Here we are with Edward's POV. Not too long of a wait this time, and almost 8,000 words. Enjoy! (:
Disclaimer: Twilight = not mine. D:
"Edward!" called an all-too familiar voice. "Edward, please!"
I continued to run, refusing to look behind me. I had to get away. I couldn't stay. "Go away! Leave me alone!" I shouted.
"Edward, please! Wait!" the voice insisted.
"No! I can't do this!" I realized too late that I was headed off the edge of a cliff. I began to fall and screamed.
"Edward!"
My eyes snapped open, and I shot up in bed, gripping the sheets so tightly that my knuckles were white. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt clammy.
"Edward?" Esme whispered.
I jumped, turning to look at her. I hadn't realized that she was in my room. "God, Esme, you scared me," I sighed, taking deep breaths.
"You were screaming again," she whispered, reaching forward to move a lock of hair out of my eyes. She pressed her fingers to my sweaty forehead.
I ducked out of her touch, still uncomfortable. "I'm sorry."
But Esme was persistent, and she gently touched my cheek. "Don't apologize, Edward. It's all right. It's time to get up for school anyway. Are you feeling okay to go to school?"
I felt my stomach churning but knew that I had to go. If I stayed home one more day, I'd lose the option to exempt from some of my finals. And I really didn't want to take some of my finals.
"Yeah, I'll go. I'll be done in a little."
Esme smiled sadly and nodded. I avoided looking at her directly, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. I rolled out of bed and hopped in the shower, letting the warm water soothe my nerves. I was still shaky from my nightmare. Honestly, I'd had them every night for a few weeks now, but I'd been too stubborn to tell Carlisle.
I got dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, heading downstairs, letting my bare feet shuffle against the floor. Emmett was downstairs already, yawning as he began to pile food on his plate. Esme smiled and swatted his hand away. "Emmett, leave some for Edward and Carlisle."
"Sorry, Esme," he mumbled, his face already stuffed with food.
I rolled my eyes a little and sat at the table, drumming my fingers a little on the table, listening to the melody inside my head. It wasn't something I had learned, but something original of mine. It was haunting and dark.
"Edward, do –" Esme began.
"Shh," I pleaded, holding up a hand. I couldn't lose this train of thought. I stood, my first instinct to find some blank sheet music so I could write. "Where is it?" I growled, searching around my piano. "Esme, where's my blank sheet music?" I shouted, still looking.
"Isn't it by your piano?" came her voice from the kitchen.
"Obviously not. I don't see it." My voice held frustration, and I struggled to keep up with the notes inside my head.
"Oh. Here's some, honey." She handed several pieces over, and I took them as nicely as possible. I scribbled the notes down as fast as I could, catching up to the melody in my mind. I felt Esme's presence behind me and chose to ignore it, figuring I could deal with that when I was done with the song. But after a piece or two of sheet music had been filled, my mind suddenly went blank.
"Gotta be fucking kidding me," I grumbled, raking my hands through my hair. Give me music, then don't finish it. Fuck you, brain. In a fit of rage, I threw the pencil across the room and shoved the sheet music away from me. I buried my face into my hands, clenching my hair in my fists.
"Edward," Esme said warily. "Honey, it's all right. You can work on it later, you know."
I yanked on my hair, sighing heavily. "I know. I'm sorry. I'll clean it up." I leaned back from the piano bench and took a deep breath.
Esme shook her head, smiling fondly at me. "No, don't worry about it, Edward. Emmett's about ready to leave for school anyway. If you want breakfast, you might want to get in there. I'll clean it up. You finish getting ready for school."
"I am ready," I mumbled, continuing to reach down to pick up the paper I'd shoved away.
"So I suppose you're going to school with bare feet and crazy hair?" Esme snickered, arching an eyebrow. I knew she meant to be playful, but I bristled, feeling defensive.
"My shoes will take two seconds, and if there's an issue, I can just grab some shoes and get into the car anyway. And we both know my hair stays like this regardless of whatever I try, so that doesn't even count."
"Edward, go eat something," Esme urged.
"I'm not hungry," I growled, gathering the papers into a stack.
Esme sighed and leaned down to grab some of the sheet music. Something came over me, and I smacked her hand away. "Don't touch my stuff," I snapped.
Esme's hand was curled into a fist, and she was holding it against her chest. Her eyes were wide, confused. "Edward?"
