Here's the next bit. In a way I like how this turned out but at the same time I think it could be better. idk.
Weeks had passed since the awful event of Courtney's attempted suicide until she was finally released from the watchful eye of the doctors.
They'd kept her long after the allotted time they'd told her mother of due to all the prominent signs of someone who had every intention of ending their own life at any given moment. They'd also made sure to never let her alone because of this. There was always someone watching, even if she didn't know it.
There was no privacy.
She was smart enough to realize this though since she never tried to hurt herself again. That and she was always looking around the room and over her shoulder when she walked around or drifted into sleep. This played a factor into how fast she was let go, meaning she was kept longer then usual. She was a serious case, the worst this hospital had came across in all its years.
Now she was ready to go back to school, an interactive environment. At least that's what her doctors and psych ward nurses told her mother. It was hard to completely believe, especially when you considered the sideways glances they did when delivering this message, but her mother was too thrilled to have her daughter back to notice or care. Still, her ignorance toward them didn't mean she was fully sure of her daughter's stability.
She was always checking on her, barely allowing her out albeit for school. And, deep down, there was the ever present fear that her daughter still wasn't really the daughter she'd known before, nor would she ever be.
So as she parted ways with her baby for the first time she was as jittery as ever. She was sweating immensely, stuttering as well when she spoke, "A-Are you sure you'll be a-alright?" She muttered, wringing her hands.
Courtney rolled her eyes in irritation. She hated how this whole mess had changed her mother. Now she was far worse then she could ever have been before. More so she was thoroughly displeased to be back in civilization in general. Despite the lack of privacy, she much preferred the safety of the hospital to the harshness that was her reality. If only she'd looked at the stupid text! Then she'd known better then to do this!
She mentally slapped herself. She would have held off until a little later time to insure that she went undisturbed. If only…
"Mom!" She snapped. "You heard the doctors. I'm fine." She grabbed her books sitting next to her in the back seat of the car, gripping the handle of the car door and threw it open. "Really." She said through clenched teeth, knowing all the while it was the biggest fattest lie that had ever passed her brown tinted lips.
"B-But…" her mother trailed off, frowning deeply and lowered her gaze to the ground.
Courtney sighed heavily, walking forward to the front seat and opened the door to lean far over towards her mother. "Relax," she said in a false sweet tone, kissing her mother on the cheek like she used to when she was a kid. "I promise nothing will go wrong." Even as she said it, images of the worst possible scenarios were shooting through Courtney's head, making her cringe despite herself. "Okay?" she pulled back out as she flashed her mother a brilliant smile. She was sure if her mother wasn't so desperate to find a shred of hope to cling on to, she would have seen the truth beneath this mask. Courtney was scared shitless, just like her, and she wasn't better. She was so far from it.
Her mother forced a half smile. "Alright." A pause. "Just…don't get hurt," she whispered, waving halfheartedly as her daughter pulled away from her and headed off to school.
She wanted to say more than just that though, so very much. She wanted to say "just don't kill yourself", only stopping when she realized how awkward it would be. Even the way she'd worded it now hadn't felt quite right considering the circumstances. And her daughter thought the same for as she pulled back, even though she tried to hide it from her, she saw her eyes widen and her smile falter. Her mother was sorry too. But like many things, you never got the chance to change your answer.
Courtney walked briskly away from the car, swallowing hard to keep down the feelings her mother had practically dragged out from her stomach with nothing more than her bare hands. It was definitely a struggle. Her mouth refused to stay in an upward arc much like her eyes wouldn't shine as she'd fought so hard over the weeks to teach them to.
She hated it. It was much like the feelings she had when she'd killed herself, only that hate had been toward her existence and him. She even thought of trying it again, despite all she'd been through and all she'd been told.
You know what will happen to you if you do this again, right? The doctor had said in his stone cold voice with his arms crossed near the time she was released. You won't be so lucky as you were this time. She'd perked at this, thinking for an instant he meant she'd surely die. But no, this was not what he meant. He made this clear. No. You won't die. Her face fell. You'll be carted off to an insane asylum m'dear. Courtney shivered at the thought, but…she would be safe.
