I've lost count of how often I've crossed state lines in the last 10 months – it should be automatic now right? Something I do without thinking, without paying attention. I've travelled quite a bit in the last decade but it's still not something I do without at least recognising it's happening. Yes, I am the girl who sat in the back of her parents car on family vacations and saw the sign saying 'You're now entering South Dakota' or Texas or Alabama and started a countdown. 5-4-3-2-1-Way hey!

My apartment is let to a very nice if slightly animated woman from treasury so even when in D.C. I've been living in hotel rooms – it takes me back. When I first told this to my family and friends back in Wisconsin many years ago, they were open mouthed with awe and maybe a touch of envy - until - late one night I rang my mom just when we'd got in and let it slip that as I hadn't been in one place long enough over the previous three weeks I was currently washing my underwear in the bathtub of my boss's room in a Holiday Inn outside New Orleans. It took about a day for the Moss Madison grapevine to kick into action and from then on when I answered the obligatory 'where are you?' my answers were greeted with significantly less jealousy. We're two weeks out and still tied nationally neck and neck with Vinick. We came in from North Carolina to touch base at headquarters last night, this morning I'm heading to Chicago with the congressman.

In the last week, since we drew level, I've seen Josh for all of maybe twenty minutes. So since the fateful night when Edie saved me – and I'm quoting her here - from the fate of him landing in my room at eleven thirty, talking about media strategy for the last leg and taking up residence, Josh and I have hardly spoken. When I looked up that night and saw him looking back at me for a split second I thought 'hell I went too far', then I remembered that the forces of heaven and earth have conspired to keep us well and truly apart since we met.

I must admit there was a time when I thought the forces of heaven and earth might have been named Leo McGarry and C.J. Cregg but I've long since come to terms with that piece of paranoia. I digress… there's always been something in our way. When I thought something was going to happen one April the president announced his MS to senior staff a few days later. On a certain January night when I thought again, the President announced a major shift in foreign policy, sent troops into Qumar, it became a work night, the moment passed and along came Amy Gardner. When I looked into his eyes in Germany and saw something again an Irish photo journalist walked into the room and the moment passed. With all of this as precedent it really wasn't too hard to believe that fate had plotted once more and Edie had picked up the key.

There's part of me still thinks I'm dreaming when I remember we've taken a step to change things. When I remember I'm not, the feeling swings between sheer elation and blind terror. You see I've let myself fall in love with Josh Lyman before, OK maybe it's never been expressed in that way before but I have let myself fall. When it's become obvious that the path I thought we were on was going to twist beyond all recognition, I've picked up the pieces. This time I'm scared there won't be enough pieces left to pick up. My head's saying 'protect yourself Donna', concentrate on the campaign, work puts you in control, work can't hurt you. My heart's saying 'finally'. My heart's been wrong before.

As I open the door to the open plan main floor of the Santos McGarry Campaign's nerve centre, the noise contrasts sharply with the quiet corridor. I make my way to Ronna's desk to pick up the latest schedule, Lester shouts 'Donna' from across the room, I raise my hand in his direction and pick up one of the three ringing phones, realising a second too late it's Josh's cell.

"Santos McGarry Campaign, Josh Lyman's Phone"

"Is Josh there?"

"Tob…"

"Don't say it Donna, if there's anyone standing within twenty feet of you don't say it"

"Are you OK?, How are you doing? You're in contact with Josh?"

"Would you like to pick one of those for me to answer or are you leaving me a free choice?"

I perch on the side of the desk, looking around I can see Josh in one of the glass sided offices gesturing widely at a white board, marker in hand. Everyone else in the room is absorbed in calls or documents, no one's paying attention to me.

"How are you doing?"

"Just swell. How are you?"

"If there's anything…?"

"Yeah…"

"You're in contact with Josh?"

"He didn't mention anything?"

"No"

"O.K. then"

"You've spoken to him?"

"Yeah"

"O.K."

"Can you ask him to call me?"

"He's in with the congressman, Lou and Leo I think"

"Where are you heading this week?"

"To…"

"Bob"

"Pardon?"

