Well, after another hiatus, this one much shorter than the last, I'm back. All moved into my new house and well into another grad class, but here we go
Let me know what you think…
Amita stared at Charlie in irritation. The math professor was perched on the window ledge, a pencil tapping endlessly against a stack of papers that Amita had brought from Cal Sci – papers that needed to be graded. About a half an hour earlier, Amita had arrived at Don's room, bringing with her final papers that Charlie had assigned a month ago – now completed and ready to be examined by the curly-haired genius, but Charlie had only given them a look of disdain. While Amita had perched in a chair and said hello to Alan and checked on the still comatose Federal Agent lying in the bed, Charlie had half-heartedly flipped through the first paper, numbers and words jumbled into ten pages.
That attempt had lasted all of five minutes. Alan had stood stiffly, clutched Don's hand, then announced he was going for a walk to stretch. Since he'd been gone, Charlie had been staring out the hospital window sightlessly, the pencil in his hand setting an uneven beat on hours and hours of tears and stress that his students had poured into white computer paper.
At first, Amita had been unbothered, having her own papers to grade, but soon enough, the repetition of the eraser striking the paper intruded into her thoughts and she glared at Charlie. Charlie remained oblivious, even when Amita cleared her throat, shuffled her own papers and shifted her chair loudly so that she was just a bit closer to Don.
Finally, she couldn't take it any longer.
"Charlie!" Her tone was a bit sharper than she had intended, but it had the desired effect – Charlie jumped with surprise.
"What? Did something happen? Is Don…?" Immediately, Charlie nearly fell of with ledge in an attempt to get to his older brother's side and Amita instantly regretted startling him, guilt creeping in at the desperate look on Charlie's face which only abated when he saw that Don was just as he had been for a while – still very still and still very comatose, yet alive. He turned owlish eyes on her. "What…?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," she said quickly, one hand tiredly pulling at her dark curls in a nervous fashion. "It's just, you were tapping your pencil…"
"Oh," Charlie said simply, looking down at the offending piece of wood and graphite still clutched in his hand, then down at Don. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."
"Don't worry about it," Amita said with a sigh. "What's wrong with you? You were a million miles away there for a few minutes," she said, truly concerned. Ever since Charlie had excitedly told her three days ago that Don was showing brain activity, she'd been expecting things to be better – and for the first two days, they had been. Everyone's moods had improved – Alan had even gone home for almost ten hours and Charlie had made one trip to Cal Sci and even done a short lecture. But as the days lengthened and Don didn't wake up, the relief they'd all felt seemed to fade.
The doctors were still highly optimistic. Each day, Don was showing more and more brain activity and his lung was healing nicely. Even the bruises were healing. There were still dark ugly spots indicating bullet strikes, but everything else was turning brilliant shades of yellow. Still, none of this seemed to ease the fact that Don still remained in a coma. Dr. Wild had tried to convince both Charlie and Alan that Don would come around eventually – and that there was no way to put an exact time or date on when he would come out of the coma, but both of them seemed hesitant to accept her words. As long as Don remained unconscious, neither would be convinced that the worst was truly over.
Even David and Megan seemed suspicious of the medical opinions they were given – David muttering about Don's stubborn personality and Megan staring at her boss with worried eyes. Amongst all of them, Colby seemed to be the one who believed what he was told. His unrelenting faith in his boss' will to recover in good time had inspired Amita, and she refused to be doubtful like the rest.
Charlie was looking at her hesitantly, obviously unsure if he should speak, then took the plunge. "I've been doing some research on coma patients – with this level of brain activity, Don should have been awake yesterday," he finally said.
Amita couldn't help it - she rolled her eyes. "And now you're a medical doctor, Charlie?"
Charlie bristled, his response expected, and suddenly Amita felt bad for provoking him. "Maybe not, but there are plenty of medical journals out there…"
"I know, I know," Amita said, trying to keep the strain she suddenly felt out of her voice. She'd actually read the same reports – not that she'd admit that to Charlie. "It's just…. Look, remember that conversation you had with Larry? About not being able to 'quantify' the human factor?" she asked him.
Surprised, he nodded. "Yes, of course I do – but that isn't what this is about – I'm not trying to figure out what a criminal…or anyone is trying to do, I'm trying to figure out why my brother is still unconscious."
Amita sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that you can't quantify the human body either, Charlie. You must know by now that people have lived in the most extreme circumstances and died in the most mundane. The brain is a huge unknown – we have no idea what's going on in there to keep Don inside," she said with a wave towards the bed where the object of their conversation was still convalescing. "Coma patients are some of the most unpredictable medical cases there are out there – I know you must have seen that in your research as well."
Charlie blinked at her, dark eyes unreadable, but then he was nodding, and rubbing his forehead with his good hand wearily.
"I did. I know. It's just so hard to believe – and I want Don back so badly. I mean, why doesn't he just wake up? Is he still too hurt? Is he angry that I let him down in the bank? Does he blame me for what happened? Worse, does he blame himself? Is he still in there because he's afraid to face me? I can see him doing that – I can see him thinking it was all his fault for taking me into that bank. He probably thinks he scarred me for life – he probably has no idea…." Charlie suddenly trailed off, and looked down at his arm, still in a sling. "Oh God…he might not even know that I'm not hurt!" The anguish in his voice was enough to make Amita want to cry.
