Disclaimer: Same as always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight...
"Where can I turn? Cause I need something more,
Surrounded by uncertainties I'm so unsure of,
Tell me why I feel so alone cause I need to know to whom do I owe,
Explain to me this conspiracy against me."
"Conspiracy" - Paramore
Chapter 6 - Uncertainties
When I woke the next day, the first thing I registered was the odd light in the room. Jonathan had abandoned his post near the window for a seat on the side of my bed. The window was closed and the blinds were drawn, but I could see the shimmering sunbeams struggling to shine through the slits. I felt conflicting emotions at the thought of the sun. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen it beaming at its full potential and I didn't realize how much I missed it until now. On the other hand, I knew what its appearance meant.
"Carlisle won't be in today," I croaked out, my voice was thick with sleep.
"I wondered how that would work," Jonathan retorted and turned his attention away from the television to glance toward the door. "Your overnight doctor has been in several times while you were asleep. She says the police wanted to ask you some questions once you're awake."
"I don't know what to say," I whispered as I struggled to bring my mind out of the haze the pain medicine produced long enough to focus.
"Maybe you should just play up the pain so the doctor will give you more medicine and you can stay asleep until Carlisle comes in tomorrow," Jonathan suggested.
"Do you think I could talk her into letting me walk around a bit in the room?" I asked cautiously.
"I'm not sure if you should be walking. Why?" he asked.
"I really want to look out the window. I miss the sun," I responded softly.
"It can't hurt to ask. If we can talk her into it, that may be the perfect reason for the additional pain," Jonathan said, plotting our background story.
"I don't want to sleep anymore," I said, but I realized how petulant I sounded and sighed.
"I never told you how sorry I am. I wish you didn't have to go through any of this," Jonathan said. He was staring at my face when he spoke and his expression was sincere and apologetic.
"Jonathan, this was not your fault. In fact, if it weren't for you I never would have lasted as long as I did. I'm sure they would've killed me months ago," I said, shivering at the thought. The sudden movement made me wince as my muscles pulled against, tweaking something in my stomach.
"You may need that pain medicine anyway," Jonathan noted as he watched my reaction. "Your body has a long way to go before you're healed."
"I know, I know," I sighed. I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand being here. Not just in this hospital, but this close to any of the Cullens. I worried that Carlisle couldn't keep his word. He promised he wouldn't tell any of the others but what if they came back anyway? What if Alice had already seen me here and they were on their way back now? I didn't realize how shallow my breathing was becoming as I considered all of these options until Jonathan spoke.
"Bella, what is it? What's wrong?" he asked, and his voice held an edge of panic. I tried to take a deep breath and winced again as I felt the dull pain in my protesting ribs. I coughed and tried to regain my composure.
"What if they already know?" I asked and stared at Jonathan. My right eye still wouldn't focus and I had to blink several times to keep my left eye centered.
"Who?" he asked, confused.
"The other Cullens. What if they already know I'm here?" I repeated my fears aloud.
"Carlisle said he wouldn't call —" Jonathan began but I cut him off.
"He wouldn't have to. With Alice's ability, she could already know. She has probably known since you made the decision to head this way," I said and my voice sounded defeated. I realized I was most likely correct in the assumption that Alice, at least, knew I was here. Since I had yet to see her or hear from Carlisle that she was home, I could only assume that she still didn't care. I sighed as the pain of that reality threatened to pull me back toward a debilitating depression.
I turned my head away from Jonathan so I could try to hide my emotions. I couldn't believe he brought me here. Now, I was stuck being a burden to Carlisle. I was the reason he couldn't let his kids come home. I was the reason he had to lie to them, which I doubted he had ever done before. I remembered that Edward once told me there were no secrets in the Cullen family, and now here I was ruining that. My scattered thoughts ran over everything as I worried about the plan to stay with Carlisle and Esme. It was a horrible idea that would only cause me pain and them the hassle. I should have just left by myself, keeping them free of any obligation to help me.
"Bella, I don't know what the right thing is to say here, but I don't think we have much of a choice beyond just trusting Carlisle's word that he won't say anything," Jonathan said after several minutes of silence. I didn't respond in any way to his words.
