(Clare)

Clare was alone in her room it was about six am, she hadn't slept very much that night, it was so lonely and dead silent in the house. Alli had left hours ago, but Clare could still hear her in her head telling her over and over there had to be something to fix it. Clare didn't want to think about what could be she wanted facts, she wanted to know if it could be fixed but its not like she really knew anyone that could help her. The only thing right now that was filling the silence was the music she had playing from her laptop. She reached over grabbing it and opening a blank document, she needed to write maybe it would ease her enough to fall back asleep. Her fingers moved slowly over the keys and tears were already starting to swell in her eyes as she began to type.

I'm laying in our bed and I've had the same four songs on repeat all night, my head is pounding but my heart aches worse than anything I've ever felt before..Nothing has ever hurt this bad. I close my eyes and all I hear is Alli telling me to sleep, but she should've known I wasn't going to sleep much..I must've looked like hell for her to force me into bed. When I did lay down, I kept my eyes closed letting out shaky breath after shaky breath, I finally started to drift ,not enough though, I could still hear things going on around me..I could hear the songs and my mind started to numb. I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. It's weird to be asleep and awake at the same time..not something I could really explain. I started to dream though and I could feel you there around me..your presence was everywhere it was so evident. I wanted to open my eyes jump up and hold you close to me but... I knew already if I did you'd be gone and I'd wake up alone.

Still I wanted to feel you and then I felt it the touch of your fingers against my cheek and I could feel my body shaking as a reaction. So badly I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't..this wasn't enough..it will never be enough. I heard you faintly speaking and I tried to so hard to hear the words but they were coming through like a staticy radio station. Your hand stayed on my cheek and gosh the touch was so faint and it felt so real. I never wanted to wake up..if this was the only way to feel you anymore..I would sleep forever. Too bad that never really happened I did wake up eventually, and now I'm here alone Eli, without you... I miss you so much. I know I told you to go away and I can only hope you're at peace now that's all I want for you. I don't know what to do without you though, I feel so empty. Earlier I went to the fridge and I started to ask if you and Adam wanted dinner... Then later once Alli had left I walked into the bathroom to see towels on the floor and I groaned wondering why it was so damn hard for you two to put them in the hamper... . There isn't anything I do that isn't about you somehow... I'm sorry I shoved you away but it was in your best interest I hope you can understand that...God I just love you so much... I'd give anything just to have you with me, to actually feel your arms around me... I just...

Clare had to stop writing and close the laptop before she broke down into a million pieces. She laid on the bed curling up on her side and closing her eyes, maybe if she went back to bed things would seem better later. She let out a shaky breath, trying to get some sleep but nothing happened. She bit down on her bottom lip, trying to suppress her thoughts but nothing was working. She rolled over with a loud groan and just let the tears fall down her cheeks,crying hard until she could hardly breathe. She gripped the pillow where Eli used to lay taking in his scent and holding it close to her chest. She didn't understand anything anymore, she had tried so hard her whole life to be a good person, help souls into the light and this was what she got for it?

"Please,come back to me" she whimpered into the pillow.

Everything in this room smelled of him, it was killing her but she didn't want to leave either, she needed some sense of him. She was kicking herself for sending him away from her. She knew she did the best thing for him but the selfish part of her couldn't help but want to keep him around even in ghost form was better than nothing.

"I need you, I need you so much" she whispered.

(Two days later ,hospital)

Clare had forced herself out of bed and back to the hospital when she got the call "Eli" was ready to be released and taken home. She felt bad she hadn't even asked about Adam but what was the point when she knew where Adam really was. She almost thought about letting Eli's parents pick him up and deal with him she was still confused about if he knew whom he really was or not. She signed turning the corner and peeking in the room she knocked lightly on the door.

"Come in" She heard Eli's voice and had to fight back the tears.

"Hey" she spoke softly keeping her gaze averted from him.

"Hey blue eyes, where have you been?" He asked her

"A-Around" she stuttered, she was so confused on what was really going on.