"Edward, I know I did not just see you hit Esme," Carlisle seethed, anger evident in his voice.
Carlisle didn't get pissed off very often, but I knew that he loved Esme very much and wouldn't stand for violence.
I held my tongue and ignored him. I continued to pick up the sheet music, although the pace was much faster. I knew Carlisle wouldn't hold his anger in long if I continued to disrespect him. But I wasn't ready to apologize, especially since I still felt like I had done nothing wrong.
"Edward Anthony, what did I see you do?" he asked in a tight voice.
I averted my eyes from his figure which was coming closer to me. Right near his feet was the first page of music I had filled. I needed it. I felt my demeanor change. It wasn't that I could come back later and get it. It would be gone if it wasn't with me now.
I needed it. I scooted forward carefully, glancing up worriedly at Carlisle. Just a little more. Just a little more, I kept thinking, inching closer and closer to my emotions on paper.
Right as it was in reaching distance, Carlisle reached down and picked up the paper. No.
"You want this?" he asked.
"Please," I whispered, sitting back on my feet.
"I want you to apologize to Esme." His voice was firm, and I glanced between Esme and Carlisle incredulously.
"Hell no," I sneered. I wasn't going to apologize to her for touching my things. If I didn't think I'd be grounded for life, I would've already tackled Carlisle for the first sheet of music.
Carlisle's jaw locked, and he took the paper in between his hands. "Last chance, Edward. Apologize, or I'll rip it."
My heart slammed into overdrive, and I felt myself break into a sweat. I needed it. But my pride wouldn't let go. "I didn't do anything," I insisted in a raw voice. "She touched my stuff."
"She was trying to help, and you hit her," was Carlisle's hard reply. "You know we don't hit, Edward."
My eyes widened. I had to say that I was sorry. I had to, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I hadn't done anything wrong. I had been trying to help her by picking up my mess, and now I was being punished for it.
"I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do," I whispered.
Carlisle sighed. "So be it." I watched in horror as he ripped the paper into shreds, all my emotion and thought destroyed.
"No!" I screamed, lunging at him. I knocked him to the ground, and he pushed me off of him.
"Edward, stop it. You can always rewrite it," he snapped. Hands shaking, I touched the tiny shreds of paper.
"It's gone," I whispered. "It's all gone." I thought back to the melody, hoping to recall it, but to no avail. It was gone. I slammed my hand against the door frame, ignoring the sting in my hand. I screamed, knowing no words to describe the anguish I felt at having my music destroyed. I curled in on myself, gripping my hair at the roots, pulling it as hard as I dared. I screamed again, until my voice gave out.
I clumsily got to my feet, and I felt something wet hit my feet. I looked down to see tears running over the tops of my feet. "Fuck," I cursed, scrubbing at my eyes.
"Hey, Edward?" Emmett said quietly. "Man, it's time to go to school."
I stalked past him, keeping the remainder of my music clenched in my fist. I grabbed my shoes, holding them up with a harsh smirk in Esme's direction, reminding her of what I'd said.
Emmett headed out to his car, and I grabbed my backpack and stuck the music into one of my folders. I swung it over my shoulders and slammed the front door shut. I climbed into the car and shut the door.
"Go," I muttered, knowing Carlisle would rather keep me home from school to apologize than let me go. Emmett started his car and backed out quickly. I put my shoes on and sighed heavily.
"Fuck," I hissed, gripping my hair and pulling, my new habit when I was stressed.
"Edward, what happened?" Emmett asked curiously.
"She touched my stuff. I told her I'd get it, and she didn't listen to me. I got pissed off and gave her a little tap on her hand to tell her to back off, and Carlisle went ape shit and shredded my music." I scowled, resisting smacking my hand on the car door.
I knew Emmett wouldn't appreciate that.
"Well, you know how he is with Esme."
"I don't want to talk, Em. I really don't." I sighed, scrubbing my face with my hands. I felt tears well up in my eyes at the reminder that my music was gone.
"Edward, I know you don't want to talk, but have you done anything about Rosalie yet?" Emmett asked hopefully.
"We're working on it, okay?" I mumbled. "Me, Jasper, his girlfriend, Alice, and their friend, Bella. Alice is supposed to be telling Bella today."
"Is she that brunette?" Emmett wondered.
"Yeah."
"I've seen her around with Jasper and Alice. She looks nice."
I clenched my jaw. "As in, cute nice, or compassionate nice?" I ground out.
