A/N: I apologize for the huge delay between chapters. You see, I became uninspired after the last chapter. I was under the impression that people reading this story were interested in reading about the trials and tribulations of Crazy!Sora, but apparently, a majority of my fanbase was made up of yaoi-fangirls waiting for me to put in a Riku/Sora romance. While I have no problem with that pairing (it's my favourite one in KH), I'm disappointed that after my announcement in the previous chapter, all my readers disappeared. So I went under the assumption that no one was reading this anymore. However, some readers on DA motivated me to continue, so thanks to them, I have completed this chapter. The next chapter is the last.
The chapter title is a song by Mudvayne. The lyrics are a song called Breathe by Prodigy.
Dementia
Chapter 12: Trapped in the Wake of a Dream
Breathe the pressure
Come
play my game I'll test you
Psychosomatic addict insane
Prodigy
The sun shone brightly through Sora and Zell's window on that warm morning. Sora himself lay in bed, staring out the window with a slight interest. From his vantage point, he could see the courtyard where a couple of patients were roaming like cattle. He could also see a multitude of birds sitting in the trees outside his window. It was just one of those lazy days where you didn't feel like getting up and doing anything. It was a pity, however, that Sora had an appointment with Quistis in about 15 minutes because at that moment, all he wanted to do was lie in bed.
During his latest therapy session, Quistis had expressed a concern with Sora's aggressive behavior towards Zidane, so she had adjusted his medication to "even him out" as she put it. She had apologized profusely because she knew the side-effects would be a total loss of energy and motivation, but she was hoping it would be enough to subdue Roxas. She was positive the aggression was stemming from him.
At exactly 3:00PM, Sora's watch began beeping, signifying the start of his scheduled appointment. He did consider simply skipping it, but he knew the more therapy sessions he skipped, the longer it would take to figure out his problem and deal with it. The sooner he was healed, the sooner he'd get to ditch the pills and move on with life.
With painfully slow movements, he dragged himself out of bed and sluggishly shuffled out the door of his room. Mentally, he cursed the medication as he clung to the walls for support. Just as he felt he would collapse (somehow, his head felt like it weighed more than the average 8 pounds it was supposed to), he felt a supportive arm lace around him and turned to see Garnet.
"Quistis informed me your recent medication changes would leave you feeling weak," she explained when Sora gave her a questioning yet thankful look. "I assumed you'd need help moving around." Sora said nothing. He suddenly felt embarrassed by the need to be carried around by a woman who likely weighed 40 pounds less than himself. There was nothing he hated more than feeling weak and useless. "Oh dear, I didn't… I didn't mean to offend you…" Garnet said weakly. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the tears from Sora's eyes.
Tears?
Sora didn't even realize in his weakened state that he was crying.
God, these pills are messing me up.
"I'm not crying…" he whispered, more to himself than Garnet. The nurse said nothing as she helped him all the way to Quistis office. Once they were inside and Sora was settled onto the leather couch, Garnet politely made her exit. Quistis circled her desk and sat before Sora on the chair next to him. She resisted looking at him with pity because she knew in his current state, Sora would not appreciate her sympathy.
"I really am sorry," she offered anyway. "I just wanted you to know that this medication isn't meant to slow you down, it's to slow down Roxas. I don't know what that boy is capable of, but I'd rather not wait and find out."
"I understand," Sora said with a sigh. "I've had moments where I haven't quite been… me, you know?" Quistis nodded, jotting it down on her notepad.
"From your knowledge, has Roxas ever displayed violent tendencies?"
"To be honest, I really don't know him at all." Sora suppressed a delirious giggle. "I only met him twice before he became a part of me permanently. He only started talking to me recently because of the accident." Quistis began flipping through the Ansem reports, looking for some kind of indication towards Roxas' personality. Other than a few notes about his behavior in the simulated Twilight Town, there were no other notes about him.
"I think we should do a hypnosis session to get in his head, find out what kind of person he was. It's rather hard trying to treat two patients when one of them is within the other's mind." Sora nodded, not having any complaint about getting to close his eyes. Within minutes, he was out and lucid. "Bring up any memory of Roxas' for me." Sora concentrated a moment.
There was a bright flash and Sora felt images being brought up. He was sitting in a white room filled with tall thrones arranged in a circle. He was sitting on one, wearing the trademark Organization jacket. This must've been where the Organization had their meetings. Another memory flashed to life. Sora was standing in a room that resembled a graveyard. There were twelve "tombstones" set up, each baring a different marking or symbol. He felt his body move forward and stand before the "grave" marked as "The Key of Destiny". His hands reached out with a will of their own and touch the cold slab. He felt emotions rise up.
Emotions?
I have emotions?
Confusion. Who am I? Where is Sora?
"Sora, what do you see? What are your feelings?"
