I've lost count of how many times I've watched C.J. brief, it's on average twice a day for the last seven years and the campaign before that. I'm sitting here in my apartment watching reruns of Donna's press statement today and it's obvious she's watched C.J. too. If you don't like the premise of the question, don't accept it, it's seduction not war. God she's learned a lot. 'I gave her a career' - no way did I give this woman anything, anything she deserved anyway, I gave her abuse, I gave her a schedule to fight over, lunch orders… The career she's got she took, took my ramblings about politics, policy, and made herself. Took her leave of me and went off and proved it. I gave her a diplomatic passport and a place on a CODEL to Gaza, she took a piece of me when the car blew into the air…
My cell rings…
"Josh Lyman"
"Hey, you spoken to Lou?"
"Yeah, Where are you?"
"Just got into Denver, we're heading out to L.A. tomorrow night, then to Philly"
"Did he change the stump?"
"Only slightly, swapped the front section to education but it made sense"
"How're you getting from Denver to LA?"
"The usual"
"Overnight?"
"Yes"
"What the hell Donna?"
"I'll be fine"
"Talk to Stanley"
"I don't need to, they've gone again"
"You sure?"
"Yeah"
"You're not just telling me that?"
"Josh!"
"Seriously?"
"Seriously I'm not telling you anything different than you would tell me in the same situation"
"Kay… why do I think you're just not accepting the question?"
"I mean it's not like you would tell, for example someone you were interviewing for Deputy Counsel, that a brass band started playing 'First Noel' and then tell me you were fine now is it?"
"Donna!"
"Seriously Josh, There's been nothing, two nights nothing"
"That's why you haven't called?"
"You wanted me to?"
"Well…"
"You didn't call me"
"It's never stopped you before"
"No…maybe… I"
"So it wasn't Will?"
"Auh…?"
"It wasn't Will?"
"No, it wasn't Will"
"Really?"
"Yeah, you know C.J. was helpful, Toby taught me a lot, Sam… now Sam was just amazing"
"And?"
"And what?"
"And?"
"I might have picked up bits and pieces from…"
"Yeah?"
"Leo"
"Watch out for the talent agents there in L.A. Donna they'll have you on Leno before you know it"
"What do you want me to say Josh? You already told me you gave me a career."
"When I said that"
"Yeah"
"I might have been, you know…."
"Wrong?"
"I wouldn't exactly say that"
"What would you say exactly?"
"I'd say holding a mistaken point of view"
"So wrong"
"You want to do me note cards just to clear it up?"
"Josh, you gave me an opportunity. I don't regret one second I spent with you in the last eight years and if you think I do or ever did you're crazy. You've been my boss, my mentor, my…my friend…"
"Yet you walked out?"
"I left the job Josh, I maybe shouldn't have done it in the way I did and if I'd been thinking more clearly maybe I'd have done it differently but it was the only way I could do it"
"Shout you were walking out on me in the middle of the bull pen?"
"I didn't walk out on you Josh, I handed in my notice"
"You left me"
"And if you think that was easy you're crazy"
"You still did it"
"Yes"
"I just…"
"You don't leave people Josh, you ran outside and you blame yourself for Joanie, you go off campaigning and your father dies, you get yourself shot and you wake up and the President's in hospital"
"I don't think you can blame me for that one"
"I can try… You don't leave people but you've done it, Hoynes for the President, The White House for Santos… Josh I had to go"
"Why?"
"Because I would have wound up hating you if I'd stayed"
"Hating me?"
"Resenting you, blaming you"
"Was I that bad?"
"I survived Josh"
"What?"
"I survived when two congressmen, a congressional aide and the former head of the joint chiefs didn't… I have to matter"
"You matter to me"
"I"
"You always have done"
"I"
"You're why"
"I'm why?"
"Yes"
"Why what?"
"Why I was able to put through bills, try for tax relief on college tuition, economic policy, a new chief justice on the supreme court."
"Now that was my parent's cats"
"Didn't I tell you never to repeat that story?"
"Kay"
"We were a team Donna"
"I know"
"You felt that?"
"I had to go Josh"
"I know"
"But you wish I hadn't?"
"I miss you being the first person I speak to every morning and the last person I speak to before I go to sleep, I miss knowing what's going on with you… I miss… you…"
"And none of that was in my job description Josh, those are all the bits you don't have to miss if you stop blaming me… I left the job Josh, I never left you…I couldn't"
"I don't blame you"
"Good… Ok it's getting late I'm going to see if I can get my three hours beauty sleep"
"Why?"
"Because sleep is what normal people do at 2.15 a.m."
"No, why couldn't you?"
"Because you'll always have a part of me and that's something I can never leave behind"
"Really?"
"Yeah"
"Which part?"
"I don't know maybe the top half of my big toe"
"That's just gross Donna"
"Yeah"
"Yeah"
"Goodnight Josh"
"Goodnight Donna, I…"
"You what?"
"Nothing, Goodnight"
"Goodnight"
I walk into the bedroom and throw my shirt onto the chair; the laundry service will pick it up in the morning. It's the first time in a long while I've started to feel things are getting righter. OK Toby or Sam would tear me a new one for that grammatical monstrosity but for the first time in ages the last person I speak to before I go to sleep will be Donnatella Moss and that just feels right.