Last one! Thank you so much for your reviews, you know I love you all. My next fic will be up soon, so be on the lookout! It's kind of hard to catch the theme of it in this one, it's kind of a male venting session.
And FYI, Ben Bass actually does play guitar. (I read it somewhere, heheheeheheheeheh). Sexy.
"Chris' Boobs."
"I have no idea. But I was just sitting there, like, oh HELL NO!" Sam slurred, slamming his palm down on the table. "Man, don't even touch my barbeque."
The entire table burst out laughing, drawing the attention of the few other people in the bar. They'd been there for forty five minutes tops, and Sam was plastered, with Jerry close behind. Upon arrival, Sam realized that he knew the owner from high school, and that, in turn, translated to bottomless drinks.
"I don't like drinking that much, not with Gail so pregnant." Chris had said earlier, earning him a few good punches to the arm and cat calls from his two superior officers.
"Sammy boy, I think Diaz is whipped." Jerry cracked an imaginary whip in his hand, complete with sound effects. Chris just took it quietly as they found their table.
Now, here they were. Chris had a few drinks, but not nearly as much as the two men across the table from them, who were playing five finger fillet with butter knives, cursing the world when they'd stab themselves.
"Guys, tone it down. Seriously. People are staring." Dov hushed from across the table, completely sober. Chris felt bad about going drinking with Dov, but he'd insisted that it was okay. He had a few waters, a coke, and he was the designated driver. And he was proud of that.
"Dov, I am completely under control." Jerry looked at him, a sudden sombreness washing over him. "Samuel, I believe they think we are wasted." He sat up straight and spoke with a British accent.
"But Jerry," Sam leaned over and whispered loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear, "we are wasted." A waitress saved the day.
"Alright, I have two sides of fries here," she passed them to Chris and Dov, "a cheeseburger with extra bacon and definitely no pickles, and a plate of wings." Sam and Jerry hungrily grabbed at the plates like they had when they were six.
"Thanks, doll." Jerry winked.
"That was weird." Sam stopped and looked at him.
"Oh my God I hope the food sobers them up a bit." Dov whispered to Chris, who nodded frantically in turn.
"They're like thirty year old frat boys!" He whispered back.
Thankfully, a big glass of water, some food and an hour later, the boys had regained a bit of their composure. As they walked out of the bar, Dov left a generous tip and gave the waitress an apologetic smile.
"Nice one, guys." Chris laughed as they walked to the cars. "You feeling any better?"
"I told Andy we could get a dog, but I want a cat more. But I like dogs, but I'm a cat person. They require less walkin's and they keep your feet warm." Sam said adamantly.
"I think that's code for not really." Dov laughed. "I'll take Sam home in his truck; you take Jerry in your car?" He proposed.
"Sounds good." Chris shrugged, pushing Jerry towards his car. "I'll talk to you later, buddy!"
"Bye!" Dov laughed back as Sam fished around in his pocket for his keys. After a minute of standing on the sidewalk, he finally located them in his other pocket.
"I must have forgot that they were in there." He shrugged.
"How are you not puking?" Dov looked at Sam as he helped him to the truck. "How much did you just drink? Enough to kill a small child." He shook his head.
"It takes many years of going to the Penny after work to build up a strong stomach like I have. Both in the alcohol sense and the sense where I have great abs." He let his head lean against the window, watching the traffic pass as Dov pulled out of the parking lot.
They hadn't been driving for more than five minutes when Sam's eyes widened and his hand shot up, his index finger pointing across the road.
"Turn here! Turn! Turn! Turn! Do it now! Turn here!" He insisted, spinning the steering wheel to the left. Thankfully, Dov got control of it again, but did as he was told.
"Oh my God, Jerry, come to that park. We have to have a fire. Right now." He said into his cell phone, after silently thanking his speed dial.
"What park?" Jerry answered, his voice elevated.
"Jerry, calm down." Chris laughed in the background.
"That one, that park near that place where we went after that party a few years ago and had a fire, remember? And people were like, we're gonna call the cops on you. And you yelled back, lady, we ARE the cops!" He laughed. "Go there! Me and Dov are going there."
"Yes! Good idea. Chris, you jolly old fellow, turn this vehicle around." Sam had always wondered why Jerry went so British when he was drunk. "See you in like thirty seconds."