Before she could stop him, he was clutching Don's hand.
"Donnie? Can you hear me? I'm right here, and I'm fine. I'm not hurt, ok? You saved me. You hear that? You saved me – so hurry up and wake up."
"Charlie?" Amita asked softly. "Just relax, ok? Don's going to be fine."
Dark eyes turned to face her and Charlie was nodding, woodenly and automatically. "I wish I could be as sure as you are."
Amita sighed softly. "Charlie, Don is the strongest person I know. I've seen him go to lengths most people wouldn't bother with just for the smallest things. I think we both know that all the things we imagine he does and has been through – the guns, the knives, the threats, the bad dreams… All those things we think about – well, like it or not, they're probably very real for Don – but just look at him! Think about how well adjusted and kind and generous he still is. Not everyone could face what he does everyday and still be a normal person. I figure if he can do that, then he can make it through this," she told Charlie with all the conviction she had.
Charlie watched her silently for a moment, then an unexpected grin tugged at his lips.
"Tell me again just how great Don is," he said with a chuckle, his mood instantly lightening. Amita felt heat creeping up her cheeks and she turned away from Charlie, standing up abruptly so her back was to him.
"Charlie, you know that's not what I meant… I wasn't trying to… You know I…"
"I know you think my big brother is hot," Charlie said, levity in his voice. Amita felt the blush creep higher.
"Charles Edward Eppes – you don't know anything," she said, turning on him, trying to keep her voice sounding offended, but Charlie just laughed at her and despite her discomfort at the direction their conversation was headed, Amita was glad he was no longer drowning in doubt.
"Come on Amita, you told me."
"I certainly never said the words 'your brother is hot,'" she huffed. "I believe what I said was that I really respected and liked your brother – maybe a little more than I should considering our relationship," she said, indicating herself and Charlie.
"And then, I said I already knew you liked Don and that I was ok with that," Charlie reminded her.
"Yes well, maybe you should mention that to Don," Amita responded snarkily and immediately wished she could pull the words back into her mouth. She hadn't meant to broach that subject, and certainly not here, now, in the hospital with Charlie's mental state a little shaky and the object of her affection lying in a coma. She slapped both hands over her mouth, eyes wide with remorse.
"Yeah, actually, maybe I should," Charlie said thoughtfully, his eyes gazing off, completely unaware of her reaction.
Amita gaped at him. "Charlie, I'm so sorry. This is not the time or place…"
Charlie looked up at her, surprise on his face. "It's ok Amita. I know I'm acting a little strange, but I'm not made of glass, I assure you. And, to be honest, I guess I've been wanting to have this conversation."
Amita was surprised. "Really? I mean, Charlie, you don't really have to say anything. What I said – about you saying something to Don – I mean, if Don isn't interested in me, well, he isn't interested," she said with a shrug.
Charlie snorted and leaned back in his chair, glancing at Don. "Not interested? You've got to be kidding me."
Amita gaped at him. "Well, I mean… Not to sound vain, I mean, I've seen him look my way… But he hasn't shown anything more than passing attraction…"
Charlie sighed, suddenly looking a bit sheepish. "I'm fairly certain that's my fault," he told her. "Don has a pretty strict code of ethics regarding stuff like this. To him, you're probably untouchable because of me."
Amita paused. She had known this. Don ran his life by a fairly strict code of personal do's and don'ts – a moral compass that guided him along. No doubt this situation did more than just hedge into gray areas. Considering the nature of Don and Charlie's sometimes fragile relationship, she wasn't surprised that Don wouldn't come near her. She didn't blame him – she didn't want to be the cause of any unrest between the two of them. However, after the night she and Charlie had talked and they'd both come to the conclusion that they were not in love, but that Amita was clearly interested in Don instead, Amita had hoped that Charlie would intercede on her behalf and give Don the green light.
Time had passed and Don still hadn't done much more than take her out for a cup of coffee after a particularly difficult case. The way he looked at her… Well, it clearly said she was still off limits, despite the fact that Charlie was seeing someone else. For a little while, Amita had been angry with Charlie. Why couldn't he just tell Don that it was ok to be interested in her? Then she began to worry that maybe Charlie had already told Don – and that the Federal Agent was actually not interested, so she'd left it at that.
Now Charlie was telling her that he had indeed never let Don know that it wouldn't be a problem.
"Can I ask why you haven't spoken to him about this?" she said, trying to keep her voice neutral, not wanting him to know she was upset. After all, she was sure she must have hurt him just a little bit when she'd admitted her feelings for Don. Even if they both recognized that they were wrong for each other, having her tell him that she preferred his brother must have been painful. She knew enough about their relationship to know that there was a healthy dose of sibling rivalry and that before, they'd clashed over the same woman. That was probably the same reason why Don was so reluctant to cross the invisible barriers he had erected regarding her.