As this thought entered her mind she made an abrupt stop, hitting something head on. Or, to be more specific, someone.
"What the hell!" They snapped, eyes burning as they turned around to face her. Only upon realization of who they had run into did the fury die fast. Their eyes widened greatly, mouth falling shut immediately.
"I…um…sorry. My bad." He rubbed the back of his head nervously, offering a fake half smile.
"Yeah." They muttered it all too fast, zipping off as soon as they could.
Courtney blinked a couple of times after them. What was that? He was acting like she was some kind of deadly disease or something. Sure the town was rather small and news traveled pretty damn fast, but still…why was he so scared? Suicidal people weren't the same as murderers. It wasn't like she was going to kill anyone else when she decided she was ready to die!
Courtney snorted. "Asshole," she breathed, stomping on toward her designated class.
If the event that just transpired wasn't bad enough, she then saw that everyone else held about the same opinion. As she entered the room she was greeted by nervous looks and side glances when they thought she wasn't paying attention. Even worse, when she caught someone's eye they would jump as if they'd seen a ghost and turn to face the exact opposite direction.
It was the worst thing she'd had to endure aside from the whole surviving the damn suicide bit, and honestly, it was pissing her off greatly. It took all she had to keep herself from really giving those morons something to be scared of and biting their heads off. And it only got worse.
In second period, they not only ignored her, but they whispered in each others' ears about her, or at least that's what she guessed they were speaking of. What else was there to whisper about anyway? Her theory was further proved when she noticed how the voices froze mid-sentence whenever she glared heatedly at them. If it wasn't about her, there'd be no reason whatsoever for them to stop so suddenly and they would have been telling her of the secret if she wasn't the secret. And not once did someone dare turn her way to whisper in her ear. She was furious.
Third and fourth period went much like the first two combined, only at this point, she no longer had the energy to put up a mean front. Now all she could manage was to look over sadly at them all.
All these idiots' actions were finally wearing her down, but next was lunch and she hoped to dear God that this would be her chance to escape. Although, deep down, she knew this was more of a dream than anything else. These people, these monsters, they would never stop, not for a long time. It mattered not where she went. They'd follow.
However, as desperate as she was to reach the lunchroom in hopes of getting away from all their tentative gazes, as the bell rang, she found herself immobile. She couldn't move no matter how hard she tried. She simply allowed the crowd to file out of the class into the hall and head toward lunch as she stared after them. And she remained as such until a voice penetrated her mind.
"Are you going?" The cool voice of her teacher said.
Courtney barely reacted, only moving to turn her head ever so slightly so that she might see the face of the teacher.
"You can't really stay here you know," he paused, swallowing hard. "I kinda have to lock the door and go too."
Courtney refrained from speaking, pressing her lips hard against each other so that she didn't scream. Besides, she didn't really want to talk to him about this, about anything at all really. She preferred to not say a word to anyone in this building. They didn't deserve her attention.
He sighed. "Look…I know this must be hard…going back to school after all you've been through. That's not even accounting for the event in and of itself."
She flinched slightly, otherwise keeping her same position.
"But you can't be this way. You have to function. Like…like it never happened." He himself cringed at the notion. He knew it was a ludicrous idea. No normal person could follow this advice really. It wasn't as easy as counting to three or reciting your abc's. They were talking about ignoring the strange looks and hurried whispers telling all of her suicide. "Like you didn't try to kill yourself."
She grit her teeth unnoticeably. She hated hearing her actions spoken aloud. It was one thing for her to do it, but another thing entirely to listen to him, or anyone else for that matter, talk about it.
He rubbed his neck nervously. "You can't let this ruin your life." He froze, realizing that something else had obviously been ruining her life to start with, considering it was bad enough for her to take her life. "I did it once," he admitted. "And the consequences haunted me for years. But I got through it, and so will you."
He placed a hand on her shoulder. She stared down at his hand, shivering involuntarily at the contact.
