A/N:

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Chapter 14

Staring at her reflection, Kate reluctantly accepts that soap and water are only going to fix so much. She's stalling. Castle's already checked on her once yet she's in no hurry to leave the confines of her tiny sanctuary. She's replayed the events of the past few hours second guessing all of it. Her intentions. His intentions. The implications. To put herself at ease, she methodically eliminated one after the other until her mind moved on to thoughts of how far they've come. From the very beginning Castle knocked her off balance, taking her on a ride that kept her simultaneously starstruck, annoyed and intrigued. That was just their first case. Once he officially became part of her team, all bets were off. She quickly learned life with Rick Castle was messy. The man seemed to take great pleasure in turning her nicely ordered and compartmentalized world upside down. Still, even after all that's happened between them, he's become one of the people she trusts most in this life.

Forcing herself to focus, Kate commits to a plan. She'll go with what she knows and what she knows is that Detective Kate Beckett and Rick Castle are friends. That's all. Keeping it that way is best for everyone. No more of this weepy Kate stuff. She's not one of his groupies. It was one book signing and he doesn't even know she was there. No, definitely not one of writer boy's groupies swooning over his fancy words and sexy smile. When she leaves this bathroom, she'll behave like the friend he knows. The detective friend. She's Kate Beckett and this detective will not be getting back into bed with Rick Castle. No matter how much she might want to. Not tonight. Not ever. Taking a deep breath, Kate leaves the refuge of the bathroom disappointed to find the perky nurse flirting with her friend.

"Kate. Hi. Rick said you had a little trouble standing so I wanted to make sure you were steady on your feet. Are you having any dizziness?"

Liz watches the detective size her up. It's obvious her patient's not pleased that she's still in the room. She hadn't planned to stay but couldn't resist stealing a few minutes with the very charming mystery writer.

"No. I'm fine."

The defiant edge to her words there by design, Kate raises an eyebrow as she glares at Castle. Of course he told the nurse about her stumble but that's not why she's angry. She's angry that, even here, he has to flirt with every woman he meets. The remorseless blue eyes staring back at her only make it worse. If she could shoot him, she would.

The death glare fixed on him tells Castle that his day of being the knight is nearing its end. He resisted waiting by the bathroom door knowing too well that letting Kate exercise some independence would make her feel better than any medicine this hospital could offer. So he waited, occupying himself with an innocent conversation with an adoring fan. He's happy to see Kate looking more like the woman he's used to. Her eyes full of a determination that had been missing earlier and he's even happier that it's partly fueled by jealousy.

Irrational. That's the only way to describe the feelings bubbling up in her. Slightly embarrassed, Kate looks away from Castle. It's then that she notices the crisp white bed sheets under the blanket splayed nicely over the bed as if it is a quilt from home.

Pushing aside her irritation, Kate clears her throat and looks over to the nurse, "Thank you. For the clean sheets"

"You're thanking the wrong person detective."

"Really?"

The sarcasm can be heard loud and clear as Kate whips her head towards Castle. Usually he's the one leaving a trail of chaos behind not cleaning it up.

"Guilty"

Castle's laying there looking as comfortable as she imagines him to be in his own bed at night. With his hands crossed behind his head, he matches the sarcasm in her voice with the gleeful pride in his. Playboy smile painted across that annoyingly handsome face. He couldn't be more proud of himself and she knows it.

"You always are."

Kate holds his stare even as the wink he gives unnerves her. It's not helping that he's looking at her as if he's won some epic battle between the two. Times like these, she finds him the most difficult to read.

"I never knew you were so domestic. You do windows too Castle?"

"You're welcome."

With Kate feeling better, Castle can enjoy what he's about to do that much more. Smiling, he pats the spot next to him on the bed.

Beckett's a little unsure of what to do. Not only had she not expected Liz to be there flirting with Castle but she expected him to be sitting in the chair or standing when she came out of the bathroom. Anywhere but stretched out on this bed that had somehow become theirs.

Observing the standoff, Liz starts wondering if the detective didn't hit her head harder than they think. That can be the only explanation for why she's taking playing hard to get to a new level. Handsome, funny, caring and loaded. What more could a woman want? She can't stand by and watch the writer be shot down.

"Oh, go on. You both look like you could use some more sleep. Even with two people in it, that bed's a lot more comfortable than one of these hard chairs. Plus, Kate you slept much better with him than when you were sleeping by yourself."

"See, even your nurse thinks it's a good idea."

Kate stands mouth open, brain stuck somewhere between disgust and completely creeped out. Needles or not she is starting to hate this nurse.

"You saw us?"

Liz smiles at seeing the feisty detective she's heard so much about finally make an appearance. Amused, she nods towards the camera above them in the corner.

