A/N: and I thought the last chapter might not get as many reviews because it didn't have as much Sabas as the more recent chapters. Silly me. I have the best reviewers ever! You all seriously are the highlight of my weeks! I tell my friends how awesome you all are all the time.
fanficfan84: Your review still makes me smile every time I read it. It made my weekend. It's one thing when your friends love your work or your family, but somehow when other writers or dedicated readers, people while no obligation to support you and lift you up see something amazing in your work, it strikes a deeper chord of truth. LOL, My husband told me I should have these stories read and podcast like books on tape. Only one more chapter before the chains come off.
I'm thrilled that you're enjoying my portrayal of Erika and Sabas. Capturing peripheral characters is tricky. You don't want them to act out of character, but there isn't as much character time to study. I confess I choose Sabas because he has the predatory qualities that I enjoy in Rahl, but not so many homicidal tendencies. As for Erika, I am a huge moonlight fan (Beth is played by the same actress who played Erika) and so I'm considering giving Erika more of a role as time goes on. She's a great character I'd like to see *gasp* grow a little.
Taylorxtorniquet: Ah poor Lucian. He certainly knows all about secret love. Erika's a shrewd creature. We'll have to see what mischief she gets up to. I confess: I really enjoy Aleeria's gumption. She's such a fun character to write. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
vampiresuperstar: Welcome to the story. I make a point to thank my reviewers when I post new chapters because you took the time to tell me you enjoyed my work and so I want to take the time to let you know how much I appreciate the feedback.
Soaring hawk: I swear your wish hit this morning. I thought it was going to be another week before I posted this chapter, but the muses were with me and here is the wonderful result. I hope this one sets your weekend off on the right foot. It's so awesome to know how much you're enjoying the story as it continues to unfold.
luthien587: Thank you for both you messages. The world needs great and thoughtful readers. They make the process of writing rewarding beyond its own sake. I'm grateful for your thoughtful and detailed reviewing skills. You helped me know that my story was doing and conveying all the things I wanted it to. I've been working really hard to create a story with rich depth and background without overwhelming the story with wordiness. It's nice to know that's working out. I'm also cheered that so many of you thought the interaction with Erika and Aleeria went so well because their relationship is really complex. They have this weird symbiotic relationship where they depend on each other and look after each other even though Erika is mostly worried about helping herself and Aleeira's half of the friendship is based on well-constructed lies.
a/n: ok I know in Rise of the Lycans, Raze is changed much later in the story, but I am pretty much ignoring that movie all together except to pull characters, societal structure and current events like issues with William's Lycans.
Chapter 8: Vulnerability
[Vivian Wounded/ The Kiss- Elektra/ Saving Josh by Trevor Morris/Beautiful Disaster/Eternity and a Day/The Gift of a Thistle/Eptesicus]
In Aleeria's absence, Sabas recovered himself half asleep, half listening intently for the light, sure footfalls that would signal her return. He rolled Aleeria's conversation with Lucian before she left the room over in his head. He wondered what Aleeria meant about not wanting Erika to deliver her message in the interrogation room, wondering if Aleeria felt ashamed of him in some way. The idea bothered him more than he liked.
To distract himself, Sabas turned his thoughts to recalling Aleeria's touch. She certainly was creative at finding ways to please them both under the inhibiting circumstances, not to mention intuitively talented, eager to learn more, and for now at least, all his. He wondered what other imaginative and pleasurable ideas she might have once they were both free to do as they pleased. But more than that, Sabas enjoyed talking with her, spending time with her, the way her presence warmed the room. The Lycan who won her for himself would be fortunate indeed. When Aleeria left the room at the end of their day, Sabas wanted to be sure that she hungered for no other, that her thoughts would be filled only with him because he knew that's how it would be for him. He would dream of little else but earning her for himself. If anyone could make an eternity of servitude enjoyable, Aleeria could. But for the short term, no matter how difficult it was given his state of immobility, Sabas wanted to find a way to make her scream her pleasure for him.