Emmett gave me a sideways glance. "As in compassionate nice. I wouldn't ask you guys to set me up with Jasper's sister if I wanted to go out with Bella, fuck. Nice to know you think so highly of me," he groused.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry about it."
"Why? Do you like her?" he teased, obviously thinking he was just joking.
I felt my cheeks redden a little, even though I didn't have an answer. Did I like Bella? She was nice and pretty, but she never acted like she was . . . attracted to me like the other girls had been. She'd never given me an indication that she liked me.
Emmett looked at me, astonished. "Oh, fuck, you do, don't you?"
"No!" I instantly snapped, a reflex reaction. Of course, that completely gave me away.
"Does she know?" he asked, completely bypassing my negative response.
"No, Emmett. I don't like her."
Emmett sighed as he parked in a space. "Keep lying to yourself, Edward. I'll see you later." I got out of the car with a growl, slamming the door with a little too much force.
I passed Bella, Alice, and Jasper in the hall, talking together, but I didn't want to interfere. I sat at the bottom of the tree on the way to the cafeteria, just thinking.
I heard a familiar voice whisper, "You go on and talk to Emmett." I looked up to see Jasper in front of me. He crouched down. "What's wrong? I see it written all over your face."
"I had a bad morning," I mumbled.
"You want to talk about it?"
I sighed. "I lost control, Jasper. I hit Esme, and fucking tackled Carlisle. I told myself I wouldn't get that mad anymore. I fucking promised myself I wouldn't."
"It's okay, Edward," Jasper soothed. "We all get a little pissed from time to time."
"And then Emmett has decided that now I like Bella." I scowled, looking away.
"Do you?" Jasper asked, taking a seat next to me.
"I don't know. She's pretty and nice and smart. But I – I have too much going on, Jasper. I don't know if I can be in a relationship right now."
"This is all stuff that you have to work out, Edward. I can't help you with this. But I'm always here for you, if you need someone to talk to. Alice and I have to go talk to your brother about Rose." He stood up, and I knew I needed more than what I was getting.
"Sit with me at lunch? Without the girls?" I pleaded.
"I'll think about it," Jasper said, heading toward Alice without another word.
I buried my face into my hands. My throat tightened, and a rough sob worked its way out of my throat. I shook as I cried. Cried for my music, my friend, Jasper, myself.
I had no clue how long I sat there, crying, before I heard, "Edward?"
I looked up, startled, and saw Bella's kind eyes watching me worriedly. "Bella?" I rasped.
She nodded a little, her eyes softening. "Yeah, it's me, Edward." She swallowed a little, running her hand through her hair. "Are – Are you okay?" Her voice was quiet, soothing.
I sniffled a little, wiping my tears away, sitting up straighter. I would be okay now. I hated crying in front of others. I took a deep breath, letting my tears dissipate. "Yeah." I let my eyes fall closed, gathering my composure. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just need to sit for a little bit."
I saw the curiosity in her eyes and barely resisted wincing. Please don't ask, Bella. Please don't.
"Do you want me to stay?" she finally asked.
I did want her to stay. But perhaps she had other things to get to. I didn't want to keep her, but I didn't want to send her away. "Do whatever you want," I answered.
She took a seat, tucking her knees to her chest. She was quiet for a while, probably waiting to see how my behavior was. "Alice says that Emmett has a crush on Rosalie?" Her tone was amused, so I followed her lead.
I gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, he does."
Bella's eyes widened. "Wow. Never would've guessed with the way he follows Tanya Denali around." She gave me a doubtful look, and I hastened to defend Emmett.
"He's . . . unsure. He's been asking me to set him up with Rosalie for months now. But he doesn't want to screw it up since Rosalie is so . . ." I trailed off, thinking of a nice way to phrase her moodiness.
"Fiery?" Bella suggested.
I forced a smile. If only she could be called fiery. Not even close. "We'll call it that." I raked my fingers through my hair. I felt my teeth against my lip, an old nervous habit. I thought I stopped doing that. "Listen, Bella. Thanks for distracting me. I really appreciate it."
She lifted her small shoulders, giving me a hint of a smile. "It was nothing, Edward. Don't worry about it. I was just being a friend."
A friend. Jasper hadn't been a friend in a while. Should I pull away from him, detach myself from him as well? Should I do it to save myself the heartache? I smirked sarcastically at myself. I saw movement in the corner of my eye. Bella was standing, grabbing her things.
