Author's note: I just realized when I uploaded this chapter that all of my scene breaks were gone with this chapter and for the first three. I apologize and after arguing with the document manager several times, I finally convinced it to let me break the story into scenes within the chapters.

NO MAN (OR WOMAN) IS AN ISLAND

(contains references to the TNG episode The Mind's Eye)

With a relieved sigh, Crusher finished reviewing the medical activity log for the two weeks that she'd been gone. There was nothing beyond the usual strains, sprains, minor illnesses and routine physicals in the carefully documented log that Dr. Selar had maintained. Officially caught up with everything that had happened in her department during her absence, she looked out through the windows of her office to survey Sickbay. Was it her imagination or did the two nurses talking near a biobed seem flustered when they noticed her noticing them? She wished she could chalk it up to paranoia but the simple truth was that she'd been drawing strange glances from a number of crew members since she'd returned from leave with Captain Picard. People who had just a month ago been making friendly inquiries about how Wesley was doing at the Academy suddenly couldn't even make eye contact with her much less hold a conversation. Their relationship was the talk of the ship; more specifically her relationship with Odan in the body of Captain Picard was the talk of the ship. Since there hadn't been any hint of a romance between Jean-Luc and herself before and everyone knew that they'd known each other prior to serving together on the Enterprise, their assumption was that it was the Trill symbiont she was involved with. Two hundred years ago the fact that they were from different races would have been beyond scandalous. Humanity was no longer concerned with such petty issues as inter-species relationships; the issue on everyone's minds and lips was the fact that there was a sentient being sharing the body of Captain Picard and no one was sure how much of Captain Picard was there versus Odan. The issue of her romantic involvement with him was just grist for the gossip mill.

"All caught up from your leave, Dr. Crusher?" Alyssa Ogawa poked her head into Crusher's office.

Ogawa had been one of the few people who hadn't behaved any differently toward her following the recent turn of events. Of course she'd also been the only person other than Troi and Picard who knew about her relationship with Odan prior to implanting him in Captain Picard. Crusher gave the nurse a big smile. "Finally."

"Any plans tonight?"

From anyone else, she might have wondered if there was an ulterior motive behind that question. From Ogawa, it felt like blessedly normal, routine small talk between the two of them. "Poker game with the senior staff. You?"

"Poker game of my own," Ogawa answered. "Good luck in yours tonight. See you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Alyssa. Good luck to you, too; see you tomorrow."

...

The poker game was a regular event and had been from the beginning. Tonight it felt more like an interrogation. She'd known that they would have questions, she just didn't expect to have to answer to all of them at once. A casual conversation with Troi during one of their regular workouts was what she thought would happen. Apparently Riker wasn't satisfied with the idea of second-hand answers even if they were being relayed by an empath. The last time she'd felt this uncomfortable was when the senior staff had met to discuss Picard's odd behavior which ultimately was explained by the fact that he'd been replaced by an alien doppelganger. At least this time she was certain who was who and what was what. She didn't have to choose between her loyalties here.

"Did you learn anything about the Trill during your visit to their homeworld that might shed light on this?" Riker asked.

"I learned a lot about Odan," Crusher answered truthfully. "All of it corresponds to what the Trill representatives have told us and what Captain Picard has been saying."

Riker stroked his beard in obvious consternation. "Doctor, we are heading toward the middle of a very delicate situation with the Klingons. I have trusted Captain Picard with my life and would do so again. I would follow Captain Picard's orders without question."

"But not Odan," she noted softly.

"No," was his equally soft confirmation. "We know virtually nothing about him; the Federation didn't know that sentient symbionts even existed in Trill society until after Peliar Zel. He hid his very nature from us whether because he didn't think we'd understand or he didn't think we'd approve. I can't trust someone like that."

Pacing in one corner of the room, Worf growled. "Trill have no honor."