All the way back to the room, Aleeria had to hold herself back from running. Since the moment she'd left the enclosed stone room, all she'd wanted to do was return and her conversation with Erika had only increased that desire tenfold. Not only because she was excited by the salient points of Erika's message, but also because talking to Erika brought back too much awareness of how lonely Aleeria's world was day in and day out. Erika was a paradox in her reality. Though Aleeira spent a great deal of time talking with, or more often listening to Erika, Aleeria felt alone often even while they spoke. Alone with only her dreams of her Lycan to keep her company day after day, with no one to share her thoughts or feelings with without having to censor them or lie. She'd never had an entirely honest conversation with Erika and she didn't see that changing anytime soon. She hadn't realized until now how much she craved the connection that was denied her at every turn, except with Sabas. She wanted to put as much distance between herself and that reality. She wanted to escape back into that interrogation room with Sabas and enjoy being truly present and genuine for just a little while longer.
For years, her only interaction with her Lycan had been to watch him from afar. Now that she'd enjoyed his company in person, she wasn't sure how she could ever go back to her world of dreams and pretending. She would no longer be satisfied to sit high in her tower, day dreaming how things could be, now that she knew how they were. Aleeria wanted to throw herself into his arms as soon as she returned to his company and have him hold her and comfort her and tell her it would all be fine, the way he always did in her mind for so many years when she imagined how it would be if she was with him. But Sabas couldn't hold her because his arms and legs were bound securely in chains and that simple fact brought her rocketing back again to the reality of not only the temporary nature of their circumstance, but also the limitations and all the frustrations that went with it.
But, Aleeria reminded herself. If we both want it enough and try enough, I can have him in the end, and that's a possibility I didn't have yesterday. These chains aren't forever, but we can be if he wants it to be so as much as I do.
When Aleeria came back into the room, she thought she saw Saba's eyes light up, but it could have been a trick of the blazing fire across the room. Either way, she found heat spread over her skin when she saw him. "Sorry that took some time, Erika takes time to handle properly."
"How so?" He asked casually.
She took a deep breath, considering what to tell him, considering how much she could say without letting him hear anything insulting, anything that could hurt him. He'd been hurt plenty on the outside and she couldn't protect him from that happening again in the future, but maybe protecting what was inside him was something she could do. Maybe protecting his heart was how she could protect him the way she'd always wanted to, the way he'd protected her body and the way her dreams of him had protected her heart. "Erika and share a similar position in the palace as two of the longest lived mortal females and that bonds us, but our views on our world here are vastly different. She also is a dreadful gossip. That's why she would not meet me here and why I had to take enough time with her that she didn't think I was eager to return to my task of bathing you," Aleeria explained at length. "It would be very dangerous for us both if she were to intuit the truth."
Sabas nodded grimly. He'd caught what she said about being eager to return to him, but it was overshadowed by another observation: she was holding something back from him. He could see that clearly and it was the first time she'd held anything back since they'd started exchanging pieces of themselves. He felt tension grow into a lead weight in his belly. "I heard Lucian's comment before you left about her concerns regarding being in a room with two Lycans. Isn't your well-being assurance enough?"
Aleeria forced a laugh. There was nothing funny about it, but she needed to pretend it was a lighter matter than it was if only for the moment. "Hardly, her concerns are as much about the appearance of her being alone in a room with two Lycans and naught but my word that she was untouched. She has high aspirations of being a Death Dealer's wife one day and she will do nothing to jeopardize that."
"I see," Sabas replied neutrally. He understood what was unsaid there. A Death Dealer would never take a woman who'd been with a Lycan, at least not as a lover, but as a meaningless, disposable plaything was another matter altogether. Still he could feel the weight of whatever she held back from him, so he dared ask the question that carved like knives in the back of his throat. "What about your own aspirations?"
Aleeria blushed. "I do not share Erika's dreams if that's what you're asking." She stepped closer to him. "I was anxious to return, but it was safer for me to make sure she left first and thinking otherwise."
Sabas felt the lead ball of tension in his belly dissolved somewhat. He'd been worried when she first spoke that perhaps once she was out of the room, and among others who felt less than charitable towards Lycans, she might feel less appreciative of their time together. Her words eased that worry, but still, she seemed different somehow. He pushed it aside. She was back here with him now and that was what counted. He'd coax her back into her former mood soon enough.
Aleeria could see Sabas was distracted. His eyes and were troubled, his shoulders more slumped, and she wanted desperately to ease it away. She didn't want him to feel that way here, now with her. He had so many causes to feel it outside the room that she wanted to shelter him from that for a little longer, no matter how foolish a sentiment it was. It was just another way for her to protect his heart, by giving it a safe refuge, a place to forget the things that haunted his eyes and flesh. "Sabas, do you want to know why I was anxious to return?" She whispered into his ear.