He nodded slowly, barely believing in his own words. "Believe that." He hated his hypocrisy as he took his hand back and let it fall to his side. "Now…go. You need to eat."
For a moment she continued to stay rooted to her place behind her desk. Only as the teacher turned to walk away did she finally regain control of her limbs. She slowly walked out of the room to the all too familiar lunchroom to meet her fate. And, like with most fates, she feared it greatly.
She froze momentarily when she reached the entrance, eyes widening at the large amount of students inhabiting the area. Why was it that she didn't remember such a large amount of people the last time she was here? Had her suicide made her forget? Or was she simply naïve?
"Courtney!" she heard a voice call to her. It was Bridgette, and she was waving.
Courtney looked lazily over to her, seeing a smile plastered across her face as she quickly approached. But it was a fake look of bliss. Courtney easily saw that deep down she was as uneasy and scared as anyone else. She was merely a better actor.
Bridgette grabbed on to her friends wrist as she drew within arm length. "Hey!" she cried, mouth twitching as she struggled to keep her smile. "Come on! I saved you a seat!" she then started dragging her.
Courtney really didn't want to go, but more so she didn't want to argue. In fact, she was perfectly content with not opening her mouth at all. For any questions asked, she'd either nod or shake her head. That or she would just not answer. She didn't care whether they liked it or not. She refused to talk to any one of them.
"See?" Bridgette chirped, turning her head back to see Courtney.
Courtney nodded slightly, eyes dull.
Bridgette seated her friend carefully, making sure not to use too much force in case it would set her off somehow.. "There are a few others over here, but…" she trailed off, catching Courtney's wide eyed look that held fear in every inch.
Courtney swallowed hard, seeing the smug smile resting on the face of her executioner.
It was her wretched boyfriend.
Of course. Of all people, he would be sitting here. She was muter than before now. Not a word…not a one…maybe he'll go away…not see her.
Bridgette couldn't hold the false smile any longer. She frowned deeply. "Courtney? Are you okay?" She tilted her head to the side as she searched her friend's terrified expression.
Courtney remained silent as she stared into his eyes, his sinister eyes that she'd come to loathe so much in the past few months. And yet…she still loved them so.
Bridgette sat down beside her, staring intensely at her, trying her hardest to see into her heart and mind past the haze that guarded her thoughts, her inner most feelings, and her darkest secrets. "Courtney," she said again, tone more urgent. "Do you want to sit here?"
Courtney was determined not to speak, she couldn't let anything spill from her lips in case it might incriminate her or give him, or Bridgette even, something to use against her. She already had so much going on. So much that any person could snatch up and mock her with, whispering dark secrets in others' ears too. And luckily, she didn't have to be an ass about it.
Gwen stomped into the cafeteria, mouth set in a flat line and eyes burning. She saw Courtney at the nearest table and...him. Gwen started. Maybe Courtney would appreciate this more than Gwen thought.
"Get up!" She ordered, yanking Courtney up without giving her a chance to choose whether to comply or not. She didn't get a choice this time around. "Now move it!" She started to drag Courtney toward the exit.
Courtney whined lightly toward Bridgette, eyes saddening to a greater degree to emphasize the point. She wanted to be saved because the next conversation would quite possibly be worse than being so close to her boyfriend.
Bridgette made a face, tentatively raising up to follow the pair. "Gwen," she murmured with confusion. "What are you-"
"Bridgette!" She growled harshly.
Bridgette jumped, freezing in her tracks, eyes wide.
Gwen frowned, sighing softly. "Look…this is between me and her. I'm not gonna do anything to her, you know that. I just have to talk to her alone for a minute." She paused, taking a tighter grip on Courtney's wrist as she tried to pull away back to Bridgette and the safety of her cheery demeanor. ""We'll be right back," she added after a moment, offering a fake half smile.
Bridgette saw the sincerity in her words, but she also sensed the lie in her expression. She narrowed her eyes a bit, a rare occurrence for one so happy and carefree. Still, she did not object. She trusted Gwen, maybe even more than she trusted Courtney. And besides, Gwen and Courtney had become unusually close earlier on. She didn't know why, but neither wanted the other to hurt. So she let them go, shrugging slightly as she reseated herself.