As much as she wanted to defend Odan in that moment, they did have a point. The Trill had concealed the existence of the sentient symbionts and the joined nature of a portion of their population. The joined Trill diplomats, not just Odan but Dax as well, had interacted with other races and willfully concealed their symbiotic existence. Regardless of their reasoning, that had been their choice and now that the secret was out, people were feeling betrayed. She had felt betrayed. There had been senior staff meetings during which Odan had explained and apologized following the merging with Captain Picard. While she had accepted Odan's explanation and his apology, the others weren't ready to just yet. "Then trust Captain Picard," she urged. "He's still the man-the captain-that he's always been."

Riker stared at her intently. "Is he?"

"Will, I've run every test I could think of and even invented a couple based on information I got regarding the physiological connection between host and symbiont during my time on the Trill homeworld. There is absolutely no evidence of conflict, struggle, coercion or dominance of any kind. Every test result points to a balance between the host and symbiont, two minds working as a single entity." She had sworn secrecy regarding the use of the neural caliper so the others would never know that she had been able to talk directly with Jean-Luc, but that brief conversation gave her complete confidence in the results of the tests that she'd run.

"I'd like Commander Data to review those results," Riker said.

For once in her life she was grateful for every millimeter of her nearly 173 centimeters of height. She stood up, drawing herself to her full stature. Riker was a tall man even by human standards, he had a good twenty centimeters on her, but being able to meet his gaze squarely without having to crane her neck conveyed a strong sense of formidability. "Are you questioning my judgment now, Commander Riker?"

"No, just your objectivity. You do have a conflict of interest here, Doctor."

Glancing around the room, she saw no support. Worf was clearly behind Riker. LaForge was waiting for her answer, not blatantly on Riker's side but not on hers either. Troi could feel her sense of betrayal but she also knew about the preexisting relationship with Odan prior to the transfer of the symbiont into Picard. Data was simply viewing the discussion as an information exchange, he probably didn't even understand the insult Riker had just hit her with. "Then you're questioning my loyalty to Jean-Luc or do you really think that I would willfully ignore even the slightest indication of distress on his part in favor of Odan? I have known Jean-Luc for nearly two decades. His friendship means a lot to me and I would never betray him or that friendship for anything."

"I'm not suggesting that you would intentionally betray the captain," Riker argued. "I'm just not sure how persuasive this Odan can be. We know almost nothing about these symbionts or any extra abilities they might have. Given how Orion and Deltan pheromones affect human males, how do we know that these symbionts aren't capable of producing a pheromone that affects human females? The two of you got pretty cozy pretty quickly."

"You're out of line, Will," Crusher's response was terse. Her palm itched to slap him, but he was still a superior officer and her relationship with Picard wouldn't help her in a court martial.

Troi moved to ease the two of them apart. "Beverly."

She knew what the counselor was saying or, more to the point, what Deanna couldn't say without her permission. Picard had to win back the hearts of his senior staff before he could win back the respect and unquestioning loyalty of his crew. Personal embarrassment aside, secrets wouldn't help anything. "It wasn't as quick as you think, Commander. I was involved with Odan before we even arrived at Peliar Zel. We were keeping it discreet because it was nobody else's business. After Odan's previous host was killed and I implanted him in Captain Picard, we . . ."

"Picked up where you left off," Riker noted somewhat sardonically.

"With Captain Picard's consent," she gritted out through clenched teeth.

"Or so he says," Riker retorted.

Troi placed a hand on Riker's chest. "I have Captain Picard's permission to respond to senior staff concerns about his mental status without disclosing any specific issues that we discuss in our sessions. I can verify that Captain Picard is very much present in Odan Picard and that he is a willing part of their relationship with Beverly."

Riker looked down at the counselor. "Can you tell how much mental control the symbiont is wielding over the captain?"