He blinked hard at her. When had she come so close to him? He could feel the heat from her body so near to him now he could taste the air around her. "When you present the matter in that tone, I am riveted."
She began to stroke the side of his face and the wool blanket she'd draped over his body where it covered his chest. "Sabine's message instructed me that my cleaning task is not complete. I am to scrub down the room and then to bathe myself before dressing you and making you presentable for her inspection." Aleeria waited, delighted when she saw the spark of understanding fill his eyes.
"Sabine said you were to take a bath . . . in here . . . with me?" He replied in halting awe.
Aleeria giggled. "Yes. My somewhat lengthy visit with Erika ultimately gave us more time together. I thought I was going to be leaving your company soon to fetch my Mistress to inspect you, but instead, I find that I have a long list of things to do before that time comes. I have to clean your pants, clean the room, and then . . . clean myself in the tub by the fire. That will all take hours. You won't be able to bathe me yourself, but you'll get to watch." She drew out her words, watching his eyes grow hungry again. She swore she saw his nostrils flare for a moment, like a wolf on the hunt. "I'm going to get started on your pants first." She turned swiftly, and moved towards the table her hips swaying flirtatiously before glancing back at him over her shoulder playfully.
Sabas's mood had calmed under her touch and let her caresses transport his thoughts back to reminiscing about their time together before Erika had arrived, which led pleasantly to thoughts of Aleeria's forthcoming bath. As she moved away from him again, he began to plot and ponder if there was a way that she could take her bath while following her Mistresses wishes and still enable Sabas to repay sweet Aleeria for her devoted attention to him. Well, he had time enough to ponder while she cleaned his pants and the room.
"Aleeria, I'm going to take a cat nap for a little bit," Sabas called to her.
"Has all this torture worn you out my prisoner?" She teased him. Aleeria laid the pants out on the large table and began to clean them off with a coarse bristled brush.
"Indeed it has fair captor. I must recover my strength." Sabas chuckled. "But please don't hesitate to wake me if you need me."
I always need you, she thought. "Of course. Sleep well. I'll try not to wake you." Aleeria watched his eyes close and then refocused her attention on her work.
Sabas felt badly lying to her, even a white lie, but feigning a nap would give him time to plan. He'd make their brief period of leaving her alone with her work worth her while. He'd make good use of this unexpected boon from Sabine. He had to make it count because who knew what would happen when the day was over. He had to make himself stand out in her mind whether he saw her every day or not.
He briefly considered the images of Aleeria wet and standing within reach of his mouth on one of the benches for him to enjoy her without the linen barrier of her dress and shift in the way, but the image, however pleasing it might be, did not stand up to practicalities. He certainly didn't want her to lose her balance and fall and if someone interrupted them, as seemed to happen so often. Furthermore, there was no way to explain her standing naked on a bench before him except for the obvious truth. So, he started over. After allowing himself several lovely fantasies about Aleeria slowly stripping for him in front of the fire, another idea began to form in his mind. Sabas recalled how uncertain and unconvinced Aleeria seemed about his attraction to her. Since he could not show her the things he wanted to do to her if he was unrestrained, he could tell her and let the thing take its course.
Aleeria was glad for the manual labor to distract her. Her conversation with Erika had disrupted her mood more than she'd allowed herself to acknowledge. Or perhaps she had acknowledged it, but she had thought, perhaps foolishly, that she would come back to this room and see Sabas and that feeling that had been there when she left would return and rinse away all the residue of her conversation with Erika from her heart. Instead, Erika's presence had burst the spell cast in the room between them like a soap bubble striking briars. The work of scrubbing the floor made Aleeria fell calm again, centered. She hoped Sabas hadn't noticed her changed mood.
She made quick work of the pants, cleaning them, and then massaging saddle soap into them, softening the leather, repairing the places that had been damaged from use. Aleeria wondered idly if she would continue to take care of his clothes now that he served her house. She hoped so in an odd sort of way. It was another intimacy, much like feeding him. She set the pants to dry near the fire and began to prepare to wash the room. She put away the materials she had used to clean Sabas and his clothes and dumped the dirty water down the floor drain. Then she cleaned off the tables and benches and dumped the water again. Then she scrubbed the floor starting at the far wall and moving towards Sabas. When the water went brown, she dumped it and refilled from the tub. The floor went quickly until she reached the section six feet around Sabas where most of the dirt from cleaning him had fallen. She took the last of the water from the tub and filled two buckets and then asked Lucian to get water to refill the tub so it could warm sufficiently while she finished her tasks.