It wasn't long before the doctor entered the room to check on me. She told me her name was Dr. Keplin. She explained that Dr. Cullen was out today and she would be taking care of me for another few hours. I found it interesting that I wasn't quite as nervous in her presence as Carlisle's. She moved to stand beside me and I flinched away but not nearly as much as usual. Was it because she was a woman or because she was human?
"Do you think I could get up and walk around my room a bit? I'm really feeling stiff from sitting in this bed for so long," I said quietly after she wrote a few notes on my chart.
"I'm not sure. That should really be a decision for Dr. Cullen to make. He should be back tomorrow," she hedged. I could tell she didn't really want to say no but she wasn't sure if my body was ready.
"Please? How about I put the chair by the window so I can have a change of scenery for a few minutes? I could sit that way and then come back to bed," I begged. I was desperate to feel the sun's rays, even if it was only through a window. She sighed.
"Alright. Keep it short. I'll be back to check on you in an hour and I expect you back in this bed by then," she relented with a slight shake of her head before she left the room.
"Nicely done," Jonathan commented as he rose from the chair and moved it quickly to a spot near the window. He walked to the bed and pulled one of the rails down as I turned slowly and let my feet hang over the side. He moved the IV stand around closer as I stretched and let my body slide so my feet were on the floor. He held one arm out as if to steady me in case I needed it. I took a few shuffling steps across the room, surprised at how stiff my body was, and stopped by the window.
"I can't believe how good it feels just to be out of that bed," I commented as Jonathan stepped back and I pulled up the blinds. He stayed out of the light, leaning back against the wall in the shade, as I stared out. There wasn't much of a view from here. We were on the front side of the hospital so I could see the parking lot and a main street that passed in front. It didn't seem like a particularly large hospital, but I was only seeing a part of it.
"How are you feeling?" Jonathan asked after I had been standing there for several minutes.
"I'm alright," I answered as I backed away to sit in the chair. The truth was I was exhausted. It was ridiculous that I could be tired after just walking across the small room but I was. I sat in the chair and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the suns rays on my skin. It was something I missed more than I realized. Maybe I just missed the freedom. Even in this hospital, I felt free.
"Are you ready to head back to the bed?" Jonathan asked as I opened my eyes and slowly pushed myself forward in the chair. I nodded as I stood very slowly and reached up to pull the blinds down once again. During my reach, I could feel the tugging against my stitches so I moved very slowly.
Once the blinds were closed, Jonathan stepped over and took the IV stand with one hand, leaving the other out to balance me again. I needed his help more on the way back. I sat on the edge of the bed and he helped me move my legs around and pull the blankets back up. I couldn't get comfortable and I continued to move every few minutes. I think it may have been too soon to be walking because I was already very sore.
"How are you feeling?" Jonathan asked after I had tried in vain to rearrange myself for the third time.
"Sore," I admitted and sighed.
"Well, the police are on their way in to talk to you. I wanted you to be aware. I think our best bet here is to play up the pain," Jonathan said and his words seemed a bit rushed. I felt my heartbeat accelerate as I heard it on the monitor.
The door opened just seconds after Jonathan finished speaking and two uniformed men entered. I felt my body tense as the unfamiliar men entered the room and walked toward me.
"Hi there. I'm Officer Jackson and this is my partner, Officer Heath," The taller of the two men said. I nodded but didn't speak. "We'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's alright." I nodded again.
"Can you tell us your name?" The shorter one asked. He had a small tablet and a pen out to write my answers down. I took a deep breath and forced myself to start coughing. I gasped and grabbed at my ribs. It was painful and brought tears to my left eye immediately, but had the desired effect. Jonathan pushed the button for the nurse when I couldn't control my respiration.
The nurse entered and was followed swiftly by Dr. Keplin. She pulled my chart off the end of the bed while the nurse moved to put the oxygen mask back over my face. The doctor then asked the officers to leave while she checked on me. I hid my smile behind the mask.
"Are you alright?" Dr. Keplin asked as she stepped around to check the monitors. I shook my head and wiped my hand across my cheek to catch the tears. "I was afraid it was too soon for you to be walking," she sighed. "I'll get you another dose of pain medicine."