Crusher answered his question. "I already have in several ways. I've checked his neurotransmitter levels for any suggestion that his mind is under stress. Nothing, his brain isn't producing any of the neurotransmitters or neurohormones that would be autonomically produced as a result of stress. I also ran a brain wave scan which showed two distinct and discrete centers of activity, one localized to Captain Picard's brain and the other to the symbiont. I compared Odan's brain wave pattern with symbiont brain wave patterns provided by the Symbiosis Commission on Trill. There was no indication of any anomaly between his brain activity and the brain activity of symbionts joined with willing hosts. I also compared the readings from Captain Picard with brain scans that I've run prior to the joining. There are some differences in both amplitude and pattern, but those differences are primarily in the parietal lobe. In simplest terms, that's the part of the brain that integrates sensory information. There is additional activity in the frontal lobe but the brain activity specific to the association areas of the brain which controls perception, thought and decision-making is virtually unchanged, only a slight increase in the amplitude indicating an additional source of input to the brain. Captain Picard's patterns are also significantly different patterns of activity than what I mapped in Odan's brain wave patterns. The two brains are working together but it's like Odan is sharing the sensory information collected by Captain Picard's body and processing it separate from Captain Picard. Captain Picard's thought processes and memories are his own. He has access to Odan's thoughts and memories including those of all of Odan's previous hosts, but he is thinking for himself. I am certain of that. Every indication is that the captain is simply making the best of the situation, trying to adjust to the change in circumstances and go on with his life."

"I can corroborate that conclusion," Troi offered.

Crusher gestured toward Data but her tone was challenging Riker. "I'm required to submit all of the scans that I run on Captain Picard in regular reports to Starfleet so if you still want Data to review them, go right ahead."

Riker nodded to Data. "Nothing personal, Doctor. Starfleet may have its reasons for returning Captain Picard to command, but I've been ordered to keep an eye on him. I need all of the information I can get and I need to know that it's completely objective."

"Are you completely objective, Will?" Crusher asked as she walked out.

...

The silence was comforting in a way. Crusher had met Troi the next morning for their usual workout and neither woman had said anything for the first ten minutes. Deanna had to know that she was feeling betrayed by last night's confrontation. Not a single one of them had stopped by her quarters or made any effort at contact. She hadn't been entirely certain that Deanna would be here for their workout this morning. It was one thing for the senior staff to have concerns about Captain Picard, but for them to question her loyalty and professionalism simply because of her association with Picard was a bitter pill to swallow. Was she supposed to be grateful that they weren't shunning her entirely? Finally, the silence got too loud to tolerate. "You were the one who pushed me to accept Odan's love even if he was in Captain Picard's body."

"Do you regret that decision?"

Shifting position, she deepened her stretch. "No, I'm glad I took your advice. I know it's complicated, believe me I know it's complicated. It just feels right. I never even suspected how much Jack's ghost haunted things between Jean-Luc and me. With Odan everything felt . . . I told you about the man I was involved with before Jack, didn't I?"

"The toe-curler?" Troi grinned at Crusher. "Can I take that to mean that Odan Picard is curling your toes now?"

She felt her face flush with color. "It's beyond toe-curling and if I hadn't taken your advice, I would have missed out on a love more incredible than anything I've even imagined. I just wish I had a little more support from my friends."

Troi stopped and reached out to touch Crusher's arm. "Please understand that this isn't easy for me. I can't say too much in front of the others without divulging confidences, either Captain Picard's or yours. I am your friend and I'm happy for you and the captain, just give the others some time."

"How much time?" she grunted. Standing up, the two women began moving through the mok'bara forms. "Do you know that one of my own med techs actually scanned me with a medical tricorder behind my back a couple of days ago?"

"Probably looking for a symbiont," Troi said, exhaling and changing position.

Crusher dropped her arms and turned to stare questioningly at Deanna. "What?"

"There's been a rumor going around that Captain Picard took you to the Trill homeworld and implanted you with a symbiont as part of some Trill plot to take over Starfleet," Troi explained.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Of all the ridiculous ideas, how could people be that idiotic? Did they really think that Starfleet would have returned command of the flagship to Odan if they weren't reasonably confident about the nature of Trill symbionts? The encounter they'd had with the parasites wasn't even general knowledge so she didn't want to think about how much worse things would be if people knew about them. In the back of her mind, it did occur to her that she'd actually accused Odan of having that very idea in terms of Adar, but she'd been just as wrong about him as everybody on this ship was about her. "Well, that explains all of the weird looks at my stomach. I actually thought people might be checking for a baby bump which, even if it were possible at my age, wouldn't appear quite this fast. I'm surprised Geordi came to me for help if everybody thinks I've been implanted with a symbiont; of course with his VISOR, he'd be able to tell at a glance that I'm still just plain old me."