As Aleeria scrubbed at the floors, mischievously eyeing under Sabas's makeshift tunic when she was at the right angle, she began to consider Sabine's message more carefully. The thought of stripping off her own clothes in front of an audience, especially such an attentive one was rather more nerve wracking than she'd counted on. She wondered how on earth Sabas managed while she stripped and bathed him. It did seem to her that it might be easier for males than females to strip down; perhaps males were just less shy. Then she recalled Sabas's face when she'd cleaned his furless tail after pleasuring him and giggled. Well, perhaps sometimes they were just as shy.
Aleeria wasn't sure what to do. Sabas had seemed so pleased by the idea, but the thought of it now terrified her the more she considered it. She didn't regret telling him about Sabine's instructions. After all, she had to bathe herself, telling Sabas or not wouldn't change that and she did so enjoy watching his eyes light up in anticipation. But what if he found her figure less pleasing to his eyes once it was out of the shaping confinement of her clothes? She didn't have Erika's slim figure and large breasts and her skin was a patchwork of varying shades of tanned and olive skin from the different bits of her skin getting sun while she watched the Lycans. Erika was nearly always inside; protecting her pale complexion so she appeared more like the vampires she so wanted to be. At least with her dress on, her nose was the only thing that offended her, Aleeria reasoned. It was too wide for her face as Aleeria saw it. Of course, Sabas's nose wasn't so small either, but while a larger nose could be interesting and handsome on a male's face, she thought it was less easy to overlook on a woman's face. Still, Sabas hadn't objected to her breast size when he'd touched them. True, she'd been distracted at the time, but she liked to think that she'd notice if he'd shown any sign of disappointment as she had been watching his face like a hawk. But also true, as far as Aleeria knew there weren't any other women were offering.
Nevertheless, she was beyond nervous at the idea of stripping for Sabas like she was putting on a show. What did she know about seduction anyway? That was Erika's department. Touching or undressing a male was one thing, but this was uncovering herself and the idea made her feel more exposed than just being naked. Perhaps Erika had the right idea with a privacy screen after all. She hoped Sabas would understand her nerves. She also hoped rather desperately that there was a screen in the room already because having to ask Lucian seemed almost as mortifying. If she had to ask Lucian, he would know exactly what was going on in here and would have assumptions that while true, weren't the sort of thing Aleeria felt should be open knowledge. This was something private between her and Sabas, something precious, to be protected, not broadcasted.
What if Sabas didn't understand though? What if he turned cruel as so many of Erika's lovers seemed to when she tried to set boundaries. Gods, how she hated talking to Erika some days. It made her so uncertain of herself and everything else. Aleeria hadn't worried about such things before talking with Erika. She'd existed in a lovely space of not worrying about such things, because she felt comfortable and safe around Sabas.
She was still amazed at how quickly she'd reached such a high level of ease around him, but she'd initially put it off on it just being one of those rare connections where you feel perfectly at ease after meeting someone, like you've know each other all your lives. But maybe, just maybe it was because she'd thought about actually getting to spend time with Sabas so often of the many years of her life since he saved her, that she was just overlaying her own expectations and hopes over reality and ignoring whatever didn't fit . . . until her conversation with Erika. Maybe this amazing connection she'd convinced herself was there was mostly fabricated in her own mind. There was something about her interaction with Erika that made Aleeria conscious of all of Erika's cautions and complaints about her lovers over the years as well as all the ways Aleeria felt physically inferior to Erika.
Furthermore, in spite of how close Aleeria felt to Sabas, she had to remind herself that she really didn't know Sabas very well. This was in fact the first day they had ever spoken and he was by all fair judgments a stranger in most respects. By that reasoning, why would she even consider stripping herself bare for a stranger? Why should she even question her inclination to have a privacy screen as a buffer?
