They stood outside deflector control and watched the flames.

Tom whistled. "So you took that," he pointed at the broken piece of metal, "and tried to shield yourself against those flames?"

Kathryn stared at the fire. "I never realized Voyager was so fragile. I believed in this ship, that she'd carry us through anything. But…" She was lost in the flames.

"Computer, remove fire," Tom commanded.

The flames disappeared and Kathryn looked back at Tom.

"What happened next?" he asked.

"I was unconscious." Kathryn shrugged. "When I awoke the Doctor was treating me, and that's when he tried to relieve me of command."

"Is that something we need to recreate? I'm sure I could compile something using both of your logs." Tom folded his arms and leaned against a wall in the burnt holographic corridor.

"No, that won't be necessary. The Doctor's opinions don't trouble me. But Seven of Nine…" Kathryn's voice trailed off.

"What about Seven?"

Kathryn's jaw twitched. Obviously her thoughts were far off.

"Captain, what about Seven?"

"She questioned my judgment and, Tom, I think she was right." Kathryn looked up at her supportive helmsman.

He squeezed her shoulder. "We'll see about that."

"She thought we should stay in the nebula. If we had, we would never have been pummeled by those micrometeoroids."

"If you had stayed in the nebula, you wouldn't have made those alliances with the Mawasi and Nihydron in time. The fact that you pushed through, even through this fire, is what stopped the Krenim. You were ready when we called you, if you weren't none of this would be over."

She smiled faintly. "You might be right, Tom. Thank you."

"Might be?" He guffawed. "You know I am."

Kathryn paused and studied Tom. There was not a trace of blame in his eyes. No judgment for her weakness.

"You need anything else here?" he asked. "The Doctor has peer support groups going for other crew members who've shown similar symptoms. He has fretted some about not having any peers for you. There's just a shortage of Starfleet captains that have gone through sheer hell in this quadrant." He grinned at her.

"I'm certain that that is a good thing," Kathryn replied.

"Yes, but it leaves you very alone. So, if I can help?" Tom shrugged. "You've given us your best, Captain." His eyes started to water. "Just let me know if I can do anything."

Kathryn took his hand in both of hers. "If you say going through this recreation will help, then I'm willing to give it a try."

Tom knew his next words were on the verge of crossing a boundary, but he cared too much not to speak. "I just don't like to see you go through this alone." He looked around at the burnt out ship.

"Tom," Kathryn's tone was firm and professional. "I've been through this alone once already." Now her eyes got misty. "If there's any damage to be done by all this, it's been done already."

"But you'll call if you need anything?"

"Yes."

Tom replied with a heavy sigh and exited the holodeck.

Kathryn stood alone in the replicated shell of Voyager to face, for a second time, the year of hell.

Chakotay sought B'Elanna out in her personal work space. "How's it coming along?"

B'Elanna startled from her console. "Chakotay, back from your trip as interstellar diplomat?"

They exchanged a smile as he leaned against the console and comfortably folded his arms.

"So? Fill me in." Chakotay appeared casual, even cheerful.

"As well as it could be. Better, actually." B'Elanna leaned back in her chair and listed their accomplishments. "

He leaned against "Care to give me a brief report?"

B'Elanna sat back in her chair and thought for a moment. "The warp-core is online. The structural damage to the outer hull on all decks has been repaired, although only sickbay is fully functional on deck 5. We are running on our own life support, but the Mawasi have space dock's life support on stand by. The deflector array and one holodeck are fully operational. The computer's internal sensors are offline, but we only have a limited number of bio-neural gel-packs. Until we get the precise components to replicate more gel-packs, most work details have been redirected to repairing bulkheads."

"Sounds like you've done an incredible job. Will my quarters be done any time soon?" Chakotay gave her a big grin.

"Do you want me to make it a priority?"

The turbo-lift opened and Nanton Mordan joined them. "Commander Chakotay. I'm glad I found you. The Chancellor was hoping you could join us for dinner this evening."

"Yes, B'Elanna, make that a priority." He stood and B'Elanna watched Chakotay tense up. "Should we join him now or do you need to meet with Lt. Torres."

"No, Commander. I came here looking for you." Her tone was too aristocratic for the old friends she was interrupting.

