"Wha-What the fuck are you talking about, Malfoy?" I groan with all the strength I can muster.

"What do you mean, 'What are you talking about'? And since when are we on surname terms?"

"It's what it sounds like. And I've always called you Malfoy." I groan. "My head hurts so bad." I put my left hand to my head and something hard on my finger is brought to my attention. I position my hand level with my eyes and spy a giant diamond ring. "What's this?"

"You're engaged," Malfoy explains, but unsure.

"To whom?"

"Me," he says desperately. I laugh.

"You wish. Oh, my God! When did I get so damn fat? And where am I?" I ask as it just dawns on me.

Malfoy looks baffled. "You're in St. Mungo's."

"Why?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange almost killed you. You've been in a coma for awhile. Not even a day. Probably only about eight hours or so," he explains.

"Why would she try to kill me? You're being ridiculous, Malfoy. And why am I so fucking fat? It looks like I swallowed a cow!"

"You're pregnant," he answers simply.

"That's the silliest thing I've ever heard," I scoff.

"But it's true, Collette!"

"Who's the father, then?" I test.

"Me! You and I had sex, I got you pregnant, I proposed to you earlier today, you accepted, suddenly a war broke out at Hogwarts with the Dark Lord, Bella practically killed you, you went into a coma and ended up here!" We pause as the news sinks in.

"Ok, on second thought, that was the silliest thing I've ever heard. Why would I lose my virginity to you? I hate your guts."

"Wha- Bu- What do you last remember?" he asks.

I think for a moment. "Riding the train back home at the end of the sixth year."

"This can't be good," he whispers desperately.

"Draco, we have to lea- Oh! Collette! You're awake!" Narcissa runs over to me and gives me a hug.

"Narcissa, Draco is trying to trick me into liking him." She looks confused. "He says he's proposed, got me pregnant, and I was just in a coma because Bellatrix tried to kill me."

"You proposed?" she yells at Malfoy. She doesn't sound disgruntled at him for lying. She sounds...happy?

"Hello, Narcissa? Still here," I remind her.

"Oh, yes. Everything is true," she states simply.

"What?" I scream.

"You don't remember?" she asks, completely befuddled.

"What do you mean 'remember'?" I ask. This is seriously getting on my nerves. People saying things that aren't true - especially Narcissa - really irritates me! What the fuck are they talking about?

"The last thing she recalls is the train ride home...last year," Malfoy explains to her dismally.

"How could this happen?"

"It's a popular side-effect when people come out of a coma." The Malfoys turn to face the nurse who had just walked in. Sure. The nurse is even in on Malfoy's little joke. "Sometimes when people wake up from comas, they don't remember things. Usually it's many years. You're lucky."

"Would everyone quit saying that?" Malfoy yells. Apparently, he's just as pissed as me. Maybe even more so. "She doesn't remember the most eventful year of her life so far!"

"Look, guys! The joke has gone on long enough. Just say, 'Gotcha!' already!"

The nurse places her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. There's nothing more we can do for her," she says as if I'm not even there and she hadn't just heard my outburst. A bad feeling settles in my gut as I close my eyes and try to block the voices out.