CHAPTER 12: Where am I?
A.N: I would like to correct some previous data. In the second chapter, I wrote that Helena had been named after the Ravenclaw House's founder. That's wrong, since the initiator of the House was Rowena Ravenclaw, Helena's mother. Thanks to Skippy Agogo for the correction, and thanks to everyone reading and/or reviewing too.
She had been lying awake for what seemed like hours, trying to drift off to sleep; but the harder she tried, the more awake she felt. The bed next to hers was empty, and she was certain that her sister was not spending the night alone. 'It doesn't have to be him', she reminded herself, 'There's plenty of guys in the school'. She was already asleep when Daphne walked in, on her tip toes, holding her dress up with her hands.
After three or four hours, it was time to get up. Astoria groaned and buried her face deeper into her spongy pillow, feeling her head throb because of the sunlight. Suddenly, she remembered what had happened and harshly turned around to check the bed next to hers. Daphne was there, already sitting up and brushing her golden curls.
-Hey –Astoria said.
-Hey –Daphne's eyebrows rose; she was a little bit surprised her sister said anything.
Astoria said nothing else, as she proceeded to examine her sister's face, hair, and general appearance. The bitch was glowing.
-Did you have fun yesterday? –Daphne smiled at her, venom dripping off her words.
Her sister got up and brushed her fringe off her eyes before looking back at her. She hadn't even wiped the make up off her face before going to bed and looked somewhat like a crazed racoon. Unsure of Daphne's intentions, she shrugged.
-Yeah, it was a fun evening, wasn't it? A bit funnier for me, I guess, but anyway…
-What's that supposed to mean? –she was starting to get pissed off.
-You know exactly what I mean –Daphne lowered her voice, and a spark of malevolence shone in her bright green eyes.
Astoria forced herself to laugh. She waved her hand in front of your sister, as if saying she didn't give a fuck. Unfortunately, Martha and Pansy had already left the room and the older girl smiled even wider. With deliberately slow movements, she brought her hands to her mass of curls and pulled her hair back, showing her sister her pale and delicate neck. A large bruise was becoming purple already on the right side of it. Astoria's eyes widened as she noticed the teeth marks in the middle of the contusion. Daphne displayed all of her pearly teeth as her sister's eyes darkened. She sighed, dramatically.
-I hope you don't mind if I use the bathroom first –she got up and had to look down at Astoria from her height-. I'm so sweaty.
With those words, she walked into the bathroom and locked herself. Astoria decided to open one of the windows and light up a cigarette. She was still smoking when Daphne stepped out of the bathroom, in a cloud of perfume and steam and left the room, grinning as wide as her lips allowed her. The blonde walked all the way down to the Great Hall, saying hello cheerfully to those she knew (and spoke to). The second she approached the Slytherin table, she spotted Draco and Blaise at the end they usually sat at. Swaying her hips, she gave them her most radiant smile.
-Hello boys –she brought a hand to her hair to twirl a couple curls with her fingers.
Blaise looked up at her with emotionless eyes, as if they hadn't been classmates for seven years. Draco's eyes were fixed on his friend, as he parsimoniously sipped on his juice. Daphne switched her weight from one foot to the other, aware she was not very welcome. The second she made the movement to take the empty seat next to Draco, the boy tensed up.
-Don't even think about it, Greengrass –Blaise said, unexpectedly.
The girl's eyes focused on him and his serious expression. He wasn't joking. Blaise Zabini was a good fella. Everyone knew so. He was not the aggressive type, and preferred dialogue to fighting any time. But something about his eyes made clear that she was one step away of triggering something very bad. She froze on the spot and took a couple seconds to regain composure. Clearing her throat, she walked away, and sat at her usual spot. Her eyes met Pansy's by coincidence, and in the millisecond she kept the contact, she knew her ex-best friend was laughing at her in silence. Frustrated, she gave the boys another look and saw how Draco kept turning around every now and then, scanning the Hall with his metallic eyes. Her fists closed tight in anger when she realized the only person missing was her own sister.
-Hey, Astoria, where were you before? –Luna ran up to her friend, with her backpack bouncing at her back.
-I wasn't hungry –she answered, obviously annoyed.
Luna frowned and wondered if she should ask what was going on. 'Probably not', she thought, for she had known Astoria for quite a while and knew how she acted when something was wrong. With a warning look, she motioned for Helena to join them. The girl looked radiant. And tired. She approached her friends with a smile which faded away the second she saw Astoria's sulky expression.