"This is one of our observation rooms. No audio, just video. I've got some other patients to check on. Call if you need anything."

Kate's in disbelief as the nurse slips out leaving them alone once more. There it is mounted in plain sight. All of the times she's been in the emergency room, she's not sure she's ever noticed it.

"Did you know that camera was there?"

"I may have noticed at some point. Your detecting skills are slipping."

"I was a little preoccupied but I guess you were too busy entertaining that nurse to tell me."

Before the regret reaches her eyes, Castle recognizes the truth behind Kate's words. She may be looking and talking more like Beckett but she is far from okay. This night has taken a heavy toll on her.

"How long do you plan on standing there Kate?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm tired of being in that bed."

"As exhausted as you are, I doubt that. C'mon, you know you want to."

"Wanna what Castle?"

Relieved to hear the familiar playfulness returning to her voice, he lets her calling him Castle slide. He's even grateful to see the annoyed look back on her face. All good signs. He would spend a thousand nights like this if it would help her.

"Do I detect a little bit of nerves in the fearless Kate Beckett?"

She raises an eyebrow at his challenge. Of course, she understands exactly what he's talking about. All that's left is to decide how far she's willing to go. It's one thing for him to get into bed with her. Quite another for her to do the same.

Castle watches her eyes. As usual, they give her away. He's not sure who else can see it but he can. After all the time they've spent together, she still manages to surprise him except in moments like these. In these moments, he can read her as if she's an open book. For him, it's all in her eyes. When she walked out of the bathroom, he could see the split second of shock that he was still occupying the bed. He ruined her plan to reclaim it as her own. More importantly, doing so made it impossible for Kate to walk out of that bathroom and pretend the dreams, the tears, the cuddling hadn't happened. They would pretend soon enough. He isn't ready yet, and, her eyes say she isn't either.

"What you want. What you really want is to climb back into this bed."

"Castle I don't wa…"

"You were comfortable in my arms and you know it. Let's at least be honest about that."

He had her. Hospital beds were horribly uncomfortable. It's true that Castle made a better pillow. That wasn't it though. She's slept in places much more uncomfortable than this more times than she cared to remember. Falling asleep at her desk was less comfortable. It was about more than being comfortable. In his arms, Kate felt safe. Not many people or things made her feel that way. She didn't let them. Tonight, Castle had been able to when she needed it most. That means more to her than any other comfort.

"You do have better padding than those flat pillows."

"You know how I know you were comfortable?"

"How?"

Trying to seem as disinterested as possible, Kate can barely remember the words of her bathroom pep talk from only minutes ago. Instead, she's caught up in yet another of Castle's stories as he sets it up and reels her in like he's done so many times. The only difference is that this time she's the story.

"You were snoring."

The words are barely out before there's a huge gotcha smile on Castle's face. He wonders if she even realizes that she's moving closer to the bed as they go back and forth.

"I've never had any complaints before."

"Not complaining. Observing. It's what I do, remember?"

"Yes, I remember you not doing it very well."

"Not true. I do the observing very well. It is the silent part I choose to skip."

Shifting her feet, Kate is now only an arm's length away from the bed. Castle's still in the same spot, no doubt enjoying how his plan's coming together. She should have expected something like this. Suddenly, she can't remember why sharing a bed with him is such a bad idea.

"C'mon get in. It's only a few hours."

Chewing her lip, she's contemplating her next move as a wave of calm washes over here. They're friends. Friends could share a bed without it being anything else. They'd already been doing it. A few more hours isn't going to change anything.

"Fine but only because I'm tired."

Then, as though she's done it a million times before, Kate slips into bed as Castle holds the sheet and blanket up for her. That's when she notices he's arranged it so there's a blanket between them. Seems Rick Castle is full of pleasant surprises. Settling in, she turns so that she's facing him once more.

"I don't snore."

"Don't worry. I'm not planning on telling anyone except maybe Esposito and Ryan."

"Go ahead. It's your reputation you'll be ruining."

"How so?"

"Imagine people finding out that Bachelor #9 is a cuddler. What would the women of New York City think then?"

Truth is he's more than happy to spend his nights cuddling her without giving any other woman in NYC a second thought let alone all of them. Unfortunately, that's a conversation for another time. Tonight his main objective isn't just to get Kate into bed. It's to get her back to sleep.

"It's probably a good time for you to go back to sleep. What do you think?"

"I think I'm not tired Castle. When did you turn into my father?"

"Call me whatever you'd like. You still need to sleep."