"I'll see you in class," she told me quickly, already backing away. My eyebrows dipped. Why was she leaving?
I decided to ignore what the action could mean and pulled out my slightly crumpled sheet music. When I saw the first page missing, my free hand clenched into a fist. My eyes involuntarily closed in my anger, and I saw Carlisle's face as he tore my music – my music – to pieces.
Not something I'd memorized. Not something I'd learned. Something from my soul. Something from the very core of my being – and he had ruined it.
The bell rang, and I got to my feet, putting the music back into my backpack. I saw Emmett following Bella, and anger rippled through my body. Why the fuck was he following her? He leaned forward in her ear and said something. Bella shuddered, and I stalked over to her, irrationally upset.
"What did Emmett want?" I snapped, working to control my fury.
"N-Nothing," she stuttered. I looked her over. I didn't buy it. "Nothing," she insisted. "We were talking about him and Rosalie."
I relaxed slightly. "Oh. So he didn't . . . ask you out?" I averted my gaze, refusing to look at her.
She laughed. "No." I exhaled deeply. "But he did say I was cute." She scoffed, and my jaw clenched.
"Oh, yeah?" I forced myself to mumble nonchalantly.
"Mhm."
On the outside, I hoped I appeared calm. On the inside, though, I was in turmoil. Thoughts were racing, swirling, in my mind. Emmett said that he didn't like Bella. Then why would he call her cute, and to her face, no less?
Was he playing games with me, or was he serious? My jaw tightened. Either way, I'd show him. I noticed as we passed my first period class. I walked beside Bella, waiting until we got to her first period class.
"Cool," I said, just to say something. Bella looked at me, astonished. "See you in Biology." I turned, heading back to my first class.
Jasper was waiting for me. "Hey," he murmured.
"Hey," I replied, dropping my things beside me as I took a seat.
"So I told Alice that I would sit with you today," Jasper told me, watching my reaction.
I felt a smile at the corners of my lips. "Thank you," I whispered fervently.
Jasper smiled a little, too. "You're welcome. It's not a big deal."
When lunch came around, Jasper and I took our own table. I noticed him blowing a kiss to Alice, who smiled and waved a little.
"So what's on your mind, Edward?" Jasper asked, turning to me.
"I've been having more nightmares," I confessed.
"How often?" Jasper gave me a sad smile.
"Every damn night." I groaned. "I always wake someone up."
Jasper's eyebrows dipped. "How?"
I looked away. "Screaming. Or crying. Sometimes both." I swallowed, hearing the voice in my head. Edward, wait!
"I'm so sorry, Edward. Do you think being around people would help at all?"
I shrugged. "Obviously I don't since I left everyone in favor of being by myself."
"But you seem to do well with me, Alice, and Bella," he pointed out.
I shrugged again, sighing. "I don't know, Jasper. I just don't know." After a moment or two of silence, I spoke. "So what about you and Alice? How's that going?"
Jasper sighed almost dreamily. "She's amazing, Edward. She's incredible."
"I'm glad you're happy," I said sincerely. Jasper looked up and smiled, his eyes twinkling as he stared back at Alice. I followed his gaze but focused on Bella who was looking this way also. I smiled a little, then chuckled as I saw Alice put her head on the table.
"I'm going. You can come if you want," Jasper muttered quickly.
I sighed under my breath and followed him, not knowing what else to do. "Take what anymore?" I heard Jasper tease. Alice looked up, and a huge smile filled her face.
She took his hand, already babbling. Bella chuckled. "Yeah, we were fantastic without you, Jasper."
"I'm sure you were," I added, feeling a little hurt that Jasper had so readily abandoned me.
"Mind if we sit here?" Jasper laughed, already sitting.
"Sorry. Girls only," Rose taunted.
Jasper rolled his eyes. "I'm sure it is, Rose. I guess you'll have to make some exceptions."
For the sake of not looking like an idiot, I took a seat next to Bella. Might as well socialize. "So what's new?" I managed, feeling all wrong saying the words. I put my head down on the table, closing my eyes.
Until I felt a hand on my shoulder. It took all I had to keep from hissing to not touch me. "What?" I snapped, figuring it was Jasper. I wasn't in the mood to talk.
"Are you okay?" Bella murmured, watching me worriedly. Her eyes flickered to the rest of the table before coming back to me.
"Just tired," I mumbled, turning my head. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone, I pleaded.
