A fanfic by Rainy Days
All rights reserved by Clamp
Chapter Six
Kara lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. Yes she now had the love of a man named Eric, but she couldn't help feeling slightly guilty. She had promised never to love another but him…though she didn't think he had kept his promise either which many times put her mind to rest at ease. She could have gone home with Eric that night. She wouldn't have had to be alone in her hotel like she was. If you had asked her which she preferred; sharing a room with a guy or being by herself, she would have told you being by herself was better. But now she wanted the company of someone else. She had given up her drinking ways despite the hardness of it all. She was going to be prosperous and she was going to finish this movie a sober women. She tossed around a bit more until she fell into a light slumber. She only had 5 hours till she was ready for shooting again and she needed all the sleep she could get.
Five hours came and went by fast as she slept and she quickly got up and walked down to the set. She had her cup of coffee in hand and everything went routinely. Kara handed her coffee over to Maria who tested it for alcohol and when she found it contained nothing she gave it back.
"Get any sleep last night?" asked Maria.
"A bit," said Kara sipping her coffee.
"All ready for filming?" asked Eric coming up alongside Kara and giving her a kiss.
"Yup," said Sakura yawning.
"Then let's get ready," said Eric going to his dressing room.
In 30 minutes to an hour they were all on set and ready to resume filming.
"Lights, camera, action," said Jeremy.
Jennifer played around with the locket around her neck. She had never taken it off since she had got it that day. She didn't even know why she kept it. It's not like it meant anything anymore to her. J+A4ever. She scoffed. He thought he could just come back and pick up things. He was sadly mistaken.
Jennifer paced her apartment. She was worried about seeing him again. She didn't want him, she didn't need him. Why should she keep her promise? He hadn't. He'd pulled a disappearing act. Now he had to pay the consequences.
"Get your self together Jenn," said Jennifer to herself. She still had a good two hours before work and she could not for the life of her, calm herself down.
She looked out the window. Her apartment overlooked a small street filled with shops. As she looked upon the road she saw Aaron walking down it. She quickly ducked down hoping he hadn't seen her. The last thing she wanted was to have him see her.
When she was sure he had gone she stood up and looked out the window. She sighed in relief and decided the only way for her calm herself down was to take a walk. She'd walk down the street to docks and just look out across the water. That always cleared her mind in the past. Who's to say it wouldn't work this time?
She got on her jacket and shoes and left her apartment. She walked down a flight of stairs and down and out of the doors. Walking made her feel much better and upon the arrival of the docks, her worries and cares had floated away. She looked out over the water. It gave her a sense of well being.
"Letting your thoughts float away over the ocean?" said a familiar voice.
"Why can't you leave me alone Aaron?" she said calmly.
"I still love you whether you believe it or not," said Aaron standing beside her.
"Let's say for one minute that I do believe you," said Jennifer, "do you honestly expect me to drop my boyfriend and be with you?"
Aaron stuttered a bit.
"That's what I thought," said Jennifer sighing, "you don't know what you want and I know right now I'm content being with Alex."
"I know I want you," said Aaron.
Jennifer turned to Aaron, "please, just please leave me in peace."
"Fine, but can we be friends? At the very least?" asked Aaron.
"Fine," said Jennifer, "I'll be your friend, but don't try and get together with me cause you'll only push me away."
"It's a deal then," said Aaron putting out his hand to shake hers.
"A deal," said Jennifer shaking his hand.
"Cut!" said Jeremy, "Great scene."
"One scene down only a million and one till the next," said Kara.
"You don't look well," said Maria handing her another coffee.
"I don't feel well. I'm sick of this life. I'm sick of all of it. My life is no longer my own. I don't want to finish this movie. I want to go back to a normal life. Living far away from here. In my home town," said Kara sitting down in her chair.
"You know you can't go back to that life. Everyone knows who you are by now. They know you face. Millions of people know more about you than you could ever imagine," said Maria.
"I know, but wishing helps my self-conscious and I need all the help I can right now," said Kara.
"I know it's hard for you not to drink, but this is for your own good," said Maria.