"Call me Bob"

"Bob, I'm not sure if I ca…"

"You need code word clearance for a campaign schedule Donna? Scared I might leak it?"

"I was going to say I'm not sure if I can find it, Ronna's desk is a bit overcrowded"

"I'm sorry"

"You should be"

"Don't pull any punches on my account"

"I'll tell Josh you called"

"I'm not a danger to him Donna"

"I never thou…"

"You're still protecting him?"

"I'm doing my job… T…Bob"

"I know"

"You're doing O.K? Really?"

"I'm splendid in my isolation"

"The kid's are o.k.?"

"Yeah"

"Good, I'd better… you know…"

"Yeah"

"O.K. Bye the…"

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to say… you did… not badly… with the abortion thing... hitting Vinick from both sides You handled it… well. You're handling what you're doing well… Josh was right to bring you in"

"Lou did it"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Tell…"

"I will"

"Bye then"

"Bye"

I start to put the cell down on the desk, when it rings again. Habit born of long practice automatically drives me to hit the answer key.

"Josh Lyman's phone"

"I was just trying to catch him, if he's busy I'll leave a message on his home machine"

"He's in with someone Mrs Lyman, I can ask him to call you"

"Donna? Darling is that you?"

"Yes…yes it is"

"I never thought I'd hear you answer again"

"I was standing beside the desk; it seemed natural"

"It would dear… you did it for a long time"

"Is everything alright? Do you need anything urgently? If I can…"

"No, no, no I haven't heard from him in a few weeks and I know he's in D.C. today so I thought I try and call in"

"I'll tell him you called"

"He thought he'd lost you"

"I…"

"He's looking good? Not too tired?"

"He's…"

"I shouldn't be asking you this. It's not your job to…"

"He's looking fine Mrs Lyman, a little lacking in sleep but he seems O.K. Thriving on it"

"He's seemed happier the last few months"

"We're picking up momentum; he's done a marvellous thing"

"He has. I won't keep you Donna, I know you must be busy"

"It's lovely to speak to you, I'm glad I answered"

"I am too dear, I've missed talking to you, so did…well I think I'd be over stepping the mark if I finished that. Look after hi… well I'm not sure I should finish that either."

"I will Mrs Lyman, as best I can"

"You're a good girl Donna"

"You take care, you have my cell still if there's anything you need and you can't contact Josh?"

"I didn't know if I could…"

"Anytime"

"Thank you dear, goodbye"

"Goodbye"

For a second time I bring the phone down from my ear to the desk. Just as my hand leaves the surface of the desk, the distinctive first few notes of Josh's ring tone begin again. I flip over the phone and check the caller i.d.

"Sam!"

"I'm sorry I think I may have called an incorrect number"

"You're looking for Josh?"

"Yes… Who is?… Donna?"

"Hey Sam"

"You're answering Josh's cell?"

"I was walking past the desk, I picked it up the first time and now I seem to be in the trap"

"Honey or Venus fly?"

"It's sweet talking to you Sam so I'll say honey"

"Be careful it doesn't get too sticky"

"I…"

"You're looking well"

"You can see me?"

"Not at this exact moment, briefings, interviews"

"Oh O.K…thank you"

"You're good up there"

"Thank you again"

"Didn't we ever tell you not to engage a chi…?"

"I swear Sam if you say chicken I will start talking about fireplaces"

"That was Josh"

"So was the chicken!"

"I thought you were going to pluck the feathers right…"

"Set fire to any government buildings in California Sam?"

"O.K. O.K…. so… I heard about last week?"

"He told you?"

"We get MSNBC in California Donna?"

"You mean the Gallop poll?"

"Yes… What else happened last week?"

"Nothing"

"Donna… is something going on?"

"No"

"Is a Josh thing going on?"

"You sound like C.J."

"I've had worse insults… what's going on?"

"Nothing Sam"

"Has something finally happened between you too?"

"No, of course not… why…why would you think?"

"Because he's not your boss anymore"

"He is actually, he reminds me quite frequently…"

"Yes but not in the same way… you know if something were to…"

"Sam!"

