"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant."
- Anne Bradstreet
Chapter two:
Mayuko sighed, staring at a spot ahead of her. Her father was in the hospital again, and her mother was leaving in a few moments to go visit, leaving Mayuko behind to run the shop.
"I've already done inventory this morning," said Setsu Shiraki, setting a pile of books down on the counter next to Mayuko. "And I've pulled out all the online orders. So if you get bored, you can box them up to ship out."
"I've brought papers to grade," Mayuko said, leaning back in the chair. "And that will take ages, so don't worry about closing up the store tonight—I can do it."
Setsu smiled at her appreciatively as she pulled on her coat. "You're so helpful, Mayu. You'll make a wonderful wife someday," she added, sighing.
"Very funny," replied Mayuko dryly. At twenty-six, Mayuko was tearing apart her parents' hopes of her ever getting married.
"Well, I'll have my cell on me if you need anything," said Setsu before heading out the door.
Left alone in the store, Mayuko gazed around with distaste. It wasn't that she didn't like books—it was just that the store was exhausting. It was run as a hobby more than anything else, but her parents insisted that it shouldn't close on account of her father's health. This left Mayuko to be dragged in on a regular basis to run the place during what little spare time she had. Mayuko supposed she shouldn't complain; it was usually so dull around here that she had no choice but to grade papers and draw up lesson plans.
Mayuko pulled out a thick envelope from her bag and tossed it unceremoniously onto the counter and began to fish for a pen when the door opened. There was a pause, then—
"It's been a while."
Mayuko looked up. She was sure her heart stopped beating.
"How have you been, Mayuko-kun?" Hatori asked, always so polite. He looked exactly the same as he had the last time she'd seen him. It was like a single day hadn't passed.
"Fine," she managed to say, shrugging. "It's been two years now, right? Been keeping busy?" she asked, concentrating on keeping her tone light and casual.
"Just the usual," he replied. He walked up towards the counter, and Mayuko stopped breathing. "Shigure told me the book I'd ordered came in today."
"You ordered something?" Mayuko asked in surprise, quickly reaching for the bookkeeping. How had she missed his name?
"Well, I asked Shigure to order it for me."
"Oh," she said. No wonder. Shigure's name made it onto their list at least every other week. She frowned. "No, it won't be in until the end of the week," she said. Why would Shigure have told him that it was here now? She just saw him yesterday—
That idiot. He did this on purpose.
"Really?" Hatori asked, frowning. "Oh, well, I suppose that can't be helped," he said.
"I can mail it to you when it comes in," said Mayuko breathlessly. "I know how busy you are, and I feel bad making you come back again. If you just left your address—"
"No, it's fine," said Hatori. "I'll come back."
Mayuko tried to ignore the tight knot in her stomach that had formed at those words. She hadn't seen Hatori Sohma in two years, and now here he was! And he said he would come back….
"Right," she said. "Okay."
There was a split second's hesitation, then Hatori turned to leave. "I'll see you this weekend, then, Mayuko-kun."
The door closed quietly, and Mayuko was alone again.
Almost immediately Mayuko felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her. Why was she always so awkward around him? If she felt uneasy with their brief meeting, Mayuko couldn't imagine how uncomfortable Hatori must have been. Mayuko wished a hole would open up in the floor and swallow her completely.
Trying to shake off the cringing feeling, Mayuko opened up the envelope she brought, and extracted the day's exams. She tried to focus on grading, but all she could think about was Hatori.
As the minutes dragged on, Mayuko couldn't help but reflect on something about Hatori that was bothering her. He did seem more or less the same, but there was a strange difference about him, like a heaviness he couldn't shake from his shoulders. He had always been stoic, but he also seemed sad, somehow. Mayuko's heart wrenched at the thought.
She knew Hatori was heartbroken after Kana left, but was he still hurting now, even after two years?
Mayuko tapped her pen impatiently against the essay in her lap, not seeing the words. The only thing her mind could focus on was the fact that she would be seeing Hatori this weekend.
Mayuko had been unable to concentrate all week, knowing she was going to see Hatori again. She knew she was being ridiculous, that Hatori would never return her feelings, but Mayuko couldn't deny that just seeing Hatori again was electrifying and wonderful.
She had volunteered to run the store that weekend under the pretense that her mother could visit her father in the hospital.
"Oh, Mayu, you've been here nearly every day this week!" said Setsu, looking a little suspicious. "You're not meeting someone here, are you?" She lit up at that. "Oh, Mayu, how romantic! What's his name? Have I met him before?"
