Dementia
Chapter 6: See No Evil
Sora's two weeks off school were up. He could have taken longer if he preferred, since it was his money he'd be wasting. But the thing was, he figured now that he was going to therapy for his terrors, he'd be alright to go back to college. He couldn't avoid it forever. And what was he supposed to do five years down the road without a diploma? No one would ever hire him. Somehow, though, the prospect of getting a 9 to 5 desk job seemed so drab in comparison to the life style he had been living away from the Destiny Islands.
He walked into the cafeteria for lunch. He had some free time between his first and second classes, so he figured he'd grab a bite. Riku would have gone with him but he decided to get some study time in. The selection was rather lacking, ranging from burnt fries to wilted salads. Sora figured he'd be safe ordering a burger.
After getting his food, he took a seat at one of the deserted tables. He unwrapped the foil surrounding the burger and went to take a bite, but he felt something crawling on his hand. Sora examined the sandwich but didn't have to look very hard to see that his burger patty had been replaced with a rotting maggoty hand, swarming with little white bugs and somewhat large cockroaches. It took all his will power not to scream like a girl. He dropped the maggot-ridden flesh onto the table and pushed it away.
Oh god, I'm gonna be sick…It was happening again. More visions. More hallucinations. He knew the burger was fine - he was just looking at it a moment ago and it was fine, but his eyes saw otherwise. He couldn't tear them away from the human hand, which was now leaking blood as well as maggots.
Yup, definitely gonna be sick.
Sora quickly wrapped up the spoiled burger and threw it into the nearest garbage before his stomach had a chance to rebel. After this, he was fairly sure he wasn't hungry anymore. In fact, he was sure he wouldn't be hungry for a very long time.
Who was he kidding? He thought he was ready for school again. He thought maybe these therapy sessions were helping. But nothing was changing. He was still hallucinating. He was not ready to return to college again. Soon, he found himself in the Student Services wing requesting more time off.
OOOoooOOO
"So how are you feeling today?" asked Galuf with his ever-pleasant smile. Sora found his presence to comforting and easy to talk to. He no longer felt the need to bottle things up when he was around the doctor. This was his fourth or fifth session with Dr. Galuf Doe. He was feeling a little lightheaded today from lack of food, so he requested to lie on the leather couch.
"Weird…" he replied.
"More visions?" Galuf tilted his head slightly to the left.
"Yeah… My food…" Sora shivered thinking about the rotting hand between two bread buns. "Everything I've tried eating turns into something…" The night before, Riku had prepared pasta and Sora was nearly sick when it appeared as though worms were wriggling about on his plate. Galuf grumbled his concern and wrote something down on his clipboard. Sora reminded himself silently to steal that clipboard one of these days to see what Galuf was writing.
"How long has this been going on?"
"A couple days now."
"What is it you see?" Sora squirmed uncomfortably. He really didn't want to think about it right now. Simply thinking about bringing up the memory was making him queasy.
"Gross stuff, like bugs and…" He paused, feeling his stomach churning. "I really don't want to say. I'm starting to feel sick…"
"That's alright. I get the picture." Galuf decided to steer the conversation away from food to not upset Sora anymore. "What about your sleeping habits?" Sora shrugged and shook his head. "Still no sleep? Hmmm…" Galuf sat back and entwined his fingers together. "Why do you suppose your mind won't let you sleep? Why won't your mind move past the night of the accident?" Sora waited for Galuf to answer, but when he did not, he realized he was the one who was supposed to put out a few theories. However, he had a pretty good idea already why he couldn't sleep and why he felt like he was being haunted.
"I'm being punished," he whispered, closing his eyes. Galuf became concerned.
"Why would you say that?"
"Because it's my fault Kairi's dead." Sora could understand that these hallucinations were part of some kind of punishment, but he couldn't understand why Roxas was the one delivering it. What did the blonde Nobody have to do with anything? He couldn't piece that last part of the puzzle together.
"Sora, we've been over this," Galuf reassured gently. "You're not to blame for Kairi's death."
"I am. I'm the one that held the hilt of the sword in her heart. I killed her!" Sora laughed bitterly. "It's ironic that the Oathkeeper was a symbol of Kairi. It was the embodiment of everything that was her, and it just so happens to be the instrument of her demise. Poetic…" Galuf's eyes narrowed.
