THE IMMORTALITY OF THE SOUL
Crusher closed the communication channel and sat back. Helim and Pravon had been transported to Sefalla Prime and both were doing well. She had slept with Odan; nothing else had happened, they'd both been exhausted after the day's events so they'd just slept. This morning she was questioning that step, however small it was. Yesterday had been physically and mentally demanding, mass casualties with emergency surgeries under primitive conditions. On top of that had been concern for Odan and Jean-Luc. What exactly was she doing here? Was she just trying to re-capture the brief time she had with Odan before the Peliar Zel incident? Sighing, she headed for the galley to face Picard and whatever expectations she might have given him with her declaration of love.
"Good morning," Picard said as he handed her a cup of tea.
"Fanalian tea again? You must really like this one," she noted. Taking a sip, she continued. "Both of the critically injured men were shuttled to the planet and are doing well."
Picard picked up their plates, omelets, and nodded for her to grab his cup of tea. "Very good, you did excellent work yesterday. As for the tea, I have developed a fondness for it. I may do more experimenting, but for the time being I believe I've found a suitable replacement for my Earl Grey."
The sense of deja vu' was oddly comforting even with the bit of role reversal. She'd had breakfast with Jean-Luc so many mornings that this scene of domesticity felt familiar and reassuring. Typically, she'd be the one introducing some variety in their breakfast choices but with the struggle for Jean-Luc to accept Odan as a part of himself, experimenting was really the only way for the two individuals to learn what they liked and disliked. He hadn't really talked about the frustration too much, but he had admitted to her that he felt lost at times. She knew he was hoping that this trip with just the two of them would help him; for her part, she was just looking for a balance between the relationship she'd had with Odan and the lifelong friendship she'd had with Jean-Luc. When she was with Odan Picard, she felt like she'd known him forever; she felt safe and warm and cherished. It was when she was alone with her thoughts that she questioned this strange relationship. The omelet was good and it occurred to her that she didn't know where his culinary interest had come from. Jean-Luc had grown up in a house without a replicator-his father disliking what he considered superfluous technologies. It stood to reason that Jean-Luc would have picked up some cooking skills, but she didn't really know enough about Odan's past to know if he knew how to cook.
"Things are progressing as well as can be expected," he was saying. "You saw for yourself that there's still a bit of an 'us' versus 'them' mentality among the colonists and yet they are managing to cooperate when necessary."
"Dislike is easier to get past than outright hatred," she observed.
He nodded in agreement. "True, they've competed with each other and what began as a rivalry grew disproportionately, but we were fortunate to intervene in the dispute before things got too far. The bloodshed that occurred in the past was mostly incidental, only a couple of skirmishes had been severe at that point. At any rate, they're on course with regard to their agreement so we're off to our next stop."
"Which is?"
"Trill, my region anyway," he clarified.
Crusher paused with a forkful of omelet halfway to her mouth. "I thought you said it was a planet you'd negotiated a dispute for."
"I did and I did," he said. "You noticed that most of the Trill you met during the investigation lacked brow ridges, sporting skin spots instead?"
She had wondered about that. Kareel, the woman who had shown up to serve as Odan's new host bore the same pattern of brow ridges that his previous host had. All of the other members of the Trill contingent lacked the ridges and had patterns of skin markings instead. "Yes."
"I belong to a small group of symbionts and humanoids native to a northern region of the planet. Generations ago when the mainland Trill discovered our symbiont population, they wanted us. They claimed it was because they felt that their Symbiosis Commission could do a better job of shepherding us than we'd done on our own. We had co-existed quite well for hundreds of years before that point so their arguments weren't well-received to say the least. The reality is that there are far more humanoid Trill who want to be hosts than they have symbionts available and we represented a fresh supply. I negotiated on behalf of our symbiont and native humanoid populations. That was the beginning of my diplomatic career, in fact. I like to keep in touch with my people, remember where I come from. Especially now when I'm still struggling with the balance between symbiont and host. Captain Picard is a very strong personality and while we're both reasonable enough to accept that we have to learn to live together, it's quite a negotiation to define the parameters. Right now, the only time we're of the same mind, completely comfortable in our own skin, is with you, Doctor Beverly. I thought perhaps introducing Captain Picard to Odan's origins might help us understand each other a bit better. It would also give you the opportunity to learn more about the Odan part of me given how well Jean-Luc and you know each other already."
Once again the combination of Odan and Jean-Luc had seen straight into her heart. "I'd like that."
...