"No, Jerry, we'll see them in like ten minutes. I don't even know where we're going!" Chris corrected him.
"Thirty seconds!" Jerry shrieked, hanging up his phone.
"Now turn there. And then go left, and there will be this big rock, turn there." Sam instructed Dov. A few minutes and a few U-turns later, they finally reached a small clearing in the center of a wooded area. Sam was the first one out of the truck, jogging to the edge of the grass and opening his arms, inhaling the scent of the trees.
"I thought you hated the wilderness." Dov raised an eyebrow, joining him.
"I do. Just not this one." Sam smiled and walked out into the field. By the time Chris and Jerry pulled up, Sam and Dov were already laying on their backs in the middle of the clearing. Dov smiled patiently as Sam explained the shapes in the clouds.
"Sammy!" Jerry ran over to Sam and essentially tackled him, even though he was already on the ground.
"Ew, Jerry, don't touch me." Sam waved his hand, speaking in a very flamboyant voice.
"Are we actually lying on the ground?" Chris asked. "It's wet."
"Get over it, little boy. You got Gail to warm you up when you get home." Jerry laughed. "We all got someone to warm us up."
"Except Dov." Sam pointed out, before correcting himself. "No, no, Dov, you got a girl, right? I knew that." He looked at Jerry and repeated himself. "I knew that."
"Have you not met Megan before? You helped me find her, Sam." Dov inquired.
"Megan? No. I met Edie, but only cause she was that chick with that thing." He shrugged. "I trust Megan is a lovely girl."
"Oh she's definitely lovely." Jerry laughed. "But nothing beats my Traci." He grinned.
"You met her, and I haven't? Dov is like our child, and we don't know his girlfriend." Sam slurred, again.
"I'm not your child!" Dov laughed as Chris finally lay down next to them.
"I only met her once because I had to pick up Traci from Andy's once and she was there." Jerry ignored Dov.
"She was at my house, and I didn't meet her?" Sam asked in disbelief.
"I think you were out. It's a shame, she's a nice girl." He nodded dramatically.
"I cannot wait for you two to sober up." Chris groaned. "She's a great girl. I think you'd like her, Sam."
"Do you like her? Like, like her, like her?" He lifted his head and winked at Chris.
"What? No!" Chris shook his head frantically. "I knew her when we were little. We were best friends."
"Aw, B.F.F.'s." Jerry sighed.
A lull settled over the four men as they lay in the grass, to a point where Dov wondered if Sam or Jerry had fallen asleep.
"What music do people play at weddings?" Sam broke the silence abruptly. "I like rock music. Like good jams, guys. But I don't think Andy wants that. I said I'd take care of music, but I don't know what to do about it." He mused.
"Can't you look online for that?" Jerry asked.
"She talked me into having our wedding in Riviera Maya." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I love her and all, but I hate planes." He exhaled. "Flying over the ocean in a fricken tin can. It's bullshit."
"I think they have music at the resorts that you can use." Chris interjected.
"I should just play the music." Sam decided. "I can play guitar the whole time."
"You play guitar?" Dov raised an eyebrow.
"Not as good as me!" Jerry laughed.
"I'm way better than you! You play the ukulele, Jerry." He snorted.
"And guitar! Be quiet!" He smacked him on the arm.
"Megan plays guitar." Dov said randomly. "You would like her. You could play together." He glanced up at Sam.
"You really think leaving your girl in a room with me and my guitar is a good idea? It's been known to be a love machine, of sorts." Sam warned, chuckling.
"I trust her." Dov laughed.
"Shut up, can we talk about something important for a second?" Jerry called out. "Deadbeat Dex's sentencing is tomorrow." Silence. "I think he's getting two years plus probation, and that's cause I put in a good word."
"Why did you put in a good word?" Sam asked, bewildered.
"Cause I talked him into telling the judge that he didn't need conjugal visits with Leo. He doesn't do it for Leo, just to make Trace mad. Leo doesn't like them either." He nodded.
"But what if he does? He'll probably miss his son, Jer." Sam pointed out.
"I thought that at first too, but then he took it a step further and said he didn't care if he ever saw Leo's face again, or that of his 'slut mother's'." His jaw clenched a little.