"That'll be all." Chakotay rested a hand on B'Elanna's shoulder as he passed her. "Thanks Bel," he said more quietly.

With a gentlemanly gesture towards Nanton and the turbo-lift doors, he replied, "After you."

Kathryn heard that Chakotay was aboard Voyager, but he didn't come to see her. She paced in her quarters. She tried to distract herself reviewing B'Elanna's latest revised systems specifications. As the evening went on she thought about searching the ship for him. In the end she went to engineering as always where B'Elanna informed her that he left the ship with Nanton.

Kathryn threw herself into another hard night's work. She was going to repair as many of the ship's internal sensors as possible, even if it meant rewiring Voyager's circuitry. But Voyager resisted all her creative efforts, and finally in the early hours of the morning, Kathryn ventured into the holodeck.

As she expected, the poker crew had vacated, and Kathryn was free to call up her own program. Tom was thorough in recreating most of the year for her.

"Set stardate to 51268.4." May 20th she thought. Kathryn made a log entry that morning, so the holo-reconstruction of Voyager was remarkably precise.

She sighed as the bridge of Voyager materialized in a shambles. She looked for holographic image and sat down next to where she worked. In silent mourning she watched her own persistence. Just as she'd programmed, Chakotay walked in.

This time, unlike her terse manner in real time, she watched him carefully. He was ruggedly handsome in his unkempt state. She studied the holographic facial features. It was a good representation of his mood and his demeanor.

"Happy birthday."

A pensive Kathryn watched herself respond. "Happy what?"

"Today is May 20th."

"Is it? I thought we were still in April. Guess I've lost track of the time."

"Well this should help." Chakotay offered her the gift.

"It's beautiful."

It was beautiful and she was again touched by the gift. Her heart ached as she saw his care for her. She never wanted to admit it, but Kathryn knew her first officer was smitten with her. How else would he remember something this personal and have such a special gift made for her?

"Nineteenth century, mechanical movement. It's a replica of the chronometer worn by Captain Cray of the British Navy, His ship was hit by a typhoon in the Pacific. Everyone back in England thought they were killed, but eight months later, Cray sailed his ship into London harbour. There wasn't much left of it, a few planks, half a sail, but he got his crew home."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't keep this. Recycle it. Can't afford to waste energy on nonessentials." Kathryn swallowed hard and stared at herself. Did she really look as unfeeling as that?

"Kathryn, I replicated this months ago. I've been saving it. I wanted you to have it."

He loved her and Kathryn knew she hurt him… again. She watched herself, almost as if in shock. She was too unaccustomed to concerning herself with Chakotay's feelings.
"That watch represents a meal, a hypospray, or a pair of boots. It could mean the difference between life and death one day."

Chakotay walked away, shot down by Kathryn one more time.

Kathryn sat on the floor, leaned against the base of the console. She closed her eyes and faced the sick feeling inside her. How many times has this scene between them been repeated in one way or another since they were thrown together in the delta quadrant?'

"Computer display stardate 51684.2."

Kathryn watched Voyager's bridge transform to the end of its beating. She sat beneath the command chair, just like she told Tom. But the scripting for her conversation with Chakotay, she entered after Tom was gone.

Chakotay materialized on the bridge. This time he was clean and healthier looking.

"Kathryn," he gasped.

The holo-Kathryn stood before him in a tank top stained by Voyager's beating.

Chakotay saw the watch hanging at her waist. "You found it," he said.

"You disobeyed a direct order," she said flatly.

"I did," he acknowledged quietly.

"Thank you… I needed it."

The real Kathryn felt so many emotions swell up inside herself as she heard herself thank him.

Chakotay approached to embrace holo-Kathryn. "You did it, Kathryn. You did it."

Kathryn studied him and knew that he wanted to hug her. Maybe even more… She knew that she didn't let him because she was afraid to feel.

"Not much of a victory," the holo-Kathryn snapped.

Again she watched the man she loved take another lashing. He properly responded as her first officer, and Kathryn couldn't stand to watch it.

"Computer, end program."

She stood alone in the empty holo-grid. Now when she wanted to feel, wanted to cry, she didn't know how.

"Damn it," she whispered as she walk off the holo-deck.