The northern continent was entirely ringed by mountains. From their approach, the region looked desolate. When the yacht cleared the mountains, Crusher got her first glimpse of the beautifully lush, green interior. Small, gently sloping hills covered in wildflowers dotted the landscape. Waterways from small rivulets to a fairly large river wound around the landscape, some of them spanned by stone bridges. It was a wondrous hidden glen that immediately brought to her mind the story of Brigadoon. Picard piloted the yacht to a clearing near a small town at the base of one of the mountains. Even before they touched down, she could see people coming out to greet them.
Hanging back, she watched Picard greeting everyone by name as if he'd known them for years. Of course Odan had known them and they all seemed to accept his appearance with barely any hesitation. It made sense that a change in appearance for a symbiont would be a non-event for them, it happened all of the time. She wondered what it was like for Jean-Luc to suddenly know an entire population that he'd never met. Just as she was contemplating whether she should rescue him from the multitude of embraces that Odan was being caught up in, he turned and held his hand out to her.
"Doctor Beverly."
Everyone cleared away from him to give her easy access so she could join him. She smiled and nodded to those she passed. They were friendly, obviously curious but it felt more like a family reunion to her. He introduced her to several people there; she wasn't sure who carried symbionts and who didn't unless they all did or didn't. Otherwise there was no discernible difference in how they interacted with Odan, her or each other. Holding her hand, she walked side-by-side with him towards the town as he provided the townspeople with them the background on how he ended up in human form. If this place was anything like the colonies she'd lived in on Arvada III and Caldos, the story would be known by everyone within the hour. They went straight to a modest home near the town center and she realized that their welcoming party had slowly dropped away a little at a time. They reached the door of the house alone. Instead of knocking, Picard simply opened the door and gestured for her to precede him inside. Inside was cozy in a homespun way. The furnishings were very traditional and looked hand-crafted. Pictures on the walls showed a family growing through the years and she realized that the young man growing to adulthood in those pictures was Odan's previous host. This was his home.
"Adar," Picard called out.
"I'm coming," came a voice from the next room. "I was just tending to dinner."
Crusher heard footsteps shuffling up the hallway and then saw an old woman appear in the doorway. She was the woman in the pictures with Odan's previous host, his mother most likely. It had been a long time since she'd been introduced to a man's mother; although in this situation she wasn't sure what the appropriate thing to say would be. The woman had lost her son yet the way she went to Odan and embraced him, there was clearly still a connection there. In discussing his name, he'd referenced Trill traditions so there was likely a fairly intricate system of traditions that dealt with these types of situations. It would have been nice if either Odan or Jean-Luc had thought to brief her on the cultural niceties in advance, but given the internal negotiations going on with the two of them she supposed it had just slipped his mind.
"Beverly," Picard said. "I'd like you to meet Adar. Adar's host is-or rather was the mother of my previous host. Before I was joined with her son, I was joined with her husband so we've known each other a very long time. Actually Adar and I were spawned together so the symbiont part of her and I have always known each other. Over the generations we've been husband and wife, sisters, brothers, mother, father and platonic friends. Pretty much any relationship you can have with another individual, we've had."
"Hello," she smiled, still not sure exactly what to say. That introduction hadn't really helped much.
Picard and Adar walked over to where Crusher stood. He put his arm around her. "I know this must be difficult. It's never seemed nearly as complicated to me until I viewed this way of life through Captain Picard's perspective."
"We live, we laugh and we love," Adar said. "It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that."
"I'm sorry about your son," Crusher began. "I didn't know him long and I wish I could have saved him. I did everything I could."
Adar held her hand, rubbing the inside of her wrist in a reassuring gesture. "Thank you, dear but he's still here. He was assured of immortality the day he joined with Odan. A part of him will live forever, joining all of the hosts who have shared a life with Odan since the very first host. That is the reward for accepting a symbiont to share a life with, to experience every lifetime that has come before you and to be a part of every lifetime after."
...
Crusher held the stretch pose and took a deep breath, feeling the muscles work. Odan and Adar had spent half the night reminiscing about previous lifetimes. While it was probably very helpful for Jean-Luc, she had ended up feeling like a third wheel-or fifth wheel technically. It had helped her understand Odan's view of this way of life. To Adar and him, the symbionts and humanoids were all one population. They had spoken of symbionts, their hosts and unjoined humanoids as individuals, if neither of them specified what type of individual they were referring to, it was impossible to tell from the context of their reminiscing. She wondered if Odan felt left out or jealous at all when Jean-Luc and she were talking; Jack, Wesley's birth, and various adventures on the Enterprise were just some of the decades of memories that they shared. At least Odan could see and feel Jean-Luc's memories of those events, he could share in them after a fashion. Odan had included her in the conversation, but listening to two people talking about old times, especially two symbionts talking about a multitude of lifetimes, she had eventually excused herself to go to bed. Listening to the two of them talking and laughing, a slight twinge of jealousy had shot through her. In the light of morning, surrounded by a beautifully landscaped garden she tried to gain some perspective. She shifted to a different position and wished Troi were here for one of their talks while they worked out. Odan wouldn't have brought her if Adar represented a romantic rival, but it may have been Jean-Luc who wanted her to come along more than Odan. What she'd had with Odan had barely been the blink of an eye compared to what he'd shared with Adar. Just when things started to fall into place mentally and emotionally with Odan Picard, someone went and turned off the inertial dampeners.
