Chapter Three: Finding an Answer
Fai lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. It was almost eleven; he'd been there for over an hour. He'd asked Kurogane to please give him some time to think. This was all so knew to him, he just didn't know what was what. He'd promised Kurogane an answer in the morning, but could tell from the other's quickly hidden disappointment that Kurogane thought he knew what the answer would be.
It was much more difficult to figure out than Fai thought it would be. How do you decide if you love someone? Fai mused on something he remembered from long ago, a way of comparing feelings towards different people to figure out how you felt. How did it go again?
Fai created a picture in his mind. He added in every detail he could, making it as real as possible. It was Sakura, wounded, dead. Fai felt a wave of sadness before he changed the picture. Now it was Syaoran, now Mokona. He went through every person he could ever remember knowing. His feelings ranged from a deep sadness to glee. Finally there was only one left: Kurogane. Fai formed the picture, carefully adding detail – and let it go with a gasp at the pure anguish he had felt. He lay their shaking for a moment before recovering enough to try the next test.
Fai had gone through everything he could remember but one. Each pointed towards what was becoming a more and more obvious answer. Time for the last one. Fai took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He imagined Kurogane's wait pressing down on top of him, hands running over his body . . .
When Fai woke up in the morning he knew what his answer was.