Beckett is dumbfounded watching Castle beside her, completely confident and comfortable like she just told him that the sky was blue, "You don't even know what they are."
"Doesn't matter. I'll agree to whatever you want." She could tell him that he has to sleep under the bed, stay in the bathroom, sing to her and he wouldn't care. "Just for the record, though, what exactly did I just agree to?"
"First of all, we are not playing doctor."
"O c'mon, where's your sense of adventure? I'm very good at it." He doesn't want to push his luck but he wouldn't be Rick Castle if he doesn't just a little.
Ignoring him, Beckett averts her eyes long enough to remind herself that Lanie would never have sent Castle if she wasn't sure Kate could handle it. She swallows before bringing her eyes back to his, "You don't get to mention this ever again. Not to me. Not to anyone. Ever."
If Castle needed any more proof how difficult this is for Beckett, those words and the tone they were spoken is it. Jokes and smiles don't change the reality that she can only let him be here with her if they pretend it didn't happen, "I can live with those."
"Okay." She hopes Lanie's instincts are right.
"And I promise to still respect you in the morning."
She rolls her eyes, part of her thankful that he's being his usual self. Another part of her can't resist wondering if he really will.
Castle looks at his watch, "Almost midnight. You really should get some rest so you can impress the doctors and get out of here tomorrow."
"But…"
He stays calm in spite of the slight panic he hears in her voice, "No buts. You can barely keep your eyes open. More importantly, Dr. Parrish gave me strict orders not to talk to you all night. Lights out."
"They already are out Castle." The room is dim yet light enough that each of their faces can be clearly seen by the other.
"Right you are. That just leaves goodnight then."
"I thought writers didn't use goodnight." Beckett's shamelessly stalling. That she agreed to let Castle stay doesn't mean she dreads falling asleep any less.
"Well, I figure in this room, we can just be Rick and Kate. So just this once it'll be okay."
"If you say so." The smallest of smiles graces her lips knowing that he isn't only referring to his choice of words.
"Goodnight Kate." Her smile tells him she understands. Castle doesn't need to ask to know that she's let very few people ever get this close. He hopes one day she realizes how grateful he is to be one of them.
Inches apart, the pair lay silent. Each time their eyes lock, she's the first to look away. He smiles at that small reminder of the sweet shyness that she's hidden somewhere within her. With Kate beside him, he has the luxury of studying her face for as long as he wants. He watches as she wages a stubborn battle to stay awake. Her eyes close for seconds, maybe minutes before she startles awake. Her willpower never ceases to amaze him. His willpower, on the other hand, is much sketchier as too much of his time is spent imagining what lies beneath her flimsy hospital gown.
"Are you going to stare at me all night cause it's a little creepy?" She appreciates that Castle is next to her. She appreciates even more that he's not asking her questions about her dreams. It goes against his very inquisitive nature and she knows he's doing it to help put her at ease. That she may never have the courage to tell him how much that means to her, doesn't change how much it does.
Castle is trying to be on his best behavior. He's more than happy to talk to her all night, keep her awake so the nightmares don't come. Unfortunately, he's pretty sure staying up all night will not improve her chances of being discharged in the morning. She needs to sleep even if it's a restless sleep. "It's no secret how much I enjoy looking at you. If you would go to sleep, you wouldn't even notice."
"That wouldn't make it any less creepy." She doesn't trust herself to sleep. Still too nervous thinking of how Castle will look at her differently when she wakes up.
Castle looks down at the ring in her hand, "May I?"
She nods her approval and hands him what is her most treasured possession. He had been admiring the ring from afar all night. At first, it took him by surprise that it wasn't hidden away like usual. A few hours later it makes sense. It's her security blanket. Kate is much more sentimental than she lets on.
She watches him as he squints in the dimness to read the inscription, "Always."
He looks up at her. She's using her arm as a pillow, lips slightly apart. Her voice is barely a whisper as if she's remembering something as she recites the bittersweet promise, "It says always."
Pretending not to notice the single tear that runs down her face, he reaches over to her, fingers barely brushing her chest as he pulls the collar of her gown away from her skin. For a reason he can't explain, Castle's holding his breath as he gently lets the ring slip inside her gown. She looks stunned and he hopes she understands. Tonight, she can count on him to share her burden.
"What do you say we make a deal?"
Her pulse is racing and she feels dizzy. She doesn't know what to think of this man and the things he does, "What kind of deal Castle?"
"Uh uh"
She closes her eyes, wetting the tip of her lip before opening them again, "Rick."
"Much better. Now, you try to sleep and I'll try to forget you're practically naked under that very, very thin hospital gown." He is only half kidding. Thank goodness for blankets.
"That's a terrible deal."
"Perhaps but admit it. You're exhausted."
"Well, you do have that effect on me."
They could go back and forth like this all night. Unfortunately, that's not why he's here. He's here to make sure she sleeps so he does the simplest of things. Reaches over to where her hand rests between them and slips his fingers through hers.
"Kate"
Shocked, her eyes are immediately drawn to the sight of her hand in his.
"Look at me," he waits for her to do as he asks, "You think that I can't handle whatever's going to happen tonight. That it will somehow make me think less of you. That's not going to happen. You trust me. I wouldn't be here if you didn't. I just need you to trust me a little more and close your eyes."
She doesn't say a word choosing to let her eyes, full of what ifs, plead her case. She wants to believe in him, to trust him. So much of her already does.
He answers her with a reassuring squeeze of her hand, "I'll be right here. Go on, close them."
And she does. Much as she wants to, she's unable to deny the simple fact that he's one of the few people in her life who puts her at ease. It's not long before she feels herself drifting to sleep to the sound of his breathing and the feel of his thumb gently rubbing her hand.
A/N
Thanks for taking the time to keep up with this story. I'm not going to be able to get the next chapter posted for a week or so but the next couple of chapters will focus on Beckett's nightmares. Happy Thanksgiving to those who are celebrating this week.