-What's wrong? –she went straight to the point.
-Nothing –Astoria barked.
-Don't get pissed at me –Helena warned, raising a finger-. You said I could go dance with Blaise, you said you'd be okay.
-Yeah?! Well… -Astoria stuttered; she knew her friend was completely wrong.
-What did he do?
-Who, Blaise? –Luna was a little lost.
-What?! –Helena inquired.
-Nothing, I just… -she pointed at the Great Hall's door- I can't go in there.
-Astoria! –Helena dragged her friend away and Luna followed.
They found a quiet corner and Helena placed her hands on Astoria's shoulders, partly to calm her down, partly to hold her in her place. The girl's black eyes pierced hers with intensity.
-What did he do to you?
With a previous sigh, Astoria proceeded to explain everything that had happened the night before, and how she suspected that her sister had spent the night with Draco.
-Your sister's a whore, anyone could have given her that bite mark –Helena pointed out.
-I guess so…
-There's something I don't understand… -Luna tilted her head aside.
There it was. Her friends knew nothing of Uncle Philip, just like the rest of people. What could she possibly do now?
-If you like him, why don't you date him? –Luna carried on- Or something? –she added when she saw Astoria's face.
Astoria rubbed her temples with her fingers. Her head throbbed like mad; the few hours she had slept, she had been having one nightmare after the other. That moment, she had feared for quite a while now. The moment when her friends would have to understand they weren't important enough to share her secrets, but someone else had been. Someone who, not very long ago, had nothing to do with Astoria.
-Are you busy right now? –she asked.
-Not really, that's what weekends are for –Helena smirked.
-Let's go find a quiet place.
They left the school and walked for at least ten minutes, enjoying the cold, but sunny weather. Finally, Astoria chose a place next to the Lake to sit down on the soft grass. She zipper her jacket up to her chin and hid her hands in her pockets. Her friends sat by her, forming a circle, and waited for Astoria to begin her explanation. It took her a few minutes to start. Once she did, though, words poured out of her as if they had been pushing to get out. She told them everything, without a pause. Everything that had happened the day Daphne turned fourteen, everything that had happened after that. Everything that had happened in detention, with Draco, and how he knew what was wrong with her. Now they could understand the reason why she had freaked out just because of a little kiss.
-This happened three years ago –Helena stated.
-More or less, yeah.
-And you've kept it to yourself until now?
-I know, I'm sorry.
-How could you? –there it was. Helena was going to leave.
-I'm really sorry.
-No, I mean how could you? How could you keep going without anyone by your side?
-Well, I always had someone by my side –Astoria nodded-. Even if you two didn't know what had happened, you were always there for me.
-Damn right we were! –Luna jumped- And we will be there. And if you want me to go and kick Draco Malfoy's arse, just say the word!
Helena and Astoria laughed, surprised, at their friend's outburst. It was probably the first time ever she used that expression referring to someone. Slowly, Luna calmed down and began laughing as well, conscious of how awkward the scene had been.
-Anyway, Luna, how was it with Neville? –Astoria asked out of random.
-Oh, well… -the blonde giggled.
-Uuuuuh!! –Helena reached over to poke her on the stomach- Details!!
-Nothing, you know, we just had a lot of fun, dancing and talking…
-And snogging… -Astoria raised her eyebrows, comically.
-We weren't snogging, I swear! –Luna placed her hands on her chest- It was just a couple kisses.
-With or without tongue? –Helena teased her.
-Without, of course!
-I just realized something… -Astoria said, all serious- Out of the three of us, I'm the one with the most sexual experience. Isn't that sad?
-Don't count on it for much longer… -Helena's smirk said it all.
-That's right, what about Blaise? –Luna asked.
-Nothing happened! –she anticipated, at the sight of Astoria's face- But maybe in a future it will. Who knows?
-So I guess it went okay?
-It went great –she only needed to lick her lips to resemble a cat after drinking her milk.
-Careful, Lena –Astoria warned her-. He is a good kid, but he's not as peaceful as he seems.
-It's not like I want to give him a psychiatric exam –she rolled her eyes.
The other two girls had to laugh at Helena's remark. It seemed like she was ready to give up on her 'tough girl' façade and accept the fact Zabini drove her crazy. Which was actually kind of unsettling for Astoria. If things worked out between those two, there would be a permanent link between her and Draco.
