For Want of a Child

If a bear takes a shit in the woods, would you give a damn?

Joxer awoke first, which is unusual for him. He turned his head left to see the faces of Amerielle, Gabrielle, and Xena neatly in a row. He smiled as his little happy family had come together. Gabrielle's eyes opened shortly their after. Joxer stared into Gabrielle's eyes; she saw him and smiled back at him.

Finally Joxer and Gabrielle got up followed by a freshly awake little girl, leaving a slumbering Xena behind. She took both Gabrielle and Joxer's hands as they walked away. 'Finally' thought Joxer as he took Amerielle so that Gabrielle could go hunting, Joxer heard Gabrielle sing as she entered the woods, "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit."

Xena finally awoke surprised as she was to be the last one awake. Joxer of course was holding Amerielle high and spinning her around. Xena got up and smiled at the little girl. Xena made a click with her tongue as Argo came to Xena. Xena said to Amerielle as Joxer sat her down near Argo, "Since you like riding so much, how about a ride on Argo?"

Amerielle shook her head yes smiling. Xena grabbed ahold of the reigns of Argo as Joxer picked her up and placed her on Argos back. Joxer stayed beside Amerielle watching that she wouldn't fall as Xena led Argo around. This continued for several minutes as the little girl sat happily on top of the mare.

Gabrielle emerged with a rabbit in her hand as she was about to say something, but she saw Amerielle on Argo with Xena and Joxer and couldn't help but smile at the scene. Gabrielle went to cooking the rabbit as Joxer took Amerielle back off of the horse. Xena went to talk to Gabrielle as Joxer continued to play with his daughter.

While Gabrielle was cooking Xena said, "I thought about what you said. Maybe we could settle down. Joxer's going to have to anyway. Why can't we also?"

Gabrielle stirred the food as she replied enthusiastically, "See. The idea isn't so bad. But where?"

Xena replied thoughtfully, "I've considered about Amphipolis."

Gabrielle seemed to disagree, "Why should we go back to our hometowns? Why don't we go somewhere where they don't know us?"

Xena replied with a laugh, "Everyone pretty much knows who we are Gabrielle."

Gabrielle answered quickly, "Yes, but they don't know us. It would be easier."

Xena replied, "I'll think on it." Gabrielle nodded as Xena walked away.

While Joxer bathed Gabrielle sat with Amerielle. Gabrielle has insisted that since Joxer now had a little girl to take care of that he should set the example and bath every day. Amerielle said as her green eyes met Gabrielle's, "Gabrielle, can I ask you something?"

Gabrielle looked at her and said, "Sure?"

Amerielle filled with hope for what Gabrielle might say, she asked, "Can you be my mommy?"

Gabrielle replied smiling, "Don't worry, I'll be there for you. I'll take real good care of you."

Amerielle then said, "That's not what I asked. I want you to be my mommy." Gabrielle realized then and there that though Amerielle shared a lot of traits with Joxer, Amerielle was clearly very smart and she was going to be far smarter than Joxer as she grew up.

Gabrielle then decided to say seeing her at knew level, "Amerielle, I would like to but I don't feel for your father that way. You see with adults it would be bad for them to be together like that and their not be love."

Amerielle said, "My father loves you. I can see that and I'm five. Why don't you?"

Gabrielle was taken aback by this question. She thought about an answer, she just couldn't say it. Things about Joxer bothered her. He is not intelligent, he is a klutz. He is arrogant to the point of pretending to be something he wasn't. Sure he was nice; sure he would try to treat her as well as could for as long as he lived. Xena once told her that to find a man that would treat her like that is extremely rare.

She could not answer the question. Then she finally said, "I just don't. I can't feel for him like that."

Amerielle allowed a tear to fall as she said, "Then you won't be my mother." Gabrielle wanted to say yes she would but she couldn't.

She finally said, "Your father is a wonderful man and loves you dearly. But I'm sorry, I will always be there for you but I can't be your mother." Gabrielle pulled Amerielle close and hugged her. Gabrielle suspected that she didn't really understand but continued to embrace her.

Then Joxer walked up freshly cleaned and dressed. Gabrielle said to Amerielle, "Run along and play with Xena. Maybe she will let you ride Argo again."

Joxer knew that Gabrielle wanted to talk to him as Joxer said, "Yes run along." As she left they got up and started talking. Gabrielle was about to say something when suddenly they heard a scream. They turned seeing Xena's Chakram him the ground and bounced off. Joxer ran shouting, "Amerielle!" Gabrielle ran quickly behind him.

Joxer scooped up the girl in his arms as the snake lay dead on the ground. She said, "Daddy, it tried to bite me! It's mouth was on my shoe! I was scared!"

Xena ran, face filed with concern asking, "Is she bit?"

Joxer said, "She said it snagged her shoe."

Without asking, Xena removed her shoe and breathed a sigh of relief as she saw no wound or blood. The leather shoe did have some venom on it but it was only on the shoe. Xena said touching the little girls head, "Do you know how lucky you are?"

She shook her head no. Xena squatted to her level and said with a very serious look, "If that snake had bit you, you would've died and I couldn't have saved you. Remember always look in front of where your walking and act, don't react. It will save your life." Amerielle nodded at Xena.

Later that day Gabrielle pulled aside Joxer leaving Amerielle with Xena. Gabrielle said, "We need to find you a place to live. You and Amerielle cannot continue to wander around the world like this."

Joxer asked, "I know. I thought my heart was going to stop when she almost got bit by that snake. But where would we go?"

Gabrielle warmly replied, "That's what we are going to determine."

Joxer said, "She needs a mother. I need help. You could help us." Gabrielle was surprised by Joxer's proposition, even more surprised that he actually asked.

Gabrielle wanted to say yes, because of Amerielle but she knew that she couldn't as she finally said, "I can't do that Joxer."

Joxer replied reassuringly, "Sure you can Gabrielle."

Gabrielle replied, "No Joxer. I can't I don't feel that way about you."

Joxer lost his smile as he asked, "Why not? Why don't you feel that way?"

Gabrielle tried not to sound curt, "I just don't."

Joxer had a moment of anger as he said, "Cause you never gave me a chance. You never did Gabby. How would you even know that you couldn't feel that way since you never once allowed a single soft feeling for me come out?" Joxer stormed away.

Gabrielle was a bit speechless. She wondered, 'Is he right? Did I never allow myself to at least consider him.' Gabrielle then sat on a rock and decided to think about it seriously. For the first time in her life she would weigh what it would be with Joxer verses without Joxer.