"It's been many years since I could bend myself into that position," Adar chuckled.
Nearly straining several ligaments when the old woman's voice startled her, Crusher released the position and stood. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. I hope you don't mind my using your beautiful garden for a workout."
"Not at all, dear," Adar assured her. "In fact, Odan mentioned your interest in herbal remedies. I'd be happy to show you some of the medicinal herbs I have growing here. Over the centuries I've become something of a healer; I've even been a doctor in one lifetime."
"I'd like that."
The old woman held out a cup of hot, dark liquid. "Odan said to tell you that this is very similar to what you call coffee."
She accepted it and took a sip. "Thank you. Where is he? I didn't see him this morning."
"The cemetery," Adar sat down on a nearby bench with her own cup. "It's important for us to pay our respects to the individual who shared a life with us whenever possible. Under the circumstances, Odan was unable to be present for the burial; if Kareel had been his new host, they would have accompanied the body home. He sent a message back with Kareel asking us to delay marking the grave with the zhian'om so that he could do it himself when he was able to visit."
Crusher sat down beside her on the bench. "Zhian'om?"
"The symbol that marks the grave of a past host. The symbol is personalized to each symbiont so that anyone looking at the grave marker knows not only that they were joined but with whom they were joined. It is a mark of respect and gratitude. We symbionts try to carve the mark onto the gravestone ourselves whenever possible as a way to mark the passing of that life and the beginning of another. I will be carving my mark on yet another grave before too long."
The doctor in her reacted immediately, her medical tricorder was in her bag upstairs. "Are you sick?"
Adar held her hand to prevent her from standing. "I'm old, dear. My host is reaching the end of her life; I've been through this often enough to recognize it. Today I must meet with prospective host candidates."
"Forgive me for asking but does the host choose you or do you choose your next host?" The intricacies of this culture were intriguing. She was curious to understand how the process worked.
"Both in a way," Adar answered. "Individuals who know me and wish to join with me come to see me. They tell me why they feel that we would blend well. I talk with them and choose the one I am most comfortable with, ideally anyway. Sometimes it's not possible as with the situation between Odan and your Captain Picard. The prospective candidates that I have scheduled to meet with today are being sent by the Symbiosis Commission. Our local people don't need an appointment to come visit with me."
"Is that part of the deal that Odan negotiated with the Symbiosis Commission?" She recalled him explaining the rift between these Trill and those on the mainland. Adar had the same distasteful inflection when she mentioned the commission that Odan used. Obviously neither symbiont had any fondness for them.
Adar finished her drink before she responded. "Yes. Under the terms of the deal, we are free to choose our own hosts but we agree to give respectful consideration of host candidates submitted by the commission. They're hoping that we might connect with one of their people and agree to join their society."
"You don't want to?"
"Not by their rules," Adar said. "With them, the host is completely dominant, their career paths, their interests, the life they choose. The Symbiosis Commission makes sure that only the prospective host candidates with the strongest personalities pass their initiation. The symbionts are treated as little more than memory storage devices, expected to be grateful to watch the world unfold vicariously through the people they exist in. To watch life happen but never being able to live for all eternity is a fate worse than death. They even have a ban on reassociating. Can you imagine living a hundred lifetimes but never being allowed to love for more than the limit of one lifetime? They consider it unnatural. How can it be unnatural to love? By their rules, Odan would not have been allowed to continue loving you even if his new host was agreeable to the relationship. Odan and I have loved through many of our hosts' lifetimes and will likely love through many more."
All of the progress that she'd made in understanding and accepting this symbiotic way of life suddenly fell apart. The disdainful way that Adar talked about the rules made this feel much darker and more foreboding than Odan had made it sound. How much control did Jean-Luc have over his life? Was he being completely subjugated by Odan's personality? Odan was sweet and gentle, his negotiations all had a very non-confrontational theme of understanding and acceptance to them. Was that just a manipulation? Was he lying to her about the equal balance between host and symbiont? She needed some answers, but not from Odan or Adar. For Jean-Luc's sake, she needed answers from the Symbiosis Commission. "Would you tell Odan that I'll be back later and not to worry?"
...