"Is Geordi all right?"

Forcing herself to focus on the workout, she nodded. "Fine, just some trouble sleeping."

...

At the sound of someone tapping on the frame of the doorway to her office, Crusher looked up to see Riker standing there. "Something I can do for you, Commander?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Data concurred with your analysis of Captain Picard's scans," he said.

"Do tell." Troi had cautioned her to give people time. Accepting curious looks and awkwardness in conversation was one thing, having a friend blatantly insult her intelligence, her ethics and her loyalty was a different matter entirely. She shouldn't have to re-earn the respect of her colleagues just because of who she chose to be involved with.

Riker stepped into her office and closed the door behind him. "Beverly."

"Is there something else, Commander?"

Perching himself on the corner of her desk, he shrugged helplessly. "Apparently I've broken a friendship. I don't suppose you have a regnerator for that?"

As much as she wanted to stay angry, she missed the camaraderie of good friends. It hadn't been as noticeable before, but since her return it seemed like the closer she got to Odan, the more isolated she felt from everyone else. Riker was extending an olive branch and, while part of her wanted to hit him with it, she didn't want to feel lonely anymore. "It's not broken, Will, just a little bent and bruised."

"Can it be fixed?"

She reached out to lay her hand on his thigh. "Of course, Will. I'm just hurt that you doubted me, my loyalty to the captain. I know this is hard for everyone-it was hard for me, I just don't think it's fair for my friends to act like I'm sleeping with the enemy. Odan is not an enemy to anyone here, he's part of Captain Picard."

"As your friend," he said, "I'm worried about you. Are you sure this relationship is a good idea?"

"Yes, I am very sure of my relationship with him. Will, I wish you could know him the way I do."

Riker's eyebrow shot up. "Captains and First Officers may have a close relationship, but not that close."

At the amused, teasing expression on his face, she realized that the way she'd expressed her answer could have a very interesting connotation. They both broke up laughing. "You know what I mean."

"A transporter here on the Enterprise was used to beam a shipment of weapons to Krios," he told her. "The evidence so far suggests that the Romulans are trying to undermine our relations with the Klingons. As much as I'd like to take the time to get to know the new Picard, that's a luxury we may not have."

She gestured toward the computer in reference to her tests. "Odan wouldn't but he also couldn't do anything without Captain Picard's cooperation. You, yourself just told me that Data agreed with me that Captain Picard is thinking for himself."

"Yes."

"Deanna has told you that Jean-Luc is still a very strong presence in Captain Picard."

"Yes."

His doubt was fading as she reiterated each point, she could see it in his eyes. "Do your due diligence, Will, just don't get so focused on Odan that you miss the real culprit."

He covered her hand with his much larger one. "Promise."

As Riker was leaving, she thought of something. "Will, could you talk to the others about something for me?"

"About what?" he paused with the door half-open.

"When this situation on Krios is sorted out, I'd like to invite Captain Picard to join our poker games. It would give you all a chance to get to know him better. I just want to make sure everyone would be comfortable with it before I mention it to him."

Riker shrugged. "I'd be fine with it. I never thought he'd want to play. I'll check with the others and let you know."

...

Crusher wearily slipped out of her lab coat as she entered her quarters. She had just finished running a complete physical on LaForge after the incident in the cargo bay with Vagh and Ambassador Kell. Ever since the revelation that a Romulan collaborator had been using LaForge's implants to transmit instructions directly to his brain, she'd been berating herself for not seeing it earlier. He had come to her for help and she'd casually dismissed it. Would she have dismissed an anomalous reading so easily if it had been Odan? Here she was upset about the lack of loyalty from her friends and apparently she deserved it. As soon as that thought crossed her mind she knew it was irrational; knowing that didn't assuage her feelings of guilt, however. Completely absorbed in her own self-flagellation, she was startled to find the table already set for dinner, complete with candlelight.

"How is Commander LaForge?" Picard asked, handing her a glass of wine.