The obvious and unbidden answer came to her almost immediately: because Sabas didn't feel like a stranger to her and he hadn't acted like a bastard of a man either as so many of Erika's lovers did early and often. Instead, Sabas was considerate, thoughtful, and kind to her and whether it made sense or not, she'd wanted this time with him for years. Even if she felt more than he did, Aleeria wanted to enjoy the illusion that Sabas felt for her as she did for him a while longer. So the question still remained: how to approach her bath?
While Aleeria obsessively pondered the matter, Lucian refilled the tub. He noticed Aleeria's quiet focus on washing the floors, but didn't ask her what was bothering her. It felt inappropriate somehow. Aleeira barely noticed that Lucian had Raze, another of the Lycans help him carry water in and stoke the fire. It was this more than anything else that struck him as odd. Aleeira had an uncanny awareness of persons, especially immortals around her at all times and Raze was an enormous bear of a man to begin with, but Aleeria merely nodded warmly, and returned to her work, still lost in thought.
Lucian wanted to tell himself it was because of her respect for Lycans in general and trust in him in particular that made her uncharacteristically lax about her surroundings, but he'd also known her long enough to know that nothing stopped her awareness. Whatever was stirring in her mind was deeply disturbing to her and he would bet his pelt that Erika was at the root of it. Lucian suddenly wished he'd listened more closely to their interaction, but he'd found it better practice over the years to ignore everything sound that came out of Erika's mouth for the most part as a matter of course. Now he wondered what Erika had said to set Aleeria off.
Whatever it was, he hoped Sabas could coax her out of this mood, but more importantly, Lucian hoped that Erika's visit had not given Aleeria second thoughts about whatever was developing between her and Sabas. It was in such early and delicate stages and could be shattered so easily. Still, there was nothing that he could do for now, so he went back out into the hallway to resume his post and hope for the best.
Sabas was trying to ignore it, but as Aleeria moved closer to him, cleaning the room, he couldn't help but notice the way her heartbeat and scent had changed. No longer did it reflect arousal and excitement, but uneasy nerves, even a hint of fear. He could tell something was preying on her mind, but for awhile he tried to keep his thoughts focused on the prospect of her forthcoming bath and how best to use the situation to their mutual advantage. But as the minutes wore on and her tension level continued to slowly escalate rather than ease, he couldn't ignore it any more. He needed to know what was distressing her so badly.
Sabas knew it had nothing to do with Lucian as her heart rate hadn't altered when he carried enormous buckets of water into the room, nor had it varied when Raze helped Lucian in the task. That left one solid option, her conversation with Erika. He considered the options for what in that conversation could be upsetting her so much, but every time he did, the options led him to less and less favorable places. He decided he was best off just asking her rather than let them both suffer further.
He watched her through slitted eye lids for awhile first, noticing the way her eyes traveled to peer under his tunic when she was within range. Her continued interest in him pleased him. He also noticed that when she was peeking at him, her countenance seemed less troubled. This too pleased him; at least he could feel more confident that he wasn't the source of her distress. "Aleeria," he called to her softly, trying not to startle her. He saw a bright smile flash across her face and then a shadow came over her eyes even as the smile stayed fixed. "You seem uneasy."
Aleeria looked away, her gaze coming back to rest on the floor and resumed her scrubbing. She felt embarrassed that Sabas had caught onto her mood before she'd worked more of it out of her system and the idea of answering his question was more embarrassing still. "It's nothing," she lied. Sabas narrowed his eyes and though she couldn't see it, she somehow felt it. "All right, it's not nothing, but it's embarrassing and ridiculous and it's not fair of me to feel this way under the circumstances."
Sabas considered a moment. She'd been so excited when she told him about the bath, but perhaps she had changed her mind now that she'd thought about it. Or perhaps Erika had said something to make Aleeira uncomfortable or cause her worry. "Does this have something to do with either your conversation with Erika or your forthcoming bath?" Aleeria paused a moment and then resumed scrubbing the floor with increased vigor. "Please tell me." He pressed gently.
She made the mistake of looking up into his grey blue eyes and she saw the worry there and pain, she saw pain writhing just beneath the surface. Gods, she didn't want to hurt him, not him, but she didn't want to tell him her fears, her insecurities, her nerves either. Still, she had to make him understand. She had to find middle ground somehow or at least help him understand why she couldn't say the words. "I'm too embarrassed," she whispered. Even the sound and the shape of the words slipping off her tongue frightened her.