Courtney whimpered miserably, gaze stuck on Bridgette and her slowly disappearing figure until she was finally dragged right around the corner and was fully alone with her friend.
Gwen pushed Courtney a bit harshly back against the lockers, her false look of cheer vanishing in an instant to be replaced by one of ferocity and annoyance. "What is wrong with you?" Venom seeped from Gwen's words.
Courtney started despite the fact she knew exactly what this was going to be about all along. There was no other reason Gwen would want to talk alone with her. Anything else besides this would be easily discussable in the presence of others. But not this, this one sensitive subject.
"Courtney!" She said sharply. "Don't act like you can't hear me."
Courtney lowered her eyes and her head in unison, not liking Gwen's aggressive nature. And as such she continued to remain silent. She'd told herself she wouldn't talk to anyone here, not even someone so close to her as Gwen. So she merely shook her head in the negative, the action not really making sense as a response.
"No?" she said incredulously. "No what?"
Courtney shrugged, lips pressed tightly together.
Gwen sighed irritably. "Stop it!" she snapped. "Stop acting like what you did has made you mute or something ridiculous like that." Gwen shook her head. "It's stupid and pointless. I know you can talk."
Courtney shook her head unconvincingly, frowning deeply.
Gwen emitted a low growl. "Don't give me that! You didn't cut your throat! You overdosed! Nothing more and nothing less."
Courtney cringed, hating the mention of what she did. Although this reaction wasn't because she regretted the act in and of itself. It was simply that she hated still being alive. She miscalculated Duncan coming by, Gwen having asked him to.
Gwen took a deep breath, loosening her grip on Courtney's arms ever so slightly.
Courtney eyed Gwen's loosened hands carefully. She thought of running back to the cafeteria in a blink of an eye and leaving Gwen standing. This was what she wanted, to escape this scene. Confrontation was the last thing that she needed right now in her weak state of mind.
"And you hurt a lot of people." Gwen said in a softer tone, lowering her gaze to the ground like Courtney. "You hurt me…"
Courtney grimaced. She knew this was what would be the ultimate outcome of this. Gwen was reminding her that she couldn't do this ever again because it wouldn't be fair.
Gwen stifled a whine, preparing herself to say what she wished she didn't have to. "You shouldn't be so selfish!" She snapped, jerking her gaze back up towards Courtney. "Just because you were ready to end it all doesn't mean I was!" Despite her angry front, her voice wavered noticeably from the terror of what her friend had intended to do.
Courtney tucked her head down some like a turtle would have when faced with imminent danger.
Gwen let go of Courtney completely to turn away from her and hide her slowly breaking mask on her face from Courtney. "I know things aren't picture perfect for you! But they aren't for me either!" Her voice grew sharp as she went on. "That's why we have each other! Don't you get that!" She swirled and threw her hands in the air from exasperation before clutching her aching head tenderly.
Courtney swallowed hard, knowing that she was more right than ever. This mess of their lives was why they leaned on each other as they did. It was akin to fate itself.
"We promised. Have you so easily forgotten?" Gwen swirled about. "Huh?"
Courtney barely shook her head enough for Gwen to see, still refusing to open her mouth.
Gwen shook her head, still holding her head. "Then why did you do it?" She asked the forbidden question. "Why didn't you ask me for help?" Her lip trembled as she paused for an instant. "You know I would have been there in the blink of an eye to get you through this…whatever it is."
Courtney shook her head in the negative, speaking without even meaning to. "You don't understand. It's not that simple," she said weakly.
Gwen's eyes widened as she spoke, but she tried her best to hide her surprise. "Then you should have at least thought what your death would have done to me," she said bitterly.
Courtney lifted her gaze to meet Gwen's with hesitation. "I did, but…" She paused. "…it wasn't enough."
Gwen had the air knocked clean out of her by this revelation. She clutched at her stomach, gasping for air. "W-What…?" She managed through it all.