"Confused." Her response was as much a reflection of her current state as it was an answer to his question. "Physically he's fine, Deanna is going to try to help him reconstruct his memories. You know he came to me for help with insomnia just recently? My scan at that time turned up a vascular irregularity in his visual cortex. The blood vessels in that area were dilated slightly more than normal. He said he hadn't experienced any trouble with his VISOR. I just wish I'd taken it more seriously instead of simply giving him a somnetic inducer. I don't know if it would have changed anything or if it would have helped uncover what was going on any quicker, I just feel stupid. Geordi's VISOR picks up signals that human senses are incapable of perceiving; if there's an anomalous reading in the interface, it should be checked out."

He brushed his fingers tenderly across her cheek. "Hindsight is 20/20. There was no reason to question Mr. LaForge's health before."

She sighed. "I know. What about you? How was your day?"

He gave a small chuckle. "Life as a Starfleet captain is certainly not dull; or rather life as Captain Picard is not dull. It was a bit disconcerting to be most thoroughly searched by Mr. Worf under the supervision of my first officer."

"I thought Ambassador Kell was -"

"Commander Riker needed to be sure," Picard overrode her indignation with a calming tone. "Kell refused to be searched by Starfleet personnel, he didn't admit to guilt. As one of two suspects, Commander Riker did the right thing by having me searched. I have to earn his trust, Beverly. Would he have done the same thing in the absence of a symbiont? Probably not, but by the same token, there was no harm done. Now, how about some dinner?"

Crusher looked at the meal set out. "This is a switch."

"What do you mean?"

"Usually when we share a meal, you invite me to your quarters. I don't think you've ever even been in my quarters before."

He had been in the process of pulling a chair out for her and he suddenly froze. "I'm sorry, Doctor Beverly. I shouldn't have just let myself in. I only thought that you'd had a long day, working late to conduct your examination of Commander LaForge-"

She placed a finger over his lips to still his rambling apology. "You have always been welcome in my quarters, both of you. This was very thoughtful, just uncharacteristic."

Stiffening, he pulled away from her. "I take that to mean you feel I've been thoughtless before Odan?"

The last thing she needed was an argument with one of the only people on the ship that there wasn't tension or awkwardness with already. "Of course not, you're the captain and you have larger quarters. It's never even occurred to me until now that I always go to you, that's just the way things work. It's sweet to have you come to me for a change, that's all I meant. I appreciate the gesture. I'm sorry."

"No," he corrected. "I'm sorry, having my own crew genuinely suspect me as a Romulan collaborator did bother me. I understand their perspective but still. Apparently I'm a little temperamental tonight."

Crusher realized that he'd gone to all of this effort-he'd sought her out- because he needed to be with someone who still saw him and trusted him. He undoubtedly felt more isolated on this ship than she did right now. Troi and she were the only ones on the Enterprise who truly knew who he was and accepted it. She at least had friends like Ogawa and, if she were honest with herself, the rest of the senior staff. They might be uncertain about her relationship with Odan, but she knew she could count on them in a pinch. Picard didn't really even have that comfort, not yet. Jean-Luc had always been a private man, not even sharing much of himself with her. Given his struggle to redefine himself, losing the confidence of his crew was a bigger blow than he'd let on. Now that she was seeing the vulnerability in him, she suddenly wanted to show him that he wasn't alone. She set her wine glass down and reached for his hand. Feeling very daring, she slowly and deliberately licked the inside of his wrist.

"Doctor Beverly," his words were hoarse, his voice a deep, desire-roughened rasp.

"Would you mind if we waited a bit on dinner?" she asked as she methodically opened his uniform jacket. It wasn't that knowing he felt weak made her feel strong. It was just the certainty that he needed her as much as she wanted him gave her a confidence that she usually lacked.

He cupped her cheek and drew her to him. Almost hesitantly, his lips sought hers with brief, tentative nips. Only when she responded by kissing him back did he apply ever-so-slight pressure with his thumb to gently coax her mouth open and deepen the kiss. Finally, he pulled back long enough to murmur, "Make it so."

Their dinner was quite cold by the time they got back to it.