"What's wrong? You haven't talked to me, no one will tell me how Adam is...I don't know anything"

Clare's heart broke did he really not know he was Adam? She didn't think Adam would keep playing games this long, she knew him better than that. She walked over and sat next to him on the bed, she shakily reached her hand into the bag she brought with her. It was just one of Eli's regular shirts and jeans but handing them over killed her. She was looking at the face of the man she loved with her whole heart but it wasn't him. He was somewhere else long gone from here.. Taking another breath she extended them out to him.

"Clare" he said softly. She looked down this was so hard, she wasn't sure if she should embrace this, or if she should continue to try and tell him the truth. The selfish part of her wanted to lie to him so she could have somewhat of her normal life back but she knew deep down she couldn't do that to him or herself, she had to let him go. She had to try and tell Adam the truth but maybe right now wasn't that time, right now she needed to get him home to rest.

"Please Ad-Eli, just get dressed okay?" It burned her tongue to say his name, she couldn't help but look for the real Eli around the hospital again. He was nowhere to be found.. of course the one time she told him something and he listened. She sighed as she watched Adam get up from the bed and head into the bathroom to change into Eli's clothes. She rubbed her temples looking around and whispered "Elijah, where are you?" Nothing happened though, he didn't come to her and he probably never would again.

(Adam/Eli)

The car ride home was really silent, Clare didn't say much at all to him. He looked at her wondering what was wrong. Had something that bad happened? Did he do something wrong? Was Adam dead..? It made his stomach turn to think of something like that. Adam was his best friend they had been through so much together,he had gone through enough losing Julia but in a weird way losing his best friend would be so much worse. He took a deep breath as Clare opened the door to the house and placed her bag down. It was as if she wasn't even here, she was truly vacant right now.

"Clare..please..tell me what happened with Adam" he whispered to her. That caught her attention she turned to face him and her eyes were filled with tears. He gulped waiting for her to say something but she didn't, she walked away into the kitchen and started washing the dishes in the sink. He groaned following her in there, turning the water off gabbing her hands holding them gently in his. Her blue eyes met his but then she looked away, he frowned.

"Please, Clare I'm begging you to tell me. I can take it"

"No you can't. Go rest" she spoke it sounded so cold hearted. This wasn't like her, where was his Clare?

"Dammit, Clare!" he yelled he hadn't meant to but he was so frustrated with her acting so strangely toward him. She jumped and tears started to fall from her eyes, He felt bad so he pulled her into a hug kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Clare only stayed there with him for a moment before she pushed him away.

"Please don't touch me, okay? I just I can't deal with that right now..." She spoke softly. The words cut him deep he wasn't sure what he had done. What was wrong with her?She always told him everything.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.." he whispered looking to his feet.

" I need some time for myself ...I'll be back..later tonight. Please rest" she whispered grabbing her bag and keys from the entrance table. He chased after her and grabbed a hold of her wrist, she was crying again. He took his thumb brushing the tears away from her ivory cheeks, she looked so vulnerable and he felt so helpless. How could I help her when she refused to tell me what was wrong in the first place he thought.

"Please, Adam let me go" she cried pulling from his grip. Adam? What? He only tightened his grip around her and looked at her. "Adam?" he questioned and she looked away from him. He pulled her face towards his own and she couldn't stand to look for more than five seconds.

"You're Adam" She whispered trying again to leave his grip.

"Are you okay? Clare clearly I am not Adam.. I see my reflection right there" He looked at her, he was now truly lost.

"You don't understand! I have to go, let me go,let me go!" she screamed finally yanking herself from his grip she got into the car, driving off as fast as she could. Leaving him standing there utterly confused in their driveway.

Okay so it wasn't too long but once again it was sort of powerful. No? Oh ok. Well either way this is the end of chapter four and chapter five will be up soon. Let me know what you guys think? Are there things you want to see? Suggestions? I love feedback :) If you've read this far thanks so much for sticking with me xox.