She saw him sitting near the clearing where he'd landed the yacht when they had first arrived, waiting for her. Carefully maneuvering the yacht, she set down scant meters from him. She opened a panel to retrieve something before going to face him. After spending the day engaged in discourse with experts at the Trill Science Ministry, she didn't have the answers she needed but she did know how to get them. The second the hatch opened, he was standing there. Which him and why were what she needed to be sure of.
"When Adar gave me your message," he said, reaching for her wrist to place a kiss on it. "I assumed you'd taken a walk. I went looking for you and noticed that my yacht was missing. Is everything all right?"
Crusher pulled her arm out of his grasp and put some distance between them. "What do you want with me?"
"Doctor Beverly?"
"Don't, just don't call me that right now. I need you to be straight-forward and completely honest with me; no sweet talk. Why am I here?" She resisted the urge to pace so that she could watch his face for any clues that might help her.
He started to walk toward her only to stop and take a step back. Holding his hands out in a calming gesture, he perched himself on a storage compartment. "You're here because I asked and you said yes. If you're asking me why I asked in the first place, it was because Captain Picard needed your companionship and Odan can't bear to be away from you."
"What about Adar?"
Confused, he shook his head. "What about her?"
"She's dying, her host is and the symbiont is looking for a new one so the two of you-or four of you-can love through another lifetime. Do you love me or am I just a suitable prospective host candidate for Adar? I will not-
Now he did rush to her, holding her by the arms and forcing her to look at him. "I love you, Doctor Beverly, just exactly the way you are. Regardless, I would never permit you to undergo an implantation under anything except the most dire circumstances and there is nothing about Adar's imminent death that qualifies. I chose this for myself, not for anyone else. There's no reason to think that such a joining would even work in another non-Trill humanoid. Not even all Trill humanoids are capable of joinings. It never even occurred to me and even if it had, it would be entirely too dangerous. Is that why you took off? Did you really think that . . . Odan wanted to join you with Adar and that Captain Picard would agree to this insanity?"
He was saying all of the right words, but she still wasn't sure who was talking and that was part of the problem. "Adar told me why you don't like the Symbiosis Commission. Their rules are too restrictive. The rules they put in place to protect their humanoid population from being turned into walking, talking shells for your pleasure. I went to talk to experts from the Science Ministry to learn more about the connection between the host and symbiont. I needed to know if Jean-Luc was still in there and capable of exerting any control in his own body."
"I see." He reached to tug on his jacket except he wasn't wearing his uniform so his hands smoothed the fabric of his shirt down instead. "What did you learn?"
"I need to scan you," she said in lieu of an answer. "I'm asking you to go into the medical bay and lay down on the biobed."
Nodding, he immediately moved to comply with her request. "Very well."
Crusher breathed a sigh of relief, reaching back to make sure the phaser she'd tucked into her waistband was secure. It would stay there, within easy reach until she was satisfied with her answers and this was over, one way or another. She followed him into the infirmary.
"Do you need me to take my shirt off?"
"Yes, please." She retrieved the equipment that she would need and placed it on a tray near the bed.
He stretched out with his hands clasped behind his head. "May I ask what you're scanning for?"
She activated the biobed scanners and entered a series of commands. Waiting for the results, she answered his question. "According to what I've learned, there is a neurotransmitter in Trill physiology called isoboramine that regulates the link between host and symbiont. Human physiology is not capable of producing that specific neurotransmitter. Since the joining, Jean-Luc's brain has been producing a combination of neurotransmitters along with increased fibrogenic activity that is a close approximation of what happens in Trill. If his brain were under stress, it would produce a corticotropin-releasing hormone that would likely alter that biochemical balance between host and symbiont."
"I've been scanned, poked, prodded and everything else the medical community could devise to torture me with for the past two weeks," he reminded her gently.
"I'm doing it again," she commented tersely. The scanner beeped and she reviewed the results. "The Symbiosis Commission gave me a copy of their scans of you following the joining so that I could compare the current levels with their readings. No change in neurotransmitter levels and CRH levels are lower than they were."
Picard started to sit up. "Does that relieve your doubts?"
Nudging him back down, she said. "Not entirely, I have a couple more tests that I'd like to perform."
"Whatever your concerns, Doctor Beverly, I want you to have no doubt about me, about us. Conduct whatever tests you wish."
She didn't want to have doubts, she wanted to lose herself in this perfect relationship with this perfect man, unusual though it and he were. To feel like the most important person in someone's life was something she hadn't felt since Jack. After nearly twenty years, it seemed like she was meant to live without that feeling. To be given a second chance at love was something she really wanted but not at the expense of a friend. "Next is a measure of brain wave patterns. If there are truly two equally functioning brains, there should be two brain wave patterns of equivalent amplitude. I accessed the Enterprise's computer for records of Jean-Luc's brain wave patterns from his last complete physical for comparison."