"Oathkeeper?" he asked. He was not about to jump to any conclusions from this new revelation. "What's that?"
"My Keyblade. Well, more specifically, the key chain attached to my Keyblade. It's difficult to explain."
"Try me." Sora hesitated, only remembering for an instant that he wasn't supposed to say anything about the Keyblade or who really killed Kairi. But it was quickly forgotten. All he wanted was someone to share this with. He needed to get this off his chest.
"The Keyblade is a weapon that chose me as its wielder. Whenever I attach a chain to it, it transforms into a different variation. I don't know where it came from, but it can be used to battle darkness, unlock any lock, whole worlds, and people's hearts." It sounded like a thing of make-believe to Galuf. He wrote a few more things down on his clipboard.
"Go on. Who gave it to you?"
"Don't know. It just… appeared one day. When the island disappeared."
Galuf didn't know what Sora was talking about with the island disappearing. All he did know was that these hallucinations that the boy was having were far worse than he originally thought. The poor boy even thought he killed Kairi. Such nonsense. But this was the most talking Sora had done since these sessions had begun, so Galuf let him continue.
"What sort of darkness do you speak of?" Galuf asked, hoping to get Sora to open up more.
"Heartless - creatures born from the darkness of someone's heart. They seek out others' hearts to feed on. But they were being controlled by a powerful Heartless named Ansem… well, his name was actually Xehonart, but we didn't figure that out till later."
"We?"
"Yeah, Riku and I." Sora sat up as he spoke. It didn't even occur to him that he shouldn't be speaking of these things. "Riku was the original Keyblade Master, but he got taken over by darkness and possessed by Xehonart!" It never once entered his mind that some of the things he was speaking of wouldn't make sense to an outsider. But he didn't stop talking. He spoke of everything. He told Galuf all about his adventures, about Donald and Goofy, and King Mickey too. He told the doctor about the Gummi ship and all the other worlds. He went on to explain all about Xenohart, about Kairi's hometown Radiant Garden, Maleficent, Leon, Aerith, the battle in Kingdom Hearts, the door to light and dark, the Nobodies, Organization VIII. He just couldn't stop himself. He needed someone to speak to about these things.
After he finished, Galuf sat back in his chair to mull over everything he had just heard. Kairi was a princess? Riku and Sora were Keyblade Masters? There were other worlds? Yes, without a doubt, Sora was mentally unstable, he concluded. He had actually been rather concerned for a moment there when Sora said he had been the one to kill Kairi, but after hearing the story of the Keyblade, Galuf dismissed the idea of Sora being the murderer. The boy had a proven recent history of hallucinating. He must've dreamt up a reinvented death for Kairi along with all those adventures one night.
Galuf checked his watch. He only had about 3 minutes left with the boy.
"Well, Sora, that was quite a tale," he murmured as he pulled out a pad of paper with his name, contact information and office written as the letterhead. "I've been going over the theory of mine as to what's wrong with you and I think I'm sure it's the correct one now. Would you like to hear it?" Sora nodded. "I believe these hallucinations are the cause of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's caused by witnessing the death of a loved one. You have all the symptoms of PTSD: insomnia, disassociation, emotional detachment, nightmares, and daytime flashbacks of the death. Since these symptoms have persisted just about a month, I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills for you to take. They should help reduce the hallucinations and stop you from dreaming while you sleep." Galuf hastily scribbled the name of the drug on the pad of paper and tore it out of the pile, passing it to Sora. "Take that to your nearest pharmacy and pick up a bottle." Sora stared at the piece of paper and nodded. "Well, our time here is up. I hope to see you next week."
Outside the office, Riku was in his usual chair, reading some of the waiting room magazines. He looked up when he heard the door open and Sora walked out. He stood and led the younger man towards the exit. As they walked to the parking lot, he asked his usual question regarding what they spoke about.
"I told him…" Sora was about to say everything. He stopped himself, suddenly coming to his senses. What had he done? He just blurted out secrets that no ordinary person should hear. But Galuf didn't seem the least bit disturbed or worried. He certainly didn't call the police, so that was something. Sora decided to keep quiet about his major slip-up. "He gave me a prescription for sleeping pills." Sora changed the subject. "Could we go pick them up on the way home?" Riku nodded.