"I know… but if…"

"Sam… you have a romantic soul…"

"…but a realistic head"

"Idealistic?"

"…realistic… age and conscience wearies the ideals of us all"

"You should come join us"

"…and a presidential campaign kills them stone head"

"So that's a no?"

"That's a my fiancée would kill me"

"Congratulations… you think you'll marry this one?"

"You have spent way too much time with Josh Lyman. You used to be such a lovely girl"

"I'm sorry Sam… I mean… sincerely congratulations"

"I haven't told Josh"

"Should I ask why?"

"No"

"O.K then…"

"Donna, he rang me from Landstuhl"

"Thank you for the card and the note… I'm sorry I never replied properly…"

"You don't want to talk about this?"

"Not really Sam"

"O.K… but you're O.K."

"I'm good"

"Good… next time you're down here… come by"

"Next time I'm down there without an over packed schedule and a press pack on my tail I will"

"Look after him"

"His mom already said that"

"Well it's your job"

"It's really not Sam"

"It wasn't as his assistant and it isn't as his media person speaking thingy…"

"They let you write for the President?"

"It remains a constant source of amazement… it isn't as his media person… it is as his friend. Your friends again right?"

"Yeah"

"Then look after him Donna"

"I'll try"

"That's a better answer, tell him to look after you too"

"That really isn't his job"

"He'd beg to differ"

"Maybe.. bye Sam"

"Bye Donna"

I place the phone down on the desk, determined to walk away this time, when I look up I look straight into Josh's grinning face.

"You're answering my cell?"

"I was walking past"

"And it just jumped into your hand?"

"It was a ringing phone"

"Which demanded to be answered?"

"It was a ringing phone!"

"O.K. Anyone important?"

"Your mom"

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, you haven't called her a couple of weeks"

"And she's not eating in case her mouth's full when I do?"

"Josh! That isn't nice. Your mom never complains about you ignoring her"

"I don't ignore my mom"

"Call her later"

"Yeah, Anyone else"

"Sam"

"Sam called?"

"Yeah, no message"

"''Kay and?"

"Bob"

"B…b…bob?"

"Yes Bob"

"Right… Did you talk to him?"

"Yes"

"O.K."

"Be careful"

"You think To…Bob would do anything to harm this campaign?"

"I think if the press get wind he's practically working for you, they'll make a big deal out of it"

"He told you he was helping the campaign?"

"No"

"Then?"

"Certain plays you've called and decisions you've changed your mind on have had a certain Bobesque quality"

"I couldn't just have been my brilliance?"

"As much as that's a possibility Josh…"

"It isn't?"

"No"

"'Kay… He's been cut out Donna… he can't speak to…people, he's facing prison for…"

"You're a good friend Josh"

"I just…"

"I know"

"I might get out of here before midnight tonight, we could…?"

"I'm heading to Chicago with the Congressman as soon as we get out of here, then somewhere with Leo and Annabeth"

"Where?"

"Where ever is written on the schedule when I find it on this desk"

"Hold on a minute… you…YOU don't know exactly where you're going?"

"Josh!"

"No I mean Ms 'Really Josh you should know where you're headed' doesn't know where she's going?"

"Yeah… yeah… get it off your chest"

"Seriously Donna – you're an organisational freak and you can't remember your schedule?"

"You are calling me names? …I've got note cards telling me who's involved in the events, what the talking points are for the stump and a list of local issues– I'm well prepared"

"You just don't know where the local issues are?"

"I will do as soon as I…?"

"When do you catch up with the main campaign?"

"I meet the congressman in Chicago yet again seven days out, you should be on the plane when we meet it in St Louis the next day well…next night actually. You see I know that bit"

"So I'll see you in St Louis"

"You're singing that aren't you"

"No…"

"In your head… you're singing that"

"I'm… don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

"I do actually"

"Bye then.. call me?"

"Of course"

My head is saying 'protect yourself Donna', concentrate on the campaign, work - work puts you in control, work can't hurt you. My heart's saying 'finally'. My heart's been wrong before.