"More than a year and a half ago," he noted. "We both know you never miss an opportunity to chide me about getting those things every year."
Pretending to ignore the comment also meant not smiling at his very accurate statement about the four years of her badgering him to get his physicals. She'd managed two complete physicals in those years and taken advantage of assorted injuries to perform most of the tests she needed to document in the interim. "Some change in Jean-Luc's pattern but the amplitude is strong. I'm also reading a strongly differentiated pattern from the symbiont."
"Of two minds," he chuckled. "Confucius would be questioning my wisdom."
Crusher held up a small device. "I need to talk to Jean-Luc," she said. "Without Odan. This is a neural caliper. When activated, it suppresses brain activity causing unconsciousness. Based on what I've learned today, I think I should be able to calibrate it to suppress a specific brain wave pattern."
"Odan," Picard stated.
"It's the only way I can be sure that Jean-Luc is a willing partner in this."
He sat up and gently nudged her chin up to look at him. "You understand that the only alternative to 'this' is his death. Odan can be implanted in a new host; Captain Picard will die."
"A fate worse than death was how Adar described being trapped in a body with no control," she told him. One of her hands slid around to the small of her back. "Jean-Luc would agree. At least this way he'll be able to tell me what he wants even if what he wants is for me to kill him. I know you love me, Odan and I love you. I won't choose you at the cost of Jean-Luc's freedom. Even assuming he's an equal part of this blending, if our love is making him uncomfortable-"
"It's not," he interrupted.
She blinked away tears and continued. "If it is, then it's not fair to him. I need to know; I need to talk to Jean-Luc."
Picard reached for the hand holding the caliper and nuzzled the inside of her wrist. "Duty first as I would expect of my Chief Medical Officer and a member of my senior staff. Make it so."
...
It took five tries to achieve the exact calibration that suppressed Odan's brain activity to her satisfaction without affecting Jean-Luc's. Finally, the symbiont was in an induced coma and would remain so until she turned off the neural caliper that rested on Picard's abdomen over the symbiont. She took a deep breath and met Jean-Luc's eyes. "Well, we're alone."
"So we are," he replied. "For the record, I have no wish for Odan to be removed. I certainly did not expect to have this turn of events become permanent and I'm not certain that I would have undergone the implantation if I'd known that it would be. Circumstances being what they are, I am adjusting. I do have control of my body and my life, albeit shared control. Nothing has been done without my consent."
Was it her imagination or was there a special connotation to his last statement? "How much of what you do and say is you versus Odan?"
"That depends on the situation," he answered truthfully. "In the interviews with Starfleet, I was in control and in interviews with the Trill, he was. In our meetings with the colonists, he was in primary control. I made the suggestion of the Archimedes screw when they were showing us the mine and pointing out where they were having problems. Odan deferred to me in drawing up the schematics and explaining how to implement it. When the platform collapsed, he stepped back entirely. He's accustomed to dealing with interpersonal conflict but handling a disaster of that magnitude was beyond anything he'd dealt with in his entire existence. We actually make a good team, both of us aware of our strengths and weaknesses. It is beginning to feel like those assets and deficiencies are merging. What I mean is that it's getting difficult to remember whose knowledge, skills and abilities are mine versus one of Odan's previous hosts. He is the sum of every life he's lived, every experience of every host he's ever had and now I'm becoming part of that whole. It's really quite an experience. I've devoted my life to exploring new places and seeking out new life. Learning about new life forms is one thing, being given the opportunity to see the world through their eyes is a different matter entirely. I have experienced life through the eyes of a Vulcan during my mindmeld with Sarek, then through the eyes of the Borg and now through the eyes of a symbiont hundreds of years old not to mention the life form from the Beta Renner cloud." Pausing, he chuckled. "I believe I understand some of Counselor Troi's recent concerns a bit better. I seem to have made a habit of being possessed by alien life forms."
"Jean-Luc," she sighed.
"Poor choice of words," he acknowledged. "Our encounter with the Beta Renner cloud was an accident, I temporarily shared my mind with Ambassador Sarek, I was assimilated by the Borg and I am sharing my life with a Trill symbiont. Would I want Odan to be removed if it were possible to do so without killing either one of us? Without question. Would I rather die than share the rest of my life with Odan? Absolutely not."
A breath she didn't realize that she'd been holding released. Jean-Luc was content with the situation even if he wasn't happy with it. She wouldn't have to kill her best friend today. There was still one more issue that she needed to clear up. "What about . . . ?"
He shifted uncomfortably on the biobed. "As I said, nothing has happened without my consent."
"I'm going to need more than that."