"You are getting better at this," Jonathan commented after both the doctor and nurse had left the room. I laughed weakly behind the oxygen mask. "I'm sorry you're in pain now."
"It's not so bad," I said, pulling the mask away from my mouth long enough to speak.
The doctor reentered then and walked over to my IV. She injected the pain medicine into my IV tubing and soon after, I was asleep once again.
When I woke, I tried to stretch my body and groaned at the pain. I guessed walking really was a bad idea because I was definitely still feeling it. I opened my eyes slowly and waited as they adjusted to the darkness of the room. It was a stark contrast to the bright sunlight that I enjoyed earlier. The only light in the room came from the television. I glanced around and found Jonathan watching me from the chair next to my bed.
"How long was I out?" I asked and cleared my throat.
"About twelve hours," he responded, watching my face carefully. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm better now," I answered and glanced at the clock on the opposite wall. It was just after three in the morning. I yawned, leaned my head back against the pillows, and closed my eyes. I was hoping to relax enough to sleep. I hated sleeping this much but there really wasn't anything else to do while I was trapped in this room. I abruptly realized the thought I had just had and it made me panic. I was trapped in this room. I knew somewhere in my mind it was a different situation entirely but I wasn't being rational as I tried to push myself out of the bed quickly.
"What are you doing? What's wrong?" Jonathan asked, quickly grabbing my shoulders to restrain me in the bed. I struggled against him weakly for several minutes before I felt the irrational tears streaming down my cheek.
"I… I'm… so… sorry," I stuttered between the sobs now tearing through my chest. My ribs ached as I trembled uncontrollably. Jonathan's cold hand rubbed my arm in a comforting gesture as I took my time calming down.
"What happened?" Jonathan asked when my breathing was once again under control.
"I just… I felt trapped all of the sudden. I felt stuck here and I panicked," I explained as the tears continued to fall swiftly down my left cheek.
"It's okay," Jonathan tried again to soothe me.
"I know. I just…" I trailed off. I didn't know how to explain the aberrant feelings coursing through me so I laid my head back against the pillow again and closed my eyes, breathing deeply as I tried to keep my mind and body calm.
I must have drifted to sleep again at some point because I woke to the light coming in the window. It was the same dull, grey light I was used to. I glanced around the room and saw Jonathan was still at his post beside my bed.
"Feeling better?" He asked and eyed me cautiously.
"I'm so ‒" I started to apologize before he cut me off.
"Stop. As long as you are okay..." he said as the door to the room opened and Carlisle walked in.
"Good morning, Bella. How are you feeling?" He asked in a normal tone, but I immediately felt uneasy with him in the room. I couldn't meet his eyes as I answered.
"I'm fine," I replied and even though the words seemed barely audible to me, I knew he heard them.
"Well, I can see by the increased amount of pain medication last night that yesterday was rough on you," he said when he lifted my chart from the foot of the bed. "Did the police stop by?"
"Yes," Jonathan answered for me. As the two of them discussed the events of the previous day and the plan for our escape today, I caught only brief bits of the conversation. I didn't bother trying to follow what was happening because I knew that Jonathan would fill me in on the plan in time.
It wasn't long after I had finished picking at my breakfast tray that Carlisle came in again. He administered another dose of pain medicine and spoke in the same hushed, quick tones to Jonathan.
"It's almost time," Jonathan said as the door closed behind Carlisle. I turned my head away from the door, back to Jonathan, and met his eyes. He was looking toward the window as he spoke again. "The plan is simple. I just have to get you out of the hospital first. We are going to try to make a break the same way we did before; I have your clothes ready for you. Once we are outside, we will have to steal a car from the parking lot in order to throw off the trail. We will drive about twenty miles and I will find somewhere to ditch the car. Then, I will run you back to the Cullen's house where Esme will be waiting."
Throughout his explanation, I felt myself starting to panic. Not only was the thought of being on the run once again unnerving, but it didn't help knowing where I was running to this time.
"You should rest," Jonathan said as he watched me cautiously. I felt myself gasping for breath as the panic tried to overtake me. "It'll be okay."
About an hour later, Jonathan placed my clothes on the foot of my bed and helped me carefully to my feet. It took a little more effort for me to get dressed this time and I felt winded afterward.
