A/N:

THANK YOU! Love seeing all the reviews, alerts and favorites coming in. This chapter is ridiculously overdue and I won't bore you with the details just know I've given up declaring deadlines. I do, though, promise to update regularly and that this story will have an ending. Thanks for sticking with Just Another Layer. Enjoy the update...

Chapter 11

The writer's uneasiness only grows as Kate struggles to comfort herself. It seems almost cruel that something she offers so effortlessly to others eludes her when she needs it. Castle can still remember the night he realized how deep her compassion ran. He had been mesmerized watching her lay down her gun in the laundry room. Listening to her appeal to the suspect in that tone he still can't quite describe. Those words that convinced the pregnant girl who had killed her friend in a fit of jealousy that this detective understood. That she cared. Castle would have wagered an impressive sum that it was all a ploy to close the case. Never had he pictured a cop as by the book as Detective Becket being able to show such compassion to anyone, least of all a murderer. It had been one of the first things he'd gotten wrong about this muse of his.

Detective Kate Beckett had a powerful gift. No matter the circumstance, she seemed to know exactly how to put those facing unimaginable loss at ease, if only for a moment. With little more than her words she absorbed their hurt, regret and even their anger. Ever the patient detective, she let those words sink in until she was sure they believed her. Believed that not only would Detective Beckett find the truth but she would find it for a reason that went beyond doing her job. She would find it for them. It was the promise she made, whether spoken or not, every time. That it worked at all in this cynical city piqued the writer's curiosity. That it almost never failed still amazed him.

She had perfected her craft, making it look so easy and shrugging it off as nothing special. In spite of what Beckett might say, Castle knew this was far from true. Still, rarely had he delved into the subject with Beckett herself. He had asked others how she did it but never pushed her for an answer. Deep down he was pretty sure he already knew.

It worked simply because when Detective Beckett spoke to them she really was on their side. During those conversations, for the briefest of moments, she allowed herself to just be Kate. The young woman whose life was changed in a way she'd never imagined in the countless hours spent planning her future. No matter what, Kate was genuinely sorry for the pain of the victims, those left behind and, yes, sometimes even those who committed the crime. So she pulls for them to overcome their particular demons offering them comfort and hope as she does. To this day, Castle has no idea how she summons the strength to greet each one and their personal tragedy with a warm heart instead of stone cold professionalism.

Kate imagines this is what quicksand feels like. The rush of panic. The fear of sinking deeper with every breath. Castle's silence tells her he is as lost as she is. It seems impossible that two people who spend so much time together cannot find a single thing to say to each other. Part of her wishes he'd return to his earlier ramblings about California, Nikki Heat, anything to distract her from the dangerous path her mind is travelling. The more rational part fears the words that eventually come out of Castle's mouth will be serious and she's not ready for that. She needs more time to prop those walls back up around her and it has little to do with keeping Castle out. He's seen more of her than most and, as much as she hates to admit it, it has become a foregone conclusion in her mind that he will one day make it all the way in. Still, those walls are important. The job is too hard not to have them and life too temporary. They give her the freedom to leap into every case without losing herself like she once had. It's those walls that help her turn her own loss into a way to ease someone else's. They are what usually keep the nightmares at bay. It's those walls that push her forward on the days her heart feels too exhausted to keep going. Those walls are as necessary to her survival as the air she breathes.

With each passing minute, Castle becomes more and more convinced he will not survive this standoff much longer. If Beckett's silence doesn't kill him, he's certain the wrath of Lanie will once she hears of his failure. The medical examiner used every second of their brief conversation earlier to make her expectations crystal clear. Castle winces as he replays her words…

Castle, mess this up and Beckett's cold shoulder will look like a heat wave compared to what I'll do to you.