Sighing heavily, his hands moved to cup the neural caliper on his stomach almost protectively. "This strange situation is like someone's idea of a bad joke. Twenty years ago, this . . . a romantic relationship with you would have been a dream come true for me."
Crusher double-checked the brain wave readings to reassure herself that Odan was completely dormant. She was speaking with Jean-Luc even if his words seemed alien. "I guess I always knew there was something between us, right from the start. I had no idea how strongly you felt. Why didn't you ever tell me that you were in love with me?"
"You were married to my best friend. At first, I thought it was nothing more than a harmless infatuation, something more hormonal than emotional. As we spent more and more time together, I began to feel that it could be something deeper. It wasn't right and I knew that I would never act on it, but I couldn't help the way I felt."
She sat on the edge of the biobed, her legs suddenly feeling unsteady. "And when Jack died, you felt guilty. That's why you didn't want me on the Enterprise four years ago."
Staring at his hands, he gave a curt nod. "I didn't know how I would react and those first months were somewhat awkward, but gradually I found that I didn't feel that way anymore. Twenty years is a long time and whatever spark I may have felt back then was simply gone. Your friendship is priceless to me, Beverly. My feelings for you are deep and tender, but the passion that Odan feels for you is stronger than anything I might have felt for you in the past."
"Is this romantic relationship what you want or is it what you think I want?"
He reached for her hand and held it in his. "It's what I want for you and what I think Jack would want for you. I'm not being entirely selfless about this decision. As I said, Odan carries very strong, passionate feelings for you. I've only tasted this kind of real passion a few times in my life, a spark that made me feel young and alive again."
"Vash." It was a statement, not a question.
"There was a brief moment when Q returned us from his little fantasy where I contemplated asking her to stay, to find a way for her to fit into my world. She didn't want that; she chose to leave and explore the galaxy with Q. You fit in my life, in my world, Beverly, but you deserve more than to just fit. You make Odan feel alive and he truly loves you. Being a part of that feels right in a way that I'm not sure I can explain. It's like he's a missing piece to a puzzle. I still don't quite understand how adding a sentient being with hundreds of years of life experience to me can make me feel younger and yet he does, especially when we're with you."
Every doubt, every fear simply evaporated. All three of them were getting what they wanted and needed from this strange sort of menage a trois. More importantly, Jean-Luc was not a prisoner of this situation; he was still himself. She had learned more about her history with him in the past few minutes than she'd even suspected over the past two decades. With the neural caliper still active, she leaned forward and kissed Jean-Luc. "Ready for your other half to return?"
Covering the caliper with one hand, he forestalled her. "I have a favor to ask and I need you to know who you're granting the favor for."
"Anything."
"Don't tell anyone about this," he requested. "Being able to send the symbiont into a dormant state, I mean. If Starfleet were to discover that it was possible to essentially place the symbiont into a sort of stasis without killing either of us, they might look for a way to make it permanent as a condition of returning my command. I could not accept my captaincy back at that price. Odan has done nothing to deserve that type of imprisonment. I made this decision and I am prepared to live with the consequences. We are slowly learning to work as a single entity and I am still very much the Captain Picard I have always been. I am asking you to not disclose this use of the neural caliper to anyone."
De-activating the caliper, she watched Odan's brain waves slowly increase as he regained consciousness. "It'll be our secret."
...
Every touch, every smile, every little gesture seemed to take on new meaning after her talk with Jean-Luc. Even the walk back into town seemed shorter, the quiet stroll hand-in-hand with Odan ending far too soon. Back at the house, Kareel had joined them for dinner. She would become Adar's new host when the time came. Kareel and Adar were even talking about applying to Starfleet, grilling both Picard and Crusher about Earth, the Academy and courses of study. With her previous experiences in healing and medicine, Adar was interested in pursuing a biological sciences track. Kareel was more interested in diplomatic relations and Picard's description of First Contact teams had her enthralled. It was easy to see why Kareel had been sent to become Odan's new host. At any rate it had been a very relaxed and enjoyable dinner. They decided to take the Fanalian toddies that Odan had replicated for them all to try after dinner out into the garden. It was a beautiful evening with a blanket of stars providing a twinkling backdrop for the large, full moon.
"Will you be staying long, Odan?" Kareel asked.
His arm casually draped across Crusher's shoulders, he sighed. "Unfortunately, no. Beverly's leave will be over soon so she'll need to get back to the Enterprise and I'm hoping that Starfleet will make a decision about me before too much longer. We'll head back to the ship day after tomorrow. Tomorrow I want to complete the zhian'tara and I was hoping that Beverly would join me."
Kareel and Adar exchanged glances.
"That's a bit unusual, isn't it?" Adar asked.
Crusher looked from Odan to the other two women. "Zhian'tara?"