"You can lean on me if you need to on the way out," Jonathan promised as he unhooked the first of the machines after pulling the backpack in place on his shoulders. I heard the beeping of the monitors change as pulled the last of the wires and tubes from my arm.
When we stepped into the hall, I noticed we were around the corner from the nearest nurse's station. He moved us quickly down the hall, as I tried not to trip over my nearly numb feet. We made it to the elevators quickly, but I was already swaying; my legs were ready to give out. As the elevator doors opened, I noticed that the tight space was nearly full of people, but I also heard the raised voices behind us.
Jonathan pulled me swiftly into the elevator car and we rode down toward the bottom floor. Unfortunately, we made several stops on the way down and people were getting on and off the elevator. I recognized the difference between trying to make this escape in the middle of the day as opposed to late at night in the amount of time it was taking us to reach the bottom floor.
I followed Jonathan's lead as he held his arm around my waist in a seemingly relaxed gesture, leading me from the elevator onto the second floor. He pulled me swiftly to a stairwell and through a room that resembled a Laundromat, equipped with lines of washing machines and dryers. At the end of that room was a door the led into the alley behind the hospital.
"The police were already in the building hoping to talk to you today. Stealing a car now won't be an option," Jonathan told me and I nodded numbly. The months of inactivity combined with the stress of my injuries was enough to make me groggy already. "We'll have to go straight to the house because they are already watching the parking lot in hopes that we'll try to steal a car."
I nodded again in response as he turned and pulled me toward the street. I knew we would have to walk some distance to make it to their home because it would probably be near the outskirts of the town. It didn't take long before we were off the street and into the woods as police sirens blared, the patrol car barreling down the street we just crossed and headed — no doubt — toward the hospital. I swayed on my feet, a sweeping dizziness suddenly washing over me before I felt cold hands on my shoulders.
"Come on. I'll carry you," Jonathan said and pulled me up into his arms. I would have protested — part of me wanted to — but I knew I'd never make it on my own. I couldn't keep my eyes open for long, so I quit fighting the lethargy and fell quickly asleep.
When I woke, it was with a start. I knew immediately where I was, although I had never seen this room before. The pale color scheme and huge picture window in the room were exactly in line with what I remembered of the Cullen's taste. I was still taking in my surroundings when the door creaked open.
"How are you feeling?" Jonathan asked quietly. I met his eyes and they were filled with nothing but concern as he walked to my bedside.
"I'm alright. Still sleepy, though. How is that possible?" I asked as I glanced toward a small clock on the table. We had left the hospital just after noon and it was after ten.
"Your body requires rest in order to heal," Carlisle's voice came from the doorway. My head whipped quickly in that direction as my body stiffened. I groaned at the pain that shot through me. He gave me a small, apologetic smile.
"Bella, Carlisle needs to check your wounds and change the dressings," Jonathan said. I turned my head slightly toward him and slid my eyes to take in his worried expression, keeping Carlisle in my periphery. I felt my eyes widen and my heart picked up in tempo.
"Can't you do it?" I asked in a small voice. I was suddenly terrified of the thought of Carlisle in a way I couldn't explain. I trusted Jonathan, he had never hurt me; he had never abandoned me.
"Carlisle is the doctor here. I took care of you before but even then, I wasn't doing a very good job. You need to let him help you heal," Jonathan responded and I turned my head more to meet his eyes fully. Was he just talking about physical healing?
"Jonathan can stay in the room, Bella. You don't have to be alone with me if you aren't ready," Carlisle offered, moving closer to the bed in slow, measured steps. I tried to control my breathing and the pounding in my chest that was echoing through my ears. I felt the panic as it began rising from my core; I felt like I couldn't breathe. For some unknown reason, every cell in my body was screaming 'predator' but a small part of me knew better.
It was at that point that the gravity of my situation suddenly hit me like a wrecking ball. I was alone in a house of vampires. I was trapped again, too far for any human to hear me scream. I tried to keep myself calm. I tried to remember that I had been around Carlisle in the hospital, but the bigger part of my mind reeled with the thought that no one knew where I was again. I wasn't been watched over, I was being held in a house with vampires who could kill me before I realized what was happening. I tried to take a deep breath as Carlisle took another step forward.
