Chapter 32 - Lara Apologizes

Alex lay on the bed in his hotel room, staring at the ceiling for no particular reason. He was lost in his own thoughts, thinking back through the events of the past few days. His arms were crossed behind his head, and as he fell deeper into thought, he found it harder to fight falling asleep. He had been up half the night before, unable to sleep for some strange reason. He had dozed for a while, lost in vivid dreams that seemed more like memories than anything else. They were strange and yet so familiar to him. He had awoken only to find himself wide awake and unable to fall back asleep. He had tried reading and counting sheep, but nothing had helped. He kept experiencing a nagging feeling at the back of his mind, as though something were terribly wrong. But he couldn't place it, and so had gone without sleep.

He contemplated getting up and heading down to the bar, where no doubt Nicholas Howard sat nursing some stiff drink or other. He decided against it, as he was only wearing a pair of ratty shorts, and didn't feel much like getting dressed. Or leaving his room, for that matter. Instead he turned over, wishing he had slept the night before, and buried his face against one of the pillows below his headboard.

A knock came at the door across the room, soft and unobtrusive. Alex groaned, positive it would be Nicholas asking him to join him for a drink. Or maybe one of the research team, asking for his help with something. He didn't really feel up to talking to either party, and turned back to his pillow, ignoring the first knock. A second came after a moment, and he huffed as he sat up. Obviously, whoever was out there wasn't leaving him alone. He pulled himself heavily off the bed, making his way across the soft carpet. He opened the door, trying hard not to bark at whoever was behind it.

Lara stood in the hallway, her curves illuminated by the soft light from Alex's bedside lamp. Alex only stared at her, unaware he was still only half dressed.

"Lara?" he asked, rubbing a hand across his unruly blonde hair. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to stay in bed for another day."

"I'm sick of being bedridden. I've never liked it, and I'm not about to start now, whatever the doctor says," came her reply. She was looking straight into his eyes, and he felt a flush creeping into his cheeks. She was wearing black linen capris and a knit tank top that accentuated the lines of her chest. Her hair was in that cascading ponytail of hers, which always reminded Alex of a dark waterfall. She smelled clean and cool, like rare flowers in a quiet meadow. His heart began to pound in his chest as something else came to life in an entirely different place.

"What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I was... I just wonder if I could come in for a moment." He looked at her inquisitively, not sure what she was up to. He nodded, moving aside so she could come in, closing the door behind her. He watched as she walked into his room, looking around at the mess of clothes and books strewn about the floor.

"Sorry about the mess. I haven't been able to sleep lately, and things have gotten a little out of control as a result," he offered, suddenly remembering he had no shirt on. He grabbed a white tank from the floor, hoping it wouldn't smell. He threw it on while her back was turned, hoping he hadn't embarrassed her. She sat on the edge of his bed, saying nothing about the newly donned shirt, and looked at him. She was quiet for a long time, and Alex wondered if perhaps he shouldn't say something.

"I came to apologize, Alex," she finally said, her voice steady but low. Alex only looked at her, his hands in his pockets. He felt strange, her on his bed like that. It was putting ideas in his head that he shouldn't be entertaining.

"What the hell for? You never apologize to anyone. Why start with me?" he asked, a little too harshly. He chalked it up to being nervous around her. Lara hung her head a little, clasping her hands at her side.

"I know, and I'm starting to think there may be a lot about me that needs changing." Alex resisted the urge to gape at her comment, and instead walked carefully over to where she sat, and took a seat next to her. When she didn't move away from him, he relaxed a little, hoping his silence would urge her to continue.

"Twice this trip you've practically rescued me from almost certain death. I'm not sure how you were always in the right place at the right time, but you were."

"Lara, you don't have to apologize. You thanked me both times and that's enough," he replied quietly, but she only held up a hand.

"Let me finish. Usually I do everything on my own. I've always been that way. Even when my parents were alive, I was fiercely independent. They always said it would get me into trouble. I never believed them until I actually grew up and started running around the world like this. I grew up in such a sheltered environment, that after they were gone and I was grown I never wanted help with anything. I suppose I've always been trying to prove to everyone that I really could make it on my own. Everyone, or maybe just myself... I'm not sure. I wanted to know I could do it, not because of their money, or my title, or my upbringing, or even the past work of my father. I wanted something to be mine. Just mine. I wanted to taste glory and success for myself. And so I've always been adverse to different people in my life. I was always... afraid... that if I let people in, I'd be letting my power out. Does that make any sense at all?"

"Yes, it does. Believe it or not, I understand completely. I may not have had all the luxuries you grew up with, but the story is still almost the same. My dad was an archeology professor in the states, and I always lived in his shadow. He was one of the best in his field. He was an absolute fountain of ancient knowledge, and he always went on these fabulous adventures, leaving my mom and me behind. I always resented him for it, and it made me bitter. When he died on the trail, leaving the rest of my family destitute and alone, I hated him even worse. I dedicated my entire life to trying to become something more than what he was. Not because I wasn't good enough, but because I was afraid no one would ever see me if I was always hidden in the shadows of his former glory."

"I never knew that about you," Lara replied. "Come to think of it, I don't really know anything about you at all, Alex."

"Yeah, well... You're always too busy being pissed at me for some reason." Lara dropped her gaze, her eyes clouding over.

"That's what I came to apologize for. In the past, your actions earned my hatred and disrespect. The Alex I came to know years ago was a lot different from who you are today. I don't know, you've just... changed. Like the time in Tibet..."

"Lara, please don't start about those stupid prayer wheels again..."

