Memories of Myself, Yet They Still Feel Like…Nothing

AN: I wrote the beginning to this when I was feeling depressed. Please pardon the crappiness. Hopefully, this chapter clears things up. And, there's a slight mention of something adult-like near the end of the chapter so yeah, be warned.

*This*- indicates location and time.

This indicates flashbacks, thoughts, and occasional TV scenes.

"This" indicates speaking over a phone, walkie-talkie, etc.

Chapter 4 Begin~

Ryoma was in shock. Deep, deep shock. His nerves were on fire- his brain telling him to do so many things at once. His body screamed for bloodlust. His very soul resonated with the passion of hate, and sweet, sweet revenge at last. He stood there shell-shocked, with no indication of movement. Kurai and Kara cautiously advanced toward the statue-turned boy, under Kevin's and their client's curious eyes. Ryoma's eyes burned with the flames of rage and fury. In a deadly calm tone, he addressed the client directly.

"How long may I take to kill them?"

"As long as you want, preferably a long and torturous death. I will want to enjoy the final show."

Perking up her ears, Kurai spoke up.

"This is our last job, I assume then?"

"Yes, after this, your duties are fulfilled and I am no longer obliged to hire you any longer."

"That is fine with us."

"But I take it you know these people…"

The client trailed off as Ryoma snarled a feral sound, emitting from the back of his throat and echoing throughout the entire room. This caught everyone off guard.

"Do NOT mention those names in front of me again."

And with that, he spun around on his heel and left, for once leaving behind a speechless audience.

"I now see why his name is Lynx…" The client mused.

For the entire ride home, Ryoma was silent. Kurai and Kara did not push it either. The silence inside the limo was so palpable that one could see and touch it. When they arrived back at the lone apartment complex amidst the twinkling lights of the Big Apple, Ryoma silently went up to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, causing the hinges to squeak in protest.

"Guess we were dismissed, eh Kurai?"

Inside his room, Ryoma flopped onto the pristine emerald green color of his sheets. Raising an arm against his face, he sighed.

I don't want to remember all these memories.

Turning on his side, he attempted to mush out the flood of memories that invaded his head with a pillow.

All these bad memories…

But still, Ryoma found himself crying at his wistful youth days.

It was a beautiful spring day in his sophomore years. Ryoma remembered his sophomore years the most vividly- cherry blossoms drifting down on him while he slept, sky gazing whenever he found himself there, a large campus so that his fans would not so find him easily, four boyfriends-

Whoa there. Stop mind!

Today happened to be a peaceful day as well. No one bothered him and he was all alone. Ah joy, blissful bliss. He could sleep all day if he wanted to.

Sigh, what a perfect day.

"Ryoma! Ryo-chan~!"

Shit, I spoke too soon.

Ryoma scrambled up a cherry tree, wanting to be left in peace today. Soon, four other people came in sight, three brown-haired, one honey-colored, another a deep, glossy brown, and the other so dark it was almost black, and the other purplish-silver colored hair. They were searching for him, Ryoma knew, but he didn't want his day to be ruined quite yet. He'd rather be left in serenity for the rest of the day, thank you very much.

Strange. The direction that people least look in is up. Nice tidbit of information for future use.

While Ryoma was caught up in his musings and evil little plans to sleep all day in a tree, he did not notice until too late that he was falling. From a considerable height as well. With an "oomf", he landed on, a person. Specifically, a person whose name was Atobe Keigo and who just luckily happened to be right under him at the given moment.

"Ryo- Oh, there you are. Are you that excited to see us?" teased Fuji.

Ryoma flushed red and immediately retorted back, "The exact opposite, actually. I was trying to hide from you."

Fuji faked being hurt. "Why would you want to hide from me? I didn't do anything."

Ryoma chose to ignore him, instead, turning his attention to the amused Sanada and Tezuka.

"Yes? Is there a reason why ALL of you came to find me and disturb me from my lovely sleep?"

Yes, high school still had not worked its wonders on Ryoma's attitude, sadly, as Fuji put it. He was still the same, old cocky brat from junior high. Not that any of them minded that much; after all, it was what made Ryoma, Ryoma.

"We need a reason to come for you, brat?"

Ryoma yelped in surprise, causing all the others to think dirty thoughts about him and the adorable sound, as Atobe wrapped his arms around him. The shorter male glared up at the taller, and older male.