Charlie was staring at her, looking a bit guilty.
"To be honest? I… I was a little jealous – which I know sounds crazy because we both felt the same way about the situation – about us. But, there's this uncontrollable, unquantifiable thing inside of me that still doesn't want Don to…have you."
Amita was surprised at his candid response, but she understood and found herself nodding. "I understand the primal need to one up each other is quite poignant in men," she supplied.
Charlie let out a sigh. "It's not just that, Amita. It's just that – for as long as I can remember Don has always been cool – has always been something to try to ascribe to. When we were kids… I wanted to do everything that Don did and have everything that he had. I was always following him around, trying to be him. I think it drove him absolutely crazy. Even now, knowing that I'm successful, well-known and even envied by others, there are still days that I wish I had what Don had – that I was a hero, not just a math professor. I know that probably sounds crazy, but sometimes I still feel like he always has everything I want – and that he's always better than me."
Amita was surprised. When they had dated and been a bit closer, he had occasionally confided his deep need to please his brother – but nothing like this.
"But Charlie…" she said, already prepared to tell him just how truly wonderful he was.
"No," he said, cutting her off. "I know what you're going to say – and I really appreciate it. I was just…trying to be honest with you. I have a jealousy issue where I don't want Don to be any happier than I am."
"Charlie," she said softly. "I thought you said that you didn't feel that way about me…"
"Oh!" he said, jumping to his feet. "I don't. I mean, I still think you're a wonderful person, and I still don't think that you and I are really meant to be together. It's just, I guess it bothers me a little that we didn't work out but that if you and Don do work out…then it just proves that I'm no good at normal things… Like dating beautiful women."
Amita chuckled. "Charlie, you aren't good at normal things! That's because you're so gifted in things that most people don't consider normal. You're mind is above what most people could ever dream of asking for. Every gift we are given requires a little sacrifice. So you don't act in a way society considers normal – so what? And you are capable of dating beautiful women – you and I just weren't meant to be. Besides, you are dating a beautiful woman! And I have news for you – Don isn't exactly what I would consider normal."
Charlie blinked at her. "Don is completely normal."
"Really? You think that giving up a promising career in baseball one day after you hit a double and joining the FBI on a snap decision the next day is normal? Do you think that living in an apartment where most of your life is in boxes is normal? Or that spending most of your downtime in your family home while still trying to pretend your completely independent is normal? How about working for six or seven days straight with little or no sleep? And, to top all of that off, do you think it's normal that he gets offended when you call him on any of that? I mean, Charlie, Don thinks that what he does is normal – how he lives is normal – but compare him to your father – or to anyone else you know that doesn't work in law enforcement and tell me that's normal."
Charlie was silent for a moment, absorbing her words, then he laughed. "You know what, you're right. I mean, I know all that about Don – that his job certainly passes the realm of normal, but now that you truly point out his habits…well, you're right. He's not run of the mill."
"And that's what makes you Eppes men all so interesting," Amita said, grinning back at him, happy to see him smiling.
Charlie chuckled. "Listen, I'm very glad we talked about this. I've been wanting to tell you that it's my fault that Don's kept his distance, but I wasn't sure how, and I haven't exactly been sure how to broach that subject with him either. Dad keeps telling me I have to do something – because you came into our lives for a reason, and he'd like to keep you around. Not to mention, of course, the never-ending need for grandchildren… So, don't say I didn't warn you – if you and Don date, Dad will be merciless…"
"I'll be merciless about what?" Alan asked, arriving with a tray of food, eyes darting between the two.
"Grandchildren," Charlie muttered.
"Grandchildren? Who's having grandchildren?" Alan asked, perking up, and Amita let out a soft whoosh of air. Charlie was right – but she thought if she could handle Alan's not so subtle badgering that at first she date Charlie, and then when realization had hit him, that she date Don, then she could handle the grandchild obsession. Alan was certainly perceptive. He'd seemed to know right away when she and Charlie had settled things and before she'd even really decided what to do about Don, Alan had been already pushing her in the direction of his older son. Amita would have loved to have made him happy right away, but Don was a tough cookie to crack.
"No one," Amita assured him with a friendly smile. "Let me help you with that," she said and Alan, ever the gentleman, refused, setting the tray down himself and passing out sandwiches.
"I'll tell you both something, Donnie better wake up soon or I'm going to die from this Hospital cafeteria food. After all these years, they couldn't put a Starbucks in or something?" Alan groused. "Do you think if I tell Donnie we're having brisket at home tonight, it'll bring him around?"
The all smiled and laughed. "It's worth a try," Charlie suggested.
Amita regarded them for a moment. Somehow, Charlie's spirits seemed a bit brighter – like maybe their talk had lifted something off his shoulders – and Alan seemed pleased to see Charlie smiling.
"This is all Don needs to wake up," she said softly. "You two."
Alan looked up from his egg salad sandwich, eyes a bit watery, but he was smiling. "She's right you know," Alan told Charlie.
"Almost," Charlie agreed. "But we're not the only ones he needs," he said and squeezed her hand – and while they sat there, they knew that everything was really going to be just fine.