"Aleeria," he began his voice coaxing and gentle. "What can I do to help you feel more comfortable telling me? Are you afraid I won't like what you have to say?"
"That's part of it," Aleeria admitted. "But it's not something I want to say regardless."
Sabas considered. He wanted to tell her she could tell him anything and he wouldn't get upset, but he knew that was a lie. After all, he'd lost his temper briefly before when he'd thought that she might be spying for Sabine. "Please tell me anyway. I can't promise I won't get upset, but if Sabine message or Erika's words held something that's upset you, I'd rather know than wonder."
Aleeria looked at him sharply. "It's not like that. I mean, yes the way Erika speaks of Lycans upsets me, but that's not a new thing. She just makes me feel badly sometimes and it's just worse today."
Sabas nodded accepting, forcing in check the anger towards Erika that began to boil in him for Aleeria's sake. He knew little of the relationships between women, but he knew enough to know that they were generally complicated and tangled at best. Still, having never even had sisters, he couldn't begin to make educated guesses at what about Erika's presence or words might distress Aleeria so. "If you tell me why she upsets you, maybe I can ease your worry."
Aleeria shook her head. No amount of talking would change what she was and what she wasn't. It was better, she told herself, that they not speak of it; better that if he did for reasons that confounded her, like her looks, it was for their own sake and not because he was trying to be kind or sensitive or worse, to use her insecurity to manipulate her. He didn't think he would try the last bit, but she'd rather know he wasn't because she hadn't handed it over as ammunition.
Sabas watched her mind moving quickly considering and rejecting thoughts behind her eyes. He could see her eyes set and decided to try a different tack before she even began her refusal. Still, it pained him to offer the next possibility up to the stagnant air between them. "All right. Is part of what's bothering you have something to do with me?" He said the last word more quietly, in spite of his efforts to keep his tone neutral. Sabas reminded himself that he didn't matter; only she did, her comfort, her well-being.
Aleeria felt a stab of pain when he said it. He was too close to the mark and she could tell when the pain surfaced in his eyes, that he knew it. She stood quickly, moving closer to reassure him. She wasn't thinking about anything, but making that pain leave his eyes again. She touched his face gently and wasn't sure why it seemed like a mistake, but as soon as she did, he seemed more anguished.
As soon as the words had left his lips, Sabas had seen in her eyes that he'd been wrong, that whatever was torturing Aleeria had something to do with him. When she moved closer, touched him, he had a brief but horrible mental image that she was about to tell him gently but firmly that this thing between them was a bad idea and they should not continue it. Her words surprised him.
Something about the pain she saw in his face made her braver. She gave no thought anymore to her own concerns, only to easing his pain. Her words came out in a desperate rush. "Sabas, it's not what you think; whatever it is that you are thinking. I'm just nervous about the bath. It's stupid I know, but it's not because of something to do with you exactly. I've just never been naked in front of a male before and the idea of it makes me horribly nervous. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair of me, when I've already bathed you nose to toes, but there it is. I know it must seem like I was leading you on before, sounding excited and I was, but now the more I'm thinking about it and it makes me nervous. I'm not as brazen or experienced as Erika and I don't know how to do this."
Sabas's mind latched onto the word bath and it pulled him out of his miserable haze to hear what she was saying. His thoughts were caught somewhere between relief and renewed horror. He was grateful, obviously, that she didn't want to end whatever they'd started, but he was dismayed that she thought he would be angry with her for feeling so nervous about taking a bath in front of him. Once again, he damned the chains binding him from quieting her with a touch. "Aleeria, please stop." His voice was low and demanding.
She did, as soon as he asked it of her, shocked with herself that so much had come out before he'd stopped her. "You're angry." Her voice was quiet. Of course, he must be; he had every right to be, she told herself, biting back the hurt.
"No, I mean yes, I am, but not at you," Sabas flexed his arms, frustrated and unsure of how to explain with the right words. He wished he was better with words for her sake. "I'm an idiot for not thinking of it myself." He replied, harshly.
"No you're not. It's me, I shouldn't think this way." Aleeria insisted.
Sabas huffed out a breath. He was doing so well before. How had things gone badly so quickly? "No, you should and it's just more evidence for how uncivilized I've become that I didn't see it, expect it. I should be whipped for not realizing that you might be nervous."
"No," She said it sharply shocking them both. "Don't you ever say that again."