"Edward, you hungry?" Jasper asked. I heard the concern in his voice and tried to block it out. I shook my head anyway.
Rosalie snickered. "It's a damn good thing. This food is disgusting."
I silently chuckled. "Pack your lunch. It helps," I suggested.
"Um, thanks. I'll remember that next time."
I kept my head on the table, never relaxing. I was always sure that someone was about to talk to me, or about to touch me. Forget being Jasper's friend. If I was going to choose between being alone or being Jasper's friend, I would rather be alone than be forced to sit with people that I, for the most part, did not like.
The bell rang, and I stood, grabbing my things, and headed to Biology. I took my seat, raking my hands through my hair. Bella came in a few minutes later and sat down, smiling and giving me a small nod. I hoped that meant that she knew to leave me alone.
It must have because she didn't say one thing through the entire class. I was grateful to her for that at least.
The bell rang for study hall, and I decided to walk with Bella for the first time. "How are you?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable with the silence for once.
"I'm okay," Bella said, smiling. "You?"
I shrugged, but when I looked up, I saw Emmett, Tanya, and all my old friends. I stiffened, looking away. I didn't want to talk to them. I never wanted to talk to them.
As we were walking, Victoria came out of nowhere. My heart began to pound, and my pulse skyrocketed. Please. Not now. Not with Bella.
She smiled seductively. "Hey, Edward. So what have you been up to?" She finally noticed Bella, scowling a little. "And who's this?"
"Victoria, go away," I said forcefully, trying to sidestep her. Unfortunately, she wasn't taking the hint and moved backward as we continued to walk.
"No," she snapped. "You were supposed to meet me a few days ago. Why didn't you?" Fuck you. Fuck you, Victoria. We both know that's a load of bullshit.
"I wasn't supposed to meet you," I growled, doing my best to keep my anger under control.
She tilted her head to the side, grinning. "Yes, you were. We were going to have some fun." I noticed that she looked at Bella as she said it.
"Victoria, you bitch, no we fucking weren't! Stop bothering me!" I yelled. I felt my hands clenching into fists, and I gritted my teeth.
Victoria finally began to realize how angry I was. "You know he's only going to use you then get rid of you," she snapped at Bella. She backed away before I could say anything else.
I felt Bella's eyes on me and swallowed. This was not happening to me. "Nothing ever happened between me and Victoria. Nothing was ever going to happen between us," I insisted. "Just in case you were wondering." I glanced at Bella out of the corner of my eye.
She nodded. "Yeah, I figured. I mean, I hoped that you weren't . . . you know."
In all the time I'd known her, I'd never seen Bella unable to find words. She had to have been frightened of me. I stopped, turning to face her, exhaling quietly.
"Forgive me for raising my voice and for cursing," I pleaded. "That's not who I am anymore."
"Of course, Edward," Bella soothed. "She was bothering you. I understand."
"And don't listen to her about me using you," I blurted. "I'm not that person anymore, either." God, I was trying so hard to be good, and the universe was making it impossible for me.
Thankfully, Bella seemed to believe me. "So I'm told. Come on. We're going to be late."
The bell rang right as we made it to study hall. Alice and Jasper were huddled together, smiling and talking. I clenched my jaw at the sight of the happy couple and exhaled tightly. Bella continued to walk and took a seat.
I knew they all expected me to sit alone, but I was craving contact, even the slightest amount. I sat down beside Bella, putting my forehead against the table. I set my head against my arms, closing my eyes. Tears filled my eyes at the thought of going back to Carlisle and Esme. I had no idea how disappointed they were in me right now.
God, if he decided to kick me out. . . I had nowhere to go. Especially after . . .
There was a hand on my shoulder, and I recognized the pressure. "Edward, are you okay?" Jasper whispered.
I tensed but shook my head. I shifted and pulled my fingers through my hair. I needed contact.
"Touch Bella," Jasper breathed.
I let out a heavy breath. Bella wouldn't mind, would she? Fingers shaking, I reached for her elbow. The moment my fingers came into contact with her skin, she looked at me, bewilderment coloring her features. I refused to look at her, feeling myself redden slightly.
"Edward?" she whispered, confused.
I let my hand glide down to her wrist. After taking a deep breath, I finally moved my fingers to hers, letting my fingers move to the spaces in between hers. Her hand was tense, and I saw out of my peripheral vision that she glanced at Jasper with wide eyes.