"It's the Trill rite of closure," Odan explained. "It gives a new host the chance to meet with the previous hosts of their symbiont. The tradition is valuable in giving faces and personalities to the memories and experiences that each new host acquires during the joining. It's a way to better understand the sum total of who the symbiont is that you've just merged with. In this situation, with a host so completely unprepared for the joining, the zhian'tara is even more important. Normally this is a ritual undertaken alone, but we would both like to have you there if you are comfortable with it."
She wasn't sure if she fully understood what this ritual meant. Given the surprise expressed by Adar and Kareel, she knew that his request to include her was more than unusual. For some reason it felt like Odan was offering to bare his soul to her. "I would be honored, thank you.
...
Early the next morning after a large breakfast, Crusher followed Picard along a small yet well-worn trail along the base of the mountain. It was chilly, the sun was just coming up over the mountains as they walked in a comfortable silence. He had confided in her the night before that he was nervous about the ritual. Odan had been through it many times, they would be old friends to him; to Captain Picard, however, they would be strangers. For a man as private as Jean-Luc, the prospect of this process was uncomfortable. At least with her there, he wouldn't feel as alone. They entered a crevice and from the algae she could see on the rock walls, she was pretty sure that there was a hot spring further back. Feeling steam wash over her face, they emerged into an incredible underground chamber. Glistening stalactites covered the ceiling and a rainbow of multi-colored algae created a soft carpet all around a large pool. A muted light emanated from the stalactites and stalagmites throughout the chamber, most likely a phosphorescent element in the rock. Whatever the source, it was an breath-taking, ethereal place.
"We'll need to disrobe," Picard said, already discarding his jacket and kicking off his boots. "I probably should have mentioned the nudity before you agreed to be here."
"You think?" She just grinned and shook her head. With one thing after another since they'd landed here they still hadn't been physically intimate. She felt more emotional intimacy with him than ever so the shared nudity wasn't really an issue. As warm as the chamber was, it felt good to shed her jacket although the sight of Odan stripping off his shirt was a momentary distraction from removing her own clothes.
Folding his clothes and placing them in a neat pile on the edge of the hot spring, he gingerly stepped into the warm water. "You should know that this is not how the zhian'tara is performed by mainlanders. This is the way we do it."
"What exactly is going to happen?" She accepted the hands he stretched out to help her into the pool. Together they waded to the center. The water felt wonderful, warm without being too hot. There was a viscosity to it that suggested more than just water, a buoyancy that created a sensation of being enveloped in a cocoon.
"I am going to release the essences of all of my former hosts into the pool," he explained. "Then we will simply talk. They will introduce themselves and share stories about their lives. Inevitably they all end up complaining about me, apparently they think I'm something of a rogue."
The expression on Jean-Luc's face when he made that last statement sent her into gales of laughter. "Are you sure you want me to hear this?"
Taking her into his arms, he lowered his face to hers for a long, deep kiss. "I want you to know me as well as you know Captain Picard."
With their naked bodies pressed together as they stood in the center of the hot spring, surrounded by soft lights and sparkling rock formations, she felt both of their bodies respond ardently. Given that they were about to be joined by quite a few more individuals, she forced herself to back away. Taking a deep breath, she tried to focus. "How is this different than what the other Trill do?"
"They release one essence at a time into the body of a friend or family member. Then the meeting and visiting occur. It's more controlled as with everything they do. Our way allows the essence of every previous host to interact for a brief time with other previous hosts; a family reunion of sorts. Are you ready?"
Nodding, she watched him close his eyes. Streaks of light shot through the water and idly she noted the bioelectric capabilities of the symbiont. The first host to emerge was like a physical blow, the man she had known, loved and lost as Odan. She should have realized that he would be here, it just hadn't occurred to her. He greeted Captain Picard warmly before turning to her. Self-conscious about embracing him in front of Odan and Jean-Luc, she placed her hand on his chest. There was some substance there, which took her by surprise. Not much substance, it felt like the same elasticity as the liquid in the hot spring and she realized that the form of each host was being produced by the combination of bioelectric energy and whatever substance comprised the fluid. It was like a mimetic reaction creating the image of each essence that Odan was releasing. The host she knew as Odan understood her in that moment just as easily as he'd seen through her defenses on the Enterprise. He gave her the warm smile she remembered and tenderly kissed the inside of her wrist before stepping back to allow the other emerging hosts to introduce themselves.
