Collins: -knocks on door-
Mark: who is it?
Collins: it's Collins man, let me in. I have a surprise for you.
Mark: is it a shot gun? -unlocks the door-
Collins: -walks in with a tall, black, unbelievably cute guy- hey bitch! What's up?! This is Jake.
Mark: …what did you just say? -looks horrified-
Collins: this is Jake, found him downstairs. He said he was looking for Mark Something, with blond hair who does something with a camera. Sounded like you.
Mark: -stares-
Roger: -takes the chance and runs out of the room and the apartment-
Jake: Hi!
Mark: …hi.
Collins: anyway, I just dropped in to say hi. So, I guess you two have a lot of... talking to do. -turns to leave-
Mark: Collins! -sounds horrified- don't leave!!!
Collins: Happy Birthday! -gives him a sweater and leaves-
Mark: …-turns to Jake and stares-
Jake: so, what's up?!
Mark: …I'm not gay.
Jake: you mean you've never dated a guy before? Well that's okay, Maureen told me that. So -doesn't give him a chance to answer- what DO you do with your camera?
Mark: I make films! What else do you do with a video camera?
Jake: really? What kind of films?
Mark: documentaries.
Jake: can I watch one?
Mark: it's not really finished yet…
Jake: oh. Well. So. Happy Birthday, by the way. I got you something.
Mark: …you got me something? You shouldn't have, you don't even know me…
Jake: well I thought this was a good way to get to know you. -pulls out fuzzy pink handcuffs-
Mark: -stares- …I promise I'll be good so make this day stop god!!!
Jake: you don't like pink? –innocently-
Mark: …what did I do to deserve this?
Jake: -sits and acts as though he feels at home-
Mark: …well now I know what's hell like. This day couldn't POSSIBLY get any worse.
-Maureen and Joanne walk in-
Maureen: Hi Mark! Hi Jake! Oh I see you've already met! This is Joanne, by the way.
Mark: would you get him out of here…?
Maureen: why, the evening is just getting started! We came to see how the date was going! And to drop off a bag of the stuff you left at my apartment. -pulls out some condoms- I'm not really gonna need these.
Mark: neither would we!!!!
Maureen: but you know baby, unprotected sex is very dangerous nowadays. I mean, look at Collins.
Mark: we're not going to have sex!!! I'm not gay!!!
Maureen: well I thought so too.
Joanne: so did I. Until I was 14...
Jake: so did I until I was 9.
Mark: read my lips- I. Am. NOT. Interested. In. other. Men. I'm NOT gay. I like GIRLS.
Maureen: -not listening- oh, what's that? -picks up the handcuffs-
Mark: that's going out of here, along with you!!!
Maureen: -not listening- that's so sweet, you two!
Mark: OUT!!!
Maureen: okay, okay, why are you screaming? Let's leave them alone, Pookie, I don't like interfering in someone else's dates.
Mark: TAKE HIM WITH YOU!
Maureen: -leaves without listening-
Joanne: -follows Maureen like a puppy-
Mark: -stares-
Jake: So! I hear there's a great bar right down the block!
Mark: -glares- what part of I'm not gay don't you get?
Jake: okay, we don't have to call it a date if you don't want to. Can't we just grab something to drink as friends?
Mark: …yeah okay.