"Then don't you apologize for feeling as you do. You have a right." He insisted. "You've expanded your experience quite a bit for one day. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all and not realize at first how far beyond your comfort level you've gone. It's like swimming out in the ocean for the first time. In the beginning, it's new and wonderful and exciting and you want to keep going further out into the waves and then before you know it, the shore seems a very far way away." He watched her eyes and saw a gratefulness shift into them.
He understood, was all she could think. Somehow, he understood and he'd managed even more surprisingly to put it into words that made her understand her own distress better. The unexpected gift of that empathy stunned her.
"Is your nervousness over bathing most of what's upsetting you?" Sabas continued.
Aleeria ran over the list in her heart. The bath was the instigating factor for the rest, the fulcrum point for her insecurities that were even now still writhing in her chest and skin like angry, hot greasy snakes. "Yes that's really what's stirring up the rest." It wasn't a lie, and she knew from the relief in his face, that he could see that.
They both knew there were facets of that one worry that she'd hadn't shared, but he knew from her response that he didn't need to press it. This was the piece he needed to know to help her.
"Aleeria," he began lightly. "You don't need to do anything that makes you so unhappy. Really. I saw a privacy screen near the fire, I assume for me to use to get dressed to protect your Mistress's delicate sensibilities. You could put it in front of the tub while you bathe."
Sabas's suggestion recalled Erika's words so sharply that it was a punch in the gut. Aleeria thought she'd told him enough, told him everything she needed to, but she was wrong. There was one other piece she had to say. It was burning a hole through her and holding it in made it feel like a gaping chest wound, bleeding more with every passing second. "Erika suggested I bathe behind a screen, but I didn't want to suggest it because I didn't want you to think that I was considering it for the same reasons she suggested it." Her eyes begged him not to ask her to explain Erika's logic further.
Sabas guessed enough of Erika's mindset by now to not need the explanation. His eyes gentled seeing at last the way she was anguishing over the very idea of hurting him. It touched him deeply, transforming his heated anger to warm tenderness. "Aleeria, I don't think you would be agonizing over talking with me about this if you didn't want me to see you that way because of what I am." I cost them both something for him to say it and her to hear it. The words held more power once spoken aloud.
"It's not about that at all," She replied, her voice a choked whisper. "I swear it."
"I believe you. Why don't you move the screen in front of the tub and see if that will suit you?"
Aleeria impulsively gave him a quick and fierce hug, over almost before it had started and turned to move the screen, embarrassed with herself again, but enjoying the memory and comfort of what it felt like to hold onto him again for a moment.
Sabas was pleasantly shocked by the sudden burst of warmth and affection. He watched her curiously as she moved across the room and with surprising strength and grace, moved the screen into place in front of the fire. While Aleeria stood behind the screen to angle it around the tub to suit her needs, Sabas couldn't help but notice the lovely form of her silhouette moving behind the screen and backlit by the roaring fire. He was pleased that Lucian had built up the fire again to help warm the bath water and Aleeria herself while she was bathing, but he was even more pleased now that he could see the benefits, or rather the outline of Aleeria's benefits.
Aleeria felt calmer now that things felt more settled, but still anxious, vacillating between worrying still that she was being unfair, more anxiety when she considered not using the screen. When the screen was arranged to her satisfaction, she turned back to Sabas. The screen stopped just above her shoulders. He was watching her with that hungry look back in his eyes. She smiled at him. "What are you smiling at?" She asked.
"You fair captor," he replied smoothly. "I think that screen has provided a lovely compromise. You see, while I cannot see you directly, your shadow is quite illuminating on my side."
Aleeria moved to the opposite side of the screen and observed the clear outline of the bathtub slightly enlarged by the fire's light and projected onto the screen itself for her to see. She blushed. "I see. So you can watch me and I can enjoy the forgiving nature of shadows to smooth over my flaws without feeling so exposed."
"You have no flaws that I can see." Sabas argued.
Aleeria warmed at that, but she knew they were only words until they were tested. "That sounds like a fine compromise to me. I suppose that I should finish the floor then so I can get to my bath."
A/N: I really loved writing this chapter. Gods, it was so emotional to write though. I'm still a little stuck on the next chapter. I know the bones, but I'm still stumbling over fleshing it out. Hopefully, I'll sort it out in a the next couple weeks.