"Roxas… doesn't know who he is," Sora explained. He was being filled with memories and experiences all at once. "When Roxas was created, he… he retained his emotions long enough to know what they were. But something changed. He lost all his memories of me. He didn't know who he was or what he was." Sora felt a split in his vision. One side, the familiar side, was when he was a Heartless, roaming the castle of Hollow Bastion, searching for his friends. The other side, he was roaming the cold lonely streets of the World that Never Was, searching for answers to his past. As a Heartless, he found the warmth of Kairi's love and reverted back to his human form. The instant he felt that happen, he felt his Nobody self lose a piece of himself. Something shattered, like a key memory that sent the rest into chaos. And then, everything was gone but his emotions.
"I think I understand…" Sora explained as best as he could. "When a heart becomes separated from its body, it becomes consumed by darkness because there's nothing to protect, so it becomes a Heartless. The remaining body becomes a Nobody."
"Yes, we established that," Quistis nodded.
"But the process should be permanent. There are no 'do-over's. And yet, somehow, I was able to become human again without my shell – my Nobody. Kairi shared enough of her heart with me to reverse the damage the darkness had done. But I was still incomplete without my Nobody and he was incomplete with me. He lost his memories of me, but somehow retained his emotions because of Kairi. I'm not sure how."
"Sora, that doesn't make much sense."
"Don't ask me, I didn't make the rules here." Sora concentrated on bringing up a memory with Roxas and Naminé together before Roxas left the Organization. He could see a long white hallway decorated sparsely with white vases with no plants in them. His feet carried him slowly towards the door at the end of the hallway. He raised his hands cautiously and hesitated a moment.
Nervous about disturbing her?
Sora's memory self knocked lightly on the door. He heard a timid feminine voice say "Come in." So he did.
The white room was even less decorated than the hallway was, but the only difference was the girl sitting in the middle of the room, doodling away in a familiar sketchbook.
"Naminé?" Sora heard himself say in Roxas' voice. Naminé looked up shyly. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure, Roxas," she replied, closing her sketchbook. Sora/Roxas hesitated before coming right out with his question.
"What am I?" Naminé's eyes seemed to become dark with sadness.
"You know what you are. You're a Nobody. We all are."
"There has to be more to it than that. What is a Nobody?"
"A shadow." She was forward with her reply. "We are all mere shadows of our former selves."
"That's it? You mean our Others, our human selves, we're just shadows of them? Nothing more?" Naminé nodded her head. The truth hurt.
"You know as well as I do that Nobodies can't be anything more than that."
"Why can't I remember my former self? Everyone else can. Axel won't shut up about his. But I don't even know who my other is. I don't even know his name." Naminé chewed on her lip, deciding whether or not to reveal something.
"His name is Sora." She got up from her chair and opened her sketchbook to a page. On the page was a crudely-done drawing of Sora. "The reason you can't remember him is because he's still alive. He's not a Heartless anymore." Sora/Roxas took a step back.
"Why wouldn't the others tell me? I asked them and they all acted like they didn't have a clue! Were they lying?" Naminé sighed.
"Yes… They lied to me too. They all called me a witch because my other never became a Heartless for me to be created. They fear us, Roxas. They don't understand us."
"I don't understand us!" He rubbed his eyes in a tired manner. "I can't stay here. I need to find Sora. I need to understand everything. Why me? Why do I have a Keyblade? Why was I chosen? I'm just a Nobody!" He looked Naminé in the eyes. "I thought Nobodies couldn't feel emotions. I can't shut mine off!" Naminé's eyes widened. This was news to her.
"You can feel?"
"Yes, and right now, I feel confusion. I feel lost." Roxas paced around the room. "Please don't tell anyone, Naminé. If the others found out…" Sora felt the memory end on its own. He felt strange, more lucid than normal. He was slipping into darkness… losing control. His emotions were on overdrive.
"Something's happening…" he whispered. He couldn't move his arms and legs.
"Sora, stay with me," Quistis said, setting aside her notepad.
"Something… it's… it's him!" Sora knew suddenly that the pills weren't slowing Roxas down, they were inadvertently suppressing Sora's conscious mind. He was losing control to Roxas. And what he felt was a cloud of rage overcoming him. "Get out! RUN!"
"Sora?" Quistis stood above him. "What's happening? Sora!" She gasped when a hand clenched around her neck.
"Sora took a nap now," said a cold voice. Quistis looked into Sora's now icy cold eyed. They narrowed on her as he spoke again. "You're dealing with Roxas." The doctor couldn't help but gasp, both out of fear and her lack of breath. Panic gripped her.
Without warning, she was tossed carelessly across the room into one of her bookshelves, sending the shelf crashing down around her. Roxas, now controlling Sora's body, calming walked out of the room. Panting with pain, Quistis managed to crawl over to her desk and pick up the phone, dialing the main desk.
"A patient's on the loose! It's Sora! Get the security! Approach with caution but don't hurt him!"
Outside her office, Roxas walked towards the main entrance. Two large orderlies stepped out from around the corner and stood in his path. Roxas glared intensely. They said nothing and advanced on him. With a growl of annoyance, Roxas took a step back and summoned the Oathkeeper and Oblivion to his side. The orderlies stopped and took a step back in fear.