"Keigo! Don't do that!"

Atobe smirked, while the others chuckled at the endearing pout on Ryoma's face.

Scratch the earlier line about Ryoma's attitude not changing.

The five males lay on Atobe's bed, fully satiated with their "activities" only moments earlier. The youngest (and smallest) of them all, was sandwiched between four bodies, the closer of the four being a honey-brown haired boy and a silverish, purple kind of hair colored boy, and the further being a chestnut brown haired boy and a black haired boy. Most of them had fallen asleep, but the one in the middle sure didn't. Small sobbing noises filled the room, complete with some hiccupping. This woke up Fuji and Atobe, being the closest to him and pretty light sleepers.

"Ryoma, what's wrong?"

Ryoma whipped around, startled, with tears silently streaming down his cheeks. Fuji wiped them away gently, brushing Ryoma's face with his fingertips. The movement jolted Tezuka and Sanada awake. Not knowing what was going on, they stayed still, as if they were still sleeping. Ryoma shook his head.

"Oi, Ryoma."

That was rare. Atobe hardly used Ryoma's real name, instead, always affectionately calling him brat. This meant that Atobe was serious and wanted Ryoma to answer the question.

"I-I-I'm so lost right now. -hiccup- You guys -hiccup- just took me h-here and did -hiccup- things to me, and I have no idea what just happened."

After that, Ryoma really started crying, rubbing his eyes, and desperately trying to make the tears stop. Sanada and Tezuka sat up, surprisingly the others, who had thought they were still asleep. They wrapped their arms around Ryoma, with a little difficulty, might I mention, being so far away and all.

"Shhhh, relax Ryoma…"

The night ended with Ryoma being comforted by his lovers, and the morning came with two of his lovers, namely Sanada and Tezuka, watching amusedly while Atobe, Fuji, and Ryoma grumble with the sharp pain shooting up their spines…

Two years later~

Kurai was awakened by a loud, repetitive pounding at her door. Annoyed, she quickly stomped over to the door and flung it open with a loud "BAM".

"Ok, who the FUCK is waking me up at an unholy time in the morning?!"

Her annoyance quickly flew out the window as she realized it was her twin brother standing in front of her.

"Ryoma! Hurry up and come in! You're soaking wet!"

His hair was damp and shiny with water. He created a tiny puddle wherever he stepped, as the tiny droplets rolled off his skin. Not to mention he was soaked to the bone too. This picture greatly contrasted his eyes, which burned with a fire of determination.

"Sis, make me an assassin!"

"Ryoma!"

Kurai and Kara rushed toward Ryoma, who had collapsed during one of their numerous training sessions.

"We went too hard on him this time…"

"Again!"

Ryoma hauled himself up, his eyes blazing with determination and face gritty and marred with dirt.

"Ryoma, it's not safe to continue this kind of training for a long time," warned Kara.

"Pft. If he is the one who wants to continue, who's stopping him? Just let him continue, Kara. I swear that I will not kill him."

Kara sighed. "I know you won't kill him; he's your goddamn twin brother."

Suddenly, Ryoma attacked them without warning. They leapt away, twirling in [lace where they landed, like graceful cats.

"Oh, we've taught him well."

Kurai taunted him. "Is that all you've got?"

Ryoma crouched and launched himself toward her with one powerful kick of the legs. Snarling, he flung dozen of needle sharp knives toward her, keeping an eye out for Kara, who was currently about to shoot him with her double guns. He ducked behind objects, only evading her bullets by a slight bit. His eyes widened as one of the stray bullets that he did not see grazed his upper arm, hissing a bit at the stinging pain.

"You're wide open."

Shit.

Kurai stood right behind him, one of her thirteen swords bare against his neck.

"Dead."

Kara jumped down from her precarious perch above a wobbling stack of crates.

"No worries Ryoma, you did well. Kurai and I are above the skills of an average assassin, so you are about their level right now."

"It's still not good enough." He pointed out.

"Ah, well…"

"One more time!"

"You sure, Ryoma? This is way over your limit."

He glared straight in front of him. "I'm sure."

"If that is your wish."

Spinning away from each other, Ryoma took the time to take out his best weapon, a set of metal claws. Agile and light, he could easily use these claws to their greatest advantage. He leapt in too close for Kurai's comfort, so she fly-kicked him into the opposite wall. This was how harsh assassin training was, although they were not giving it their all. He started to get back up; not noticing the heavy, steel beam above him headed his way.