OOOoooOOO
Sora eyed the little tube container. Within it held the medicine meant to help him. But he was suspicious. He was never one who liked taking medicine. Pills scared him. He also envisioned himself choking on them. Pacing back and forth, Sora weighed the pros and cons of taking the pills.
On the one hand, the visions will stop. That's what I've wanted. But on the other hand, I might choke and die.
It was an absurd notion, but he solidly believed that these pills were meant to kill him. His paranoia was in high gear. Sora picked up the bottle and stuffed it under his mattress. If Riku inquired about them, Sora would say he took them already. Yes, the boy had his mind made up. He wasn't going to take the pills. He was going to figure out another way to rid himself of these delusions. With one last look into his room, he left for the pier where Riku was helping a neighbor with his yacht.
Sora stifled a yawn when he reached the dock where Riku was tying a knot in one of the boat's ropes.
"Hey Sora, feeling any better?" the older man greeted, wiping the sweat off his brow. Sora drowsily nodded to avoid any more questions. He was so exhausted. And hungry. He wanted food – preferably food that didn't turn into any unnatural. "Old Man Collins is going to take us out on the yacht when he finishes fixing the motor."
"Damn thing is shot to hell, it is," their neighbor Collins grumbled as he came out to the deck from the cabin. "Been giving me trouble for weeks. Nice lad, you are, Riku, for helping me out."
"No problem," Riku said with a shrug and got back to work. "So Sora, you interested?" Sora's stomach grumbled loudly. He could go for some fish right about now, but waved to Riku as though to say 'Don worry about it.'
"Maybe later…" he said as he exhaled loudly. Riku shrugged.
"Suit yourself."
Sora's attention was drawn away from Riku when he saw a couple gulls fighting over a piece of bread. He wandered over to the far end of the pier and watched the gulls swoop from the sky to the water, furiously trying to obtain the bread being thrown from a brown-hair girl in an orange shirt down the way. This made him smile for some reason. He remembered his childhood innocence. He remembered a time when he and his friends were having a picnic and a large amount of ducks were invading their area, so Sora, Riku, and Kairi chased them away with sticks while Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie laughed. Sora's balance swayed slightly as he recounted the memory.
He watched the girl throw another piece of bread and she turned to look at him and smiled.
"I never did get to go to the beach…" she whispered. "This is as close as I'll get…" She looked familiar somehow… She extended her arm to offer Sora a piece of bread. Sora took the piece but didn't get a good grip because the next gust of wind blew it from his fingertips and into the water beneath his feet. He looked into the water to see where the piece had landed and saw…
Sora got onto his hands and knees to get a closer look. His eyes weren't playing tricks on him. It was Roxas' reflection looking back at him. Without warning, Roxas' arms sprang out of the water and wrapped around Sora's neck. The brunette yelled and struggled for a few seconds before he was pulled beneath the waves in a loud splash. His exhaustion and hunger were too much. He couldn't fight back against the invisible force pulling him down.
Sora couldn't breathe! His lungs burned and cried for air. He was struck with fear. He kicked and flailed his arms and legs in an attempt to swim to the surface but couldn't break free. He was just so tired. His eyes dropped closed. He inhaled water. His vision blurred and everything became dark.
He was dying.
Suddenly, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and it pulled with such might, he was afraid his arm would come off. Within moments, he broke the surface of the water. But he wasn't out of the woods yet. He still had huge quantities of water in his lungs threatening to end his life. He coughed and sputtered, opening his eyes just long enough to see who had rescued him. His heart broke at the sight.
Riku, completely drenched, was pulling Sora onto the dock, his face clearly struggling to maintain some semblance of bravery. When the two were safely on the pier, Riku immediately began performing CPR to get the excess water out of Sora's system. The younger man heaved and coughed as Riku pushed on his chest. Then finally, he turned to the side and spat out a mouthful of seawater. When he finished hacking up the remaining water, he sat up grabbing his chest. His throat and eyes burned from the salt in the water. Just as he was catching his breath, he was pulled into a fierce hug by the soaked Riku.