"Yeah well, it'd be ten times easier if I didn't have the stresses of this stupid movie," said Kara walking to her dressing room.
"Go get dressed for you scene. That faster you do this, the faster you can finish this movie," said Maria.
"Fine," said Kara walking into her dressing room.
Yet another 30 minutes passed and she came out all ready for the next scene.
"You know the drill. Action!" yelled Jeremy.
Jennifer stood at the bar patiently. Tonight she was playing bartender, which she didn't mind. Some of the people that came in for a drink wanted to talk and a lot of them had some interesting stories to tell. However there was always the dumb one that came in just to get plastered and rambled on and on about absolutely nothing until they were kicked out for being too rowdy.
"You look bored," said Alex coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Just a bit," said Jennifer smiling at him, "tell me how much you love me."
"What?" said Alex.
"Just tell me why you love me," said Jennifer looking in his eyes.
"I love you for everything that you are. For the strong women who can face any obstacle that comes in her way and for being my light from the darkness," said Alex kissing her on the cheek.
"Thanks. I needed that," said Jennifer, "now you better go to work before your dad comes back and gives you heck."
"I'll see you tonight at my place right?" said Alex.
"Yeah, I'll be there after work for sure," said Jennifer, "Oh wait. I'm sorry, I forgot I have plans already."
"What?" said Alex, "What are you doing?"
"I have plans with Aaron," said Jennifer as she reached to get a glass to pour a beer for one of her customers.
"You are not going out with him," said Alex looking like a little kid pouting
"No worries Hun. It's just a friendly thing," said Jennifer passing down the beer.
"Fine," said Alex through gritted teeth.
"You look cute when you're jealous," said Jennifer giggling to herself.
Alex grunted and went back off to the kitchen where he had been working before.
Jennifer sighed. Alex got off in 30 minutes and she had another two hours before her shift ended and she was to go meet Aaron at the docks.
The two hours passed quickly with only one fight occurring between too unbelievably plastered fellows, of whom were immediately kicked out by a furious Mr. Finnigan. Jennifer walked in silence down the street admiring the few stars in the sky that could be seen in the patches of sky not covered by clouds. A fog was setting in down by the docks giving the water an eerie, but soothing look.
"You're punctual as always," said Aaron coming up along side her.
"I hate to be late, you know that," said Jennifer, "so what did you have planned?"
"I'm not sure. I really don't know this area very well," said Aaron.
"I know this spot where you can see the whole town. It's a bit of a climb, but it's worth it," said Jennifer looking up at Aaron.
"Sounds great, lead the way if you please," said Aaron.
Jennifer led them around the back of a store and up a small hill until they go to a bush that they climbed through and found a stoney ridge. They stood atop of it and looking down to the town below. They could see the lights of the stores and the occasional light that turned out as closing hours approached.
"Wow, it's amazing up here," said Aaron, "How did you find it?"
"Alex took me up here once. Ever since then I always came up here to help clear my mind. Or at least when I felt like making the climb up here," said Jennifer sitting down cross-legged near the edge.
Aaron came down and sat beside her. "How many times do you come up here a week?"
"Three or four times," answered Jennifer, "I have a lot on my mind."
"I am I a worry on your mind?" asked Aaron looking at her.
"I can't say that you aren't," said Jennifer.
"I am sorry," said Aaron, "Maybe I should just go back. Or maybe I'll go to Malaysia. I have relatives living there."
"Leave? You'll leave again?" said Jennifer. She didn't want him here, but she didn't want him to go again. She didn't know what she wanted.
"You'd rather I stayed?" said Aaron.
"Yeah," said Jennifer before she could stop the word from coming out.
"What's here for me?" asked Aaron, "my only reason to stay is my greatest reason to leave."
"Am I that reason?" asked Jennifer looking away.
"Without a cause, I see no reason to stay. All I am is a burden on your mind," said Aaron.
"Life's a show," said Jennifer softly.
"What?" said Aaron.
"It's a song I heard once. It was just how life was a show and everyone was just playing a part. Sometime I believe it's true," said Jennifer, "Maybe I'm nothing but a good actress fooling everyone, including myself."