"He said that? To a judge? What did the judge say?" Chris asked, alarmed.
"I don't know, I had to leave before I knocked him out." Jerry responded curtly.
"Understandable." The rookie replied. Dov checked his phone for the third time in twenty minutes, and Sam took notice.
"You gonna be late for something, bud?" He asked, sobriety slowly creeping in.
"No, it's just, I'm just wondering what Megan's up to." He shrugged.
"You hittin' that yet?" Sam rolled over onto his stomach and asked, point blank. Dov felt a slight brush creep up his neck, but it was Chris that lost his poise.
"Don't talk about her like that!" He insisted quietly, covering his ears. If there was one thing that the mighty Chris Diaz couldn't handle, it was the mental image of Dov and Megan, together.
"Dov, you hittin' that?" Jerry chimed in. Slowly, Dov swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "For how long?"
"Is this really necessary?" Chris asked, voice elevated due to his hands still blocking out all sound.
"Yes. We can tell if this is going to last, right now. We're relationship gurus, Chris. We've seen it all." Sam chuckled. "We're like wizards."
"You're weird." Jerry looked at him, an estranged look on his face. "Epstein! Tell me!"
"Yesterday." He admitted quietly.
"And you've been together for how long?" Sam rested his head in his hands.
"Four and a half weeks." He answered, just as quiet.
"A month? That's actually not too bad. I'm surprised." Jerry pointed out.
"Come on, man. You say that like it wasn't even an option for the first month. I nearly ripped her clothes off the first night she slept over." Dov laughed.
"When did she first sleep over?" Sam asked.
"The day after I met her." He smiled.
"What? Really?" Sam raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. We were at her place, watching movies, then we ended up getting coffee, and staying at High Park until like three AM. Then we ended up with her drunk friends puppy. So she kind of stayed over, and never really left, except for those few days. Remember, you help me look for her, Sam." He checked his phone again, trying to hide the fact that he so desperately wanted to get home to her. The fear of losing her again was still so great, it gave him chills.
"Oh yeah." Sam muttered, shaking his head.
"Why did you wait a month and a half exactly?" Jerry tilted his head.
"She finally told me some things about herself that were weighing on her, and then she said she loved me. And I was like thank God, I love you too." Dov laughed. "One thing led to another, you know."
"She said she loved you?" Chris rolled over, a bewildered look on his face.
"Yeah." Dov nodded.
"Insanity." He rolled over again.
"Well hopefully I can meet her before the wedding." Sam laughed, eliciting confused expressions from his friends. "You're all coming, and so are your girlfriend slash fiancées." He sighed.
"Yes!" Jerry threw his hands up in the air, and Dov and Chris high fived.
"Be my best men?" Sam asked meekly. "Oliver too."
"Yes!" They all called out.
"Glad that's settled." Sam rested his head on his arms, laying them down in the grass.
"We're men, and we're talking about weddings." Jerry mused. "This is strange."
"Yes, yes it is." Dov laughed.
"While we're at it," Sam lifted his head, "how's the baby, Diaz?"
"Oh, don't get him started." Dov groaned.
"She's healthy, and active. Gail's always getting kicked in the side." He explained. "We're twenty five weeks in."
"That's it? Gail looks like she's eight months in, at least!" Jerry exclaimed.
"Well, detective, if you'd look at her stomach instead of her boobs you'd see that she really isn't that big." He retorted lightly, making Dov and Sam laugh.
"I like boobs better." Jerry reasoned.
"Yeah, but not Gail's boobs. They're mine." Chris chuckled.
"Yeah, Jer. Leave Chris' boobs alone." Sam laughed. "You guys wanna get out of here?" He felt a raindrop on his forehead.
"That's probably a good idea." Dov leapt to his feet.
"You know," Jerry began as they started walking back to the cars, "you two aren't so bad, rooks. We should do this again."
Chris and Dov couldn't help but feel a bit honoured, this coming from a detective.
"I'm down." Chris laughed, and Dov just nodded.
Sam and Jerry climbed into separate cars and Dov and Chris followed. They were all glad that they could finally put the worries about the party behind them, and focus on the bigger things at hand.
And there definitely was bigger things.