Courtney kept her gaze on Gwen despite how much it made her ache on the inside. This was why she hadn't wanted to open her big fat mouth. She knew she'd say something she'd soon regret. "Sorry…" She murmured. "...but I had to do it…"
Gwen was regaining control of her breathing now. "Then at least tell me what it was," she breathed sadly.
"No!" She spoke louder then she had all day, the fear controlling her. "I can't," she insisted. "Just like you can't." She used Gwen's secret as ammo.
Gwen growled lightly, knowing that there was no way around this hurdle. The only way was to spill the beans about her own troubles, and she simply wasn't ready for that.
"Fine," she sighed, defeated. "You don't have to tell me then." She turned away from her to rub at her eyes without Courtney seeing. "Just promise me one thing," she insisted.
Courtney thought hard about this. She wasn't sure if this was a trap to get her to have to tell her story, but she was pretty convinced this was the case. Still, she found herself agreeing. "Okay…"
Gwen smiled faintly. "Promise me you won't be so stupid again, not as long as I live." It was an eerie way of wording it, but it made all the sense in the world since in a way, it was meant to be eerie. "You won't dare try ending your own life. Kill whoever is doing this if you will." She turned to face her again, expression hard set. "But no suicide."
Courtney swallowed hard. In all honesty, she had thought of trying again soon, maybe even after this day was done before he could find her, but she had pretty much agreed to promise her this, this one thing. "I…" She trailed off, twiddling her thumbs uneasily.
Gwen looked intensely at her, daring her to go against her.
Courtney sighed. "Yes." A pause. "I won't do it."
Gwen raised a brow. "Won't do what?" she pressed. Wanting to hear it straight from her lips.
Courtney glared at Gwen. "I won't kill myself!" She exploded, drawing the attention of a passing couple who both looked warily at the girls before scurrying off.
Gwen smiled the easiest she had all day. This truly pleased her. "Good." She laid a hand on her friends shoulder. "Now let's go back then."
Courtney didn't respond to any of this, merely kept her eyes glued to the path ahead of her.
Gwen moved her hand to Courtney's wrist so that she could drag her along in case she became planted to the spot like she had in the cafeteria.
Courtney cringed at the touch despite the fact it was obviously Gwen. She just didn't like being touched after emotional moments such as this. In fact, despite how strong she had appeared through the whole conversation, she was really at the brink of a breakdown. The way Gwen had spoken to her had rattled her to the core. She only wished she could escape and cry her heart out.
Gwen sensed Courtney's discomfort as they walked and decided to let her do as she wished. "Fine," she sighed. "You can go if you want, but don't think I'll come looking for you." A pause. "Not this time."
Courtney smiled wanly, tears glazing over her eyes. She nodded firmly, turning on her heel with great speed in order to flee to the bathroom.
The instant she burst through the entrance she fell down to her knees and crumpled in on herself. Sobs racked her body, tears running like a river down her dark skinned face, and her choked whines worked their way out of her throat, but it did make her feel better. It really did.
Gwen watched her go for a moment before turning back towards the cafeteria and heading in.
Bridgette's eyes immediately flew to the entrance upon hearing someone enter. She wanted to see that Courtney came back in a good mood, or at least better than what she had been.
When she saw only Gwen her face fell. "...Where's Courtney...?" she asked in unease as Gwen grew nearer.
Gwen put on a smile. "She just forgot something in her locker." A pause. "She'll be back in a minute..." She looked back over her shoulder then, wondering if this were really true or if Courtney would remain in hiding all of lunch. She rather believed that this was the more likely of the two, despite the fact she would prefer the former.
Bridgette frowned lightly. "Okay." She patted the seat next to her. "Then sit. It's been forever since we talked."
Gwen smiled a half smile, doing as she said. "Sure."
So, how was it? I hope you enjoyed it. :) And yes, the boyfriend remains unnamed. This is for a couple of reasons. One, I want it to stay a secret for a while and, two, I am not entirely sure who I want it to be. x.x It'd be nice if I could get some suggestions. Just know that it can't be Duncan or Trent. Anyway, please review! :D