"You're not an actress. You have always been true to yourself, depending on your heart to lead you. I believe that one day you'll realize that again and you and Alex will be very happy together," said Alex.
"You were once so hell bent against him. Why the sudden change?" asked Jennifer looking at him. She wanted to cry, but she wasn't about to let herself.
"You seem happy with him. That's all I ever wanted for you was to be happy. I'm willing to give you up for your happiness. I cannot be selfish after leaving you for so long," said Aaron, "I'll leave you now."
Aaron got up to leave, but Jennifer grabbed the bottom of his jacket.
"Don't leave me," said Jennifer, tears welling in her eyes, "I don't think I could bear to lose you again."
"Give me one good reason to stay," said Aaron.
Jennifer stood up, "I have one good reason and it's all I got."
Jennifer leaned into Aaron and kissed him on the lips passionately.
"Please don't leave me," sobbed Jennifer as she broke off the kiss.
"I knew it," said a voice emerging from the bushes.
"Aaron," whispered Jennifer.
"I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE COMING UP HERE TO BE WITH HIM!" said Aaron, "I loved you Jenn, more than anything and you have hurt me beyond belief."
"I can explain," said Jennifer moving towards Aaron.
"No, I don't want your excuses!" said Aaron.
"I'm gone. This is too much. Call me Jenn when you know what you want," said Alex.
"So you're just going to leave her now," said Aaron, "some love you have."
"I have enough love to leave her alone when this is her problem. She can solve it herself. Maybe you ought to try not yelling," said Alex as he disappeared through the bush and down the trail.
"Just go," said Jennifer turning around to face the city, "I know you don't want to be here either."
"I love you Jenn, but I'll be damned if I'll be played by you," said Aaron.
"Maybe that's who I am," said Jennifer, "a heartless player."
"You know what, screw you Jenn, and damn you to hell," said Aaron.
"This is hell. Earth is hell," said Jennifer wiping the tears from her eyes.
Aaron murmured something under his breath and left down the trail.
Jennifer just sat there looking over the city. She didn't know what she wanted. She'd admit now that she loved Alex, but she loved Aaron too. What she did know was that she wasn't ready to give up either one. But now, neither one even wanted her. Aaron was mad because of the kiss and Alex, well who could blame him if he didn't want to be with her. He wanted a straight answer and that was something she couldn't give him.
She stood up and stood on the edge of the cliff carefully looking over the city in front of her and the jagged rocks below her. She could jump. It'd solve the problem. She wouldn't have to make the decision and besides, neither guy would likely care at this point.
She looked back over the city.
"You're awfully close to edge aren't you?" said a familiar voice.
Jennifer turned around quickly to see Alex's face. But in turn she had lost her footing and she started to fall backwards. She screamed as she felt nothing under her feet and felt gravity pull her towards to rocks below. Alex grabbed her arm and she screamed as she just hung there. Alex lowered his other hand to pull her upwards to safety.
Jennifer shook in his arms, terrified from the ordeal that could have claimed her life.
"You're safe now," said Alex kissing her forehead, "I've got you. I'll never let you go."
Jennifer started to cry again.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt either of you. I swear, please forgive me, please forgive me," sobbed Jennifer.
"It's alright Jenn. I forgive you, but I need an answer," said Alex.
"I choose you. Just never leave me again," said Jennifer through her tears.
"I promise," said Alex holding her tightly in his arms.
"Cut!" said Jeremy, "lovely scene. Heart wrenching, it really was."
"I'm sick of working," said Kara, "after this movie, I'm giving up it all."
"You're kidding," said Eric sipping water from his bottle.
"Nah," said Kara, "what do I need to do another film for? I'm rich. Besides maybe I'll go into rehab."
"But you're doing so great here," said Eric putting his arm around her.
"I'd like to think so," said Kara, "but I need to get away from this lifestyle for awhile."
"Away from me?" said Eric.
"Maybe," said Kara looking away.
"You can't leave," said Eric.
"And why not?" said Kara.
"I swear to you Kara, I've found the one and only one for me. I couldn't let you go now that I've finally found you," said Eric.