"Stay out of my way," Roxas warned. One orderly cautiously backed away, but the other disregarded Roxas' warned and stepped forward. In a flash, Roxas rushed the man and took him down, slamming the hilt of the Oathkeeper against the back of the man's neck. He menacingly turned to the other. The other, shaking in terror, raised his hands defensively, scrambling to get away. Roxas turned his attention once again to his escape route.
He turned around a corner and saw the exit. But just outside the exit, there were a large number of security guards with guns drawn.
"Don't move!" one shouted. Roxas ignored them and ducked back into the hallway he came, bumping into Garnet.
"Sora!" she gasped. Just as she tried to back away and run, Roxas grabbed her shoulders and placed her between himself and the guards.
"Lower your weapons or I'll kill her!" he shouted at the guards.
"Release the girl first," called the head security guard.
"This isn't a negotiation." To show he was serious, Roxas pressed the sharp end of his Oblivion against Garnet's neck. "Lower your weapons. Now." There was a murmur of hesitation among the guards. The tension was thick in the air. A crowd of patients, doctors, and orderlies had formed behind the guards and in the corridors leading to the main entrance. Everyone waited with bated breath.
"Sora?" There was a shuffle in the crowd. Roxas' eyes flickered momentarily to the source of the voice. Zell was staring at him. For some reason, this bothered Roxas. He felt judged. Zell wore no expression. He just stared. Roxas stared back. And then he winced in pain when he felt something sharp prick his neck. He looked back forward. Garnet was slowly backing away from him, a syringe in her hand.
"I'm sorry, Sora," she whispered. She had injected him with an anesthetic that would put him to sleep. Roxas dropped to his knees, feeling his strength and adrenaline leaving him. His Keyblades clattered to the floor before vanishing in a flash of light and sparks. He had let his guard down and loosened his grip on the girl. Now he was losing control over the mind. He felt Sora clinging on until Sora won dominance, just as his body collapsed. The guards and orderlies quickly advanced and put Sora's arms around his back while putting cuffs on his wrists. Sora was only dimly aware of what was going on, but he didn't understand why.
"Let me through!" shouted a voice in the crowd. "Let me through!" Quistis pushed to the front. She had a cut on her forehead and some bruises on her arms, but other than that, she looked okay. "Guards, stop! Don't take him away!"
"Dr. Trepe, did you see what he just did?" asked the head security guard. "He injured an orderly and threatened to kill one of your nurses! That's grounds enough to have him arrested."
"He wasn't himself, please!" Quistis pleaded.
"Dr. Trepe!" barked a voice. Quistis winced and looked over her shoulder. It was rare that the head doctor of the Destiny Psychiatric ward ever left his office.
Dr. Strago Magus wore a stern expression as he pushed through the crowd of onlookers. He was a graying elderly man with hair as white as snow. There was one thing in his life he appreciated and that was order. At the present moment, Sora was disrupting that strict order and Dr. Magus would have none of that.
"Do not interfere with the guards. It is for the safety and interest of all patients and doctors alike that this boy be arrested and put in a holding cell away from others. This psychiatric hospital is not equipped to deal with extremely violent patients. You've seen what he's capable of."
"You don't understand!" Quistis retorted. "He's a special case! Locking him up won't solve the problem! I take full responsibility of this incident! Please, if you must blame someone, blame me."
"I think you've let your emotions consume you. It's clouding your judgment and not allowing you to see the situation at hand. He is a danger! End of discussion!" Quistis clenched her hands in anger as Dr. Magus turned his back on her.
"No, we're not done here!" she blurted out before thinking. Dr. Magus stopped mid-step and turned to face her once more.
"Not done?" he questioned. "Dr. Trepe, you will contain your anger or you will find yourself facing the medical board of directors for this. Then it will be you who will be done here."
"I mean no disrespect," she said slowly, trying to word her sentences carefully. "But I must protest this conduct. We're here to heal the minds of others. Sora needs healing, not confinement. Explain to me how he will receive treatment if no one treats him." Dr. Magus groaned and held the bridge of his nose. He was silent as he considered what to do about the problem.
"Fine, Dr. Trepe. Have it your way. Your progress will be under review. You have three days, Dr. Trepe. Three days to make some kind of positive progress or the boy will be taken away and you will be facing relocation." Without another word, Dr. Magus disappeared back into his office. Quistis let out a sigh of relief. She promptly turned on the guards holding Sora to the ground.
"Release him. Take those things off him!" The guards exchanged looks before obliging.
"What do you want done with him?" asked the head guard. Quistis was silent a moment as she weighed her options.
"Bring him to room 205."
OOOoooOOO
A/N: So what is this mysterious Room 205? Guess you'll have to find out in the next chapter. It became apparent to me that in order to put the ending in the next chapter, I would have to give a sense of urgency for Quistis and Sora to find a resolution, otherwise Quistis gets canned and Sora gets locked up for good. The stakes are high in the next chapter!
Strago Magus is a FF6 character.
Also, I know there's bound to be inconsistencies between what happens in KH2: Final Mix and what's written here. I wrote this BEFORE Final Mix came out, so it wasn't clear to me what Square-Enix had in mind for Roxas' past and creation.