-Stop it –Blaise said, out of random.
They had been playing chess for almost an hour now, and even though Draco kept his eyes focused on the board, Blaise could see his mind was wandering again. The blond sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have told Blaise about everything that had happened. Probably Astoria deserved a little more discretion, but he had to burst out at one point or another. Not only was he feeling like shit because of what had happened, but also because of what was yet to come. He knew Astoria would never again speak to him, because Daphne had surely told her everything. Of all the skanks in the school, he had to pick that one. Blaise shared his thoughts and was, secretly, a bit disappointed. He had been noticing for a while now how his best friend and Astoria behaved when they were together, and how they both seemed to tame each other to a certain point. Not that he was ready to let go of Draco, yet. But she was his best option to take care of him.
-Sorry –Draco muttered.
-You need to stop this –Blaise laid back on his chair, abandoning all hopes of finishing the game.
-I can't. I don't know where I am anymore.
-What do you mean? –Blaise furrowed his brow.
-It's like I'm in the middle of something, there's no signs, nothing. Where do I go? I should have never come back here. Fucking McGonagall screwed everything up.
-And where would you be? –Blaise snorted.
Draco thought with warmth of Kerrin, the house elf, probably for the first time ever. Before, she had never been something to take into account; she was always there, like a piece of furniture. She belonged to the Malfoy family and that was it. However, when his parents were taken to Azkaban, she was the one to watch him, and she cooked for him and took care of him until he went back to Hogwarts. It was not until then, when nobody was heating up the house for him anymore, and nobody cooked the steak raw as he liked it, and nobody looked him in the eye in the exact same way as before, that he realized how important that elf was to him. She would be alright, at home, with her kind, but it gave him a bittersweet comfort to know that Kerrin was probably missing her master. Maybe it was time to go back home. He had enough money and properties to rot in there without ever having to lift a finger again. Yeah, it was probably the time to step out of the picture. Let Blaise pull himself together, and give him some peace. That Helena was definitely worth it, even though she was a Ravenclaw.
-I have to go talk to McGonagall –Draco said.
-Why? –Blaise repressed the impulse of reaching out to him.
-Don't wait for me tonight; I'll probably sleep in the office.
-Okay…
Blaise watched Draco get up and leave him there, in front of the fireplace. The chess board was still full of figures. Tiredly, he collected all of them and put them in the box, one by one. That game was another thing he could never go through with Draco. Another line in the list.
Minerva had been snoozing on her comfortable armchair when she heard the knock. Grunting, she gave permission to whoever it was to walk in. She was not really surprised when she saw the white-blond hair pop into her vision range. With a curt nod, she told him to sit down.
-What's bothering you, Mister Malfoy?
-Sorry I woke you up –he smirked.
Boy, how she wanted to slap that brat right on his porcelain face.
-I came to see you because I'm going home. I thought I had to tell you in private.
-Well, I've got to admit it, Draco, it took you longer than I expected.
-Pardon?
-I thought you wouldn't last a week in here. Congratulations.
-May I ask the reason why? –he frowned.
-Seeing as you've become persona non grata for approximately everyone, I believed you would give up much sooner. I guess I underestimated you.
-Thanks for the compliment –he snorted. That had been unexpected.
-Anyway, you're free to do whatever you think it's best. You're not underage anymore, and you can make your own decisions.
-So you're not even going to try? –he asked her- I've got to say I did not expect this, Minerva.
-So basically you just came here so you could hear the Headmistress of Hogwarts say that you are a good boy and you have a great potential and everything is going to be alright, and oh, how sorry I am you don't want to stay?
-Now you're just being nasty.
-I am very busy right now, Mister Malfoy –she dipped her quill into the inkwell.
-I'll write home tomorrow and I'll probably be gone in a couple days.
-In that case you're excused from whatever classes you may have.
-Thank you, Headmistress –he got up and walked towards the door.
She sighed when she heard the door open and thought she might as well say what she was thinking:
-Draco.
-Yes?
-You're not a good boy. But you're not bad either. You do have a certain potential, but I cannot assure you that everything will be alright. Oh, and if you decide to leave I will be somewhat relieved. And definitely sorry.
-Is that all? –his throat tightened up.
-Yes. You may go now.
The office door closed with a soft 'click'. Draco heard the woman sigh heavily before he walked away.