Shepard looked at the three females before him and sighed. How was he going to get himself out of this mess? He gazed around the room, trying to find someone or somehow to get out of his predicament. Garrus, who had been trying his best not to laugh, finally did so, with Grunt and several other nearby crewmembers following suit. Even Anderson and Samara were chuckling. Thane merely smiled, and then vanished. Asshole thought Shepard. Mordin it appeared was deep in thought. Probably calculating the chances of each of the three ladies.

Then Shepard remembered from his days at the military acadamy reading about the Trojan War, and how his situation was very similar to the Judgement of Paris that started it. He had to give Jack credit. This was very well played on her part. Remembering this also gave him an idea. Shepard smiled.

Tali, Miranda, and Kelly, noticed this, saying in unison, "Have you made your decision yet Shepard?" Realizing they had, they quieted again, and began eyeing each other suspiciously. Mirandas face was cold as ice, her smile only making it seem more menacing. He could tell that Talis face, although hidden by the mask, was of a similar expression. Kelly's face was turning red with embarassment.

"I have an idea everyone. It is very obvious that the three beautiful ladies before me all desire me, but if I were to choose one, it would most likely not sit well with the others. And how can I? All three are wonderful women in their own way. And so I propose that it should not be me who chooses who should get the apple, but Joker."

All eyes turned to Joker, whos jaw had dropped practically to the floor. His laugh had been replaced with a look of pure terror and betrayal. "Why me sir?" Next to him Garrus and Grunt were practically dying from laughter.

Shepard grinned. "Why? For all of the pranks you have pulled on the other members of the crew, including myself. You've had this coming for a looong time Joker."

"Um... okay." Joker walked towards Shepard and the ladies, greatly overexaggerating his hobbling walk. Finally he stood before the three women. "Sooo, yeah, hi. Uhh I think..." His words drowned out into mumbles.

Miranda spoke. "I know that this is a hard decision for you Joker. But how about I make it a much easier decision." She gave him her most innocent smile. "You will get a fine reward if you choose me to have the apple."

"An excellent idea Miranda," Tali interuppted. "Allow me to go first." Brushing Miranda aside, she stood in front of Joker. "Joker, you are an excellent pilot, and have shown a wonderful understanding of machines. What if I told you that you could have whatever type of gadget or gizmo that you desired? Think about it, you have a Quarian on board who would be more then willing to craft such a device for you if you chose me. And if I can't do it myself, the resources of the entire Flotilla would be at your disposal. You would have the power of the most technologically knowledgable race in the galaxy at your fingertips. Just say the word Joker, and I can make all of that happen."

Miranda guffawed. "Really miss Quarian? Is that the best you can do? Please. Allow me." Pushing Tali aside, she started to slowly walk around Joker, seductively running her finger along his body. Standing behind him, she started to rub his shoulders and lowered her head to be next to his. Purring into his ear, she continued. "You want power? You want resources? You want knowledge? Well I can give you all of that and more. Tali may have the backing of the Quarians, but I have the backing of Cerberus and the Illusive Man. Practically anything you imagine could be yours if you choose me to have the apple." Coming around, she kneeled in front of him, cupping his face with her hand and giving him her most luscious smile. "Give me what I want," she whispered, "And you can have the power of Cerberus at your disposal." From behind them, Talis grumbling could be heard. Miranda winked at Joker and stood up.

Jokers face at this point was beat red, but somehow not quite as red as Kellys. All eyes were on her now. "So Kelly, Miranda sneered, "what do you have to offer Joker?"

Kelly looked up at Joker, then Shepard, and then back at Joker. With a nervous and embarassed look on her face, she began. "Um... I, I um."

Mirandas laugher interuppted her. "She can hardly speak. And why even waste your time listening to her? What could our ships counselor do for you Joker? Help you with your problems? Cerberus can give you-"

Shepard cut her off. "You had your turn to talk Miranda, so stay quiet. Let Kelly speak." Turning to Kelly, he said, please continue."

Kelly it seemed was energized by Shepards words, and started off much more confidently this time. "Um, Joker, I can give you the power of knowing yourself. Knowing what you truly want. While it may be true that Miranda can give you power, and Tali technology, it is neither of these things that you really want, is it Joker?"

Joker looked at her. "What do you mean?"

Kelly smiled. "Through our discussions I have picked up a pattern. You are missing something Joker, or rather someone. You are lonely. You want to be loved. Well through my contacts through GalaxyMatch and gHarmony, I could find you the woman of your dreams, one who is perfectlly compatiable with you in every way. Joker, love is all I have to give. I know that there are somedays you feel without it you don't think you can live."

Stepping back to stand beside Miranda and Tali, Kelly and the rest of the crews eyes all fell back to Shepard.

Shepard cleared his throat and looked at Joker, who was deep in thought. "Well Joker, there you have it. All three ladies have made compelling arguments for their cause. Do you want power? Technology? Or love? The choice is yours.

Enjoy! About the Shepard x Tali thing, yeah it was mainly to get views lol, but I originally had this planned as a pairing between those two. I've got so many more ideas in my head now, plus like you mentioned theres tons of those, that I wont be going that route anymore. I apologize for any spelling/grammar errors.