RaeLyn: Sorry for the Hiatus! . Uh, please don't throw anything at me...I'M SORRY! I will attempt to keep these updates weekly.

Happy Homes and Shattered Flowers

Chapter 4: Dimmed Voices

Gilbert watched me sleep, I know. I could feel him. As much as I wanted to tell him to sleep, I know that he was just worried about me and planning our escape. I slept fitfully. My dreams were filled with terror and shadows. I really can't recall what happened just that it had to do with Gil.

I sprang awake. Even knowing that it was a dream it did not stop the foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked around my room. Where was he? I sprang up to search my room more thoroughly and felt a pair of arms tighten around me.

"West?" a groggy voice asked, "What the hell are you doing up?"

I relaxed and turned over to face him. I let my eyes wander his face and memorize each feature. Somehow, this foreboding feeling would not leave me. I could not speak. I opened my mouth and the words would not escape. I wanted to tell him how scared I was. I wanted him to know that...that...

Gilbert raised an eyebrow, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and closed my mouth. Please, please...what ever this feeling is...please go away. I could feel sweat build up on my forehead and prickling at the corners of my eyes. My breathing was becoming labored. I reached out my arms and held on to Gilbert. My vision was beginning to swim and my stomach was tightening into knots.

~This could be the last time you see him, you know!~

I jerked at the sing-song voice that echoed through my head. I tried to blink. The last time I see...NO! I buried my face in his neck and sobbed. NO!

"O-oi, West! What's the matter? You know you can tell me." Gilbert's arms tightened around me and he pressed kisses to the top of my head.

No, Gilbert, I can't tell you. I don't want you to know of these traitorous thoughts. I just want you to know how scared I am. I want you to know that I would die without you. Please, don't leave me. Please..please...Gilbert...don't leave me...

~Look how much you worry him. Maybe it would be a good thing if you never saw him again, yes? Maybe, I should take him away, yes?~ The voice was taunting me. It sounded so happy but it was saying such malicious things.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I tried to calm down. Gilbert had taken to rubbing my back and singing softly. I tried to tell him. But in the end, my tears got the best of me. That and him rubbing my back, I fell into another fitful sleep..

When I woke up this time, Gilbert was sitting on the edge of the bed stroking my hair. I looked up at him. His red eyes looked dull and slightly swollen. "Bruder?"

"West? Are you okay?" His voice was a little hoarse. Had he been crying? Did I make him cry?

"Gilbert...I'm fine now. I-I am sorry about..." I trailed off, guilt kicking in. "Are you okay?"

Gilbert's hand stilled for a moment. A fleeting look danced across his features and disappeared. His hand began to move again, "Yes. I am awesome after all!"

I noticed that his voice lacked its usual confidence and energy. I noticed that his fingers trembled just a bit. He was looking down but not in my eyes. "Did...did I make you cry?"

"What! The awesome me does not cry!"

"I worried you? I am sorry, Gil. Please, forgive me."

"I told you, I was not crying! What do I need to be worried for?" There was a pause, " Anyway, West, it's time to get up." His hand retreated and he stood up turning away.

Sitting up, I was confused. Just last night, we talked of forgiveness and made happy plans. This morning, I had a night terror. And now, Gil was being distant. I dropped my head and pulled my hair. I did not understand. What was happening? Why was this happening?

~Ludwig? Ludwig? So he turned his back on you, yes? Is this what you can expect from him?~

It was that voice again. That one that taunted me earlier. I growled. "B-bruder?" My left hand released my hair to reach out to him.

Gil turned around. His eyes blank. "What?" He looked down at my hand and back at me. "You are not a child anymore. Why do you reach out for me? Do I look like a blanket to you?"

My eyes widened and my face flushed. What was this? He was never mean to me. Why? Why now? Was he still mad that I couldn't see him the other day? Hadn't I apologized? Hadn't he forgiven me? Hadn't we whispered into the night about spending the rest of forever together. "Gil?" I choked on my words.