"What were you thinking?" the older one cried out. Sora was speechless. From the way Riku was shaking, it was clear he was terrified.
"I…" What could Sora say? He was pulled into the water by a hallucination? Or did he fall in from exhaustion…?
"Tell me it was an accident! Tell me you weren't trying to drown yourself!" Riku's brave face was cracking. Sora shook his head vigorously.
"No!" he choked out, rubbing his throat. "It wasn't like that…" He began shivering from the water.
"No?" Riku asked, barely containing his fear and anxiety. "It sure as hell looked like it from where I was! One minute you were zoning out, the next minute, you jumped in!" Sora's eyes widened.
"I didn't jump in! Roxas pulled me in!"
"Roxas?" Riku shouted. "HE! IS! YOU!" His face crumbled. "What does that say about you? There's a piece inside you that wants you dead? Your hallucinations are trying to kill you?" He tightened his hug slightly. "I know this is hard on you. I know you're going through a rough time, and I'm sorry I can't make it better, but I wish I could! I wish I could make it all go away! I wish I could bring Kairi back and we could go back to the way things were before! But we can't, Sora! This is it! We just have to keep moving forward and stick together. Your life is too precious to throw away. You went through hell to save Kairi and I from Heartless and Nobodies, I'm sure as hell not going to let you throw your life away now!" Sora remained motionless as Riku went on a rant about special lives and true friendship, all that nonsense. He was completely missing the point. Sora wasn't trying to kill himself, but Riku was solidly convinced he was. When Riku finished his long speech, Sora pushed him off and attempted to stand, but collapsed, still very weak from a combination of sleep deprivation, starvation, and nearly drowning.
"For the last time, Riku, I wasn't trying to kill myself! It was an accident!" He didn't mean to snap at Riku, but he couldn't help but be mad. It wasn't Riku he was mad at, he was more mad at himself for his clumsiness and his stubbornness that was preventing him from taking those stupid pills that would've helped him get his strength back.
Old Man Collins arrived shortly with a blanket and wrapped it around Sora's shoulders. As the two older men got him to his feet, Sora glanced over his shoulder to where the girl in the orange shirt should've been, but she was gone. Was she not real either? There was still a lingering feeling a familiarity around her face and it clued in to Sora where he remembered her.
"She was from Twilight Town…" he muttered. Riku glanced at him but said nothing. "There was a girl… Olette…?" It didn't make sense. What was she doing there? Where did she go? As he was led away from the dock, Sora couldn't help feeling like he was missing a critical piece of some giant puzzle.
OOOoooOOO
Days passed since the near drowning. Riku kept an anxiously close watch on Sora. He followed Sora wherever he went, he paced outside Sora's room when the boy was locked up in there, and he ensured there weren't any objects lying around that could be used in self-harm. He was scared. Scared for Sora's life.
Riku followed Sora into the living room. The brunette had a habit of wandering around the house, as if trying to remember where he placed something. Sometimes, Sora would look under the couches or behind the TV and would turn up nothing. He sat down on the couch and shifted uncomfortably. Riku took a seat on the other couch. They said nothing for a few minutes. Finally, Riku cleared his throat.
"I've been thinking of a solution to your food problem…" he whispered. Sora looked up. He had been drinking mostly liquids and eating few carbohydrate foods like bread and crackers. For the most part, it wasn't enough and sooner or later, he knew he'd collapse. But everything else just kept changing into something… disgusting.
"Oh?" he asked, curious to know what could help him.
"Yeah, here, I'll show you." Riku stood and walked into the kitchen. Sora stood up stiffly and followed. Riku pulled out some leftover roast beef from the fridge. He reheated it in the microwave and placed it on a plate before Sora. Immediately, Sora envisioned it as a beating heart and he turned away, his face starting to sweat.
"Not helping, not helping, not helping…" he repeated over and over again.
"Just wait." Riku pulled out a black cloth from his pocket. "This is the bandana I wore over my eyes to hide the truth from everyone else. I think if you wore it, it'd hide the lies from yourself." He tied it around Sora's head, covering his eyes, and pulled up a chair next to the boy. "Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to repeat what this food is in your ear so your brain won't do anything funny. You can't see it, so your brain won't have a chance to hallucinate." Sora was nervous. He wasn't sure this was going to work. But by god, did that roast smell good.
