Chapter 2
Four vibrantly pink people stood outside the bowling alley.
"I feel ridiculous," grumbled McGee.
"That's because you're a grown man stuck in a pink skull jacket five sizes too small for you, Probie," said Tony.
McGee had been trying to force his arms into the woman's size jacket. By the time he realised he was never going to make it, his elbows were bent at right angles and his hands were deformed into claw shapes.
"You look like a Scooby-doo villain about to chase 'those meddling kids'," Tony joked.
"There aren't many 6ft tall nuns." Abby pointed out, helping to extract McGee's arms from the sleeves. "The girls were nice enough to lend you their jackets, you should be thankful."
Tony wrapped the arms of his jacket around his neck and let the giant skull motif drape across his back. "I'll thank them later."
"Well, I think they are inspirational," Ziva remarked. Her jacket was a perfect fit. She spanned her arms wide so she could absorb the full pink effect. "For example, this jacket inspires me to kill something: pins, patrons, anything."
"At least she didn't make us wear the whole outfit," McGee mumbled.
The three agents looked at Abby and shuddered. She was indeed sporting the full ensemble: a 1950s inspired brilliant pink and black twin set, green skeleton poodle skirt and matching pink bowling bag with a skull emblazoned on it. Her hair was decorated with a pink scarf and she topped it off with black 1950s cats-eyes glasses.
"You know, I could really do with a nice loud rock concert about now Abby," said Tony.
"You blew your chance, mister."
"But it was a case," McGee whined.
"Enough!" Abby commanded. "We have to get you guys some bowling alley issue shoes and balls before the big game."
Four people in vibrantly pink jackets stood at the counter inside the bowling alley. One wore shiny blue and red personalised bowling shoes and carried a pink skull bowling bag. The other three wore ill-fitting, battered, bi-coloured, numbered rental bowling shoes and carried numbered plastic balls peppered with pockmarks. Two of them wore their jackets as capes.
"I feel ridiculous," McGee reiterated as the group trundled after Tony towards their assigned lane.
"No one will ever know, Probie," Tony reminded him. Suddenly, he froze in his tracks, causing a multi-agent pile-up behind him.
"What?" asked McGee, pushing Tony a little forward and helping Ziva up off the floor.
"Over there," Tony pointed a wavering finger in the direction of the lanes.
"Oh," said Abby lightly, "didn't I mention who we were playing tonight? Must have slipped my mind."
"Slipped your mind!" said Tony incredulously. "Snore-nell, Slacks and those other two FBI peeping toms..."
"Maya and Yussif," Ziva supplied.
"Gesundheit," said Tony absently. "Abs, you could have mentioned we were playing the FBI."
Abby smiled sweetly. "I wanted to surprise you."
"Well, you did."
"Don't let them get to you," said Abby dismissively. "Sacks is pretty goods and Fornell can hold his own but the other two are just along for the ride."
"I don't want Fornell to see me like this," Tony moaned, holding up the pink sleeves of his jacket. "I have a reputation to uphold."
"Ziva, quick," McGee whispered, trying to get out of Abby's earshot but failing. "Assassinate me."
"I can not, McGee," Ziva rasped back. "I am too busy trying to remember my suicide training. If you stand close, I promise to take you with me."
"Hey," said Tony indignantly. "We're a team, here."
"Thank you, Tony," said Abby.
Tony shot Abby a puzzled look and appealed to Ziva. "You have to take me out too."
"Tony!" Abby narrowed her eyes threateningly.
But it was too late; the FBI team had spotted them.
"Nice cape, DiNozzo," said a familiar voice.
"You still out of jail?" said Sacks.
"Didn't recognize them with their clothes on," Maya remarked, turning her back on them to extract her bright sliver bowling ball.
The NICS team examined the back of her jacket. No pink skull jackets for the FBI, they had striking (no pun intended) silver jackets with large guns emblazoned on the back. Underneath the picture was the motto: FBI: Federal Bowling Intimidators.
"Well, Miss Scuito," Fornell began philosophically. "I was sort of hoping you would have to forfeit tonight but this will be much more satisfying. We've may have lost to your flying nuns and even to your little person boyfriend but there is no way known we're going to lose to the NCIS amateur hour. How many of you are using bumpers tonight?"
"Scoff if you will Agent Fornell," Abby challenged. "But we have two advantages: Handicaps..."
"I'll say."
"And our coach."
"Our what?" said Tony.
"Coach," said Gibbs.
Gibbs was wearing his conventional jeans and denim shirt with white T-shirt just peaking out the front but all that paled into insignificance by the pink skull jacket with the word "COACH" embroidered on the front.
"Nice outfit, Leroy," Fornell commented.
Gibbs raised a wry eyebrow. "Bring it on, Tobias."
Fornell turned to Abby. "Ladies first."
Abby smiled smugly as she slid her pink skull bowling ball out of her pink skull bowling bag. "When it comes to bowling," she said slyly, "I am no lady."
Abby's ball thundered down the lane and the pins exploded at the other end.
"Hmm," Ziva mused, watching Abby's ball. "Striking the pins with a ball is such a slow process. I could take them out faster with a gun – or even a handful of knives."
"Yes," said Tony, taking up his rental ball. "Knife bowling: the game the whole family can enjoy."
Tony's bowl was long and smooth, curing deftly to leave a wide split.
"Nice gap," Fornell commented.
"Warm-up ball," said Tony casually while he waited for his ball to return. When it popped its head out of the ball return, he swooped on it and, in one fluid motion, turned, walked and bowled. The ball swerved, clung to the edge of the lane then swung in late to clip one pin and ricochet it into the other.
Tony smiled sweetly at Fornell on his way to his seat. "College league bowling captain," he said. "You're up Ziva."
Ziva took a deep breath, picked up her ball and turned to face the pins. "This would be so much easier with a small incendiary device," she muttered as she attacked. The ball curved gently and took eight pins down with it. A ninth wobbled precariously, seemed to get its act together and then, inexplicably, fell over.
"Stop glaring at the pins, Jethro," Fornell warned.
Gibbs shot him an innocent look while simultaneously bumping victory knuckles with Abby.
Fornell rose from his seat and went to stand next to Gibbs. He folded his arms defiantly. "I have glare blocking vibes," he explained.
Ziva missed the spare, but not by much and took her seat. For a moment all was silent.
"Probie," Tony prompted.
Nothing.
"Hey, Elf Lord," said Gibbs.
McGee started guiltily. He had been watching the computer games at the back of the alley. "What?"
"You bowling?"
"Me? I'm not sure I can do this."
Tony pulled him to a reluctant stand. "Come on, Probie, if Ziva can get nine on her first league bowling ball with nothing but an inbuilt killer instinct, years of high level physical training and a Gibbs' death stare then you can too."
"I'm really not good at this."
"This from the man who dropped half his body weight in a single holiday, turned Cugo into a house pet, hacked the pentagon..."
"Excuse me?" Fornell interrupted.
"You," Tony summarized, slapping McGee on the shoulder and guiding him to his bowling ball, "are a man who achieves the impossible."
Suitably motivated, McGee nodded at Tony, picked up his ball and rolled it straight into the gutter without touching the lane.
"That's impossible," Tony whispered as they watched the ball wobble its way slowly towards certain death.
With Tony stunned, Ziva took up the challenge. "It is just like throwing a knife..." she began.
"It kills people slowly in a pool of blood?"
"It is all in the wrist."
"You've seen my knife throw."
"You knife aim was true, your rotation was off. Rotation will not be a problem here. Forget swing, just aim and shoot like a computer game."
McGee's next shot was true and took out the middle four pins. It wasn't much, but it was a start.