He slapped my suspended hand out of the air. "Listen, Ludwig. The sooner you grow up the sooner you will see that I am not gonna take care of you forever! So WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?"

~He is angry? What could you have done, Ludwig? Maybe, I was right before. Shall I take him away from you? Keep him safe?~

"Why? Why are you doing this to me?" To whom, I was speaking I did not know. Was I talking to the taunting voice who dangled my fears in my face or to my brother who was behaving in ways that I'd never seen. I brought my reddened hand in front of my eyes.

Gilbert and the voice laughed in unison. Became one and separated again. "Because you must realize..."

~...the sooner you grow up...~

"The better off I will be..."

~...with out you and the sooner...~

"...you can start..."

~...to take responsibility for yourself.~

I dropped my hand and stared at my brother. He stood in front of the light and his face was obscured. I shook my head. This was not my brother. This...thing that stole his voice, his face, his body...was not him. I knew it wasn't. What was happening to me?

I turned my head and looked around. This wasn't my room. This place smelled of antiseptics and cleaning agents. The walls were a deep blue and there was a large cherry wood desk. Where am I? I rolled my head in the other direction. There was a plant and a mirror. I blinked. Where is this?

I faintly heard the scratching of a pen. I looked down at myself. Where is my shirt? Why am I wearing all white? I tried to get up but found my limbs heavy and unresponsive. Nausea settled in. My body, I realized, hurt. I groaned. My throat hurt. My eyes hurt.

I closed my eyes the light seemed to become brighter by the second. I opened my mouth. My lips were dry and crack upon opening. I winced at the sudden pain. I stuck my tongue out to wet my lips and was met with a copper taste. "P-please..." I coughed.

"Please what?" It was the voice again. I forced my eyes open. But they would not focus. The voice was right there! I could see it's outline. It leaned toward me. "Please what?" It was mocking me. I knew it was. I could tell.

"Where am I?" My voice was a little unstable and each word hurt more than the one before. I wanted to close my eyes, but I would not give this voice the satisfaction of seeing my weakness!

"You? Why, you are here!" There was amusement lacing its words. I glared in the direction of the voice. I could feel myself frowning. I really wanted to stop, I could feel the blood trickle.

"And where is here?" I asked making an effort to lace my word with as much venom as possible.

I felt something soft wipe my lips and cheek, "This looks painful, Ludwig. Is it?" The voice was gently cleaning my face. I tried to turn away. I didn't want to owe this thing any friendliness. It had already set the rules for us when it fucked with my head.

Unable to turn my head, I clenched my jaw briefly and restated my question, "Where is here?"

The voice sighed and pulled away from me. "Is it so important? Ludwig? I will take care of you. You must know that." It sounded lonely and hurt. For a moment, I felt like a total ass. I wanted to apologize. But why should I? I did not know where I was. This voice was messing with my head and skirting my questions.

I narrowed my eyes and followed its outline, "Yes, it is very much important. I don't know where I am or even who you are!" I managed to sound very indignant, despite the pain. I was proud of myself.

"Me? I am Ivan Braginsky, your therapist!" There was a small giggle to accompany this introduction. "And I will take very good care of you!" I could see the outline nod. As far as I knew, he was probably smiling too!

"Where is my brother, Dr. Braginsky?" I asked lowering my eyes. The light was beginning to give me a migraine.

"Call me Ivan, please! And, ah, hm, your brother?" I heard papers moving. I think he was looking through his clip board, "Gilbert?"

I nodded, "Yes, Gil. Where is he?"My voice was becoming weak. I felt my consciousness slipping. What was happening?

"Ah, he is not here right now! He is just outside. Are you tired, Ludwig?" Dr. Braginsky's outline leaned over me. "You look tired. Won't you sleep?"

"What's...hap...pening to...me?" It was becoming hard to form sentences.

"Well, last night we gave you a sedative in with your dinner, even though you ate very little, it worked very well! And well you were having issues earlier in this session so I administered another. Do not worry, I will take good care of you! Ufuu~!"

My eyes closed and against my will I lost consciousness.