It was a family reunion in several ways; the host she'd known as Odan was the son of Odan's host before that so there was a touching father-son reunion. The last time they'd seen and interacted with each other was during Odan's last zhian'tara. There were both men and women among the group, laughing and each trying to one-up the other with stories about Odan. Even though these were probably stories that had been told a dozen times, to Crusher they were new and she listened raptly to everything they said. The oldest previous hosts had been through the zhian'tara many times so they were like old friends greeting one another. The newer previous hosts had only been part of the ritual a few times but everyone knew everyone else from their shared existence with Odan. At one point, watching Picard engaged in conversation with several previous hosts, she realized that one day he would be among this group meeting with Odan's next host and each host after that. A part of Odan and every life he lived after this one.
...
The next morning, Crusher finished moving her things into Picard's compartment onboard the yacht. They hadn't discussed living arrangements on the Enterprise yet, partly because they didn't know what his status would be. She was busying herself in the aft compartments, stowing their things in preparation for their return to the Enterprise. A communique had arrived from Starfleet and he had been involved in communications with several individuals for the past few hours. She had left a scone and cup of Fanalian tea sitting beside him, a silent but pointed suggestion for him to eat something. Having her own breakfast in the galley, she thought about everything she'd learned from Odan's previous hosts. Live well, laugh often and love much seemed to be the theme of his existence. Maybe humans put too much emphasis on 'getting it right'. Of course Odan essentially got a 'do-over' each time he was joined with a new host whereas humans had only one life to live; he got the benefit of experience. She looked up when he entered the galley, an empty tea cup and plate in his hands.
"Thank you for the breakfast," he said as he recycled the dishes.
"What did Starfleet want, if I can ask?"
He sat down across from her. "First, they received a request from the Trill government. They'd like to be sent copies of my medical records and any scans performed from here on out so they can monitor my condition. Starfleet agreed, your orders are to send those records to Starfleet Medical and they will be forwarded onto the Symbiosis Commission from there."
It wasn't necessary for them to discuss the use of the neural caliper. It wouldn't be documented in any logs or medical records so it went without saying that neither Starfleet nor the Symbiosis Commission would ever hear of it. "I'll see to it."
"The good news is that I have been given provisional command of the Enterprise back," he said.
"Provisional?"
Grimacing, he shrugged. "Starfleet received a request from the Klingons for my assistance with a situation at their Kriosian colonies. The Klingons are accusing the Federation of aiding rebel forces there. The High Council has assigned a special emissary, a man named Kell, to investigate the charges and he has asked that the Enterprise transport him there and that I be a part of the investigation. Under the circumstances, they didn't want to outright refuse an otherwise reasonable request and risk the findings going against the Federation without cause. The consequences of that would undermine every inroad we've made in relations with the Klingons since Khitomer. To hopefully prevent that, they have given me back command of the Enterprise but subject to conditions. Counselor Troi will be meeting with me regularly to assess my mental status, you will be conducting monthly physicals to assess my physical status and Commander Riker will be filing regular reports with Starfleet on my command performance. In short, it's a probationary command with a lot of strings attached but at least they're giving me an opportunity to prove that I am still me. I earned every single rank pip that I have so re-earning the respect that goes with them will not be difficult."
"Do the Klingons know about . . .?"
"It's not exactly a secret in the Federation," he sighed. "Fortunately Captain Picard has extensive experience with Klingons and Starfleet has assured them that I am still the man they know as the Arbiter of Succession. As Odan I've not had much interaction with them; the Trill ambassador with the most experience among Klingons was Curzon Dax who unfortunately died a few months ago. Ironically, his new host was already a Starfleet officer, a Trill who completed the Symbiosis Commission's initiate program so it was a planned joining. She's been working with the engineers re-programming transporters to accommodate symbionts, a bright young woman by all accounts. She did communicate with members of the Klingon High Council to reassure them about the symbiotic existence and how it affects the host. Apparently Dax is well-respected among Klingons, at least Curzon was because they didn't change their request for my presence. Anyway, we'll be setting course for the Enterprise at best speed. It should take just under three days to meet up with them. Commander LaForge is also scheduled to return from leave on Risa so we should all rendezvous at approximately the same time. After that, we'll pick up Emissary Kell and set course for Krios. He'll brief us on the situation enroute."
Less than three days to spend alone with him. Once they were back on the Enterprise things would change. Decorum would have to be observed on duty and in public. Everyone on the Enterprise already knew that Odan was now part of Captain Picard and that she'd been spending a lot of time with him after the joining. The gossip mill had most likely even managed to figure out that she'd been involved with Ambassador Odan prior to the incident at Peliar Zel. It wouldn't be a huge stretch for them to accept that she was now romantically involved with the captain. It would be harder for them to accept Odan Picard as captain. Senior staff would have to set the example for the rest of the crew. Life would be getting back to normal and yet changing drastically at the same time. She felt his thumb caressing the inside of her wrist and smiled back at him. As long as they were together, they could handle anything life threw at them.