Her point made, Lanie had abruptly hung up on him leaving Castle staring at his iPhone. He shakes his head at how quickly things change. Hours ago, he had been so glad Lanie asked him to stay, he neglected to ask her any other questions. Questions that, in hindsight, seem much more important than the boost his ego received when Lanie proclaimed that he was exactly what Beckett needed tonight. Now with the woman before him unraveling, doubt chipped away at all the clarity and determination Castle felt after that conversation. He's left with the same ominous feeling he had when faced with telling Beckett about snooping in her mom's case. That night, in this very hospital, he had taken a chance and failed miserably. Still, he owes it to Kate to at least try to show her he's on her side too. If she can do it for complete strangers, he can do it for her.

Castle's touch startles Kate, drawing her back into a reality she'd prefer to ignore. Her head's pounding, from the shame or the flu she isn't quite sure. The disturbing images from her dreams mixed with thoughts of Castle swirl around her head. As her instincts take her further away from him on the bed, she immediately regrets it. It's not him. He is possibly, although Lanie would say definitely, one of the best things in her life. She…this…is likely to ruin it. To make it one more mistake to add to her list of regrets. What good is a broken muse to Richard Castle? He doesn't need her. Not like this.

Swinging his legs off the side of the bed, hands braced on his thighs, Castle sighs. Just when he thinks he can't possibly feel any more uncomfortable it gets worse. It's not a game. He and Kate aren't playing house. This is serious. That she pulled away the instant he touched her shoulder is serious. Lanie's instructions were to be his pushy and persistent self but he's not so sure he's got the strength to do it. He's seriously considering giving in and walking away. He doesn't want to but he's terrified that she will shut him out even more if he stays. Scared to death of pushing her too far. For all he knows, he already has.

Feeling Castle move away too only adds to Kate's frustration. It's her fault. All of it. With each moment she stays silent, she stretches the distance between them. She's not used to Castle pulling back when she pushes him. She's used to him holding his ground. He's always there ready and willing to do or be whatever she needs even if it's as small as bringing her a cup of coffee or making her laugh. That he's not pushing back magnifies her panic. It's not that she couldn't be alone. Before he came into her life she prided herself on her independence. Now, though, the idea of being without Castle makes her feel lonelier than she has in years. The only problem is that she doesn't know how to take care of herself without pushing him away in the process. Just like her mom, Castle's slipping out of her reach and she feels powerless to stop it.

Castle takes a quick look over his shoulder at Beckett then back at his phone. He pulls up the text Lanie had sent him a few hours ago hoping to find courage in her not so gentle reminder…

Man up Castle. You better not even think of leaving my girl alone.

Lanie really was one hell of a best friend. Exactly the kind a woman like Kate needed. If he leaves now, Lanie would never forgive him. Kate would forgive him but probably never let herself ever really trust him again. That's not a risk he's willing to take, and, truth is he would never forgive himself. They're a team. A damn good one. Not once had they failed to figure things out even when it was each other they were fighting. Together they always solved whatever challenge they faced. That they're both scared is no reason for him to give up. Kate hasn't. She is fighting her own internal battle with all she's got left. He's sure of it even though she hasn't said a word. Looking at her, Castle's face lights up as the realization hits him. When he promised Kate she could lean on him, it never occurred to him that she might not know how to. Kate doesn't need saving by a knight in shining armor, she merely needs a friend to help show her the way. That is something Richard Castle can definitely do.

Armed with renewed hope and determination, Castle takes a deep breath, "Kate, you're freezing. Time to get you warmed up."

Her eyes close as she tries to wrap herself in the comfort of his voice. Not trusting her own, she simply nods her consent.

Encouraged Castle makes his way towards her and lifts the strings of her hospital gown. It's only then that he notices how unsteady his own hands have become. Careful not to touch her skin, he ties them tight. Castle gathers up the blanket he brought her, the one he knows Kate likes more than she'll admit, and gently drapes it around her. His eyes never leave her body as he watches her breathing start to steady. He holds the blanket in place around her until her eyes open and her hand brushes his own as she grabs onto the blanket's edge.

"I'm so sorry Kate."