"No, I'm just making a point. Who you were then made me angry and frustrated, and I of course took it out on you. Maybe rightfully so, maybe not. The point is, I've always been at odds with you for two reasons. One, because I always thought you couldn't respect archeology, or even tomb raiding for that matter, the way I did. And second, and this has been the hardest to recognize, because I've always sort of been afraid of you." Alex looked at her blankly, unbelieving.

"You're joking. Afraid of me? Why?"

"Because you're competition. What's worse, you're good competition. You're the only person over the years who has always been one step either ahead of me or behind me. You're the only person who can really keep up with me. I've never liked that. About you or anyone else. I was that way in school, too. I used to get in trouble for starting fights over who won hide-and-seek as a girl in boarding school. I've never liked the idea that someone was better at what I love to do than me. And because of that, I've treated you unfairly. Especially over the past few weeks. Like I said. You came to my rescue twice, and all I've done is push you farther and farther away. And... I'm sorry."

There was silence for a long time as Alex digested all she had said. He folded his hands in his lap, leaning over the edge of the bed a little to help him concentrate. He had never thought he'd hear anything like this from her. Especially not now, when they were so close to the end of things. Finally, he pulled himself up again, sure of what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry too." Lara looked up at him.

"For what?"

"For how I was then. I suppose, in my quest to become better than my father, I only became him myself. I hated him so much, that it turned me into him. I became what I most despised. A glory-seeker. A selfish, disconnected person with thoughts only of personal advancement. And I suppose the attempt to suppress my childhood poverty didn't help me any, either." Lara was quiet a moment, looking at him with those rich brown eyes of hers.

"And the change?" Alex sighed, running his hand through his hair again in nervous habit.

"After that whole 'Triangle of Light' incident we both got caught up in a couple years ago, I started seeing things in a different way. I finally saw what I had become. I took a good look at my life and realized it was no different than my father's had been. I had failed in my quest to become more by becoming nothing more. Does that make sense?" Lara nodded, and he continued. "I wanted to be better. I wanted the old me back. I used to run around as a kid, digging stuff up and getting into all sorts of trouble with my best friend Andrew Jones out in the middle of canyon country in the states. I loved the thrill of discovery back then, simply for the sheer joy of it all. Not the money or the travel or the fame! Just me and my friends, off on another crazy-ass adventure in the red-rocks. Even if we did have to be home by dark." Lara smiled slightly at him as he reminisced, watching as his body language transformed as he spoke of his carefree childhood. "It was different then. I was different. I wanted that all back. So I tried changing. But I'm not so sure it worked."

He looked up at her, his striking blue eyes meeting hers. Her heart skipped as she saw something more there. Something hungry. Something almost... needy.

"I think you have..." she replied quietly, touching a hand to his. She felt him jump slightly beneath her touch, and it almost made her feel powerful. He gazed at her, seemingly transfixed by her, his eyes never leaving her own. She began to feel something warm and lustful inching its way up her spine and into her limbs. Her face grew hot, and her eyes took on a sheen... a glossy glow. He reached up, taking her face delicately in his hardened hands, never taking his eyes off of hers. She felt her heartbeat turn into something that sounded hollow and submerged, like voices heard from under water. The tips of her fingers tingled, and as he brought her face closer to his, she felt her skin warm as his breath touched her face. His chest was laboring up and down as he gazed at her, and she let her body be moved towards his. When he realized she wasn't going to pull away from him, he leaned in, touching his lips gently to hers, barely brushing. She let her eyes close, the warm ball of sensation growing in her stomach making her reel. He kissed her again, pressing only slightly harder this time, grazing her bottom lip gently with his teeth. And then he covered her mouth with his, completely and softly, breathing deeply in as he let his own eyes close. He pulled her closer, pressing her to him with urgent but gentle arms. He held her there as he continued to brush her lips, tasting her in a million different little places before he drew away and looked at her again.

Her face was flushed with desire now, as was his. They both sat close together, staring at each other in need and slight confusion. Alex was afraid to go any farther, and looked away, moving to stand up. He felt a hand on his arm, and looked down to see Lara staring at him, her lips parted slightly, her perfect breasts moving up and down as she breathed through the excitement growing inside her. There were questions in her eyes, and for a moment they made him tentative. But she pulled slightly on his arm, drawing him back to her. She laid herself across the bed, and he moved on top of her slowly. She put her arms around him, pulling him in closer. He looked at her for a moment, enchanted by everything he saw, and even more enchanted by what he couldn't see, but knew was there... inside her heart and mind. He leaned down carefully, supporting his own weight, and kissed her again, soft and heavy. The air was still and quiet and scented with lust, and he found it hard to breath each time their lips met each other again. And yet she wouldn't let him draw away, even if he had wanted to. Everything inside of him cried out for her, for what she was, for what she symbolized in his life. He had never known desire like this, need like this. He wanted all of her and more, whatever she had to offer. His head fell again to cover her mouth with his own...

And suddenly she was up and off the bed, leaving him lying behind looking dazed and a little lost. She straightened her hair, turning to look at him, her eyes not harsh this time, but soft and quiet. Her skin was flushed and her breath was still heavy, as was his own.

"What did I do this time?" he asked, but she only shook her head, smiling a little.

"Nothing Alex. This time, it wasn't your fault." And she turned and walked away, leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind her. Alex only stared after her, his heart sinking, as well as something else. He shook his head, pulling himself off the bed. He could still smell her, that lingering scent of white flowers and pressed herbs. He made his way into the bathroom, frustrated and yet somehow still positive. He grabbed a towel from the hook behind the door, turning on the shower, making sure the water was nice and cold.