"Why," said Kara, "why do you love me?"
"Because," said Eric, "before I met you, I didn't know what love could be and if you left, I'd be lost again."
"So you depend on me for your sanity," said Kara, "I see."
"That's not what I meant," said Eric.
"Oh well, no matter," said Kara turning away, "I probably won't leave for awhile. After all we have until the movie ends right."
"Why are you acting like this? All of the sudden you've turned cold and heartless," said Eric resting his hand on her shoulder.
"Well maybe that's who I am. Or at least maybe it's who I was meant to be," said Kara pushing his hand off.
"Dammit Sakura," said Eric running his hands through his hair in frusteration.
"What did you call me?" asked Kara.
"What?" said Eric looking at her.
"Did you just call me Sakura?" asked Kara.
"Did I?" asked Eric, "Anyways, what if I did. It doesn't matter."
"No wait, it does. If you're calling out her name and calling me her, then it must matter. Who was she? Who is she?" asked Kara frantically.
"Who is she? I don't know anymore. Who was she? She was my girlfriend back when I was younger. I had to leave her, but I never came back," said Eric, "but what does that matter? I'm with you now and I love you Kara."
"Love me. I bet you made her a promise. A promise you'd return and you never did. I hate you. She must have gone through hell. Goodbye Eric," said Kara as she ran off.
"Kara! What's wrong? Come back!" yelled Eric chasing after her. But as he went to run after her Gregory grabbed his arm.
"Leave her alone," said Gregory.
"Why? I have to go after her. I don't know what's wrong," said Eric.
"You told the truth, that's what's wrong," said Gregory.
"What are you talking about Greg?" asked Eric.
"Dammit, just call me by my real name," said Gregory.
"Fine, Eriol, what are you talking about?" asked Eric.
"I'm talking about what you just said to Kara," said Eriol, "I'm talking about you calling her Sakura. That's what I'm talking about."
"I realize calling my current girlfriend, by the name of my ex is not a good idea, but why is it affecting her so?" asked Eric.
"You still haven't figured it out yet have you?" said Eriol shaking his head.
"Figured out what?" asked Maria coming up along side them.
"Nothing Maria," said Eric.
"You know, you can call me by my actual name when no one else is around," said Maria.
"Fine Tomoyo. Nothing is going on," said Eric rubbing his temples.
"Actually, our little wolf here still hasn't figured it out yet," said Eriol.
"Figured out what?" said Eric with annoyance in his voice, "I don't get it. What am I supposed to know?"
"You know, you are not as smart as you think you are," said Tomoyo standing beside Eriol.
"What first attracted you to Kara in the first place?" asked Eriol.
"Well I guess it was her personality, provided she was sober. She was sweet and cute and so much like…" said Eric.
"So much like who?" asked Tomoyo.
"Sakura," said Eric, "she reminded me of her, except Kara was sad. There was sadness in her heart, like it had been broken. Like the love of her life left her."
"He's not a complete idiot," said Eriol turning to Tomoyo.
"What am I supposed to know?" asked Eric, "please just tell me, these mind games are hazardous to me."
"Syaoran, you weren't wrong when you called Kara, Sakura," said Eriol, "you do the rest."
"What?" said Syaoran looking up at him.
"Put two and two together wolf boy," said Tomoyo.
"Kara is Sakura. Sakura is Kara," said Eric to himself.
"He can be taught!" said Eriol.
"Oh my gosh," said Syaoran, "she thinks I forgot out promise."
"As you thought she had forgotten hers. Her mind has been heavy while she was loving 'Eric' she loved him, and yet she never forgot the wolf that stole her hear all those years behind and no matter what, she felt guilty about breaking a promise," said Eriol.
"And from what I said, she thinks I have forgotten our promise. I didn't forget, but I couldn't find her. I searched throughout the world and I never could find her. After awhile I just gave up," said Syaoran.
"You should go find her," said Tomoyo.
"She'll hate me forever, but I gotta try," said Syaoran running off.
"What at least he's not a complete idiot right?" said Eriol.