"Ryoma!"

When the clouds of dust dispersed, Kurai and Kara rushed to the small, limp body under the beam. They could only pray that he didn't die from such a collision. All Ryoma could remember after that was black.

His eyes fluttered open.

"Ryoma!" Their faces broke out into relieved grins. "Thank God you're ok!"

His voice broke out into a dry raspy whisper.

"Do I know you?"

Well, after that unfortunate accident, they had helped him regain his memory. All he could remember was four names with utter hatred. At least, he remembered Kurai, Kevin, and Kara. His family. Other than that, he could only remember vague shreds of his memory, but gaining back his memory tore his head with intense migraines, causing Ryoma to stop gaining back any memories and be content with the ones he had.

*The Next Day 6:00 AM, Kurai's appartment*

Ryoma woke up, bleary eyed with sleep. He couldn't sleep well last night, his fury at the four names accumulating increasingly. He yawned and trudged into the kitchen. To his surprise, Kara was there. She loved to sleep in as much as he did. But this time, she looked solemn. Opening her mouth to speak, she was interrupted when Ryoma interrupted her.

"If it's about the job, I will do it."

She closed her mouth, looking resigned. Silently, she got up and served him his breakfast. Kurai was gone, going to find connections about their client. He had piqued their interest after he showed that he knew all his targets. Who would willingly kill off people that they could use?

*New York, 9:00PM*

Kurai walked into a well-known classy bar downtown where her regular informants were, only to discover their very targets sitting in there along with the acquaintances and lovers of all the people that they've killed. She sat at the bar, drinking a martini and listened into their conversations. Most were already drunk, talking their hearts out about their dead beloved ones. The bartender, who was new, caught her looking at them when a bottle was accidentally knocked from its place and smashed on the floor.

"A sad sight, ain't it? Do you recognize their pictures from the media?"

She nodded, keeping her head down low. The bartender leaned in and continued in a low voice.

"They're the ones who's gots their people murdered by that group, STYX. Personally, I would stay as far away from them, just in case STYX decides to come back and finish them all off. But enough about me, what about you sweetie?"

He winked flirtatiously towards her, obviously flirting with her. She smiled a coy smile back.

"Only if you buy me drink."

"That's a done deal sweetie."

Quicker than any other bartender in any other bar, he slid a freshly-made, lime green martini complete with orange peel swirl towards her. She caught it and sipped, nodding her appreciation for the tart taste of lime and liquor. The bartender slid closer to her, a sly smile on his face.

"Sexy, why don't you come to my room tonight? There's going to be a party in my pants and they would sure like you to be there."

As to emphasis his cheesy pickup line, he stepped around the bar, and rubbed his hard clothed erection against her thigh, which her mini skirt was hitched up against. He purred seductively into her ear, at least he thought so. She considered her options, while blatantly ignoring his coming on. He wasn't that bad looking, with spiky black hair and piercings all over his ears and eyebrows, but she had come here looking for information and information she was going to get. She flirted back, all the time, coaxing information out of him, but no juice. She still had no info about their mysterious client. Leaving the bar, she sought out shadier places, but none had any information about that. She decided to call it a night.

*Meanwhile…*

Sanada was surprised when he arrived back earlier than the others to their shared suite and found a cream colored letter with his name written by an elegant hand on it. Looking around, he decided that nothing was suspicious and opened it. One could only imagine his disbelief when he read the letter. His eyebrows furrowed into his forehead. Winding lines of thin, black ink spelled out, Sanada Genichirou, Yukimura Seiichi cordially invites you and company to dine with him the morrow night.

To be continued~

Well, how was it? I typed up the bottom half of this on a plane to China. :D Time to get lots of presents~ Hopefully, this clears all confusion that Ryoma did not remember any of the people he killed. He suffered from amnesia. Only his hatred prevented him from forgetting his former lovers. It was shorter than I wanted it to be, but I'm pretty sure you readers are tired of fillers. Review? You know you want to~ Oh, and I forgot to mention, the Chinese lines in the first chapter as Kurai's ringtone is from the song, Chu Shen Ru Hua by Fahrenheit. The next chapter will probably be the last one. I will be sorry to see this fic go…