Riku cut up the slice of roast beef into little cubes and placed a fork in Sora's hand. He guided Sora's hand to the first piece and let him pick it up with the fork. Just before it reached his lips, Sora hesitated.
"Just relax," said Riku. "It's roast beef. Just roast beef." He was true to his word and repeated it over and over until Sora took a deep breath and plunged the little piece of meat into his mouth. He chewed once, then twice, and a few more times before swallowing. Riku watched on tensely. A smile spread across Sora's lips.
"Oh god, that was good…" he murmured, his hand blindly trying to find the next piece. "I feel like I haven't eaten in-"
"Five days?" Riku grinned. "It has been five days."
"Well I was gonna say a month, but I won't argue with semantics." The two laughed for the first time in a long time and Sora claimed a few more pieces of beef with his fork. Riku was especially glad that at least one of his ideas actually worked.
When Sora finished eating and Riku cleaned the dishes, they went back into the living room. For the most part, Sora felt a little stronger. His stomach certainly was grateful. He sat in his regular seat and shifted uncomfortably. Something was poking him.
"So what happened to the pills you were supposed to be taking?" Riku asked bluntly. "I know you haven't been taking them." Sora looked guilty.
"They're too big…" he muttered, looking at his lap. "I'll choke on them."
"Too big?" Riku asked, amused. "My god, man, you defeated Xehonart's Heartless and Nobody! You can handle a little pill." Sora shifted again. Something was seriously causing discomfort in the couch. He ignored Riku temporarily as he got off the couch and lifted the cushion. Lying wedged between the arm of the sofa and the back was a brown sketchbook. He pulled it out, remembering it from over a week ago. Riku looked on in interest and perked up.
"That's Naminé's!" he exclaimed. Sora looked up in surprise. He placed the sketchbook onto the coffee table between the two. Riku started flipping through it, pausing every now and then to carefully examine an image. "Definitely Naminé's. But what's it doing here?" He looked to Sora for an answer. "How'd you get this?" Sora shrugged. He had forgotten about the sketchbook because he thought it was part of his hallucinations or nightmares. He had been doubting a lot of reality lately.
"I just woke up one morning and there it was." Sometimes things like that happened. Riku didn't find it the least bit odd. If a message in a bottle from another world could show up in the shores of darkness, then he was ready to believe anything.
"I guess somebody wanted you to have it." Riku shut the sketchbook and slid it towards Sora.
Thoughtfully, Sora opened it to a random page and saw a picture of himself and Roxas standing back to back. His eyes were locked on as the little drawing of Roxas slowly turned around, Keyblade drawn, and stabbed the cartoon Sora in the back. The real Sora gasped and slammed the book shut. He looked up at Riku.
"If you've got any bright ideas on how I can take my pills, now's the time to say them," he stated. Riku leaned forward, thinking hard.
"Take it with a spoon full of sugar?" he suggested playfully. Sora shot him a sarcastic smile.
"Yeah, sure."
That night, after much coaxing and even going as far as grinding up the pills into a fine power, mixing it into a weird combination of water and sugar, Riku had Sora sleeping his first restful night in over a month. There were no nightmares or terrors, just the even rising and falling of Sora's chest as he slept and breathed. Riku watched him for hours after he had dozed off, just to make sure he'd be all right. This overwhelming feeling of protectiveness wouldn't allow Riku to leave. Eventually, he ended up falling asleep on the floor by the door. But his last thoughts before nodding off was that Sora seemed to be getting better. Or maybe it was just another one of his lucid periods and he'd go back into Sora-land soon enough. Riku prayed to whatever deity that would listen that Sora would get better.
He needed his best friend back.
OOOoooOOO
A/N: Old Man Collins is a somewhat original character created just for this chapter. So how's Sora's insanity looking? You think he's getting better? Or is this merely the eye of the storm? (evil cackle) More coming!
Quick shout out to some faithful reviewers! Suicidal Kitten, Vaed, JokesterAms, and Riku and Ryou's Kitty!Thank you guys! You're the reason I keep writing:hug: Answering Vaed's suggestion, it will be explained in future chapters why Roxas is doing what he's doing. :3