"No, there's no one," said Mayuko dully, hoping she sounded convincing. Except for Hatori. She grabbed her mother's coat from the desk and handed it to her firmly. "Remember to bundle up, because it's freezing outside. I don't need you getting sick, too. Then there's no hope I'd ever leave this store."
"Wait until I tell your father," said Setsu, clapping her hands together and looking uncannily like a giggling schoolgirl. "He'll be so happy—"
"Goodbye, mom," said Mayuko firmly, looking pointedly at the front door and back to Setsu. Her mother took the hint. She gave Mayuko one last wide grin and left.
Mayuko checked the clock. It was a little after nine in the morning. In the back of her head she knew Hatori was most likely to come here at the end of the day, after work, but she couldn't help thinking Hatori might show up any moment now. Mayuko checked her hair again, making sure it wasn't wild-looking from the wind outside. She had spent the entire week picking out something to wear as well, though she doubted Hatori would notice. Her clothes needed to say she was successful and independent, but also available if Hatori was interested. After trying on nearly her entire wardrobe, Mayuko settled on her regular weekend clothes. She didn't want Hatori to think she had dressed up for him, after all.
Trying to keep herself busy, Mayuko settled for re-alphabetizing the shelves. The children's section was the worst, and Mayuko spent over an hour fixing the mess. Not only were the books out of order, but there were ones that didn't belong, like cookbooks and guides on fishing. Mayuko supposed parents collected their screaming kids back here, and gave up on purchasing anything. Instead of carefully re-shelving their books, they just dumped them next to The Tongue-cut Sparrow and Silly Saburo.
Mayuko picked up the stack of misplaced books, and stumbled slightly under the awkward weight as she straightened up. She vaguely heard the door open, and instinctively called out, "I'll be right with you!" Mayuko set the stack on the front counter roughly. She looked up to see who had entered, and ended up tipping the books over in surprise.
"Oh-! Crap," she muttered, moving quickly to collect them.
"Here, let me help you," said Hatori, kneeling next to her. Mayuko could feel her cheeks burn, but wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or from being so close to Hatori. She quickly gathered up the fallen books and held them securely to her chest as she stood up.
"Thanks," she muttered, taking the books Hatori held out to her. There was a second's awkward hesitation, then Mayuko said, "Right, your book—it came in last night." She moved around behind the counter, and thumbed through a mismatched stack of files, papers, and books. She hastily removed the crossword puzzle she had been using as a bookmark—Mayuko wouldn't admit she was interested to see what kinds of books Hatori liked to read—and handed it to him.
"Let me know if there's anything wrong with it," she said. "If there are any markings or pages missing, that sort of thing."
"I'm sure it's fine," said Hatori, thumbing through the pages.
"I'm surprised you're here this early," said Mayuko, dividing the stack of books she had brought into categories so she could re-shelve them. "I was sure you wouldn't be free from work until late."
"I don't usually keep appointments on weekends," said Hatori, not looking up from the book. "I'm just on-call for emergencies, particularly with Akito."
Mayuko frowned. "Which one's Akito, again?"
"He's the head of the family," said Hatori, setting the book down while he extracted his wallet. "I don't think you've ever met him. He tends to be rather reclusive."
"That's right," said Mayuko, frowning. She had a sudden vision of Kana, lying curled up on the floor and crying about how she couldn't protect Hatori from Akito. Kana didn't remember any of this, of course, and Mayuko knew better than to bring up anything concerning the Sohmas. Shigure had made her promise not to in exchange for telling her about Hatori's memory suppression skills.
"Where are your parents?" Hatori asked, handing Mayuko a check for the book.
"Dad's in the hospital again, and mom's visiting," she said, shrugging. "So where've you been the past two years, stranger? I used to see you here all the time. Have you moved on to a better shop?" Mayuko asked. Her tone was teasing, but she really wanted to know.
"No," said Hatori seriously. "I tended to keep to the Sohma estate after Kana left. I didn't want to risk running into her here, and trigger a relapse."
"I'm sorry," Mayuko apologized quickly, feeling like an idiot. Of course that was why.
"No, it's fine," Hatori replied.
"No, that was insensitive," Mayuko insisted. "I should be put down."
Hatori cracked a small smile. Mayuko was so taken aback for a moment that she was sure she was imagining it. Hatori had smiled often when he was with Kana, years before, but during his visits to the shop Shigure had informed Mayuko that Hatori rarely smiled now.
"So what brings you back?" Mayuko asked. There was a warmth tingling in her body at the image of Hatori smiling, however fleeting.
"I just needed some fresh air," Hatori replied simply. Mayuko vaguely noticed that Hatori had set the book down on the counter, and his hands were in his pockets. He wasn't preparing to leave. "I've spent too much time at the Sohma estate lately."