Kate moves her eyes to the empty space between them. That she was able to sleep somewhat restfully before doesn't mean she wants to push her luck. She would much rather take her chances and stay awake. What she really wants to do is ask Castle to talk to her, tell her a story from one of his books. For some reason, she can't bring herself to ask.

"If you don't want to sleep, then maybe we can play doctor. I could probably find myself a stethoscope and that thingy to check your tonsils. I'm even dressed for the part now. "

That he is. Proudly dressed in the hospital issued scrub shirt that Liz must've given him to replace his wet Armani shirt. She knew it was only a matter of time before he brought up playing doctor again.

"Haven't had my tonsils since I was 8. Anyway, I think there are enough doctors running around here without you pretending to be one."

"Is that a maybe?"

"Castle the only way we're playing doctor is if I'm the one holding the scalpel."

"Deal but only if I get to be naked."

She shakes her head and they fall into a comfortable silence. She's still struggling. He's watched her for too long not to notice the sadness she's trying to hide in her face. He knows she's scared to go back to sleep. He doesn't blame her. If he had those dreams he wouldn't want to either.

"You know when Alexis was younger and couldn't fall asleep she used to cuddle up and find a spot right here." He pats his heart then continues, "Said it helped to calm her down when she was upset. Worked every time. She still puts her head there from time to time."

"Castle"

"No more fighting remember? We agreed."

"No. You agreed."

"You didn't disagree."

Kate's warning tone is a little weaker than usual but that she's back on the defensive is clear. Not wanting things to return to their earlier tension, Castle tries another tactic.

"Is it my fault my muscular arms are your equivalent of honey milk?"

Kate laughs releasing some of the sadness that had returned. As much as it makes her nervous, she appreciates Castle so much right now. That he's making things okay for her yet again. Always when she needs it the most.

"It's just a few inches further. You can do it."

"I still hate you"

Remembering all the times she told him that in the beginning of their relationship makes him smile. Whether because of his ego or something else, he never took those words as an insult. Each time he heard them, he became more determined to win the tough detective over.

"I know and I'm completely okay with that."

The mischief in his blue eyes makes her wish she could just let go but she can't. Kate likes to be in control. After her mom died and her dad started drinking, having control was the only thing that kept her sane some days. It let her believe that random acts wouldn't destroy her world. Ten years later, the idea of giving up some of that control and depending on someone too much scares her to death.

"I swear Castle. Breathe a word of this to anyone. Anyone and I'll…"

"I know. You'll shoot me"

Why he always sounds so excited when she talks about shooting him, Kate will never understand. Taking a deep breath, she scoots over just a bit and he does too. Like so many other times, they meet in the middle. Kate shifts her body so she's leaning against him, resting her head on the hand she placed on his chest.

"No. Death would be too good for you"

Thankful her voice doesn't betray her, she closes her eyes trying to silence the part of her brain shouting objections.

"What then?"

"If you tell anyone this you'll be eating out of a straw for the next month. That means no hotdogs."

Castle answers her by wrapping his arms around her. He's tentative and a little awkward now that she's fully awake. The first time was on instinct but this is Kate choosing to let him hold her. He can't believe how a woman so larger than life at work feels so small in his arms. Holding her feels good. Maybe too good.

"With all the times you've threatened to shoot me, it's more than a little ironic that my hands are exactly where your gun usually is."

Kate's laugh encourages him to hold her even tighter. She'll never understand how much this means to him. Sure, he helped with cases all the time but there were only a few times she's ever come to him for help. It always makes him feel proud knowing that she trusts him. Cop or not, those are the times that he feels most like her partner.

"Thank you ."

"For what Castle?"

"Letting me do this. Letting me be here."

His words leave Kate speechless as she feels the lump grow in her throat and tears in her eyes. She stays silent when he pulls her towards him until her head rests at the spot by his heart. Sliding her hand to his waist, she buries her head in hopes of hiding the expression on her face.

They don't talk for almost an hour. It's unlike them but it's not awkward. Kate's glad that Castle's the first to fall asleep this time. She knows he's exhausted and feels guilty he's not in his own bed. Forcing herself to stay awake, Kate relaxes listening to the sound of his breathing. The truth that she fit as comfortably into his arms as she seemed to his life doesn't slip past her. Neither does the reality that Castle is helping her through this night like his books had when she lost her mom. For years, his words had kept her company. Sometimes she thinks they were the only thing that saved her from the loneliness and hopelessness that threatened to consume her. If someone told Kate that one day she would trust the man, not his books, to be there in her darkest moments she would have sworn they were crazy. Yet here they are and she's finding it more and more difficult to come up with reasons why depending on Rick Castle is anything but good.

A/N:

Hope you enjoyed it. You guys rock for reading. The last chapter will be posted sooner rather than later. Thanks again!