"Right, but I'm glad I got the good one," said Tomoyo kissing him softly on the lips.
"Sakura got a good one too when he uses his head. It's just trying to get him to use it. That's all," said Eriol.
"Let's go home," said Tomoyo, "please, I'd like to get away from this. I have no more scenes' that'll be done today. So please, please lemme go. Let us go."
"Anything for you my sweet," said Eriol.
"Eriol, Gregory. How the show business tends to change out names, but not our hearts," said Tomoyo.
"I couldn't agree more," said Eriol as he and Tomoyo walked off the set and walked down the street.
Meanwhile, Syaoran was searching frantically for Sakura on set. He couldn't find her anywhere. He searched his trailer and her trailer, almost every trailer in fact. He asked everyone around and was sent off in all sorts of directions, until someone said they had seen her run off the set and down the streets of the town. He ran down the street and up to her hotel room where he found her passed out with a bottle of vodka.
"Oh Sakura," said Syaoran picking up Sakura and bringing her to the bathroom. He put her head over the toilet just in time because she started to throw up violently.
Syaoran turned a bit as not to have to see her throw up and waited patiently till she was finished.
Sakura gasped for breath and managed to yell, "Leave" before she turned back to the toilet to throw up some more.
"I'm not leaving you like this," said Syaoran.
Sakura spat in the toilet and got up to her feet woozily.
"Who are you to tell me what to do? You broke your promise," said Sakura.
"I did not," said Syaoran, "I searched the world for you and couldn't find you no matter how hard I tried."
"You should have come back sooner. I was still Sakura Kinomoto for a good four years, at least," said Sakura leaning on the bathroom counter for support.
"I couldn't come back then. You know that. I had extensive training to do," said Syaoran.
"Extensive training that you gave up anyways for an acting career. I've heard you're the name Eric for years now. I saw your first movie and then got into acting myself," said Sakura.
"And I hear about Miss Kara for years, wishing I could work with her because she was such a talented actress. I guess 'Kara' was hiding more than just her alcohol problem," said Syaoran.
"A problem she wouldn't have had if you'd come back," said Sakura.
"What are you talking about?" said Syaoran.
"Kara drank to get away from her pain. Crying stopped working and it hurt far too much. Drinking cured that. Not to mention the drugs I took in my teens. I gave those up when I started acting, but I kept my alcohol. I needed something to keep me away from the world I tried so desperately to leave behind," said Sakura rubbing her head.
"I had no idea," said Sakura.
"Damn straight you had no idea. Not a phone call, not a letter. I'd have settled for any sign that you still cared for me at all, but nothing," said Sakura, "so I beg you, please leave me. I went out on the line loving Eric, but when you were him all along and you couldn't even tell. I don't want to talk to you."
"You couldn't tell either. At least I knew why I loved you," said Syaoran picking his jacket up off her bed.
"And why was that?" asked Sakura trying to walk to the frame of the bathroom door.
"It was because everytime I saw Kara, I saw you. I saw Sakura and although I could never prove that you two were one in the same. I loved her because I felt like she was the girl I left behind. I was wrong. Sakura was strong. Sakura didn't drink to solve her problems. But Kara did and I guess that's who you really are," said Syaoran as he went to leave the door.
"Sakura died," said Sakura falling on her knees, not being able to quite support her weight, "she died the day you left. Someone had to take over."
"Sakura's not dead. She's right in front of me, but she's definitely not the same girl," said Syaoran closing the door behind him.
Sakura stood up and stumbled over to her bed. She grabbed one of the pillows and screamed into it.
"Idiot, idiot, idiot!" she said as she pounded on her head, "you finally find him and now you let yourself get so mad that you can't even be with him. What's your problem?"
She looked at the window. She could see Syaoran walking down the street. She leaned against the window and watched as he stormed angrily down the street.
"Syaoran," she said, tears forming in her emerald green eyes, "why can't I just love you?"
Author's note: A few more chapters till this finished. I'll try and write some more. But I can't make any promises. It's summer holidays here right now. So here's hoping right? Sorry if it's corny :S
Rainy Days