Chapter 31- Letters

When the team had entered the plane Tony was still holding the letters and Ziva's necklace in his hand grabbing it tightly. With them in his hands he fell asleep the whole flight he slept.

The team gathered that night in the house of Gibbs. It was then that Tony gave the letter that was meant for the team to Ducky. Who opened it and started to read.

"Dear Family,

This is my goodbye to you, the last thing you will ever see of me, for that I am sorry.

I had hoped that if this day would come we broke up another way. For the past few years you have been more than just co-workers for me, you have shown me that I am not the killer everyone says I am, you have thought me how to love.

What I did to repay you was wrong, I have not know until the moment that I am writing this that you were always there for me, supported me, and let me in your family. Even though it was my brother who had caused you so much pain, I have put you all through hell.

For believing my father's lies for believing everything I was told by my people, while all you ever did was being there for me"

While Ducky was reading it Tony noticed that Ziva did not blame them not blamed him, never really did, when she stayed behind she was letting them go, letting them go on with their lives, because she knew she would have teared them apart if she had stayed at that moment.

"You were my family, you still are, I hope that you forgive me, for hurting you. I needed to stay behind, I want you all to live your lives as if I had been with you, and ask you for forgiveness. Even if you forgive me, I cannot return to you, not even to look one last time at my family, the ones I hold in my heart. Right now it is an hour before I have to leave, the mission is not important but it will be my last. If you forgive me for the pain and hell I put on you I will see you all when the time has come for you to let your lives go. Be safe and happy.

As last I wish to say something to each of you apart:

To Mcgee; Do not let my departure affect you to much, finish your book, and get the happy ending you wanted to write, you know the one you told me when we were sitting in the park maybe three months ago. Get that happy ending for you deserve it.

To Abby: I know you must be angry with me, but please do not be. I know that me leaving brings back memories of Kate for that I am sorry, but as I will go on my last mission I will keep you in mind, your craziness and the way of always finding a solution. Also do not be sad, it would kill me to not hear music coming from your lab, or to not see you jumping up and down when new evidence comes in, just be yourself, the crazy happy Goth who I have learned to love

To Ducky: Keep telling the story's you did to me to the team. Help them move on because I know they will stay stuck in the past for too long. Tell them with the passion with which you told them to me, they always made me laugh and feel loved

To Gibbs: I thank you that you let me go, that you left me behind, because now I can see what I had, that I was lucky to have you all. I will take care of myself, I promise. Do you remember when I walked down the stairs, when you looked at me, I know that with that one looked you knew me; you saw who I was and trusted me, became a father to me. Until the day of today I am still thankful you never told anyone but now it is time to tell. I cannot do it myself but they have the right to know.

With this I will leave you with your lives, I want you all to remember me by the good memories not the bad, because I will remember you that way. I hold you in my heart until it will stop beating, but I know, I hope I will see you again,

I love you all,

Ziva "

After reading it everyone had tears in their eyes. Mcgee was the first one to speak

"Boss what did she mean it is time to tell"

Gibbs sighed "To tell you what really happened the night Ari Haswari died"

The whole team looked at him and waited for him to speak.

"I know you all have doubted and questioned my affection for Ziva, it is because that night she saved my life, if she had not been their it would not be Ari but me who would have died. Because I did not kill Ari, Ziva did "

The team was silent, Abby started to cry harder and mumbled things like why didn't she tell us.

With the words Gibbs had spoken still in his head Tony run outside. He needed to get away. When he stopped running he saw he had come to a halt at the lake where Ziva and him had walked in the summer when Gibbs had been gone. How could he have been so stupid to question where Ziva's loyalty's lay.

At that moment he also remembered the letter from Ziva he still had to read. He opened it and becan to read.

"Dear Tony,

By now I know Gibbs has told you about Ari, that I was I who shot him. How I know you did not read this letter earlier? Because I know you Tony, I know you better then I know myself, just like you know me better than you know you. I do not want you to be sorry for questioning my loyalty, because at the moment you asked me about it I did not know where it lay. But the point is now I do. It lays with all of you, if only I could have seen it sooner.

That is not why I wrote you this letter, and not write it with the other one. I write you this letter because I need to tell you something, I now wish I could tell to your face, to see your eyes, who always told me what you were feeling and always made me forget all the things I had done, and what everyone expected from me. I never have been myself in front of anyone, but you Tony, you knew the real me. The Ziva I have not shown to anyone but my Mother and Tali. Because you made me feel special, let me feel me. Not the daughter of the director of Mossad, not the sister to a murdered, not the perfect weapon for daddy, not the emotionless ex-assassin everyone thought I was. No, you let me see me, just me, just Ziva, what I wanted to say was that you made me see something that no one ell could have done.

At the moment that I watched that plane fly away I knew it, it is now to late but I need to tell you this:

I love you Tony

And I am sorry I am the one to break your trust, forgive me if you can, but do not stay haning in the past, live on. Just remember that I love you, and somehow I will always be with you.

I love you

Ziva"

So this was the final end of the story I want to thank all of the reviewers to this story, really thanks.

On another note, I have posted the first chapter of my new story which is called:

Like we use to

I hope to see you all there,

Blessed be