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"I want you to be there."
Smiling, I nodded - even though Edward couldn't see me – and tried not to bite my lip. I was trying to rid myself of the habit; it chapped my lips and made them look bad. "Of course I'll be there."
I could hear him smiling over the phone. "Good."
We chatted a moment longer and then I had to say goodbye. It was my first day back at the office and the last thing I wanted to do was piss Mr. Uley off. He loved me, but he was serious when it came to work –as he should be.
The rest of the afternoon flew by in a blur of emails, faxes and deliveries. While the busyness made the day go by quickly it only reinforced what I now knew deep down: I couldn't continue doing this. My calling was in education, not office work. I had a long road ahead of me: finding a job that would pay me adequately while helping me toward my chosen career path as I continued getting an education of my own.
It felt good to be excited again – real, sustained excitement – the kind that could only come from feeling inspired.
Later that afternoon I drove home, not surprised to see the driveway empty since my mother sometimes met her friends for drinks after work. She'd also recently begun dating a sweet guy, Phil, and they often went out to dinner. He was the gym teacher at one of the local high schools and definitely very her type, if not a bit young.
Love made me gracious, though, and I was happy for her.
I grabbed an apple on my way upstairs, contemplating what I wanted to wear. Edward would be by within the hour and I didn't want to be dawdling around naked when he showed.
Well, maybe I did.
The very thought of him sent my heart spinning.
"Where're you going?"
Edward looked at me sideways, his mouth quirked into that crooked smile that made my heart beat funny. "Quick pit stop. I'm hungry."
"Oh…" I frowned, wondering where he could possibly expect to find food down this road.
He drove a little further and then pulled off, cutting the lights. The greyblue of dusk settled around us, as did the quiet alone.
He leaned over, cupping my cheek in his hand as he kissed me.
I smiled against his mouth. "Hungry, huh?"
"Mhm."
Giving into his kiss, I heard myself sigh. My body relaxed in his familiarity, air exhaling from a balloon.
Soon he pulled away and pulled me with him, luring me to his lap as he unzipped his jeans.
I let go of him long enough to take my own jeans off and then crawled over the console, settling into his lap. We kissed again, his tongue and mine coming together, warm and wet and good. I ground myself against him, liking the way his hardness rubbed me just the right way.
He found the hem of my shirt and lifted it so I brought my arms up, allowing him to take it off.
I hadn't worn a bra, liking the way the soft fabric felt against my nipples. His eyes went right for them and then so did his mouth. I let him kiss me that way for a while until I was restless and itchy with want, and then I slid him inside of me, moaning and probably biting my lip even though I didn't mean to.
He moaned too, his hands gripping me nice and rough and all over.
I rode him till I couldn't and then he took over, pulling and pushing and moving me until I hit the steering wheel in my pleasure, the horn bleeping out a disjointed wail.
"I love you," he gasped, looking so serious when he came. "Be with me, Bella."
"I love you too," I nearly sobbed, clasping him close. "I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you. Let's do this. Let's find a place, soon."
He kissed me soft and quiet and I put on his shirt when we were done, forcing him to pull something else to wear from his backpack.
If it felt like all eyes were on us when we got to the lounge it's because they were.
We were late; the band was already setting up on stage and the groupies were in place, holding down the fort at a corner table.
Love made me gracious, though, so I smiled and I waved.
Charlotte and Kate got up when I got closer and we grabbed our own table beside the others.
"You look good," Charlotte cooed, and I knew what she meant. "I heard you guys went to Hawaii?"
I nodded, sneaking a peek at Edward.
"I don't believe it. This is the real deal Holyfield," she said, shaking her head and smiling. "Like, for real – for real."
Snorting a little, I forced myself to focus on her and Kate. "It is, yeah. I think so anyway."
"I think so too," Kate said. She smiled down at the table. "He can hardly stop looking at you."
I was in junior high all over again. "Really?"
"Oh yeah."
"And isn't this…" Charlotte pulled gently at the shirt. "…his?"
I nodded, feeling the apples of my cheeks rubify.
The boys began to play then, music filling the place with great. We swayed along, singing when we knew the words, simply nodding if we didn't.
That girl Carmen showed up, slinky and pretty, a Jezebel in jeans and dark purple. Our eyes met for just a second before her gaze drifted down to my shirt, his shirt. She frowned and I just knew she knew; it was a shirt he wore all the time and my wearing it was about as obvious about claiming him as I could get.
But it wasn't even about that.
I loved him. I wanted to wear his clothes, to smell him, to imagine him.
