Chapter 4

There was nothing to do at my house with my mom still at work. I watched a little TV, but turned it off soon after turning it on, realizing that the only thing that would be on in the early afternoon on a weekday was soap operas.

I tried to see if there was anything that needed done around the house. This would be my only time to do it seeing as my mother apparently wasn't going to let me help when she was here insisting that I didn't have to act like kin, but a guest. I came up shorthanded finding the kitchen recently mopped, the carpets recently vaccumed, the windows recently washed, the toilets recently scrubbed, the dishes recently washed, and virtually no clothes in the laundry basket. It was nothing I shouldn't have expected. My mom is a neat freak.

There was nothing productive for me to do, so I went back to my old room. I tried to take a nap, but I found myself unable to. So I did what I always did when I couldn't sleep; think.

Being back in this house only allowed me to think of one thing, and that was all the good times we'd had here as a family before Dad's accident. I kept a picture of my dad on my dresser. I was sitting in his lap as he held on to me and swang us back and forth on the swingset.

I missed my dad.

My mom got off of work at a little after 3:00, but she didn't make it home until nearly 4:00. She's a substitute teacher. She'll sub for anyone in the county which is why it took her so long to get home from work. Usually she's back by 3:30. The school she mainly is asked to sub for is right in our own town. She doesn't have to travel out of town too often which is good.

I helped her cook dinner, which wasn't anything fancy, just spaghetti and garlic bread. I set the table, she served the food, then we both sat down to say grace. My mother said the prayer. "God, we thank you for this meal and for the roof over our heads which is why I pray to you that we don't lose it. We also hope you accept the souls of our dearly departed and take them under your wing and into your kingdom. Amen." She made the sign of the cross.

"Amen." My Amen was a little late and my voice unsure.

I had been hungry before, but now I was a little worried. "Mom?"

She looked up from her place. She was slurping noodles into her mouth from her fork.

"What did you mean by you hope we don't lose the house?"

She sighed. "I've been meaning to talk to you." I was starting to become concerned at this point. "Can we wait until after dinner? I wouldn't want the food to get cold."

She couldn't really be losing the house, could she? She's got a job. Maybe it's not the most profitable one, but she's still bringing in money. Unless she's about to get laid off. She could find another job though, and there's Dad's life insurance money. She could dip into that while she looks for another job. Even if that runs out we could use Nana's life insurance money. I convinced myself that this wasn't going to be as serious as she was making it sound.

We ate anotehr quiet dinner, both of us absorbed in our own thoughts. I hadn't been able to finish my portion of spaghetti. Nervousness filled my stomach. There was no room for food.

My mother led me into the living room for our discussion. Before she washed the dishes. Mom always washes the dishes right after dinner. I sat on the couch, and she sat opposite me on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. She was lurched forward, her hands almost in a praying position resting on the bridge of her nose, her thumbs tucked under her chin. She stared off into space as if thinking of exactly how to tell me what she was planning to tell me. We sat like this for a minute. The only audible sounds being the chime of the grandfather clock, and my heartbeat thump-thump-thumping in my ears. Was she ever going to speak? I couldn't stand this empty silence. I could feel tiny beads of sweat form on my forehead beneath my bangs. My nerves got the best of me. "Did you lose your job?"

She glanced over at me startled from her thoughts. She brought her hands back into her lap and relaxed into her chair. "No."

"No?"

"No."

I breathed out a sigh of relief, my body visably relaxing.

"But I'm broke."

I tensed up again. "How are you broke if you've still got your job?"

"I'm a teacher, Lenka, and a substitute one at that. I've never made much money. Your father was the main bread winner. Ever since he died my savings have been getting smaller and smaller."

"What about his life insurance?"

"His insurance was almost nothing. Only a few thousand dollars."

"And Nana's?"

"Not all of her money went to us."

"So you're really going to lose the house?" The realization finally set in.

"Looks like it." Her voice was void of all emotion.

How could she sit there stoic and calm? She was going to lose her house. The roof above her head. I couldn't let this happen.