CHAPTER 28 - numb

The weeks had past faster than the ones before. Ziva was as good as could be expected, the cast was from her arm she now only had a support bandage around her arm. The wounds on her head stomach and back had healed nicely. She was allowed to go into the water with them only not to hot. She was still at home because Gibbs wanted to be better safe than sorry, so she had to stay at home, at least till she was able to run and stay awake for a whole day.

Tony had began to work again. On the day Abby, Ducky or even Palmer would keep Ziva company. Gibbs would let Tony of early so he could be with Ziva. Today was a day that Palmer would be with Ziva.

Normally Palmer did barley talk, he would bring break fest or lunch and would just sit with her, and little did they both know that today would be different.

When Jimmy knocked on the door there was no sound, for a while it stayed silent then the door was slowly opened by Ziva. She had tried to hide the tears, but Jimmy could still see that her eyes were red. He did not know what to say so he just held the bag of lunch up in the air. Ziva stepped aside and Jimmy stepped in.

They ate in silence, Jimmy could see that Ziva was still broken inside, maybe more than when he had seen her in the hospital. He had talked with Tony, who thought it was going better but for some reason Jimmy thought that Tony did not want to see the pain, not want to see the hurt. But Jimmy found Ziva just a bit too scary to say anything about it.

The tv was on and just as normally they both just watched and not really watched at the same time. Jimmy kept wondering if it really had gone worse with Ziva.

Ziva on her own was messed up inside. She knew that things were suppose to be better, that they were suppose to live like they would die tomorrow, but maybe that was the point. The last event had made the bucket stream over. One drop too much. She had been surrounded with death and torture her whole live, and it had slowly build. The point was that the live as if you die tomorrow, that point of dying tomorrow had come a little too much. She could have died in the factory, with her mother with her unborn child. But something had made her survive. Ziva did not know if that thing had made the right choice maybe it would be better if she was gone, if she ended herself. But she also knew that

Numbly she took the glasses from the table and walked to the kitchen.

The TV was loud but Jimmy could hear the crash.

Ziva POV

I take the two glasses to the kitchen. When I have just reached the kitchen, it seems as if just for a moment the world around me jumps out. Just as you see when you throw a rock in the water, the water goes first in before it comes out again. In that short moment I lose all the control about my body.

He hastily runs to the kitchen. There he saw what had caused the crash. Ziva had let the glasses drop. And had tried to pick them up but had only cut in her hand. While the blood slowly turned her whole hand red she just looked at it. And that was the moment Jimmy Palmer overcame his fear for Ziva. Ziva was his friend and she needed him.

He walked to her and put both of his hands on her shoulders to help her up. He walked with her to the bathroom and started to clean the wound. It was not very deep, but deep enough to bleed rather hard. He put a bandage around it and lead her back to the couch. He muted the TV and sat so that he could see her face.

It was then that Ziva started to cry, the tears floated out of her eyes. She looked up and met Jimmy's eyes.

"Jimmy, how could he forgive me after all I have done"

Jimmy did something he thought he never would, he leaned forward and put his arm around Ziva, who lay her head down on his shoulder which surprised him. He knew exactly what to say at that moment. No stupid comments, or inappropriate jokes.

"Ziva, he can forgive you because he loves you"

"But I killed our baby"

Tony and Ziva had not told anyone about the baby, though ducky and Palmer had suspected something like this, they were after al partly medical examiners.

"I killed our baby to save my mother, and I did not even save her"

"Ziva look at me" Jimmy said determent to make her see a lighter spot in the dark. "That may have happened but it is in the past, I know it still hurts but it will move to the back ground in a while. Believe me"

"I know the pain will less but I do not understand how Tony can forgive me, love me"

"Like I told you before, he loves you. When I found out that Michelle Lee had lied to me, yes I was angry and hurt. But I still loved her, because she may have made a mistake but she was still the same. Tony still can and does love you because he knows how much it hurt when your mother got ill. He knows how much of a hell you went through, but above all he knows you have a future together, maybe this baby died but as long as you are together it should not mean it is the last one. Tony sees you, and only you, he loves you, not for the things you have done right, or for your mistakes but for you, for what is inside of you"

That started a new wave of tears that Ziva let go. Jimmy did not push her away, he just held her. Not as Tony would or Abby, or even Gibbs. In his own way, and Ziva loved him for it, because he was him he was being Jimmy, a little different than normally, but it was than when she knew his words were true. She may not be in love with Palmer no absolutely not but she loved him for who he is. Not the person that is the weird autopsy gremlin, not the one that makes the wrong comments at the wrong time. But the person that would give everything he had if needed for a friend. And she saw that it was his inside that made her love him.

Just before she fell asleep in his arms tired of the tears she whispered.

"Thank you Jimmy, I love you"

I placed Jimmy Palmer in this chapter because he is absolutely adorable and I think he is better friends with the team than the team wants to admit. Okay and I know it is a little OOC but he is soo sweeeeeeet :P. And the line Ziva thinks I have also used in my story A children's laugh but I liked it.

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