"Well, reading's an excellent way to distract yourself," Mayuko said, sounding exactly like her mother.
"Shigure recommended this to me," said Hatori, nodding to the book between them. "Despite his more questionable works, I must admit he has good taste in books."
"I've read some of it," Mayuko said. This morning. "And I remember it being pretty good. Are you still sticking to the classics, or can I convert you to some modern literature?" she asked, moving around the counter. She led Hatori through a few shelves before stopping in the back of the store.
"Now, I know this is nothing like what you usually go for, but hear me out first," she said, running her fingers along book spines until she found the one she was looking for. "Here. 'The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.' It's a Western book from the 1940s. It's a lot different than 'Three Kingdoms,' but it will change your life."
Hatori took the book, and turned it over to read the summary.
"The language is simple and straightforward, but that's what's magical about it," said Mayuko, crossing her arms and looking at the book in Hatori's hands. "It gives the story a very raw, honest feeling. It's like you can feel your own soul opening up when you read it."
"I will give it a try," said Hatori, offering the faintest polite smile to Mayuko, whose heart skipped several beats.
Mayuko cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Well, I don't expect you to pay for my recommendation," she said hastily, walking back towards the front of the store. "Borrow it first, see if you like it."
"I really don't mind paying for it," assured Hatori, following her.
"Well, pay for it if you decide to keep it, but only then," Mayuko said, turning back around to face Hatori.
Hatori set the book on top of his first one. Mayuko noticed that he was hovering by the counter again. "What's it about?" he asked.
"Loneliness," Mayuko replied, looking at the book. "The characters are outsiders. They desperately want to connect with someone, but they don't really know how." Mayuko's gaze turned up to Hatori again. She just realized how stiff and uncomfortable the atmosphere had grown what with her babbling on about a depressing book and Hatori's closed-off expression. She forced her tone to take a lighter note. "I would get my students to read literature like this, but their attention span is pretty limited. You'd think I was asking them to read 'Genji.'
Hatori's expression softened again. "Shigure read 'Genji' when we were in high school. It took him some time to make any sense of it, but I remember he would not shut up about it once he finished it."
"Yes, my parents were really impressed by Shigure when they first met him," she said, shaking her head at the memory. "They admired that he was a writer, and how well-read he was, but I don't think they knew what to make of the rest of him." And it's not going to matter, because I'm going to kill him for this.
"Well, I'm sure they've gotten used to him well enough the first time around," said Hatori.
Mayuko gave him a puzzled expression at that.
"You're dating again, aren't you?" Hatori asked, frowning slightly at the look on Mayuko's face. "Shigure said you had gotten back together."
Mayuko couldn't help herself. She sniggered at the idea of dating Shigure again, and then started laughing when she saw Hatori was watching her with the same stoic expression. "I'm sorry," she said hastily. "No, we're not dating. Not now, and not ever again," she added, inwardly cringing at the thought of dating someone out of loneliness again. "And I'm going to kill Shigure for suggesting that."
"Typical Shigure," said Hatori off-handedly. He checked his watch for the time. "Well, I need to get going," he said, collecting the two books from the counter.
Mayuko couldn't deny that part of her heart sank at the words. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to keep you from saving lives or anything," she said. For some reason, Mayuko felt that her voice didn't sound anything like her own. "Come back and tell me what you think of that book," she added as Hatori headed for the door. "You know, ideally before two more years pass."
Hatori gave her the faintest ghost of a smile. "Of course. I'll see you next time, Mayuko-kun."
Mayuko sank heavily into the chair behind the counter. She could feel a strange stinging pressure from behind her eyes, but refused to acknowledge it. It would be stupid and foolish to cry—and over what? It wasn't like Mayuko had expected Hatori would run in and announce his eternal love for her. She just couldn't believe she'd managed to make a fool of herself over and over in front of Hatori.
Mayuko angrily reached for the telephone to call Shigure and threaten him with every painful thing she knew of, but hesitated inches from the receiver. What if one of the kids picked up? She didn't need to explain to them why their teacher was calling the house.
"You're not getting out of this," Mayuko threatened, looking darkly at the phone. She sighed heavily, and leaned back against the counter. She looked out the windows near the front of the shop and vaguely wondered if any of the silver cars driving by were Hatori.
Shigure was right—she was pathetic for caring about Hatori this much. Mayuko sighed, and turned around to pick up one of the stacks of books to re-shelve. She managed to keep herself busy for the rest of the afternoon, but all Mayuko could see was Hatori's faint half-smile in her mind's eye.