"It's okay, Bella. If you aren't ready, I understand. We can try and if it gets to be too much, I'll leave the room," Carlisle said and his voice was sincere.
It didn't matter, the panic overtook me and I pushed myself against the headboard, sitting upright and curling my knees to my chest, despite the pain in my ribs and stomach. I felt the stitches pulling, ripping my skin as I wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to make myself even smaller. My entire frame rocked with tremors and it took a moment before I registered the terrified whimpers coming from my throat. My eyes had never closed during the movement, carefully watching the potential threat in the room without meeting his eyes. I continued pushing myself with my feet, as if I believed that I could move further away from him if I continued to try.
"Bella," I heard someone say, though the word barely registered. I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye although I didn't understand what was happening. I whipped my head to the side where the movement had occurred to watch the person beside me and back to the one by the door. All I could register was fear. I knew I was surrounded by something very dangerous.
My body moved, arching away from the figure that was moving beside me and I was on my feet on the bed. A horrifying sound was piercing my ears, a high-pitched curl that could make my ears bleed. My eyes were unfocused as I took in my surroundings with a new thought; the only coherent notion in my mind: escape. I heard voices again but the sound seemed muffled by the shrill sound that echoed off the walls. After a long moment, my eyes focused on the door and I immediately crouched on the bed. I jumped, trying to clear the threat that was blocking the door but something cold and hard grabbed me from behind, pinning me to the bed.
I struggled against the weight on my back although I knew it was useless. My head whipped wildly around as I tried to watch them all at once, wanting to know who was coming at me first. I noticed a third figure now and thrashed violently against my captor, who seemed to be trying to speak to me. All I heard was the wild shrieking that I just now realized was coming from me. I was screaming and the sound was a deafening, horrified screech that was nearly inhuman.
The third figure that had entered the room turned and vanished as I focused on trying to free myself from the bed. My throat finally gave out and the sound I was making cut off into a scraping cough. I continued to struggle uselessly, trying to pull my arms from where they were pinned behind my back. Finally, in an act of desperation, I pulled with all my strength, raising my shoulders and arching my back against the pressure on my wrists. As I did this, I threw my head back and felt my skull connect with something rock hard. The pain shot down my neck and spine as I felt the blood spreading through my hair. The atmosphere in the room abruptly changed as the third figure reappeared and another sound began. This one was coming from behind me. It was an enraged, animalistic sound that reverberated through my bones.
Things started to move quickly again. The figures in the room blurred and I felt the weight lifted from my back. I blinked back what I thought were tears forming in my eyes but then my vision was tainted with a pinkish haze. I pushed myself up off the bed, holding on tightly to the headboard for support when I realized how dizzy I was. I wiped at my eyes, trying desperately to clear my vision. I noticed that the room was empty. I took two quick steps toward the door before my legs gave out below me. My knees hit the floor with a hard crack. I tried to push myself back to my feet but it was useless, the dizziness was overwhelming. I fell to my hands and began to crawl toward the door. Escape was close; I just had to keep going.
Just before I made it to the door, a figure appeared directly in front of me. I heard another bloodcurdling scream as a pale face blurred in my vision, moving too swiftly for my eyes to follow. I heard violent growling, glass shattering and several voices raised above the screeching. I felt something hard and cold, knocking me to the ground as I tried to stand. I was pinned face down on the hard floor, struggling before I felt a sharp pain pierce the skin where my neck met my shoulder and everything went black.
A/N: Whew... that was a doozy! I hope you all are enjoying this as much as I am ;) What do you think just happened? I'd love to hear some theories!
I have to thank my wonderful, amazing new beta, Emily Bowden. She is a Godsend! I don't know what I'd do without you! You should check out her work!
I finally got around to posting the first outtake... it's Alice's POV so you will see some of the Cullen's! It explains what the others were doing... How they found out... their reactions... Check it out! It's on my profile under Misguided Ghost: The Outtakes! If you guys have any scenes you would like to see from another characters perspective, please let me know! I'm game to try any of them... any character at any point of the story.
As always, teasers for reviewers... and I have the perfect teaser all picked out this time :)