I wanted him to look at me in his shirt and like what he saw, to remember how it had gotten on me in the first place.
The song ended and then Edward came to the front, half sitting on the barstool on stage.
"This is for her," he said, and he looked at me.
I sat up a little straighter, my heart pounding.
His eyes were lazy, sleepy-seeming, but fixed on me. I know because mine were fixed on him.
He picked put a few chords and then fell into a sweet song, a song that felt so intimate in the midst of all of these people, and I felt my skin warm to the point of burning. The girls glanced at me, and I could see from the corner of my eye their tentative little half smiles. I didn't even want to imagine what the groupies looked liked.
Maybe some of them didn't even care. I could almost imagine Jess scratching Edward's name off of her list and going for the next guy.
But whatever. This wasn't him or her it was he and I.
He and me.
Me and him.
I'd never felt love, definitely never felt it so all encompassing. I'd heard this described as crushing and overpowering but on the contrary it felt freeing, like by being with him I was more of myself than I'd ever been.
He gave me a small smile when he was done and I smiled back, catching and keeping it in my heart.
"You're what?"
"You heard me, Mom," I sighed, trying to be patient and calm.
I'd expected this, so there was no reason for me to act up. I needed to keep this as low key as possible.
"But… you've only been seeing him for a few weeks!"
"A few months. And I know it hasn't been long but when it's right, its right. That's what you always told me, anyway."
"Oh, honey," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't mean moving in with the first guy you fell for!"
I paused my laundry folding just long enough to give her a look.
"It's not a good idea, Bella."
"Most girls my age are living on their own anyway, Mom," I argued. "I'll be fine."
"You won't be on your own. You'll be shacking up with Edward."
I tossed the pile of t-shirts down in frustration. "Look. We're finding a place, period. I've given this a lot of thought; it's not like I just jumped into it. I love him, okay? I love him."
She blinked at me, her eyes all round and shiny.
"Mom," I groaned, caught between wanting to hug her and wanting to remain pissed off.
"I just… I don't want to see you get hurt," she whispered.
Taking a deep breath, I moved toward her but she took a step back. "Let me know if I can do anything."
She fled the room quickly and quietly, leaving me to ruminate in my thoughts. I felt good about my decision, even if it was rather sudden. I'd never seen myself as the type of person who just lived with someone; it had to be serious. At least, I took that type of thing really seriously – so I could appreciate my mother's concern.
At the same time, though, hearing the way she'd discounted my relationship with Edward sucked. She and I generally saw eye to eye on things and it was hard to disagree in something so important to me.
I went back to folding the last of my clothing. Edward and I had dinner reservations and I wanted to take a shower.
"So how'd it go?" Edward asked, taking a sip of water.
"Not that great." I grimaced. "I think she's having issues with me leaving the nest, so to speak."
"Ah." He nodded slowly, cutting his steak. "I can understand that."
"Well, so can I but it's like she's not even trying to understand me. Or us. She acts like we're just… like everyone else. And we're not."
"You do realize everyone thinks that, right? That they're not 'like' everyone else?"
"So?"
"So people do stuff like this all the time and the relationship fail and things get messy. You're mom's probably seen that kind of thing. She's concerned."
"Ugh. Stop being so sympathetic toward her," I groaned, spearing some salad on to my fork. "I hate being weird with her, like we're in a fight or something. It feels wrong."
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Edward asked, his eyebrows drawn together. "If you're having second thoughts, just say it."
"I'm not. And I would tell you if I was," I reassured him, squeezing his hand briefly.
On Monday asked Mr. Uley if I could leave an hour early.
Carlisle had set us up with his realtor – despite Edward's insistence that we'd be fine on our own –and we were to meet with her around four fifteen.
It all felt very surreal, looking for an actual house to live in with Edward. Mrs. Denali took us to see small homes as well as condos. I sort of fell in love with a two bedroom right on the beach but when I heard the price I shook the thought right from my heard. Still, the large, lovely windows called to me, especially the ones in the living room. I could see the Pacific from where I stood.
"You like this one?" Edward asked in a low voice as Mrs. Denali took a call.
Trying to keep casual, I shrugged. "It's nice. But we have other places to see first. Cheaper places."
He rolled his eyes. "Don't start Bella. We both like this place, obviously."
"Yeah, but – "
"But nothing."
And that's how we ended up choosing the condo near the beach.
early p.m posting b/c i'm being dragged... i mean taken along to... the inlaws for a fam dinner. don't get me wrong, i get along really well with them, but it's a weeknight and i'm pregnant and i'd rather be home warming my chair by the window like the lazy lump i've become.
...yeah.