He moved to her right side and whispered something in her ear. She nodded to whatever he said, and her fingers twitched and began to rub her thumb over mine. I was hyperaware of every movement. With nothing else to do, I read while she worked on homework.
The bell rang, and I released her hand. I looked up at her for the first time all class. She was smiling, content as she put her things away.
"Thank you," I whispered. She smiled brightly and nodded.
Jasper and I went to our final class. "Alice is staying the night at Bella's. Do you want to come over later?"
"I'll have to call Esme," I mumbled, dreading the fact. "She might not let me go."
"You have to. We're going to call Alice to talk about the plan. Rose is going to the mall after school so it's the perfect time."
"I'll do what I can," I promised.
After school was out, I found myself in the parking lot next to Jasper's car calling Esme.
"Cullen residence," she answered brightly.
"Esme, it's Edward," I said cautiously. "Can I go to Jasper's for a while? He'll bring me back around seven or eight."
"You'll miss dinner," she sighed. I didn't know what else to say so I kept quiet. "Yes, you can go."
"Thank you." I hung up, nodding at Jasper. "Emmett already knows that I was thinking of going with you. He should be fine."
Jasper and I headed to his house. Jasper's mom was cooking in the kitchen and smiled at us when we came in. "Good afternoon, Jasper. Edward, what a pleasant surprise!" She smiled widely.
"Hey, Mama," Jasper greeted, hugging her quickly. I swallowed, looking away, reigning in my emotions.
"Hi, Mrs. Hale," I said, smiling. She smiled at me and came over to hug me as well. I reveled in every second of her warm arms around me. I liked hugs. Esme gave me hugs. Well, she did. I wasn't sure how much would change when Jasper finally dropped me off later that night.
I didn't dwell on that too long, though, and followed Jasper to his room. "So how was study hall?" he asked, no trace of teasing or taunting in his voice.
"Good," I mumbled, pulling a hand through my hair.
We were quiet as we heard Rosalie going through her room and listened to her say goodbye to their mom. The front door slammed, and I heard her engine rev. Jasper watched from his window and nodded at me.
"She's gone."
Jasper pulled out his cell phone and dialed Alice. "Hey. Is Bella with you?" He put the phone on speaker, letting me listen. "All right, Jazz, we're both here," came Alice's bright voice. "Is Edward with you?"
Jasper arched an eyebrow. "I'm not talking," I hissed.
Jasper rolled his eyes. "Yeah, he's here. So what are we planning for Monday?" he asked, sitting down on his bed. I took a seat in the chair at his desk.
"Hmmm. I think Emmett should just hang around us and say something about Edward acting weird. Edward, could you act, uh, really upset?" Alice asked, addressing me. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, so say no if you don't want to."
"Edward?" Jasper murmured, covering the speaker. "You're going to do it, right?"
"What choice do I have?" I mumbled, burying my face in my hands. Emmett would kill me if I was the reason this didn't work. I exhaled deeply. "Yes, I'll do it. I'll tell Emmett, too."
Jasper smiled and thanked me. "Edward can do that. And he says that he can get Emmett in on the plan as well."
"Great. Now we have to make sure that Rosalie doesn't decide to be super bitchy on Monday." Jasper laughed, and I smiled. "Jazz, can you make sure she's happy over the weekend?"
"Of course. It'll be hard, but I think I can manage," Jasper teased.
"We're all going to need each other's numbers so we can call each other if we need to," came Alice's innocent voice. Jasper and I looked at each other and shrugged.
"I don't have a phone anymore. Got rid of it five months ago," I informed him. He nodded.
"Ali, you can give Bella mine, and I'm sure you can give me Bella's. Edward doesn't have a phone anymore. He trashed his a few months ago."
It was quiet for a few seconds. "All right. I can do that. Anything else?" Alice murmured.
"Nope, nothing on our side." Jasper looked to me for confirmation, and I nodded. "Anything on yours?"
"Edward, why were you holding Bella's hand?" Alice asked suspiciously.
"Alice," Bella snapped.
I colored and buried my face in my hands. Why did this always manage to happen to me? Why was the universe being cruel?
"Please, Ali, drop it," Jasper begged. I could feel his eyes on me.
"I want to know," she insisted.
"Edward," Jasper said softly. His hand touched my shoulder, and I felt panic sweep over me.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled. Jasper pulled his hand back, his eyes wide. "Don't fucking touch me."
Jasper nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"Edward, calm down," Bella whispered through the phone. "Please calm down."
I buried my face in my hands, letting my mind clear itself. Jasper hadn't meant any harm; he was only trying to help – just like everyone else. I was sensitive and hurt, and I was lashing at Jasper because I was scared about what would happen when I went home to Esme. I was hoping that she would go easy on me – getting grounded for a little while, then a hug. But realistically, if Carlisle was handing out my punishment, I was definitely in trouble.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "Sorry, Jasper. I didn't mean to yell." Finally, I looked up and saw his slate-blue eyes on mine, worried.
"It's okay. I understand."
It was silent for a moment before Bella's warm voice filled the room. "So are we good now?"
"Yeah, we're good," Jasper confirmed. "Is Alice away from the phone?" He glanced at me.
"Yes. She's putting her stuff in my room. Should I tell her to text you later?" she asked.
Jasper and I looked at each other. Jasper's eyes were twinkling, and he smiled a little. "That's fine. I guess I'll talk to you two later. Rose should be home soon. Bye, Bella."
I waited for her voice that last time. My lips quirked into a small smile at the sound of her voice. "Bye, Jasper. Goodbye, Edward."
Jasper looked at me. "What was that?" he demanded, pocketing his cell phone.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I'm stressed and worried, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have."
Jasper lay back on his bed. "No, you shouldn't have. But I'm glad that you know why you yelled at me. Is that what you did to Esme this morning?"
"Basically," I admitted.
"No wonder Carlisle nearly kicked your ass," Jasper noted, chuckling. He put his hands behind his head, making himself comfortable on his bed.
"No kidding," I agreed, my voice barely a mumble. "I'm scared of my punishment. I've never done anything like that in months, you know?"
"So what made you freak this morning?" Jasper turned on his side and watched me, concerned.
"I was writing music. A piece for the piano," I elaborated. "It was playing in my head, and I had just started to write it down. And then, after barely anything, it disappeared out of nowhere. I got frustrated and shoved my sheet music to the ground. I offered to pick it up, but Esme kept insisting that she would do it. I guess I got paranoid, and when she tried to help, I slapped her hand away."
Jasper grimaced. "Sounds like both of you were trying to be too helpful. She's just concerned about you, Edward."
"I know she is, but I was already frustrated. She shouldn't have pushed it," I sighed. "And now I don't know what Carlisle will do." Worried, I bit my lip.
Jasper shrugged and gave me a sad smile. The rest of my visit, we talked. Jasper's mom made dinner, and I ate with them. Thankfully, Rosalie still wasn't back while we ate, otherwise I would've made Jasper take me home early.
Around six forty-five, Jasper and I headed to my house. As I got out of the car, Jasper insisted, "If you need me, call me, all right?"
I nodded. "Thanks, Jasper. I'll see you Monday."
"Bye, Edward." I watched as he backed out of the driveway, unable to face Carlisle and Esme just yet.
Finally, I couldn't delay any longer. I opened the front door and slipped in, virtually silent. I glanced around the house, afraid.
I didn't hear Carlisle or Esme. I heard music playing from Emmett's room and relaxed a little. Carlisle wouldn't murder me with Emmett in the house, right? I hoped so.
"Edward," came Carlisle's cold voice. "I'm glad you're back." I tensed, my eyes closing. My heart jumped into overdrive, and I was probably seconds away from hyperventilating.
I turned around, opening my eyes. Carlisle was there, his arms crossed. Esme was standing beside him, a sad look on her face.
"Hi," I croaked.
"I assume you know you're in trouble," Carlisle said, his eyes hard as he appraised me.
Swallowing heavily, I nodded. I was so fucked. But maybe if I apologized, my punishment wouldn't be as harsh as it would be. I could try, at least. "Esme, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry."
Esme nodded, but she didn't say anything which led me to the conclusion that apologies weren't going to get me anywhere. Carlisle had my punishment set up, and it wasn't going to change regardless of what I said or did.
"No piano for six months."
The words made my head spin. "What?" I heard myself whisper.
"You heard me. Your piano is off-limits for six months," he repeated. "And I'm stopping your sleeping pills."
My eyes widened. "Why?"
"They're affecting your behavior," he replied sternly.
"But – I won't be able to sleep."
"I guess you should have thought about that before you acted this morning, hm?" he asked. Without another word, he turned, heading to the stairs.
I stumbled back into the couch and collapsed. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed roughly. No piano, and no sleep – this was my punishment. I had to admit – it was much worse than I'd expected, but at least they weren't kicking me out.
"Edward, I'm so sorry," Esme whispered. "I tried to convince him to let you keep the piano, or to move it to two or three months, but he wouldn't budge."
I shook my head, swallowing. "It's okay," I choked out. "I'm getting what I deserve."
"Oh, honey," she breathed. She let her hand gently rest on the back of my neck. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'll keep trying."
I stood, glancing at her and nodding. "I'm going to try to sleep," I told her.
Her eyes softened, and she nodded. I went to my room and curled up on my bed. I tried to relax and breathed evenly. Eventually, I drifted.
"Edward, please!" she screamed, begging. Her eyes filled with tears. "Please!"
"What?" I shouted, tears pricking my eyes as well. "What do you want?"
"Help," she whispered. She looked down, horrified, and flames covered her body. Her flesh burned in front of me. She screamed in agony, falling to her knees. "Why?" she rasped, looking up at me.
"No!" I shouted, sitting up. I looked around, gasping for breath. I groaned when I saw that it had only been half an hour since I'd gotten home.
"Edward, you okay?" Emmett asked from the other side of my door.
"Yeah," I whispered, my voice shaking. "I'm okay."
Emmett cracked my door open. "Esme says that it's dinner time. You came home early. She was in the middle of making spaghetti," Emmett informed me.
"I already ate," I told him, raking a hand through my sweaty hair.
"I wouldn't push it," he warned. "Just come down and eat a little," he persuaded.
I swallowed a little and nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Emmett. Tell her I'll be down in a minute."
He smiled. "Of course." He shut the door behind him gently. I took a moment to regain my composure. When I did, I went downstairs. Carlisle and Emmett were already at the table, eating. Esme was serving another plate.
"Not too much," I whispered, my throat raw. "I already ate at Jasper's."
Esme looked at me, and her face blanched. I hadn't taken the time to look at myself in the mirror before I came down. Apparently, it was worse than I'd suspected. "Here." She smiled worriedly as she handed me my plate.
"Thank you."
I sat down at the table next to Emmett and Esme. Unfortunately, I was across from Carlisle. I kept my eyes on the plate in front of me, but I felt sick to my stomach. Basically, I picked at the food, only eating a strand of spaghetti every once in a while. I felt Carlisle's gaze on me the whole time, and that made me very uncomfortable.
"So, Edward, what did you do at Jasper's?" Carlisle asked. The tension in the room thickened.
"Just hung out," I mumbled.
"Why couldn't you come home with Emmett?" he pressed.
I swallowed, feeling anxious. Did Emmett want Carlisle to know about our plan or not?
He saved me. "Edward was helping me out," he said casually.
"Hm," was Carlisle's only response.
Esme tried to alleviate the tension. "Emmett, how was your day?" she asked, moving the focus of the conversation to Emmett.
He began to talk about his day, but I was unintentionally tuning him out, staring at the food Esme made. I pushed it around my plate, feeling my stomach churn as I thought about eating a few more bites just to appease Carlisle.
". . . at all, Edward?" I heard. I glanced up, seeing Esme looking at me expectantly.
"Um, could you repeat that?" I reddened a little, embarrassed at not listening to Esme.
"Did you sleep at all?"
My throat closed up, and I shut my eyes against the tears that threatened. "For half an hour," I managed to choke out.
Carlisle nodded to himself, and I looked down at my plate. "May I be excused?" I whispered.
Esme opened her mouth to say something, but Carlisle beat her to it. "Not until you finish."
"Carlisle, he already ate at Jasper's. You're excused, Edward." She smiled at me a little.
"Thank you, Esme," I mumbled, taking my plate to the sink and rinsing it off. I trudged up the stairs and sat on my bed, rolling over.
After a few minutes, there was a knock on my door. "Come in."
"Hey, Edward," came Esme's kind voice. "I'm sorry. How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. I'm tired, though. I'm gonna try to sleep a little more." I tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace.
Esme's features softened. "Sleep well, Edward. I love you."
"Love you, too," I mumbled, burying my face in my pillow.
I was plagued by nightmares every time I closed my eyes. That night, I slept maybe two hours, at the maximum. And every time, she was always screaming for me to help her. But I didn't know how. I never knew how to help her.
So what did you guys think? Leave me some love... pretty please? :3
- J.C.